


Bridge the Spectrum

by pandorasv13



Series: Spectrum [1]
Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Destiny, Drama, Friendship, M/M, Multi, Romance, Slow Build, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:49:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 86,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If destiny does exist, then that one person – the only person who will become irreplaceable in your world, is coming for you as fast as they can. So here is my proposal to you, sir. I’m waiting. I’m patiently, but actually impatiently, waiting for you to get your apologetic ass over here where you’re supposed to be – where we are supposed to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Proposal

 

The Long-Standing Proposal

If destiny does exist, then that one person – the only person who will become irreplaceable in your world, is coming for you as fast as they can.

Sometimes they’re right where you can see them, other times they’re halfway across the world thinking that they have it all figured out. More than physical distance, it’s a distance of the heart that cannot be overcome until that perfectly calculated moment preordained by fate herself is met.

You’re coming from opposite ends of a spectrum, meeting somewhere in the middle. It’s not so extreme there, free of the harsh opinions that define you as a person. Keeping that strong self is important and remembering it through the haze of a median gray is the only proof that the one you’re crossing paths with right here, right now, is precisely “the one”.

Love is thicker than any London fog, more terrifying than being chloroformed in a back alley, and erases the scars of insecurity which reside on every thought and memory. The darkest nights recede with promises of a blaring dawn, and then a baby blue morning, scorching high noon, simmering summer naps, radiant twilight, and then a twinkle, twinkle in the silver skylight.

That is the cycle of my love which is unique in itself, as is every love story.

Love meaning so many different things to so many different people. But we all do have something in common. It’s the nightmares. The internal and sometimes external darkness that drives hesitation, failure, and ultimately loss devours us night after night in a way that seems endless. We think sorrow will end when we have the warmth of someone else beside us, but that’s not enough.

It’s more than warmth. It’s more than a heater on those gloomy evenings when you’re desperate for safety. Longing for you to come faster – to race across every mountain and city, through every one night stand and every perfect relationship with someone who isn’t me – because you’re heading somewhere far more important; you’re speeding toward me and our future together. It’s the future with the highest chance of happiness.

It’s the _only_ future.

Get it?

So here is my proposal to you, sir. I’m waiting. I’m patiently, but actually impatiently, waiting for you to get your apologetic ass over here where you’re supposed to be – where _we_ are supposed to be.

Until that moment comes, keep leaping over those obstacles with flying colors because I don’t want to spend another night without you. Stop dilly-dallying, because I know you very well already. You’re prone to it.

Keep your eyes forward. It’s okay to stray sometimes, but remember. Hold it close to your heart.

With All My Love,

Kim Ryeowook

15 August 2006

 

 


	2. 13 July 2013

 

_**13 July 2013** _

“Happy two-year anniversary,” Cho Kyuhyun murmured against his lover’s lips. The house was empty and washed in an air-conditioned darkness. Candles flickered on the cleaned off table. A shadowed sink was filled with dirty dishes from dinner.

It was already half past nine, their quiet evening having passed without trouble, surprisingly enough. Things had always been rather shaky, but that night was particularly great. Those were the times when Lee Sungmin truly believed that he could always be with this wonderful person. As for Kyuhyun, it was one of the good mood days among his many fatal mood days.

“I can’t believe we’ve been together for so long,” Sungmin sighed, sliding his fingers deeper into the taller one’s hair. He tilted his head, pressing soft kisses to Kyuhyun’s smooth jaw. “We’ve been through a lot. I’m just happy that we’re still here…together.”

He nodded slightly, one hand pushing underneath the older male’s shirt to rub circles into his toned lower back. Kyuhyun breathed against Sungmin’s throat, eyes lowering over the alabaster skin. “Thank you…for everything. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I…I really don’t think I could live without you,” he chuckled, but it was broken with truth.

A year ago he had made the biggest mistake of his life. He had nearly given up Sungmin, the nicest person he had ever met. This man was two years older than him – already a full-fledged college student. However, that didn’t change how adorable he was, nor did it change how easy it was to hurt him. Kyuhyun hated himself every time he thought of those days. The horrible feeling of being rejected by the one person he loves was more than he could handle.

It’s true when they say that you don’t know what you had until you’ve lost it. There were several things wrong with the incident. Sungmin was too innocent – but really it was Kyuhyun’s fault. He was the one who slept with someone else.

But that’s all in the past. He turned a new leaf. Sungmin is more important. The other flings mean nothing. Kyuhyun just hadn’t realized that other people don’t see it that way. They need more. They need to know that they’re more special than anyone else. It’s a matter of staking your claim, even if it’s all about sex or combating the loneliness.

They worked out their differences though. Sungmin was a saint. He had to be unreal. Kyuhyun led his lover up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving the lights off as he made his way. After that little mishap, it had been Kyuhyun’s mission to prove that he was worthy – that he wasn’t a flirty player like everyone labeled him in high school.

Come August, he would be attending one of the best schools in South Korea, majoring in law. He had the best boyfriend and even though they attended different universities, that didn’t mean they were separated. Sungmin was close enough to visit every weekend if he really tried. They were going to continue being happy – possibly get married someday too.

What’s more, it was freedom.

Kyuhyun would have all the fun he ever wanted. No one from high school would be there. They couldn’t label him a player or a slut or anything else. He could go to parties without being known. The level of anonymity was what really drew him into the prestigious party school.

He trailed his hand down the toned abs. A smile curled his lips as he watched rosy pink rise all over Sungmin’s body. Kyuhyun chuckled, stripping off his shirt.

“Wait, Kyu, turn off the light,” Sungmin pointed to the switch across the room.

“Too far,” he mumbled, nibbling at the older one’s collarbone.

“No, I can’t do it with the lights on,” he pushed at Kyuhyun’s chest, giving him a look.

Sighing, he grudgingly got up, stalking over to the light. He snapped them off and kicked his door shut as well before feeling his way back through the darkness to the warm body waiting for him on the bed. “I don’t know why you’re so crazy about the lights,” he grouched, hands roaming all over the expanses of toned skin and muscle. “I like looking at you.”

“That’s embarrassing. I don’t want you to see me,” Sungmin panted, reaching between their bodies to unzip Kyuhyun’s low hanging black jeans. The hard bulge pulled the stiff fabric taut, but as the pressure was released, a low, sultry groan sent shivers down Sungmin’s spine. He could never get tired of his boyfriend’s voice. “Kyu, don’t do that…,” he reprimanded playfully, gently squeezing his straining member.

“Do what?” he breathed, the fears of his brain shutting down as his primal urges began taking over bodily functions. _Fuck, fuck, fuck…_ The mantra was endlessly guiding him as he stripped his lover of his remaining clothes. Kyuhyun sighed, feeling more and more content the closer their heated skin got to touching. He needed more though. Sometimes, that’s how he felt.

What would he do when Sungmin wasn’t around? How was he supposed to handle things? Sungmin was a constant part of his life. He needed him. Kyuhyun was so prone to fucking up without Sungmin. That’s how he saw it at least. There was plenty of proof too.

“I love you,” Kyuhyun whispered, listening to the pleasured grunts of the man beneath him. He shut his eyes tightly, fingers tangling with Sungmin’s. “God, I love you so much. Don’t ever leave me, okay? Don’t you dare leave me,” he panted between breathless kisses, tongues finding each other in the chaos of want.

“I love you too, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin rasped, sweet voice cracking at a particularly wonderful feeling shooting up from the base of his hips to crawl up his back. The knot in his stomach was tightening with every powerful stroke of his lover. “I…love you,” he repeated, eyes wet and lips swollen, “forever and forever…”

***

“—we had sex like three times on our anniversary and then he let me do it again in the morning when we were showering,” Kyuhyun explained around spoonfuls of kimchi fried rice. He guzzled his bubble tea between rapid story-telling and chewing, eyes bright and body seemingly brimming with energy.

Eunhyuk stirred his iced tea slowly, eyebrows arched up in part-disgust, and part-forced-happiness. He really was happy that his best friend was happy…but there were some serious issues with boundaries. “I get that you’re excited, but please don’t tell me all the details,” he stated dryly, shuddering at the images in his head now.

“But I have no one else to tell!” Kyuhyun whined. Sighing, a dreamy haze entered his eyes. “God…his _voice_ was so high and feminine like a girl’s, seriously. He kept telling me to go harder and the entire room smelled like—”

He slammed a hand over the younger one’s mouth. “Seriously, what is with you?” Eunhyuk hissed. “We are in a public place. Have some decency.”

“How _can_ I?” he groaned dramatically, slapping he hand away, “we had such a great anniversary. I feel like I could die happy right now.” Kyuhyun shoveled more food into his mouth then, still grinning dopily.

“I...see.” Eunhyuk looked away uncomfortably. He cleared his throat, drawing his friend’s attention again. “You’re starting college in a little under two months. Think you’re ready for it?”

“Well, seeing as you can handle it, I don’t think I should be worried,” he replied cheekily.

He rolled his eyes, unable to help laughing. “You know, that attitude makes me think you’re fearless when I know that’s not the case at all. It’s when you’re so confident that I get extra worried,” Eunhyuk reprimanded lightly.

“Don’t be such a mom,” Kyuhyun scoffed, “I’m not worried. I’m seriously excited about it. No more parents breathing down my neck, and no more classmates talking shit about me because I slept around a little.”

“A little?”

“A little,” he snapped, pouting. “It’s not like I’ve done anything horrible since that one incident. There have been no more problems with keeping my junk tucked away. Sungmin and I…it’s special. It’s seriously special, get it?” Kyuhyun downed the rest of his bubble tea before devouring the remainder of his fried rice.

“You say that…,” Eunhyuk sighed, trailing off softly. He peered out the window, watching people pass by without a care in the world. Maybe once he was back at college, he wouldn’t have to worry anymore about all of this. Yes, hopefully that would happen. Perhaps he should put more faith in Kyuhyun. The kid had been behaving very well since his breakdown after Sungmin dumped his ass and then forgave him.

Eunhyuk still didn’t understand why he forgave him. It was such bullshit. As much as he loved Kyuhyun, he wasn’t good enough for someone like Sungmin. Anyone could see that very clearly.

“Where are you going again? SME University?” he prompted Kyuhyun.

The younger nodded, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Yup, I’m living in the party dorm. It was the cheapest one.”

“Don’t wanna play with the rich kids?” Eunhyuk teased.

Kyuhyun snorted. “I’m so done with that shit. They’re all boring. Besides, this way I owe my parents even less. They can’t hang it over my head that they paid for the best boarding when I go to college.” He glanced at his phone, checking to see if there were any new messages or social feed alerts. “Where do you go again?” he asked absently.

“St. Angela’s College,” Eunhyuk answered mildly, “it’s a nice school. It’s small too.”

“Ugh, I don’t think I could handle that,” Kyuhyun laughed, looking up at his friend, “having everyone know who I am is just too annoying.”

“It’s a good thing you’re not going there then,” he grinned, “SME will be a perfect fit for you.”

 

 


	3. 15 August 2013

 

_**15 August 2013** _

“Wow, the room is bigger than I thought,” Ryeowook muttered to himself, tilting his head up to the low-lying ceiling of a decently sized college dormitory. The crest of his university was carved into the wall, appearing glossy and clean. It read:

_St. Angela’s College_

The window was open, setting hot air circulating through what must have been a much stuffier room. Leaning over one of the bare-faced mattresses was a lean young man with disheveled pink hair. He looked over his shoulder, offering a small smile at the freshman. “Hi, welcome to Sapphire Hall,” he greeted, dusting himself off before walking over to take the box from Ryeowook.

“Don’t just stand there like a dumbass,” Kim Youngwoon slapped his younger brother’s slight backside, sending the frozen boy staggering forward.

Ryeowook squeaked, fumbling and whipping around. “I was just thinking!” he spat back, glaring at his grinning older brother. He quickly bowed to the fellow in his room. “Thank you for the help. My name is Kim Ryeowook and I’ll be living here from now on. It’s very nice to meet you,” he said in a flurry, face heating up.

A surprisingly small hand tousled his dark hair. Glancing up, Ryeowook saw the stranger’s amused face. “Nice to meet you too, Ryeowook. I’m the RA, Jongwoon. I’m here to help, so if you need anything just ask.” His deep eyes were daunting and alluring through the cotton candy pink hair, the contrast being too much. “I’m actually going to be sharing the bathroom with you.” Jongwoon nodded toward the door residing between the two dressers in Ryeowook’s room. Reaching over, he turned the knob, pulling it open to reveal a petite suite-style bathroom. “It’ll be you and your roommate and me. Since I’m an RA, I have a room to myself.”

“I see,” he nodded, alert eyes lifting back up to Jongwoon. “I’m glad that you’re my suitemate then.” Ryeowook paused, fumbling slightly, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind if it was someone else, but it’s good to know that someone older is—not that you’re old, I just—uhm…”

“He’s normally this dorky,” Youngwoon spoke up, pushing his sunglasses onto the top of his head. “I’m his brother. Unfortunately, I’ll have to leave this useless kid in your care, Jongwoon.” He shoved his hand down on Ryeowook’s head, pushing him down. Smirking, he laughed at the complaints.

“No problem,” the RA smiled. He glanced around the room before pointing toward the door. “Why don’t we go downstairs and grab the rest of Ryeowook’s stuff?”

The two older men exchanged a nod. Youngwoon squeezed Ryeowook’s shoulder, saying, “Stay here, kid. We’ll be back with your stuff in a minute.” Without waiting for affirmation, Jongwoon and the brother headed out.

Ryeowook stared after them, wondering if that was how adults acted. How old was his RA anyway? He slowly sank down in his desk chair, taking a deep, unsteady breath. It was strangely suffocating. Leaving everyone had been harder than he anticipated. Matters were only worsened because he chose a university so far from home. He just hadn’t wanted to be someone stuck at home. Perhaps he had overcompensated.

Sighing, he tried to calm his pounding heart, not knowing how everyone was so easygoing. Then again, Youngwoon had already gone through university years ago and was happily on his way to being married. His girlfriend, well, fiancée to be exact, was a fairly nice woman. Ryeowook couldn’t really complain. His brother always had it all together.

Brand named schooling.

Steady job.

And to top it off, he had a beautiful fiancée and was in the process of purchasing a two-floor apartment in the city where he could raise his family and bring their parents honor.

Ryeowook was a runt who decided to attend school for music. Well, dreams aren’t meant to stay dreams. That’s what he had to remind himself every day.

***

Youngwoon pulled the last two boxes out of his car, handing one of them to Jongwoon. He shut the door and nodded for the younger man to start walking. It was only silent for a minute at most. “Are you a junior or a senior?” he asked conversationally.

“I’m a junior,” Jongwoon answered, “How much older are you than Ryeowook? It seems like you two are pretty close.”

“We’re half-brothers, actually,” he elbowed the automatic door button, waiting for it to slowly slide open. “My father married his mother and he was born when I was about nine or ten.” Youngwoon made his way through the busy lobby of the dorm, avoiding various people running around.

“He must seem like such a baby to you,” Jongwoon chuckled.

The man smiled faintly, “I do worry. He’s too honest and gentle. I tried to toughen him up, but it didn’t work out so well.” Youngwoon pursed his lips for a second, before suddenly shifting the topic. “I’m guessing you’re wondering why I’m here instead of our parents.”

“I didn’t think it was really appropriate to ask,” Jongwoon responded carefully, noting the change in tone. He pressed the button on the elevator to their floor.

“Ryeo and our parents are in a rough patch right now,” he explained, “it’s not something to hide. I just want you to know because he gets emotional really easily. If the brat starts crying or something, it’s pretty normal, so don’t take it heart.”

The RA smiled slightly. “You’re really worried about him?”

Youngwoon grunted and hefted the box up higher as the door opened to the third floor. “If you had a useless runt like that around, wouldn’t you be concerned too?” He spoke roughly, but it was clear that warmth and affection reflected in his eyes. That was more than enough to express his feelings.

Pushing back into the room, the conversation smoothly moved back to Ryeowook who was moving his bed so it aligned parallel to the large window. The wooden frame pressed up against the heater, freshly made up bed shining under the rays of a midmorning sun. His sheets were deep blue, blanket a soft gray. “Hyung, do we have time to go to a store? I need a few things.”

“What?” Youngwoon complained, “no way, no way. I don’t want be stuck with you another second. The car ride was long enough with you.”

Ryeowook frowned, tugging on his older brother’s arm. “Please? I really do need it! I promise it won’t be long!”

He mock-sighed, much to Jongwoon’s amusement, and tugged his arm away, setting the box of stuff down on the desk. “Fine, you’ve got half an hour. That’s it, kid.”

“Thank you, thank you!” he grinned brightly, eyes shifting over to the RA for a second. Ryeowook nodded his acknowledge, tripping over his words as he addressed the junior, “Thank you—thanks, I mean, for helping bring—to bring my stuff up.” His face flushed bright red again and he ducked his head.

Jongwoon tried not to laugh, simply walking around them to set the box down. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I actually have to get back downstairs to help the other residents.” He waved at them before turning back to the door. “It was nice meeting you, Youngwoon-hyung.”

The two brothers glanced at each other. Youngwoon clapped Ryeowook on the back, snorting. “Don’t be getting all gooey-eyed at your RA. He’s too old for you.” He grinned teasingly.

Ryeowook proceeded to chase his brother out of the building.

 

 


	4. 18 August 2013

 

_**18 August 2013** _

A body so slick it was like touching a fountain of water brushed against Ryeowook’s arm and that was the moment he knew he was done. He covered his mouth, nearly vomiting right then and there. People said that college was a partying experience. You were supposed to do things like get drunk, jump into pools, wake up in a stranger’s bed, and become hearing-impaired.

Those were the cornerstones of the “true college experience”,

Ryeowook knew after the second night of welcome week that he wasn’t cut out for that. The amount of bodily fluid _everywhere_ was enough to make him sway and run screaming in a direction he could not ascertain.

A hot hand caught his wrist on the way out. Turning his head, he saw a girl giving him a lazy grin. Her eyeliner was smeared, and her water-proof foundation held up against the sucking leech attached to her throat. “Hey cutie,” she called over the blaring music, her already tiny cut-off denim shorts riding up under the ministrations of a greedy hand “Wanna join us?”

“I’m on my way out, sorry,” he said hastily, jerking away from the slack grip. Ryeowook stumbled out of the party, breathing in lungful after lungful of late August air. The street was lit by flood lamps, acting as guiding lights back through the maze of upperclassmen housing to the freshmen dorms. He had been in there for precisely twenty minutes before effectively ditching his floormates who had dragged him along, convincing him that every college kid who wanted to be someone needed to party.

Clearly, they were already drunk before even arriving.

Ryeowook bristled, shoving his hands into his pocket as he strode further away from the heavy bass and roaring voices. Slowly, the street calmed until there was only the soft chirping of crickets and the occasional cooing of a bird.

Closing his eyes, he tried to calm the bile that dared to rise up and burst out of him. “Disgusting,” he ground out, taking slow breaths.

“Hey are you alone?”

Ryeowook stopped, heart skipping a beat. He slowly lifted his head, looking around worriedly. There was nothing but an empty strip of houses. Or well, he thought they were empty. His eyes shifted around. “Hello…?” he called nervously.

A light, infectious laugh caught the wind, carrying it down to him. “I’m up here. To your right…I’m on the balcony of the house just beyond the low fence,” the voice explained.

The freshman nodded very carefully, biding his time as he followed the instructions. A light suddenly flickered on and his eyes darted to a lanky young man leaning back over the railing of a modest balcony. His face was rather shadowed, but the smile was clear between the artificial light and the moon. “Hello,” Ryeowook greeted quickly, bowing his head. He peered back up in confusion, “Do you need something from me?”

“Well, I was just wondering if you wanted an escort back to your place. Girls shouldn’t walk around alone at night,” he explained, “Is that wrong?”

“Uhm…,” he kept his smile up despite the irritation bubbling inside, “excuse me. I’m fine.” Ryeowook turned on his heel, stomping off.

“Now, now, don’t be so hasty!” the male called after him. “I was just trying to be polite! Wait, wait, let me—”

Ryeowook gritted his teeth, looking over his shoulder at the flustered figure. “I am a _boy_. Now leave me alone. Good night.” He picked up the pace, just barely catching the Balcony-Guy yelp in surprise. All Ryeowook wanted was to get back to his dorm, take a long shower, and fall into bed for the next hundred years.

That was certainly a great plan.

***

Eunhyuk watched the petite-apparently-male figure stalk off. A smile played on his lips as he leaned over the railing again, sighing tiredly. This was the treatment he got for trying to be nice? Well, with the way that kid looked, it probably would’ve been worth it to walk him home anyway. Anyone that small and feminine really should have had an escort.

He idly considered chasing him down, sure that he could catch up, but then decided against it as he heard his phone ringing.

Tugging it out of his sweatpants, he tapped the answer button when he saw Kyuhyun displayed on the screen. “Not partying yet?” Eunhyuk inquired sardonically.

“Oh shut up,” Kyuhyun retorted. “The party sounded creepy. It was with a bunch of upperclassmen at one of their apartments. They were super pushy. I didn’t feel like it and besides, Sungmin said he would stay over tonight so I’m with him.”

“If you’re with him, why are you calling me?”

“Because I’m bored and Sungmin is picking up take-out right now,” he sighed. “So? How’s your first week back. Tell me about it.”

“It’s fine,” Eunhyuk shrugged, “I just saw a really pretty boy walking down the street and I mistook him for a girl. I’m positive he thinks I’m an ass.” He laughed softly.

Kyuhyun chuckled. “You should’ve gone after him if he’s so attractive. What did he look like?”

“I guess he was short,” he explained, conjuring the image in his mind, “and his hair was dark. He had really prominent cheekbones and a super cute pout. Oh, and I’m almost positive that he’s gay. No straight boy is that adorable.”

He whistled through the phone. “That sounds like a missed chance. You should’ve taken the opportunity. Maybe he’ll come by again.”

Kyuhyun lounged on his dorm room bed, hoping and praying to the almighty that the heat wave would die down. Sweat trickled down his forehead and neck, leaving unpleasant stains on his shirt. Frowning, he fanned himself in an attempt to increase the air circulation.

“Is that all you wanted from me?” Eunhyuk asked. “Nothing exciting has happened yet, so I don’t have much of a report for you, sir,” he mocked.

“Boring, boring,” Kyuhyun huffed, “and here I wanted to know all of the insider stuff. That’s your specialty since you go to a tiny school. You have to know everything. It’s not fun if you’re out of the loop.”

“I’m fine with not knowing who’s fucking who, Kyu,” Eunhyuk responded wryly. “I think you’re gonna be okay without that knowledge too.”

There was a brief silence before the whining came on full force. The next ten minutes or so was spent listening to Kyuhyun complaining and pestering Eunhyuk to be a better social data collector.

When Eunhyuk finally got the chance to hang up effectively, Kyuhyun was squealing about the arrival of his food. It was always such a whirlwind talking to that boy. Exasperated, the college sophomore pushed off the balcony railing and sauntered back into his warmly lit apartment.

The space was small with only one hallway leading to two bedrooms and a bathroom. He glanced at the kitchen table where his roommate indulged in a late night snack. A thick textbook lay open and covered in sticky notes beside him and his bowl of reheated stir-fry. Eunhyuk slowed and veered over to him, getting a better look at what he was reading.

“Whoa, seriously? Biology for dancers?” he guffawed, breaking into a grin at Shindong’s scowl.

“You’re gonna have to take this eventually,” the latter retorted, “might as well get it over with as soon as possible.” Sighing, he stuffed a spoonful of hot food into his mouth before suddenly yelping and trying to fan his burning tongue.

Eunhyuk made a face, lightly shoving the other male. “Close your mouth!” he laughed, turning and heading to his bedroom.

A moment later, Shindong watched the lanky youth come back out with a sports bag slung over one shoulder and a hat neatly tugged over his hair. “Where are you headed so late?” he asked, wincing at how sensitive his mouth felt.

“The dance studio,” Eunhyuk answered, “seeing you working so hard makes me all fired up.” He flashed a grin.

Shindong rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop the smile forming on his lips. “Well good luck. Don’t wake me up when you get back.” He waved as the other male headed out the door, shutting it softly behind him.

The air was cooler than he thought it would be. Eunhyuk ambled down the sidewalk, mind drifting to the stranger who had passed down that same street not half an hour ago. Would they meet again? The campus was pretty small after all. Maybe they would become friends or something. Eunhyuk smiled at the thought. For some reason or other, it seemed like they would be able to get along just fine…that is, if they ever crossed paths again.

 

 


	5. 19 August 2013

 

_**19 August 2013** _

Ryeowook glanced at his phone, seeing that it was just past midnight. The elevator was empty as he rode it up to the third floor. When it shuddered to a halt and creaked open, he stepped out into the lounge, seeing Jongwoon stapling fliers to the bulletin board.

Their eyes locked and the RA looked down sheepishly. “Oh, I thought everyone had plans tonight. Aren’t you supposed to be out living the college life?” he prompted quickly, lowering the staple and handful of colorful papers.

“I didn’t like it much,” Ryeowook shook his head tiredly. He glanced at the posters. “Why are you putting those up so late at night?”

“I got them today from my boss, the Building Advisor, so I figured I should get them up as soon as possible. Plus,” Jongwoon smiled faintly, “I didn’t want my residents to see me working. It makes me seem a little unprepared, don’t you think?”

“No, not at all!” he blurted, shutting his mouth a second later from embarrassment. Ryeowook looked at the pink haired man, trying not to melt from meeting those eyes. It was terrible to even be thinking of someone like him in that way. “I just mean…,” he trailed off, fidgeting a bit. “You’re really diligent even though so many of us are goofing off without a care in the world.”

Jongwoon tried not to let his smile grow as he watched the young man squirm uncomfortably. He nodded even though Ryeowook wasn’t looking at him anymore. “Well, it’s the job I chose, so I suppose I should take it seriously. I’m already pretty old. Partying isn’t much of my thing anymore…or ever,” he admitted, laughing.

“You too?” his head shot up excitedly, appearing relieved that he wasn’t just some freak. “I can’t stand the bodies and the strangers and the gyrating. It’s all just—” Ryeowook stopped himself once more, trying not to lose control at the commonality.

“It’s okay to speak freely, Ryeowook,” Jongwoon remarked lightly as he watched the boy. “I’m here to take care of you, so don’t be afraid to tell me things like how you’re feeling.”

He nodded his head firmly, but didn’t speak up.

Sighing under his breath, Jongwoon offered one more smile before turning back to his work. “I should finish putting these up. Why don’t you get some rest? There’s Sunday brunch for Music Department students tomorrow morning. You’ll be attending that, right?”

“Ah, you’re right,” Ryeowook met his gaze finally, a sudden wave of exhaustion seeming to take him over. “I’ll head to bed then. Thank you for talking to me, hyung.” He nodded his head respectfully.

“Good night, Ryeowook,” he responded, gently, “Sleep well, okay?”

Nodding once again, the younger man wheeled on his heel and headed down the hall to his room. Pulling out his key, he twisted it inside the lock, surprised to find that it wasn’t secured. Confused, Ryeowook pushed the door open to find his lights on and soft music wafting through the slightly stuffy dorm.

The window was open and the mini-fan he had plugged in earlier was still whirring. Slowly shutting the door, he stepped further into the room, eyes falling on two suitcases resting beside the previously vacant bed and desk. Ryeowook’s mouth opened in surprise, and then fear as the bathroom door abruptly swung open, nearly taking him out in the process. He skittered out of the way, eyes wide as he locked them with a handsome young man coming out of the steamy shower.

His hair was fluffy and black, a towel around his neck. A grey t-shirt bearing English words and baggy shorts fell comfortably around a lean frame. They stared at one another for a long second before the flushed stranger smiled and spoke in perfect Korean, “Hi, I’m Kim Kibum. You must be my roommate.”

Struggling for words, Ryeowook let his head bob up and down dumbly – half blinded by the angelic expression of his new roommate. He looked around the room as if more people would suddenly burst out of nowhere. When he realized that there was no one else, his shoulders relaxed a bit and he turned his attention back to Kibum. “Ah, excuse me,” he explained haphazardly, “I’m Ryeowook. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Sorry for scaring you,” Kibum stated, slowly inching out of the bathroom. He maneuvered over to his suitcases, hoisting them onto the bare mattress to unpack his things. “My flight from Los Angeles was a little delayed, so I didn’t get in until just an hour ago. Jongwoon-hyung told me that you wouldn’t be back until late, so I thought I could get unpacked before then, but…” he shrugged helplessly.

“Oh no, don’t mind me!” Ryeowook waved his hands hastily. “Actually, I’ve just had a rough night, so I’m out of it. Do you want any help?” He moved closer, brows drawn together.

Kibum grinned. “Well, sure. Thank you.” He nodded to the other suitcase. “That one has my sheets and stuff.” His attention shifted back to the luggage on his bed. Looking through it, he began pulling out folded clothes, a bag of hangers, and various sets of shoes. “So where are you from, Ryeowook?”

“Incheon,” he responded as he started unfolding the mattress sheets. “Are you from LA?”

“I’m from here,” Kibum shook his head, chuckling, “but I moved to America when I was ten. I want to become an actor here in Korea though, so I came back to attend college.” He carried armfuls of stuff to his respective closet, speaking as he walked. “What are you majoring in?”

“Music composition and theatre, actually,” Ryeowook stated, blushing a little, his voice going softer.

“Oh, I see,” his roommate acknowledged, somewhat off-put by the discomfort. Was there something taboo about asking for someone’s major? “My cousin wants to study music composition too. He lives in Canada and I’m trying to convince him to quit classical music so he can become a K-Pop idol.”

“What?” Ryeowook couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

Kibum broke into a wide smile. “He’s really a prodigy! I think that he could become a true idol: singing, dancing, variety, and acting – well, I don’t know about acting, to be honest, but the other stuff for sure.” He nodded assuredly. “Plus, he’s Chinese, so he could be the bridge to close the racial gap.”

“That’s…”

“Brilliant?” Kibum offered.

“Maybe,” he returned with a laugh.

They worked in comfortable silence, organizing all of Kibum’s things before settling for the night. Ryeowook was about to climb into his bed when he realized how much dirt was still clinging to his skin and clothes. Shuddering with disgust, he grabbed a fresh set of pajamas and made a beeline for the bathroom.

“I’m still covered in other peoples’ sweat and smell,” Ryeowook explained blandly over his shoulder.

“Oh,” Kibum blinked, cringing slightly away. “A shower does sound like the remedy.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, laughing under his breath, “Night.”

“Night.”

***

Kyuhyun absently ran his fingers over Sungmin’s sharp hip bone as they sat nestled together on his cramped dorm room bed. There was a laptop resting over Kyuhyun’s lap, playing a drama series they had been watching together recently.

“Don’t you think the main character is a little…dumb?” Sungmin remarked.

“Why do you say that?” Kyuhyun cocked an eyebrow.

“Well, she’s obviously desperate and doesn’t get that the guy doesn’t like her. She’s been pining after him for like…twelve episodes already, and he hasn’t shown any interest.”

“Persistence is an amazing thing,” he defended lightly, “Oh Ha Ni probably thinks that eventually he has to give in to her. I mean, who else would ever love him as much as she does?”

“It’s clearly obsession,” Sungmin deadpanned, looking up at his lover. “You can’t honestly think that’s a healthy relationship. _Playful Kiss_ is about a stalker and the stalked getting together.”

Kyuhyun frowned. “They’re cute.”

“Are you really that much of a sap?” he teased, eyes glinting.

“Hey!” he shoved Sungmin lightly, “If someone chased after me like that, how could I not feel wanted and loved? It’s really amazing to know someone out there might actually be that achingly in love.”

“Love like that isn’t healthy at all,” the older male shook his head tersely, “she’s infatuated with a cold, heartless bastard. How can I condone that? How can _you_ condone that?” Sungmin hit the taller one’s chest.

“Well, if you were a cold, heartless bastard, I would still chase after you.”

Sungmin paused, heart racing just a little faster. He pressed his lips together and snuggled closer to Kyuhyun, cheeks heating up. The arm around him tightened, reassuring him of the latter’s feelings. With a soft sigh, he leaned away to push the laptop to the desk before settling himself firmly in Kyuhyun’s lap. Draping his arms around the male’s shoulders, he dug his fingers into the soft, messy locks and pushed their lips together.

Without hesitation, Kyuhyun snaked his hands underneath Sungmin’s shirt, pushing it up to run his fingers over the smooth muscles of his backside. A low groan rolled up his throat, vibrating against the older one’s tongue and teeth.

He ground his hips down on the hardening groin, rubbing his pajama clad bottom deeply against the thin fabric barely hiding the tent. Sungmin chuckled quietly, shoulders shaking as he accommodated the urgent hips bucking up to meet his teasing. “Kyu…,” he mumbled, playing with his lover’s hair, “is your roommate coming back tonight?”

“I’m the only loser who went to college with a boyfriend,” he responded with a smirk, spreading his legs wider apart. Kyuhyun pressed quick, needy kisses down the column of Sungmin’s throat, making sure to never let up on the friction between their bodies.

“Such a sweet-talker,” he chided, pulling back and crawling his way between the younger male’s legs. Sungmin pushed them farther apart, licking his lips before sucking the hardening member through the cotton fabric.

Kyuhyun made a noise in the back of his throat, suppressing it as he tried to get his pants off for more contact. Obligingly, Sungmin hook his fingers into the waistband, sliding the material off along with his boxers. A moment later, he was tossing the bottoms away and licking up the length of the shaft. He closed his eyes, massaging comforting circles into Kyuhyun’s inner thighs as he proceeded to take the head of the member between his lips.

A cry broke through, but he quickly covered it by biting down on his own hand, chest rising and falling rapidly. Normally, Sungmin hated giving blow jobs, so whenever it did, it was always a treat. Kyuhyun tossed and turned his head, unknowingly sinking deeper into the bed until his head was against the pillow and his fingers were curled around the blankets.

“More…more…,” he gasped, lips parting as a particularly sharp wave of pleasure rolled through him.

Sungmin sucked on his own finger softly as he stroked the hard length. A moment passed and then his lips were closing around the member again and the slickened finger was prodding at Kyuhyun’s puckered hole. At the slight protest, Sungmin shushed him, saying, “I’m just playing with it a little. Don’t get so scared.”

“D-Don’t,” he managed before burying his face in the pillow. His cheeks were burning, body equally on fire. Kyuhyun uttered a series of broken moans and protests and grunts as he grudgingly relaxed around the finger slowly making its way inside of him.

The feeling was completely foreign, almost wrong. He wondered how much weirder it felt when a dick was shoved inside of you instead. Laughing at that, Kyuhyun closed his eyes, wanting to let Sungmin do as he pleased since he was being so generous that night. Spreading his legs as wide as they could go, he gave his older lover more room to work.

A coaxing little “Good boy” from Sungmin sent wonderful shivers through Kyuhyun’s body. The slippery finger touching him curled and stroked, pressing on his inner walls in an experimental way. He paid acute attention to it, beginning to truly question why anyone wanted anything up their ass when the wet fingertip suddenly brushed a bundle of nerves. Kyuhyun arched off the bed, his member twitching forcefully inside Sungmin’s mouth.

“Did I find it?” he asked innocently, eyes sparkling in amusement. Sungmin grinned widely at Kyuhyun’s confused face. “You’re always doing me, so I guess you wouldn’t know what having your prostate stimulated feels like.” Just as he said so, Sungmin nudged the spot again, sending his young lover in a spasm.

“F-Fuck, do that again,” he swallowed. His hips rolled down on the finger urgently. Nothing else was important then except for that.

Sungmin happily sucked the length back into his mouth before proceeding to thrust his finger deeply into Kyuhyun’s hole. Each uncontrolled cry was music to his ears. Watching the normally in control man fall apart was more arousing than he originally anticipated. Moaning around the long shaft, Sungmin squeezed and toyed with his balls, brushing over the sensitive perineum every few seconds until he felt Kyuhyun tighten up all over.

Bracing himself, he pushed the member down his throat, eyes tearing up slightly as he felt hot liquid shoot inside of him. Sungmin swallowed with some difficulty, lapping and attending to the softening length in his mouth. He sucked it dry, and removed his finger to rub soothing circles into Kyuhyun’s sweaty thigh.

“You okay, baby?” Sungmin licked his lips, leaning up to kiss the delirious, post-orgasm man. “I’m glad you liked it.”

“Mm…,” he muttered, still trying to catch his breath and focus his eyesight.

He pushed Kyuhyun’s t-shirt up higher, dotting his chest and abdomen with feather light kisses. Reaching into his own pants, he grasped his rock hard member, stroking it thankfully. Pushing back up, he whispered against the other’s ear. “You’re not gonna leave me like this, are you?”

A small smirk graced his lips.


	6. 21 August 2013

 

_**21 August 2013** _

Eunhyuk groaned, rolling over in bed. Fumbling around, he blindly grabbed for his phone to stop the annoying ringtone. Tapping the answer button, he grunted into the receiver.

“Have you started classes yet?” Kyuhyun asked, sounding hurried.

“What’s it to you?” Eunhyuk mumbled, opening one blurry eye to check the time. _10:40 A.M._ Irritation filled his body. His first class wasn’t until noon. Knowing his friend, the conversation was either going to be incredibly long or harsh and short. Hopefully it was the latter.

“I started classes yesterday and they’re all lectures except for my voice lessons. People are pretty friendly, I guess, but it’s hard to talk to people,” he blurted.

“You haven’t made any friends yet, have you?” he guessed.

“No.”

Eunhyuk laughed humorlessly. “Okay, go make some friends and then call me back.” He hung up, slumping back over the bed with a heavy sigh. Just as he sank back into the folds, his bedroom door flew open. Groaning loudly, Eunhyuk turned away, almost wanting to laugh from the sheer annoyance.

A body slammed down on him. “Why are you still in _bed_?” Lee Donghae cried, pulling at the blankets. “Didn’t you hear about the guest lecturer this morning?”

“Is today important or something?” he growled, squeezing his eyes shut for a long second before asking, “Who’s talking? I haven’t heard anything.”

“I have no idea how you haven’t heard anything,” he scoffed, “it’s seriously all over the place. Are you using that dingy basement dance studio again?”

“It’s a perfectly _fine_ studio,” Eunhyuk snapped, pushing out from under the sheets to glare at Donghae. The latter yelped and sat back on his heels. He stared down at the bedraggled person who was looking extremely pissed. “So just get on with it, and tell me what is so important about this lecturer.”

Donghae huffed. “His name is Kwon Jiyoung, but most people know him as—”

Eunhyuk was flying out of bed, cursing and grabbing for his pants and hat. “Why didn’t you say so earlier?” he demanded, practically hopping out the door half-dressed.

“Yeah, okay, I’m at fault,” he muttered, scrambling to his feet to chase after his friend.

They raced across the small campus, following the sounds of cheering and clapping. There was no way people wouldn’t be excited to see the biggest name in the Korean Pop industry. He was a song-writer, producer, composer, dancer, rapper, and fashion icon. That name was plastered across every billboard and advertisement when he made a comeback.

Eunhyuk was panting heavily as he caught the door frame to the building hosting the lecturer. It was filled to the max, no way to get inside the actual lecture hall. Cursing and panting, he turned to see Donghae in an equal state of flurry. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” he hissed.

“Please stop blaming me,” Donghae deadpanned, “it’s really unsightly.” Pushing up, he turned toward the flat screen television mounted to the wall outside of the lecture hall. There were hoards of people filling the screen, but they cleared to show G-Dragon climbing onto the platform. “Look, you can see him here.”

“That’s not the same,” he whined, nearly stomping his foot in anger.

“Well if you weren’t sleeping…”

“Oh shut up.”

Donghae sighed. “Look, he’s gonna start talking really soon.”

“What’s the lecture about?” Eunhyuk reluctantly turned toward the television, shoving his hands into pockets grumpily.

“You need to stop spending all your time in the basement,” his friend remarked, throwing him a pointed look. “Anyway, the lecture is about GD’s life. He’s talking about his career until now and I heard that he’s also going to be sitting in on the senior music composition class. Apparently GD attended St. Angela’s when he was younger. It was still a specialty school for musical prodigies back like…seven years ago.”

“This school just got so much cooler,” Eunhyuk awed. He watched his favorite idol on the screen, knowing very well that just behind him, said idol was physically in the building. The fanboy inside of him was daring to let itself loose at the thought, but he gulped and restrained it.

G-Dragon bowed slightly to the crowd, sunglasses set over his eyes and a grey cap pulled backwards over his platinum blonde hair. He wore one of those indescribable suits that were ill-fitting but somehow still perfectly awesome on him. That’s just the sort of person he was. No one else could pull that off and Eunhyuk knew it. After all, how many of his fellow dancers had tried to attain that level of swag? He didn’t even want to think about the numerous blonde heads that popped up after G-Dragon released Heartbreaker a while back.

“Hello, I’m G-Dragon,” he greeted over the stereo system, pushing his sunglasses up smoothly. His voice was softer and subdued as he began speaking.

***

“Nervous?” Kibum asked softly as they were getting ready for the day. The sky was pale blue, sun just beginning to rise. He pulled a t-shirt over his head and gave Ryeowook a worried look.

His fingers shook slightly as he buttoned his shirt. “No, I’m fine,” he sighed, tugging at his short sleeves and squirming in the dress shirt. Ryeowook chewed on his bottom lip. “I mean, it’s okay to be a little anxious on the first day right?” He laughed awkwardly and grabbed a maroon cardigan from his closet. The morning chill was particularly bad where they lived.

Jongwoon popped his head into the room, looking put-together already. A black v-neck followed every muscle and line of his body, dark jeans hugging his hips and a plain leather bracelet circling his wrist. The pink locks were messy as usual, falling across his forehead. “Do you two wanna catch breakfast before class?” Jongwoon’s gaze flitted to Ryeowook. “And then you and I can walk to class together if you’d like. I’m a TA for your music appreciation class, after all.”

He forced the blush down. “Yeah, that’s great!” he nodded quickly, ignoring the faint trace of a grin on Kibum’s lips, “Ah, that’s my first class, isn’t it?”

“It should be,” Jongwoon affirmed mildly. “I’ll meet you two in the lounge then.” He smiled briefly at them and then slipped back through the bathroom.

Kibum gave his roommate a look, earning a glare in return. Laughing, the handsome young man shook his head. “You’re into him, aren’t you?”

“No, not really,” Ryeowook mumbled, tugging his sandals on. “I just admire him. I’m not going to do anything about it though. Besides, I don’t think RAs are allowed to get with their residents, are they?”

“I’m sure that’s not an official rule,” Kibum snorted, shrugging his backpack on.

Locking the door behind him, Ryeowook followed his roommate slowly down the hall to the lounge where Jongwoon was leaning against the back of a couch. His eyes were lowered over his phone, reading over something that seemed to absorb all of his attention. A slight twitch of his lips, a faint narrowing of his eyes, and then the tightening of his fingers around the phone – all of it was a little off-putting.

“Ready to go, hyung?” Kibum interrupted naturally. He smiled brightly.

Jongwoon snapped out of it, returning the smile while putting the device away. “Yeah, totally ready. Let’s head out.” He paused to look down the opposing hall. There were two people coming toward them. “I invited some of the others along as well,” he explained, waving at the newcomers.

A twinge of disappointment rocked through Ryeowook, but he shook it off, knowing full well how silly that was of him. Making new friends was part of the college experience, or so he was told. He hadn’t really thought it through. Putting on a smile, he waited for the people to come closer. One of them was tall and slim, features sharp everywhere you looked.

“I’m Zhoumi,” he said, his Korean broken. Despite that, he was still smiling, offering his hand and inclining his head, “Very nice to meet you.”

“He’s from China,” Jongwoon explained, “an international student in his sophomore year.”

“I’m Siwon,” the other one stated, dimples appearing as he flashed a grin. His black hair was neatly fixed and his blue button down shirt was rolled up at the sleeves, the hem tucked into his khakis. There was something so clean and mature about the man, as if he was supposed to be somewhere far better. “I’m the RA of the other hallway, same school year at Jongwoon too.” He glanced at the pink haired male.

The freshmen nodded slowly, taking in what they could. There were introductions being made all over the place and it was hard to get yourself interested in every single one. However, the people around them now seemed very much worth listening to and remembering.

“I’m Kibum,” he pointed to himself before indicating Ryeowook, “I’m his roommate.”

“I’m Ryeowook,” he bowed rather clumsily.

Jongwoon smiled gently, eyes affectionate. “Cute, right?” he remarked to Siwon, chuckling as he ruffled Ryeowook’s hair.

“Very,” he returned, amused. Nodding toward the stairwell, he said, “Maybe we should head out already. I wouldn’t want to be late for class.”

“Oh, are you part of _that_ class?” Jongwoon’s eyes fluttered wide.

“Yes,” Siwon sighed, rubbing his head as he walked down the steps, “I’m taking it because it’s a major requirement. I doubt I’m even good enough to be in it.”

“Don’t say that,” Jongwoon nudged him, “you’re fine. Most people in that class aren’t great anyway. We had all summer to work on just one song, but I’ve heard a few peoples’ compositions and they’re nothing to brag about. My song is mediocre at best too.”

Ryeowook glanced at Kibum, but he shrugged. Zhoumi didn’t seem to be following everything being spoken in fast and low Korean. However, he made an attempt. “They’re talking about the special speaker,” Zhoumi began slowly, working out each word, “G-Dragon. You’ve heard of him?”

The freshmen immediately nodded – excitement in their eyes. Zhoumi grinned with relief. Continuing, the international student said, “He’s…uhm, part of the class. Sitting in?”

“He’s sitting in on the class?” Ryeowook repeated.

“Yes, yes!” he clapped, laughing.

Jongwoon glanced back at the boys. “Have you two missed the flyers everywhere?” he teased.

Ryeowook flushed. “I guess so.”

“Well it’s okay. Anyway, Siwon and I are in the class G-Dragon is sitting in on,” Jongwoon shook his head tiredly, “all of us are pretty nervous. There are rumors that he’s actually going to be giving pointers and evaluating us.”

“Is there any reason why? He’s sort of a big name, so why is he here?” Kibum prompted.

“He has connections with this college,” Jongwoon shrugged, “and I heard that he’s actually recruiting for his company right now. Because of that, G-Dragon is touring the schools and academies known for producing talented musicians. The people in the senior music composition class have been working all summer long to produce something great.”

Siwon pushed the door of the dining hall open. “Although it’s supposed to be a seniors’ only class, some juniors like us were dumb enough to sign up for it.”

Jongwoon laughed. “I didn’t think that he would be coming to evaluate!”

The other RA smirked. “Yeah, right.”

Kibum, Ryeowook, and Zhoumi exchanged looks. For some reason, their upperclassmen seemed to be cooler all of a sudden. Ryeowook idly wondered if that’s what they would look like in just a few years. He had thought ending high school meant he was a big boy now and perfectly capable of dealing with anyone and anything that came his way. But then, as he stared at the two elders’ backsides, he started to realize just how small he still was.

Breakfast went by in a flash, each person getting up to leave separately as their meals ended and their watches told them it was time to go. Kibum waved goodbye to the remaining pair who were sitting across from each other at the four person table.

“We should head out too,” Jongwoon stood.

“Okay,” Ryeowook nodded somewhat stiffly, gathering his things and dropping his plate off at the conveyor belt.

They walked in silence for part of the road. There were other students wandering about, sitting at benches, enjoying the warm weather, or rushing off to their next class. Loud cheers echoed out from the building they were quickly nearing. Ryeowook’s brow furrowed before he recalled their conversation earlier about G-Dragon.

“Is he already here?”

Jongwoon nodded faintly. “He’s a guest lecturer and after that lecture, he’s going to my class.” Shuddering, he laughed. “It really is more nerve-wracking the closer you get to him.”

The younger of the two said nothing, gulping down his anxiety. Then again, what was he nervous for? It wasn’t like he was going to be seeing this genius music-maker. Meeting G-Dragon was a dream come true though. If he ever had the chance, he would definitely treasure it.

 

 


	7. 22 August 2013

 

_**22 August 2013** _

It was 7 AM when they left St. Angela’s College.

Kwon Jiyoung gazed out the darkened window of the car. His manager was talking to him, but his ears were deaf to the words. There were other things bothering him – mostly the lack of talent he had been met with at his alma mater. He had high expectations for St. Angela’s College, but somehow they were letting him down really fast.

The songs being produced in a senior level music composition class were worthless. None of them were into it. They lacked passion more than talent. Did they even want to take the class? Jiyoung had to wonder.

Maybe the age of dedication had already passed. Perhaps it was futile to expect anything from musicians anymore. They weren’t interested in making beautiful music, paving the way for the future of entertainment. Jiyoung pressed his lips together in consternation. His company had especially asked him to scout out talent or at least hard-workers, but he had been sorely disappointed. Of the individuals he met in that class, only two of them had any “star power” in the words of SME University – the next stop on his mini-tour of colleges.

SME had been boasting for the past few months about their ability to produce stars, even jokingly nicknaming themselves the “star factory”. Jiyoung wondered if they were just full of hot air.

“Was anyone good?” the manager repeated for perhaps the umpteenth time. He hadn’t had a chance to ask Jiyoung the night prior due to scheduling and phone calls and Jiyoung’s own lack of interest in the matter.

Mumbling out an incoherent response, Jiyoung pushed his sunglasses higher up and leaned back into the leather cushions.

“That bad?” the manager guessed.

“Not bad,” he corrected softly, “well, not really. There were two people…neither of them are composers though.”

The manager perked up. “Well then tell me about those two. If they caught your attention, they must be pretty amazing.”

“One of them is just an all-around,” Jiyoung murmured, seeing the tall, handsome young man in his mind’s eye, “he could succeed as a model, performer, idol, whatever – you name it.” He paused, conjuring up the image of a light pink head of hair. It was totally cool, by the way. “The other one, Kim Jongwoon…his voice is one of the best I’ve heard. His song was okay, but his singing is definitely amazing.”

“Would either of them be suitable?”

“I’m not sure,” he shook his head honestly, “maybe. Keep their names down. Kim Jongwoon and Choi Siwon,” Jiyoung stated, glancing at his manager through the dark lenses of his sunglasses.

***

Kyuhyun sat alone in one of the practice rooms, listening to his favorite artist, Sung Si Kyung, singing the song “Two People”. His headphones were turned down just in case someone came tromping in to disturb him. His foot tapped the ground, keeping time.

_Wherever you want to go, when you can't find the way, I'll be with you  
I will remember only you in this life_

His voice floated through the room, low and barely above a whisper as he mimicked his idol. If there was anyone who influenced him the most, it was definitely Sung Si Kyung. Kyuhyun had modeled his own style on that man’s music, wanting to create ballads as heart-wrenching as the ones he practiced over and over again throughout adolescence.

Sometimes he wondered how idealistic the songs could be, but at the same time, how painfully biting they were. Kyuhyun liked to think that he was going to be with Sungmin forever, that he was being completely honest and true every time he said “I love you” to the beautiful boy.

But did he really mean it?

 _We will light each other when lost in the dark_  
Even if the dream that we're looking for in the future is not there  
The moment we share now is more precious to me

If the present was all that mattered, then he would very easily say that Sungmin is the most important person in his life. Somehow, if there was no past or future and the present stayed the present forever and ever, then he and Sungmin could stay suspended in their supposedly perfect relationship until the end of time. No, if time stopped and the present was only the present, then that eternity would truly exist without any change.

Kyuhyun would relive the same day over and over again, the same moments multiplied by infinity, all so he can say that he’s happy with Sungmin.

But that’s not true. He isn’t always happy. He’s only happy when Sungmin is around. When he’s alone, then he’s alone. Kyuhyun clenched his fist, jaw tightening slightly. Being alone was his most hated thing. If there was a way to be with someone twenty-four-seven, then he would.

Loneliness sucked. Being away from the people you love is shitty. Kyuhyun couldn’t stop the jitters when he was alone. It didn’t help that he apparently couldn’t fit in with the snobbish brats polluting SME University. He had a way to parties and events and alcohol, but none of it was enough to make him happy. They were temporary and when he got desperate enough, that temporary relief was perfectly acceptable.

Sighing, he pulled out his phone, checking his text messages.

**Unknown Number: Party this weekend. Free drinks if you’re hot ;)**

Underneath that was an address and time. Kyuhyun stared at it for a long second before closing the window. It was probably a mass text.

His phone bussed again though.

**Sungmin: Hey Kyuhyun…sorry I have to stay at school this weekend so I can’t visit you. I’ll see you next week okay? Love you**

Kyuhyun deleted the message, irritated. This was his first week at school and his boyfriend couldn’t even come to visit him? They were trying to make long distance work, but both sides knew the risks of that. Kyuhyun especially knew what he was like. Little things set him off when he was alone. He didn’t like being alone and Sungmin was always leaving him alone.

That’s how his brain worked at least. Sungmin surely wasn’t doing anything wrong, but to rationalize to someone who thought in “Here” and “Not Here” was impossible.

***

Henry Lau gaped up at the large university center. There were stars all over the place and expensive cars filling the parking lot. He adjusted the strap of his violin case that was slung over his shoulder. Licking his lips, he checked the address SME University had given him.

Yes, this was definitely the school.

His cousin, Kim Kibum, had apparently taken the liberty of mailing Henry’s audition tapes to the top music universities in South Korea – despite him being Chinese-Canadian and nowhere near Korean. He barely spoke anything and had barely managed to navigate his way from the airport to the university with the limited Korean he knew from talking to Kibum and his extended family.

Anyway, a week or so prior, Henry had received a letter in the mail with a plane ticket to South Korea and a note stating that they would like him to audition in person on August 22nd. He hadn’t really planned on going, but when Kibum had caught wind of the opportunity, he told everyone in their family which resulted in the current situation.

He felt sick to his stomach, head spinning slightly from the sight before him. Henry hadn’t even started his first semester of senior year, which by the way, was starting the following Monday. His haphazard trip overseas was really going to through him off.

Why was a high school student even in a situation like this? He sighed to himself, troubled beyond explanation.

“Do you need help?” A faintly accented voice spoke near him.

Henry jumped, whirling around to see a tall young man gazing at him with worry. The male had a youthful face and a slim build, but there was something strangely alluring about his eyes. His outfit was loud, to say the least, involving many parts and accessories which through his focus.

Blinking, he quickly nodded and pulled out the letter he had received from SME University. “Can you help me get to the audition?” Henry said in fluid English before stopping and quickly apologizing, “Ah, I mean, uhm, where is this?” he pointed to the map of the campus attached to the back of the letter.

The man hid a smile, biting his lip in a rather shy why. Henry relaxed a bit, feeling less on edge to see someone so physically noisy had moments of insecurity as well. “I know,” the person nodded, handing the paper back. He pointed toward the building ahead of them, placing an arm around Henry’s shoulders. “Are you from America?” he asked, careful with his words.

“Yeah, from Canada,” Henry grinned, a little confused by the arm around him, but he decided to ignore it. After all, Kibum was always like that too. He had mentioned skinship was pretty prevalent in Asia. “Do you know…ah, Toronto?”

“Yes, yes,” he agreed quickly. “My name is Jiyoung.”

“I’m Henry Lau,” he responded, “Are you a student here?”

He laughed softly, covering his mouth, “No…not a student,” Jiyoung shook his head. “Are you…?”

“Maybe next year,” Henry laughed, “still in high school.”

“In high school?” Jiyoung repeated, eyes widening. He suddenly felt self-conscious about the arm he had slung around the boy. When he had seen the confused male standing at the gates, he had thought it was maybe a younger sibling or one of SME University’s new trainees. However, it seemed like it was just a normal student applying for the program. Jiyoung scrutinized the chubby-cheeked boy. There was no way someone who looked like that was actually going to college in a year – probably sooner if he passed the audition. “Too young, too young,” Jiyoung clicked his tongue.

“No, no, getting old!” Henry returned, sweet face alight with humor.

“You? No,” he dismissed teasingly, leaning close to the cute face.

The high school student flushed, unsure if he was supposed to back up or not. Was that rude? Or was it weird if he didn’t back up? Henry was saved from the situation though as he heard his name being called out.

“Hello, are you Henry Lau?” a clear voice spoke from down the hall.

He looked up and waved. “Yes I am!”

Jiyoung loosened his hold on the younger male. The audition coordinator jogged over to them, bowing ninety-degrees to G-Dragon. “Ah, thank you for helping him here,” he spoke in Korean.

“No problem,” Jiyoung responded with a grin, pushing his sunglasses back on, “Can I sit in on his audition?”

The coordinator looked up, surprised by the request. He glanced at Henry who stood confused. “Well, that’s fine by all of us,” he said slowly, looking at the music idol, “are you sure?”

“Yes, definitely,” Jiyoung affirmed. There was no way he would miss this boy’s talent.

 


	8. 25 August 2013

 

_**25 August 2013** _

 

**Kibum: Hey, wanna meet up for lunch?**

**Ryeowook: Sure, be there soon**

He pushed the phone back into his pocket, humming along to the song playing through his ear buds. It was a pop song, bouncy and cute and very embarrassing. Ryeowook hated to admit that he had been listening to it all day and night since getting to college. There was something so addictive about the sound.

 _It’s true love_  
A happy tempo, close my eyes and enjoy this feeling as much as possible  
Feel the warmth of my palms  
Treat smiles as my present

The song played brightly all the way to the dining hall. He chuckled to himself here and there as he sang along silently, wondering why he was listening to a song about winter in the simmering heat of late August. He had to be crazy.

Ryeowook covered his eyes as a gust of wind blew leaves all around. His heart beat faster for some strange reason, a smile brimming on his face.

_You and I embrace in a white world  
Listening to the clock bells, making a resounding promise_

“I’m totally ridiculous,” he muttered, having difficulty grasping what was wrong with him. It felt like the lyrics were driving into him, sealing that promise as if it were tangible and magnetic – drawn to the beating of his pumping heart. Ryeowook chewed his bottom lip, feeling like he was losing his mind very quickly.

Sitting down suddenly, he pulled out his notebook. The bench was warm from the sun, but shaded by the crowding bushes and trees around him. Clicking his pen, Ryeowook started scribbling, eyes darting to the sealed envelope tucked safely into the front pocket of that particular notebook.

_You are so very far, so very far_

_Even the very small, very small trivial things make me think of you every day_

_On a far off day, a very far off future_

_Deeply sleep like it’s winter_

He breathed a bit heavier, studying the words and phrases that had formed on the page. They didn’t make sense together. There were random instances of the song playing in his ear buds that manifested on the paper. Ryeowook circled and scratched, making notes here and there as he tried to pull the threads of that song – that thought – that want – back to him.

It needed life and breath. It _desired_ so much of Ryeowook that he just couldn’t understand how to give those feelings over. What were those feelings anyway?

Sighing deeply, he leaned back on the wooden bench, looking up at the rustling trees, the curves of clouds, the too wide sky. “Where are you?”

 

A book covered his face. Ryeowook yelped in surprise. Kibum’s laughter caught his ears and he pushed the book aside, glaring at his roommate. Standing beside said roommate was a handsome boy – very handsome. He had to do a double-take.

“You were supposed to meet us for lunch. How did you get out here?” he complained, sitting down on the bench as well. Kibum nodded up to the handsome male. “This is Donghae. He’s a year ahead of us.”

“Oh, nice to meet you,” Ryeowook greeted, bowing his head, “my name is Ryeowook.”

“I heard from Kibum,” Donghae grinned, dropping his backpack on the ground. “You’re a music composition major? I heard that’s one of the hardest ones around this school.”

“I guess so,” he laughed, “the work is fun though. There’s a lot of freedom.”

“Wow,” the puppy-like male nodded earnestly, “I’m a dance major. My friend Eunhyuk is too. He’s in class right now, but I’m meeting him later.” Donghae clapped his hands. “Actually, would you two do us a favor? We’re going to be competing in a street dancing competition soon and we’ve been having people watch us. Would you watch us too?”

Ryeowook considered it for less than a second before he was nodding. “Yeah, definitely! That sounds really cool.” He smiled, wondering if this was what college life was like. Everything was so spontaneous. People were quick to ask for favors and quick to agree to said favors. Ryeowook recalled being more reluctant about going out back in high school, but then again, when he thought about it, there were no restrictions here. No one would stop him to tell him off for being dumb or irresponsible.

He was supposed to take care of himself and that was perfectly fine with him.

“What’s this?” Kibum picked up Ryeowook’ notebook and read the scribbles, “…are they lyrics?”

“Yeah,” he tried to snatch the book back, but Kibum pulled it out of his reach, “I mean—well, they’re just ramblings. I don’t know what they are yet.”

His roommate made a noise that sounded like he didn’t believe him. “Well, don’t throw it out. This looks pretty cool. I don’t really know where you’re going with it either yet, but the words are emotional.” Kibum gave him a smile, returning the notebook which Ryeowook hastily stuffed away.

“Aw, I didn’t get to see,” Donghae whined.

“It’s okay, you’ll see it when it’s complete,” Kibum assured.

“Since when?” Ryeowook demanded.

Kibum grinned teasingly. Exasperated, he chuckled but still refused to let his guard down around Kibum again. The guy was quick and quiet. There was no way to really avoid him when his eyes were so sharp and his words so easy.

“Hey, you remember when G-Dragon came here?” Kibum suddenly remarked.

They nodded.

“Well my cousin,” he glanced at Ryeowook, “the one I want to become an K-Pop idol? Do you remember him?”

“A little,” he responded slowly, trying to recall the familiar statement. “Why? What’s up?”

Kibum was smiling broadly, almost smugly. “I heard from my auntie that his audition went super well and that G-Dragon actually sat in on his performance. It looks like my cousin, Henry, was offered a full-ride to SME University and G-Dragon personally requested to be his mentor.”

“That’s _insane_!” Donghae cried, immediately shutting his mouth at the strange looks he received. Lowering his volume, he went on in an urgent hiss, “Oh my _god_. How cool is your cousin to get something like that? Is he like some sort of genius?”

He paused, seemingly unsure how to respond to that. “I guess…the best way to describe him is by saying that he’s a prodigy. There’s really nothing Henry isn’t good at. The kid is amazing. He can play violin and piano at an expert level, and as he’s said before, he can play practically any instrument. He speaks something like five languages, well six if you count that he’s learning Korean now. I made him dabble with it before, but now he has more of a reason to know it.”

“You really care about him,” Ryeowook remarked, unable to help his smile.

Kibum shrugged softly. “Yeah, I guess I do,” his eyes shined with affection, “he’s a really precious younger brother…or something like that.”

“Older brothers are really the best,” he chuckled.

***

Kyuhyun stared up at the ceiling, trying not to breath in the smell of sweat and sex. His chest rose and fell unevenly, breaths leaving him in pants. The too warm, foreign sheets slid roughly against his sticky skin rather uncomfortably, but despite that, he felt nothing was wrong. There should’ve been some sense of wrongness in him, but through the haze of alcohol and orgasm, he couldn’t find anything really wrong.

“Hey, do you need any help baby?” his partner for that night asked. Her fingers ran across his smooth chest, tracing some of the harsh hickeys she left.

Loud music still blared through the thin walls of the apartment. Kyuhyun shook his head, sitting up and grabbing his scattered clothes. Flashes of the night blared through his wasted brain. There was something wrong, he just knew it, but he couldn’t quite figure out what. He hadn’t done anything wrong, right?

The girl had hit on him first. He just went with it. All he wanted was some warmth and maybe an outlet for his frustration. She was perfect for the job. Besides, Sungmin and everyone else couldn’t blame him. He was drunk. His ability to think logically was horrifyingly low at that moment.

“Are you gonna go back to the party,” she called from behind him.

Kyuhyun clumsily tugged his shirt on, not bothering to fix his hair as he stumbled to the door. “No. Don’t feel like it,” he shook his head, pushing his way out of the apartment. He caught himself against a wall, breathing in the sharp cool air of the night.

Staggering away from the party, he pulled out his phone and dialed the first number that popped up. Kyuhyun waited impatiently, tripping flopping down on a curb a block down from the party. He sat underneath a floodlight, silently but anxiously waiting for a reply. Why was Eunhyuk taking so long to answer? He should’ve been ready for this.

“Hello?” An unfamiliar voice spoke.

Kyuhyun’s brow furrowed. “Who the fuck are you?” he slurred, “Gimme Eunhyuk, Eunhyuk!”

Through a blur of static, he heard the phone being switched over with the words, “Sorry, Ryeowook, this happens sometimes. Don’t take it personally.” A second later, Eunhyuk was talking into the phone, “What is wrong with you, Kyu?”

“I just had sex with a girl,” he giggled, catching himself against the cold lamp post, “fuuuuuuck, what am I doing?” Kyuhyun’s shoulders shook – eyes closing as he rested his head against pulled up knees.

“You’re drunk,” Eunhyuk stated flatly. A door slammed shut on his end of the phone. “Why did you do it?” he sighed, gaze wandering around the dark stairwell that led to the basement level dance studio. They had been up all night working on their choreography for the competition and Ryeowook and Kibum had been surprisingly helpful. Eunhyuk didn’t think there were still people who offered their help so unconditionally.

Kyuhyun didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh or yell. The alcohol was definitely getting to him. “Can’t you come pick me up?” he whimpered. “I really hate it here.”

“You’ve been there for less than two weeks. Calm down.”

“People suck,” Kyuhyun whined, “they don’t actually care about me. All they want is a hook-up.”

“Well, you don’t put yourself in a position that screams you want a relationship,” Eunhyuk responded tiredly, “you’re already in one, if you had forgotten.”

“Sungmin is _boring_. He doesn’t _care_. He’s not here with me. I just need…I need someone here with me,” he breathed, voice breaking up.

Eunhyuk softened, because that’s how he was. No matter how much of a wreck Kyuhyun could be, he still cared and he didn’t know why. It was unconditional. Somehow, despite hating everything Kyuhyun did, Eunhyuk still loved him like his own brother. They had a bond beyond judgment. All he wanted was for Kyuhyun to calm down and pull himself together.

Was that so much to ask for?

“Why don’t you break up with Sungmin, then?” he asked gently.

“Because no one else would deal with my shit!” Kyuhyun cried. “No one…no one else has ever been so nice to me…I can’t give him up.”

 _Shouldn’t it be because you love him?_ Eunhyuk didn’t say so though. “You’re being selfish.”

“I know…I know…,” he mumbled childishly. Kyuhyun sniffled, tears staining his jeans. “He doesn’t need to know. No one needs to know…god,” he laughed sharply, “you know the worst part? I don’t even feel bad. I don’t think I’ll feel bad tomorrow morning either.”

Eunhyuk rubbed his head tiredly. “How are you getting home?”

“Don’t call that _disgusting_ dorm _home_!” he shouted.

“Okay, how are you getting back to the dorm,” he reworded. Eunhyuk was already going through his bank of people, trying to recall if anyone was around that area that could pick up the guy.

Kyuhyun was quiet for a long time before shaking his head. “I’m fine. I can get back fine.”

“Are you sure?” Eunhyuk asked, unconvinced.

“No,” he coughed, “but there’s no one here.” Kyuhyun was quiet for another second. “See ya.” And then he hung up.

Eunhyuk stared at his phone for a prolonged minute, wondering if he should call back his friend. Of course he was worried, but at the same time, was it really his responsibility to take care of a legal adult? Wasn’t Kyuhyun old enough to make his own decisions and mistakes? Besides, they were so far apart, there was nothing Eunhyuk could really do in that situation. Well, that’s how he rationalized it at least.

There were probably a ton of things he could do, but none came directly to mind. Honestly, he was very tired. Extremely tired, in fact, of Kyuhyun’s bullshit which seemed to be endless no matter how many supposedly good decisions the guy made.

Shaking off the unease, Eunhyuk walked back into the dance studio to see Donghae chatting with Kibum and Ryeowook. The three of them looked up, worry immediately etching their faces. “It’s nothing,” Eunhyuk dismissed with a wave of his hand, “That happens a lot, so don’t give me those looks.”

“He sounded really upset,” Ryeowook muttered, disliking how he had been yelled at for doing absolutely nothing. All he had done was pick up the phone and say hello. Was that suddenly a crime and no one told him?

“He was drunk,” Eunhyuk explained flatly, picking up his cap from the floor, “he gets a little hysterical after drunken sex.”

Kibum snorted. “That’s specific.”

“Weird guy,” Ryeowook frowned.

Donghae sighed. “I’ve actually met him once while visiting Eunhyuk over summer. The kid isn’t bad, just a little sassy. He’s cute though, you know when he’s not like…that.” He stopped talking, wondering if he had made things worse. “What I mean is that there are good things about him, just like there are good and bad things about everyone.”

The other three were silent for a breath, but then laughed. Eunhyuk slapped Donghae on the back, before hauling him up to his feet. “You’re too nice, Hae. That was pretty cute.”

“Very cute,” Kibum mumbled under his breath, eyes twinkling with humor. Donghae glanced at the younger male curiously, but Kibum just brushed it off. “You guys wanna finish your choreography by tonight, right? It’s probably best if we get going then.”

 


	9. 4 September 2013

 

 

_**4 September 2013** _

Henry Lau had caught himself just…staring, so much lately. Even during class he had been out of it. But this time, he felt like the staring was warranted. His backpack slumped down his shoulder at the sight before him.

They had graciously given him until the end of his first month of senior year to make his decision, meaning he should still have another thirty days or so before he had to tell SME University whether or not he wanted to go over there full-time before he finished high school. They promised to get him the exam that would be equivalent to a high school degree and then his university admittance was already guaranteed.

Everything had sounded like a dream…until it hadn’t. Henry didn’t even know if he wanted to spend his life in Korea. It was just a passing interest and one of Kibum’s requests. Hell, he wasn’t even Korean and now the biggest names in the K-Pop industry wanted him?

It was all too much to take in. That was why he had been extremely thankful for that grace period, which apparently, hadn’t meant much to his self-proclaimed mentor.

Mrs. Lau waved at her son from the living room where she was chatting with G-Dragon. Henry never thought that sentence would actually form in his mind. “What’s going on?” he asked slowly, approaching them so cautiously it seemed as if he were afraid they would pounce.

“Jiyoung was just telling me about how excited he is to start working with you. I’ll admit I was a bit worried when I first heard about that full scholarship you received to SME University, but now that I know such a kind young man will be taking care of you, I don’t feel like I should be worried,” she laughed easily, sipping her tea.

G-Dragon mimicked her, slim fingers tipping the cup toward his mouth. Placing it back onto the delicate porcelain dish, he uncrossed his legs and leaned forward. Those eyes focused on Henry for a split second before shifting back to his mother. “Like I was saying Mrs. Lau,” he spoke slowly in English, still persuasive as ever, “I really think this is the best chance for your son. He’s so talented,” he expressed earnestly. “I will take very good care of him.”

“Do I get a say?” Henry snapped in Korean. He quickly reeled back, apologizing under his breath.

The musician hid a smile by biting his lower lip. “Henry, I promise everything is good,” he tilted his head up, innocence softening his features. The younger male really wondered how much of that was honest. It couldn’t be much. Entertainers always had a trick or two up their sleeves.

“You said that I had until the end of September,” he responded.

“We changed our minds,” Jiyoung shrugged, “is it really too early?” He frowned as if hurt.

Mrs. Lau clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Henry, please think about this properly. What are you planning after you graduate from high school? There are plenty of music schools and I know that you’ve been trained as a classical violinist, but I know your personality. I know you want more than that. You’re too young and bright to spend your life playing other people’s music.” She stood up, grasping her son’s shoulders gently. “You would be an amazing entertainer. Kibum is also living in Korea. He’ll watch out for you wherever you are and I trust him. I also trust Jiyoung. He’s been talking non-stop about how you blew away everyone at your audition. I can’t agree to letting you waste that talent. Your potential is endless and they want to cultivate it.”

Henry idly wondered how much crap G-Dragon had been feeding his mom’s ears. Sighing, he listened to her words, giving them honest consideration. It was true that he loved classical violin and piano, but he also loved writing songs and rearranging songs. Although he had only dabbled around with composition, it seemed like something he could do if he really tried. Would he have those opportunities if he just studied music in the States? What would he do with a music degree and no connections?

His eyes wandered to G-Dragon who was smiling at him from behind clasped hands. That expression already told him his answer. Henry knew there was really only one way to go from now on. Dropping his head, he hugged his mother. “Okay, I understand.”

Her face lit up. “Really?”

“Really,” he smiled.

Jiyoung stood as well, his phone already out. “This is great,” he grinned, bowing at the mother. “I’m going to make a call. My driver will take Henry and me to the airport right away.”

“What?” mother and son blurted.

He blinked, phone already pressed to his ear. “Well there’s a lot of paperwork and we’re already behind schedule,” Jiyoung explained, “It’s okay to take him back now, right? Someone will be back here to take care of Henry’s high school.”

Neither of them knew how to reject the logic. It seemed reasonable enough, considering the circumstances and people involved. Furthermore, they said they would take care of any loose ends on the Canadian side. Henry wasn’t trapped in South Korea either. He could come back whenever he wanted, right?

Henry pointed upstairs. “Then let me grab my stuff.” He quickly jogged up the stairs, going into his room and grabbing the most important things. Five minutes later, he was rushing back downstairs, secretly enjoying the quickening of his heartbeat as he lugged his guitar, laptop, violin, and backpack of underwear, t-shirts, and socks. Henry had an inkling Jiyoung was going to provide him with a new wardrobe anyway, especially if they were practically shoving him out the door.

He kissed his mother goodbye, promising to call and visit the first chance he got. The door shut behind him, the sound sending waves of finality through him.

Was this really how he was going to spend his last year of high school? What about prom? What about graduation? What about his friends and teachers?

“You’re over thinking,” Jiyoung remarked softly, pinching Henry’s cheek as the car drove them to the airport.

“I just…,” he trailed off.

“Don’t worry,” he took his head, squeezing it softly, thumb brushing over his knuckles. Jiyoung grinned faintly, “Everything’s fine.”

For some reason, Henry wanted to believe him with all his heart. And so, he did.

***

Cho Kyuhyun read over his grade and the attached flyer. He wasn’t struggling with the work at SME. In fact, he was passing like any other average student of law. However, there was nothing fulfilling about it when there was no one to share the joy with. It was like winning a war alone. No hugs, no high fives, no jokes or memories to be shared.

The hundreds, the nineties, the well wishes and praise were meaningless when he was the only one who knew about it. Eunhyuk and Sungmin didn’t count. They were far away. They didn’t have the ability to pat his back the moment he found out about some new success.

His eyes dropped back to the flyer his professor had stapled to his exam. He laughed humorlessly. It wasn’t even a flyer from one of his law professors. It was a music competition. Kyuhyun had flippantly decided to take the music class offered and in return, he had garnered attention for his singing ability. Of course that was normal for a huge place like SME. They were known for their entertainment department. Their law department was wonderful as well, but nothing compared to the web of idol connections in the university.

 

**_Are you a singer? Do you enjoy performing?_ **

**_Compete with other talented singers at SME University’s Autumn Music Festival!_ **

**_Admittance is free_ **

**_Participation is free_ **

**_There will be three stages of competition! Only the best will perform on the big stage on September 30!_ **

**_If interested, request an audition time online!_ **

 

Kyuhyun knew it was stupid, but it had always been his stress reliever. Singing was his passion – his love. There was nothing more important to him personally, than the ability to sing his heart out. But music didn’t make you money. Being an idol was tiresome and definitely filled with tricky situations. All he wanted was to make money and make his family proud.

Besides, being a lawyer wasn’t so bad. There was stability and that meant he could live a peaceful life settled down with Sungmin somewhere nice and perhaps high-end. They had spoken about marriage numerous times, imagining how many kids they would adopt, the dinners they would have every night, the quiet conversations they would have in each other’s arms…

Shaking his head, he shoved the flyer into his backpack. Pulling out his phone, he checked his messages, finding a reply from a girl he had been flirting with back and forth the past two days. She was pretty attentive, decent looking, and apparently interested. Then again, how many people were _actually_ interested? Kyuhyun doubted it was going to go anywhere and yet he kept his hopes up.

It didn’t matter if he was with a man or woman. If they could make him happy, what did biology matter? Kyuhyun cranked out a reply to her, not reading it twice before replacing his phone back in his pocket.

The sky was darkening when he peered out a window. Thick, dark clouds were rolling in. He grimaced. It was probably going to be a shitty walk back to the dorms. Leaning back on his heels, he considered his options. One, he could wait it out. Two, he could building hop back to the dorm. Or three, he could suicide-sprint all the way back which was a good ten minute walk normally.

“What are you loitering around for?”

Kyuhyun turned around to see a beautiful person – he couldn’t tell if it was a man or woman – coming toward him. Frowning, he waited until the person came closer. “I’m trying to decide if I should run for it or not. The rain is going to come down hard very soon.”

“That does seem to be the case,” the stranger agreed, smirking. Up close now, Kyuhyun could clearly see that it was a man. His hair was short and sweeping, glossy and red. His eyes were dark and curving. “Afraid the water will ruin your face?”

He snorted. “No way. I just get sick easily.”

“Ah, that’s pretty cute,” he grinned.

Kyuhyun cracked a smile but quickly let it drop. “And why are you here? Most classes have already ended, right?”

“I’m just moseying around,” he answered vaguely, eyes trailing around the empty hallway, “I’m Heechul, a TA. What’s your name, kiddo?”

“I’m not a kid,” Kyuhyun responded firstly, turning his gaze on the slim male, “…Cho Kyuhyun.”

“Now that we’re acquainted, why don’t we wait out the storm together, Kyuhyun?” Heechul offered – his smile more than a little suggestive as his eyes raked the other’s body.

“Sure.”

 


	10. 15 September 2013

15 September 2013

Ryeowook sat in one of the practice rooms, experimentally playing tunes on the piano. The weather had cooled slightly from the blistering heat it had been just a week or so ago. He hummed along to the melody that had eluded his grasp since the afternoon those words first entered his mind.

Rereading the lyrics he had memorized long ago, he tried to form them into a song, but the melody was still buried too deep.

_You are so very far, so very far_

_To be honest I miss you every day_

_Even the very small, very small trivial things_

_make me think of you every day_

That was all he had solidified. His thoughts refused to formulate the rest. However, he knew already that whatever was forming in his mind would center around those four lines. Ryeowook had engraved them into his heart, feeling the slumbering beat just waiting for the right time to rise.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and rested his head on folded arms atop the baby grand piano. The breeze rustled his hair gently, as if fingers were playing with the short locks. Picking up a pen, he slowly peered at the blank notebook paper resting on the lidded piano keys.

_Dear stranger,_

_Where are you? I’m still waiting around and I’ve been waiting around for years. Man, aren’t you slow?_

Ryeowook paused, pen poised on the clean paper. “This is silly…,” he reprimanded himself, yet he still kept his pen firmly in place, the black ink bleeding around the tip.

_I’m really impatient. Even though I said it was a long-standing proposal, who would’ve thought you would take it so literally? Are you having fun wherever you are? I hope so, because I’m going to make you suffer for hurting me by being away._

_I think about you all the time. I wonder about whether I’ve met you yet and if I just let you slip through my fingers like this song. I wish the time was right now. I wish we could be together right now instead of later._

_But would I even like you right now? What are you like?_

He chuckled, his heart calming. It felt like he was closer to that person when he did things like this. Somehow, the spectrum wasn’t so wide. Their hearts seemed to be coming closer whenever he wrote down his thoughts. Ryeowook tapped the paper with pen.

_Well…I did promise to wait and I will wait. You’re important to me. You’re the most important person to me. I’m saving all of these feelings just for you. Will you hurry up?_

Was it unreasonable to ask his fated one to pick up the pace? Ryeowook wasn’t sure, but it certainly did put his worries at ease. Although he wasn’t obsessed with romance, this was one of the few special things he kept near his heart.

Throughout his life, he had only one dream that stayed in his mind. Sometimes, people say dreams are premonitions…gateways to the future. Ryeowook hadn’t believed in that boo-hockey until one night back in 2006. It was August 15th. The dream had been warm and wonderful, feeling like reality. Ryeowook thought for a long time it had to be reality. The hand that reached out to him and held his fingers firmly were too strong and energetic to be a mere dream.

Something special had been conveyed in those precious hours of rest. He had lived glimpses of his future. The person’s face had been shadowed though, obscured by light and dark and camera angles that were completely off. Ryeowook really wished it hadn’t been so cinematic in his dream.

But he had never felt happier in his entire life. That night changed something fundamental inside of him. It made him question what he was doing with his life – made him wonder if he was pursuing the right things and talking to the right people. Was he being who he truly was or was he being someone everyone wanted him to be? Was he emulating his parent’s desire?

It was pointless to think too deeply at that point though. He had long since messed up everything. That’s what it was, in essence. Ryeowook had chosen himself over his family and sometimes he did regret that. Sometimes, it seemed like the absolute worst thing he had ever done.

But most of the time, it was fine. It was fine because he was happy.

He was free. He was himself. He was heading into a future best fit for himself.

“What are you doing?”

Ryeowook looked up to see Eunhyuk striding into the room lazily. His dance bag was slung over one shoulder. Smiling at the older male, Ryeowook pushed away from the piano, waving his notebook. “I was composing. Were you practicing for that competition this weekend?”

Eunhyuk shook his head, setting the bag down as he looked at the four lines Ryeowook had written neatly in the notebook. “I was at a supplementary dance class. Are these the only lyrics you have?”

He glanced at the pretty boy, a flash of a long-forgotten night making its way to the forefront of his mind. It usually happened when he was around Ryeowook. He didn’t want to be weird and admit that he still remembered that lovely face from the night he had offered to walk him home. Wasn’t that just a little too strange?

It was probably better to pretend it hadn’t happened. No one knew anyway and Ryeowook clearly didn’t recognize him.

“Yeah, it’s the chorus,” Ryeowook nodded, brows drawing together, “I’ve been trying to figure out how the rest of the song goes, but I just can’t…hear it. Nothing is coming to mind.”

Eunhyuk grunted in understanding. “Well, I heard that composing is hard. I guess it must be difficult to even think up an entire piece. Are lyrics the hardest part or is the music?”

“I think it depends,” he shrugged, “I’ve never struggled so much over both though. It just…feels like I’m not at that point yet…like I’m missing something very important to finish the song.”

The older man was silent.

Ryeowook looked up, wondering if he had said something odd. When he met Eunhyuk’s eyes though, he caught his breath.

“Sorry,” the dancer mumbled, “I was just thinking that you’re pretty romantic.”

“I don’t know how I should take that,” he admitted, laughing a little. Ryeowook checked his phone, surprised to see it was already nearing six in the evening. “Shoot, I promised to meet Jongwoon and Kibum for dinner tonight. I should go.” He started collecting his papers, putting them away in a folder before stuffing that into the backpack.

Eunhyuk watched the flustered freshman. “Okay,” he chuckled, ruffling Ryeowook’s hair, “See you later then.” The younger rushed off with a distracted goodbye. It was probably impossible for Eunhyuk to see the kid as anything more than a little brother – all things considered. Someone that cute and pure couldn’t be touched. It was that sort of feeling.

He would rather protect Ryeowook than try and get in his pants, which defeated any romantic notions. It seemed like most people around the boy felt the same way, especially that roommate of his. Eunhyuk smiled wryly at the thought. Kim Kibum was far more straight-forward than he let on. His eyes were always blatantly following Donghae whenever they were together and he made his interest painfully obvious.

If it was anybody but Donghae, they would’ve already been dating. But maybe that was part of the dopey male’s charm. Eunhyuk let himself believe that and he had an inkling Kibum made himself believe that as well.

***

Kyuhyun leaned more comfortably into the man who had his arm wrapped around his waist. He ran his hand along Heechul’s side, familiar with the contours of his body. Their lips moved against each other slowly, sensually. Eyes fluttered open here and there, a precaution to guiding tongues and noses.

The older male pushed his fingers into Kyuhyun’s messy dark hair, jerking his head back to expose his neck. Heechul kisses and sucked, making a harsh mark that was clearly visible on his throat.

“Fuck you,” he grunted, pushing back. “My boyfriend is coming this weekend.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t fuck other people if he’s so important,” Heechul smirked, licking his lips, arm still tight around Kyuhyun’s waist. His eyes focused on the darkening mark, knowing that it would last long after the weekend ended. “Maybe you should cancel on him.”

“He’ll be concerned,” Kyuhyun sighed, “I don’t want to worry him.”

“Whatever,” he scoffed, planting a kiss on the freshman’s lips. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.” Heechul pushed Kyuhyun back, straddling his lap as he crushed their mouths together once more. His tongue darted out, folding around Kyuhyun’s as their hands found each other again. The older male shivered slightly at the hands gliding underneath his shirt, short nails lightly running up either side of his spine.

It had been one whirlwind affair since they meet roughly two weeks ago. Heechul was casual but considerate – just the sort of person Kyuhyun had been looking for. He was always quick to call Kyuhyun over, or to accompany him places.

Although there were benefits, Heechul was his first friend at college and he wasn’t about to lose out on that. It had been horrible up until then, even if some people might say that it was less than a half a month of being alone. Being alone at all was terrible. Didn’t most people feel that way? Was loneliness what destroyed people? Kyuhyun didn’t think he was unreasonable for feeling that way. And with Heechul about, he didn’t have to deal with that stress. There was always someone around now.

So what if he had to give up a few things for it? It was just sex in exchange for a companion. He didn’t mind so much and as far as Kyuhyun could tell, Heechul felt the same. There was always a distance that formed right after they finished fucking. Rather than Kyuhyun feeling or seeming guilty, it seemed like Heechul was more disturbed by his actions.

Whatever Heechul wasn’t saying had to be more painful than simply cheating. Kyuhyun hadn’t asked yet though. He wasn’t sure how. At what level of friendship were they? Were they even considered friends? If so, shouldn’t Heechul open up a bit?

 

Their session ended hard and fast, both of them cleaning up swiftly in the abandoned music room. It was one of Heechul’s kinks to do it in interesting places. For some reason, he got especially turned on by classrooms or practice rooms of any kind.

“Hey, I wanna ask you something,” Kyuhyun stated, turning to look at the beautiful man.

“What’s up, Kyubaby?” Heechul responded, smirking.

He hesitated then, the words lodging themselves in his throat. For some reason it suddenly felt wrong – very wrong to ask about the man’s personal life. It felt like something was going to go horrifically wrong if he asked. Maybe Heechul would yell at him and stop talking to him. Maybe Kyuhyun would have to spend the rest of the semester alone again.

“You’re thinking really hard about something,” the older male remarked, cocking an eyebrow. He studied Kyuhyun’s face for a long moment, before sighing and whipping his phone out. “Seriously, stop being so considerate. If you wanna know more about me, just ask. I don’t care.”

“But…”

Heechul glanced up. “I sleep with a lot of people. I mean _a lot_. I don’t date people though.” He sighed, scrolling through what appeared to be text messages or some form of messaging on his phone. “You’re a good kid, Kyu…despite the shit that you pull. I mean, you’re not a very great boyfriend,” he scoffed, “but you’re a good person to the people you care about. Even I can tell that.” Heechul flashed a small smile, eyes still on his phone.

Kyuhyun blushed faintly, looking down. “Thanks.”

“If you’re that curious,” he sighed, “I don’t mind telling you. Usually when I have a fling with someone, I don’t keep talking to them, but for some reason, I think talking to you is plenty of fun.” Heechul chuckled. “So I’ll let you in on this Heenim’s secret.” He snapped his phone shut, sliding it into his pocket.

“Well, you don’t have to tell me,” he mumbled, frowning.

“But you wanna know,” he grinned coyly, “you’re gonna be curious forever and ever. Are you really going to be stubborn right now?”

Kyuhyun stayed quietly fuming.

Laughing loudly, Heechul slapped the younger’s shoulder and leaned back on a chair. “There’s someone I’m in love with. We can’t be together though. He refuses, saying that it’s wrong.”

“Because you’re both men?”

“No,” Heechul retorted, crossing his arms, “it’s because he’s a professor of dance here.”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened. He was speechless for a long moment, but then collected his thoughts, managing to say, “Well, you’re a senior, aren’t you? You can be together after you graduate, right?”

He shook his head. “He has a policy of never dating anyone who was a past-student or present-colleagues. I was out of the running before I even got to tell him,” Heechul smiled humorlessly.

“Then…if it’s like that, why are you still hung up on him?” He had never heard of something more preposterous. Clearly, Heechul was stating the obvious that there was nothing he could do, so why hadn’t he moved on? Why did he refuse to date other people? Was this one painful love worth years of happiness?

“Because I’m going to change his mind,” Heechul shrugged simply.

“What?” Kyuhyun gaped, knowing how ridiculously dumb he must be looking.

“I’ve never felt so strongly about someone in my entire life,” he explained calmly, gaze void of hesitancy, “I know he’s the one. He’s the only one and that’s why I’ve decided I’ll make him accept me some way or another. I won’t be happy with anyone but him.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I do though.”

“How?”

Heechul’s lips curled up, “Because, if he returned my feelings, I would never look at another person again. Any urge to be touched by someone else would be gone in a heartbeat because all I need is him. That’s what love is for me. That’s how I’ve defined it after years of mulling over that illogical emotion. If someone can make me stop sleeping around cold turkey, then that person is more special than anyone else in the entire universe. That person is worthy of me.” He nodded at Kyuhyun. “So maybe you should think a little more about what your requirements are. I’m not judging you, because honestly you’re a fun fucker, but maybe you should reevaluate your love life before you hurt that boyfriend of yours anymore.”

Before Kyuhyun could even think of a response, Heechul was heading toward the door. “I need to head out. Wanna come over tonight? There’s a new drama I wanna watch.”

“Ah…sure,” he nodded, blinking.

Heechul smirked. “Awesome. See you then.” And then he was gone.


	11. 17 September 2013

 

_**17 September 2013** _

Henry glared at Jiyoung who stood calmly on the other side of the table. They had been in the midst of a stare-off for the past several minutes. Between them, spread out on the table, were numerous sheets of paper covered in lines upon lines of lyrics. The older of the two had his arms crossed, sunglasses pushed high up on his head. “We know who’s going to win this,” Jiyoung stated smoothly.

“No!” he snapped, “I have been working my butt off. Is this not enough yet?” Henry curled his hands into fists.

“You’re still not doing your best,” he responded.

“I’ve been writing and writing and writing all day, every day,” he sighed, breaths shuddery. “What am I doing wrong? Help me.”

Jiyoung slowly looked away from the boy, eyes drifting down to the sheets of paper. “Henry, when you’re writing these lyrics, what are you feeling?” He picked up one of the pages. “You’re writing about things like painful love and other topics that just don’t….suit you. They don’t express your feelings and you can’t express their feelings. Do you get that?” Jiyoung set the paper down, seeing the discomfort on the boy’s face. “I’m not saying that you’ll never be able to write those things, but right now, what’s believable and natural is innocence. You’re very innocent and that’s not something to be ashamed of.”

His face colored. “I’m eighteen,” he spoke quietly, curling his hands into his shirt hem. “I’ve had relationships before. I’m not some…loser.”

“I didn’t say you were,” he replied, walking around the table. Jiyoung took Henry’s hands, squeezing them, “Hey, look at me.”

He shook his head.

“Don’t write what you think I want to see. Write what you feel. That’s more important.” His gaze lingered on the young man, watching him closely for any signs of relenting stubbornness. A minute passed, but there was still no change in Henry’s stiff disposition.

Slowly releasing him, Jiyoung pushed his sunglasses down and ruffled Henry’s hair. “I have an interview, so I have to go. I’ll see you later tonight.”

“…okay.”

The moment the door shut behind his caretaker, Henry slumped into the chair, burying his face in his arms. He clenched his teeth painfully, fighting back the hot tears of humiliation trying to spill over. It was embarrassing. Jiyoung had a way of seeing through any bullshit when it came to music. Henry had taken the task too lightly and now he was being scolded. He knew it was his own fault, but that didn’t change the twisted feelings hurting his stomach.

Taking a shuddering breath, Henry looked around the high-end apartment and wondered when he had last left. The past weeks had been spent cooped up in there writing music. Jiyoung, for his part, had been out most of the time doing who knew what. It was probably involving his idol life or whatever. Henry scoffed bitterly.

He didn’t even want to become an idol. All he had wanted to was to play music. Everything was just shitty. If he thought about it rationally though, there were limited chances and other people would kill to be in his position.

After all, Henry wasn’t dumb. He had seen the news and the entertainment channels and the hoards of fans that were always cheering “G-Dragon” everywhere online, in pictures, and on the television. Sometimes he even saw fans waiting outside of the apartment building. The fact that Henry was living _with_ G-Dragon put everything into perspective in terms of his musical opportunity, considering no one ended up in situations like his own.

Furthermore, Henry was being given musical freedom, free classes, free tuition, free everything, really. So why was he so unhappy? Why couldn’t he meet their expectations?

Abruptly standing up, he grabbed his hat, music player, keys, phone and train pass. Slipping his sneakers on, Henry pushed out of the apartment, breathing in deeply before striding down the hallway, phone pressed to his ear.

***

Ryeowook towel dried his hair before replacing the damp cloth back over the metal rail. Pulling the door open, he stepped into his dorm room just as his door flew open loudly. Jumping back, he stared at the pair standing just over the threshold, spilling over one another in their haste to talk.

“What?” he raised an eyebrow.

Kibum shoved them aside, looking tired. “They’re freaking out over nothing.”

“It’s _not_ nothing,” Eunhyuk snapped, “you’re cousin – G-Dragon’s personal prodigy – is on his way here right now!” He straightened up, looking at Ryeowook expectantly.

The latter frowned, crossing his arms worriedly. “It’s really late. Is your cousin okay? That doesn’t sound like a normal thing…especially if he’s supposed to be under G-Dragon’s care.”

Kibum nodded, eyes clouded with concern. “Yeah I know, I’ve been thinking about that. He’s not irresponsible, so I don’t really understand what’s going through his head. It’s about a two hour trip on the high-speed train, so he should be getting here soon. Hopefully nothing has happened.”

Eunhyuk and Donghae seemed to sober at those words. They had come over to the dorm mainly to bug their favorite underclassmen, but had come across a pacing Kibum when they got to the lounge of their floor. After the words “My cousin is coming” spilled from those lips, it was just one big scramble to see who could yell the loudest in excitement.

“I’m sure it’s fine…,” Eunhyuk tried to reassure the younger.

“He’s not running away. He’s running to you,” Donghae smiled, patting Kibum’s back, “that means he’s not being completely crazy. Maybe the pressure is getting to be too much over at SME. I’ve heard about their students having a hard time dealing with the stress.”

Kibum looked at him, warmth entering his eyes softly. “Guess that’s true.”

Eunhyuk tried to hide his smile. It was almost a little depressing to see Donghae’s obliviousness. Maybe they would have to have an intervention soon.

The bathroom door clicked open again and Ryeowook turned to see Jongwoon hovering in the doorway, just out of sight of the others. Confused, he walked toward the older male. “Is something wrong?” he asked slowly, suddenly noticing the swollen eyes and quiet sniffling. “Wait, what’s wrong?” Ryeowook hurried over, touching Jongwoon’s arms, rubbing them.

Kibum glanced into the bathroom, eyes widening. “Did something happen?” he questioned quickly.

Jongwoon shook his head gently. “No, no it’s nothing. Sorry. I…,” he trailed off, seemingly at a loss for words. “I just came in for some tissues.” He grabbed a roll of toilet paper, ready to leave.

“I’m going with him,” Ryeowook mouthed to his roommate. The latter nodded slightly, closing the bathroom door silently.

“Is everyone falling apart tonight or something?” Eunhyuk muttered.

Donghae smacked him.

It wasn’t everyday that you saw your elders crying. Watching Jongwoon shed tears was particularly off-putting, though. The dorm room was rather sparse. A few posters, a television and fridge were the only major eye-catching aspects of the room, aside from the bed and desk. Ryeowook only looked around for a second though, surprised when Jongwoon sank down on his bed, pulling the younger down with him.

His heart jumped into his throat as he sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, trying not to appear completely self-conscious. Thankfully, it seemed like Jongwoon wasn’t minding it very much. He gripped the toilet paper in one hand, the other one running over his jeans in a slow, repetitive way.

“I’m sorry, I just…I don’t do this a lot,” he sighed miserably, not looking at Ryeowook. “My girlfriend broke up with me and she was so…I don’t know.” Jongwoon took a deep breath. “She’s really harsh and cold sometimes, but also really sweet and cute to me. Just…is there something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong? Why did she end things like that?” He shook his head, waving his hands quickly. “You don’t have to answer or anything. I’m just rambling.”

“No, well, I mean,” Ryeowook stuttered, “I want to help. I can listen.” He paused. “I don’t know much about this stuff, but I know that you’re a really great person, hyung. You’re the best, really. So that girl is definitely making a mistake. Anyone who doesn’t see how amazing you are doesn’t deserve you, right?”

Jongwoon cracked a small smile, but it faded almost immediately. “She said the nicest things. She always knew what to say. But then everyone warned me too. They said she just dates to get what she wants. I thought they were lying because she was so kind. She listened and spoke sweetly.” His jaw twitched. “I’m an idiot. I’m so stupid.” He shut his eyes, laughing uncomfortably, “This is so pathetic. I hate myself for being like this. I’m supposed to be stronger than this.”

“Loving someone is special,” Ryeowook insisted, knowing that his heart wasn’t in it. How was he supposed to know anything? He had barely ever dated. He had no idea what it meant to fall for someone. Then again, looking at Jongwoon, he wondered if his RA had ever really loved the girl. Rather than talking it out, if the emotions were deep enough, wouldn’t it be much harder to talk about – especially with someone you barely met a month ago?

_You are so very far, so very far_

_Even the very small, very small trivial things make me think of you every day_

_On a far off day, a very far off future_

_Deeply sleep like it’s winter_

Ryeowook blinked, confused. Why had those words come to mind? It was the closest he had ever come to knowing what yearning for love meant. Those lines were a reflection of his only romantic notions. “Love is really special,” he repeated slowly, “even thinking that you’re in love is special. It’s not logical. It makes your head hurt. It makes everything hurt, but it also makes everything better. That’s all I know though.”

It was quiet for a long time and Ryeowook panicked, wondering if he had said the wrong thing. He opened his mouth to take back the presumptuous statement, but then he felt a soft hair brushed against his neck and shoulder. Looking down, he saw Jongwoon leaning on him, one of those small hands reaching out to hold his.

Focusing on his breathing, Ryeowook squeezed back when he felt the fingers trembling in his own. Although many things should’ve been running through his mind then, including things like Jongwoon’s well-being – none of that was prevalent.

There was really only one thought occupying his mind. _He’s not the one._

Although he had probably unconsciously figured that out already, the confirmation made it all the more real. He nodded to himself, leaning his head back against the top of the older male. Ryeowook closed his eyes. Jongwoon drew out his greatest admiration, but that wasn’t love in the special sense. There was still someone out there more perfect for him than the already perfect person he was letting cry on his shoulder.

 _Maybe I should stop looking. It’s probably better that way._ Ryeowook nodded to himself, making his decision. Love would come in time. For now, he would improve himself – become someone so perfectly Ryeowook-like, that when that destine person finally found him, he would be ready for anything.

The things that make relationships so hard, as far as Ryeowook could tell, was a lack of self. He refused to fall apart without someone in his life. There were many things waiting for him beyond that perfect person, and he wasn’t going to simply waste away the days that he was apart from that person. For now, as he had promised in that long-standing proposal, he would grow and form a solid foundation on his end of the spectrum.

 

Eunhyuk stared at the soaking wet pair standing in the lounge. They were covered in mud and debris, looking exhausted. Beside him, Kibum rushed over to the shorter of the two, a boy with a baby-face who immediately hugged his older cousin.

The other one was blinking and wiping at the mud on his cheek, eyes wandering up to Eunhyuk. Kyuhyun waved at his friend. “Hey, Hyuk. Long time no see.”

 

 


	12. 18 September 2013

 

_**18 September 2013 (12:27 A.M.)** _

Kibum slowly pushed the bathroom door to his RA’s room open. He figured Ryeowook was still there if he wasn’t in the room. His eyes fell on the pair immediately, seeing them sitting side-by-side on the bed, hands clasped together and soft voices mumbling to one another where their heads rested close together. Kibum smiled faintly, and silently shut the door.

Turning around, he found Henry waiting awkwardly outside of the bathroom connecting the two rooms. “Go ahead and take a shower. You too, Kyuhyun,” he added, walking back into his room to see the equally dirtied male shuffling around uncomfortably in the entry way of the dorm room.

“He can go first,” Kyuhyun muttered, nodding at Henry. Eunhyuk was sitting in Ryeowook’s chair, waiting rather impatiently for an explanation. Donghae occupied Kibum’s bed, toying with his phone anxiously.

Kibum passed his cousin a set of pajamas, telling him how to operate the shower before shutting the door with a heavy sigh. “Alright, can someone start talking?”

Kyuhyun cleared his throat, standing on a small square floor towel so he didn’t make a puddle. “Uhm, it’s not really a spectacular story. I kind of did it on a whim.”

“Did what?” Eunhyuk prompted, arching an eyebrow.

“Okay, so I was actually headed to a rave,” he admitted, “but on the way, I saw Henry and you know SME has his face plastered all over the bulletin boards because of G-Dragon and stuff. I wasn’t actually going to talk to him, but I saw him struggling with directions and he was speaking really broken Korean. It seemed like he was really lost.” Kyuhyun rubbed his hands into the towel he was holding. His brows were furrowed. “Anyway, when I approached him, I spoke Mandarin and he suddenly started bawling and wouldn’t let go of me. I felt like a lifeboat or something.”

“Anyway, he asked me how to get to St. Angela’s College, and I remembered something that my hyung told me. I decided that maybe I shouldn’t go to the rave tonight because I’d probably end up doing something stupid.” Kyuhyun smiled a bit, as if he were proud about that fact, “well then I thought maybe I could surprise visit you,” he look at Eunhyuk, “and to add onto all of that, I had a strong feeling that Henry was going to get lost again if I left him alone.”

They were quiet for a second. “So…you were being a good person…sort of?” Eunhyuk stated slowly. He stared at his friend, still trying to grasp the current situation for what it was. The last thing he had expected was to see Kyuhyun standing in front of him in the middle of a random school week.

“That still doesn’t explain the mess,” Donghae eyed the younger male, indicating the soaked appearance.

Kyuhyun looked down sheepishly. “Henry wasn’t watching where he was going and tripped into a flooded construction hole. I tried to catch him, but he fell in anyway, pulling me in after him. I think that happened like…right before we got to St. Angela’s. Or actually, it might’ve been one of the construction zones on your campus.” He shook his head. “It’s really dark and we took a weird path up to the school.”

Everyone stared.

“What?” Kyuhyun demanded defensively, flushing.

“I’ve just never heard of something so stupid,” Kibum shook his head.

“Agreed,” Donghae muttered.

Eunhyuk simply shook his head. He had no idea what sort of person Kyuhyun had been influenced by, but he had to thank the person. If it was keeping his best friend away from hot spots of mistakes, then by all means, he hoped that friend, or hyung, stuck around. “You made a pretty spontaneous trip.”

He shrugged. “Don’t have class tomorrow anyway.” Besides, he had been mulling over Heechul’s words. Although he wasn’t ready to give up Sungmin, he also had come to terms with the fact that his love for the man was limited. There was a cap on their affair and that limit was being reached quicker and quicker by the day. However, Kyuhyun had no idea what he would do after that. He had spent nearly every day of summer with Sungmin. What was he going to do if he wasn’t in a relationship?

Letting go of security was a lot harder than people made it out to be. Breaking up with someone was an ordeal not easily done.

The bathroom door clicked open ten minutes later, steam rolling out with a freshly cleaned Henry. He immediately beamed at Kyuhyun, looking as if he really wanted to hug the male. On the other end, Kyuhyun was smiling faintly, restrained by affectionate. They had spent a good amount of time together that night, including a lengthy train ride that involved a lot of chatting and venting on Henry’s side. The kid could definitely talk, plus, what he talked about was interesting.

Who would’ve thought G-Dragon had so many bad household habits? Apparently, Henry had all the knowledge and was innocent enough to not know that saying all of those things wasn’t good. Then again, by the sound of Henry’s speech, Kyuhyun could deduce the stress levels of the eighteen-year-old. What was it like to have SME and _the_ G-Dragon rooting for you and cultivating you?

Moreover, what was it like to _live_ with G-Dragon? Oh wait, never mind, Henry had already told him all of the juicy gossip on South Korea’s favorite idol.

“It’s all yours,” he smiled.

“Thanks,” Kyuhyun nodded, walking into the bathroom with his own set of borrowed pajamas. He shut the door and slumped, resting against the countertop. Whatever he was doing didn’t seem wrong, but it also didn’t feel responsible. Running away from problems usually wasn’t the solution, but this one time it seemed like running away actually resulted in something good, that is, seeing his best friend.

Just as he stepped into the shower, there was a faint knocking at the door. Frowning, he stayed silent until he heard the door open softly and a light and hurried, murmuring voice say, “Hey Kibum, I’m sleeping over in Jongwoon’s room. Good night!”

The person was gone before Kyuhyun could even respond.

***

Henry curled up beside Kibum. His knees were pulled up, head resting on his cousin’s shoulder. The boy’s eyes were drooping, a yawn tumbling from his mouth. “What time is it?” he mumbled.

“It’s almost one,” Kibum responded, “you can go to sleep if you want. It’s okay.”

“No, I need to stay awake a little longer,” he grouched, grabbing his phone and checking it. The redness of his eyes contradicted whatever persistence Henry displayed.

“What’s so important?” Donghae inquired.

Henry set the phone down again. “Jiyoung-hyung finishes his schedule at one,” he yawned, “and I want to call him to tell him I ran away from home so he doesn’t get worried.”

“You didn’t tell him?” Kibum’s voice sharpened.

The younger male shook his head, blushing slightly. “I was panicking,” he explained softly, “I felt constricted and I needed to get away. Since I didn’t want to leave him a message, I decided to just wait and call him when he was done working. At least he can’t be as mad at me now.”

“I’m pretty sure he’s still going to be fuming,” Eunhyuk remarked wryly.

The bathroom door clicked open and Kyuhyun stepped out, still drying his hair with a towel. His eyes traveled around the room until they landed on Kibum. “Your roommate said he’s staying over in Jongwoon’s room tonight.”

“Oh thanks,” he nodded. “If that’s the case, you can use his bed tonight, Kyuhyun. I’m sure he won’t mind at all, especially since you just showered too. That means you have to be clean.” Kibum grinned teasingly.

Snorting, the SME student shuffled over, sitting down on Ryeowook’s bed. He blinked, surprised to feel it lacking much padding. “This bed is pretty hard.”

“Ah, I think he mentioned not wanting to waste money on extra padding,” Kibum explained, “but if it’s too hard to sleep on, we can switch.”

“No it’s fine. I like it,” Kyuhyun shook his head, carefully leaning back against the wall, muscles relaxed after that shower. The sheets and soft blankets ran over his legs, making him all the more comfortable. His own bed at college was hard, so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Besides, he didn’t want to push his luck. This person, Kibum, was already being so nice.

Eunhyuk nodded to the door. “I’m heading back to my apartment later. You can come too, Kyu, if you want.”

The immediate distress on Henry’s face was answer enough. Smiling slightly, Kyuhyun shook his head. “I’ll just stay here tonight. No big deal. Besides, I’m pretty sure we’re just gonna leave in the morning,” he nodded at the younger male who seemed to settle down.

The four of them fell silent, absorbed in their own thoughts, or in Kyuhyun’s case, absorbed in what they had been talking about prior to the end of his shower. Was it so interesting that all of them were now in a state of distraction? That only increased his interest. However, seeing as how many of them didn’t seem willing to talk, he could easily figure out that they must’ve been talking about Henry’s reason for running away from G-Dragon’s home, or well, something along those lines.

Kyuhyun had heard most of that story on the train.

Suddenly, Henry jumped to his feet, phone in hand. “I’ll be back.” And then he darted out the door.

They watched the door close softly. Donghae let out a long breath, slumping against Kibum’s pillows. He looked around at the other three people in the room. “Sorry, I’m just a little tired. I can’t believe your cousin ran away because he was stressed,” he muttered, hugging a white, ball-shaped stuffed animal. “Is it that bad? I mean, it’s his dream, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know if it is,” Kibum replied absently, fiddling with the edge of his blanket. “I really pushed for him to come here and become an idol, but he’s also good at many other things. He’s really amazing and his ability to pick up new skills is unheard of. Honestly, I’ve never seen Henry this torn. Normally, he’s very easy-going. It must be terrible then.” He rested his head on his knees.

Eunhyuk nudged Kyuhyun. “You go to that school. Tell us about it.”

“Well,” he pursed his lips, leaning his head back, “I mean, it is stressful for some people, but that’s probably not why Henry is like that. He told you that he hasn’t left G-Dragon’s home, right?” Kyuhyun met blank faces. He smiled wryly. Perhaps they hadn’t been talking much about Henry’s situation after all. “Okay, so Henry hasn’t been outside in a while. He’s been writing lyrics for weeks now and today, G-Dragon looked them over and pretty much told him they all sucked and he isn’t trying hard enough.”

Kibum’s eyes widened. “Of course they wouldn’t be perfect on the first run! He’s never written lyrics!”

Kyuhyun held up his hands. “I didn’t say it.”

“Sorry, that wasn’t aimed at you,” he dismissed quickly, “I’m just…pissed.”

Eunhyuk shuffled his feet, looking around awkwardly. He and Donghae exchanged a look, laughing under their breaths. There was nothing funny about the situation, but sometimes people didn’t laugh because it was funny. Rather, the atmosphere was terrible.

***

Henry sat in the side stairwell, facing the large glass window. Beyond it, he studied the darkened buildings of brick and stone cast in the gold of lamps. He rather liked it. It felt ornate and mysterious and warm all at once. Of course, the building was creepy, but the school was very nice. The size was nothing impressive, but Jiyoung had told him about the facilities and Kibum had mentioned time and again how good they were in music composition – or at least, they used to be.

 _What if I went here instead?_ He mused silently as the dial tone droned on.

“Henry?” Jiyoung’s low, soft timbre spoke through the static.

A part of him relaxed at the sound and another part of him wanted to cry. It was a strange feeling. He was relieved and guilty, excited and dreading. Jiyoung had no idea what was going on. Henry dropped his head between his legs, mumbling a greeting.

“Mm…what’s wrong?” the calm in his voice never left, did it?

“I’m sorry,” Henry breathed.

Silence. “Where are you?”

“St. Angela’s College.”

“Are you with your family?” Jiyoung sounded more strained, as if he was holding back. Henry nodded, but then realized the man probably couldn’t see it, so he muttered out an agreement. A heavy sigh reverberated through the phone line. “I’ll be there at 6AM.”

“What?” Henry sat up. “No, it’s okay. I can just take the train—”

“—I’m not risking you,” he cut him off, sharp and cold, “you’ve already put yourself in enough danger. I’m responsible for you.” Henry didn’t say anything. Jiyoung was quiet for a second, but then said, “You’re too important to the company. We can’t let you go wandering around whenever you please, especially when you can’t speak well. I’ll see you soon, Henry.” The line clicked off.

He wanted to scream. Kick something. Compose something. Henry jumped to his feet, running back to Kibum’s room. The hallway was rather quiet – empty. His eyes locked onto the name card on his cousin’s room and he burst inside, jumping up and down.

“Paper and pen, paper and pen!” Henry was clapping his hands, eyes filled with urgency.

Kibum fumbled around, handing him a notebook and pen. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

The boy leaned over the desk, scribbling in a flurry, eyes and ears lost to whatever racket went on around him. Eunhyuk was smiling though. “He’s writing a song.”

“What? How would you know?” Donghae frowned.

He laughed. “Because that’s how Ryeowook looks when he’s writing music.”

“Ryeowook?” Kyuhyun cocked his head.

“Kibum’s roommate,” Eunhyuk lightly hit his friend’s leg, “You’re sleeping in his bed right now.” True to the statement, it seemed like Kyuhyun was sinking deeper and deeper into the bed, the blanket already pulled over him to ward off the coming chill of late September.

“Oh, Ryeowook?” he repeated, softer this time, breathing in a lungful of clean sheets and slightly sweet soap. “You know…I think I used his shampoo too,” Kyuhyun laughed and Eunhyuk hit him again.

 _Like a kitty in a cage_  
Like a puppy in a box on a plane  
Like a driver I’m stuck in this lane  
On this lane, yeah  
I can’t seem to find a way  
Like an employee on a minimum wage  
Like a broken GPS can’t locate  
  


Henry tapped the pen against paper, heart beating faster and faster. He was exploding with energy, both vengeful and pure. There was redemption in his eyes. No matter what, he wanted to prove himself. That was more important than anything else. G-Dragon hurt his pride as a musician and insulted him as a person. Or at least, that’s how Henry had taken it.

Deep down, he knew it was all for his sake and that was surely why he was writing away like the world would fall to ruin if he didn’t get those words out.

“So your roommate writes a lot of music?” Kyuhyun asked casually, peeking over the edge of Ryeowook’s blankets to see Kibum smiling softly at Henry.

Looking away from the younger, he glanced at Kyuhyun. “Ah, yes. He’s a music composition major actually. Lately, he’s been struggling with this one piece.”

“We’ve been telling him to try working on other things, but it seems like his heart is set on this one,” Eunhyuk yawned. “All he has is the chorus though. I think he mentioned something about wanting to submit it to St. Angela’s Annual Winter Concert.”

“Oh? When’s the deadline?” Kyuhyun inquired, snuggling deeper into the blankets, feeling more and more at ease the longer he stay huddled in the comfort of that bed.

“End of October,” Eunhyuk nodded.

“Can I see the lyrics? Would he mind?”

Kibum thought for a second, but then shrugged. Knowing his roommate and the problems he had been having, it probably wouldn’t hurt to let another set of eyes see the four-lines of lyrics. Getting up, Kibum walked over to Ryeowook’s backpack, pulling out the notebook he had been using to show them the words. Flipping it open to the bookmarked page, he handed it to Kyuhyun.

_You are so very far, so very far_

_To be honest I miss you every day_

_Even the very small, very small trivial things_

_make me think of you every day_

His heart beat a little faster, his tiredness slipped away just a little, and he knew then that there was something special in those words. It was odder that Eunhyuk and them hadn’t felt the power in the lyrics. They were more than just words on a page. Kyuhyun wondered if he was going crazy for thinking it, but…

Shaking his head, he reread the words once more, not saying a word as he handed it back to Kibum. The melody played in his mind, hazy and rough, but sweet and tinkling like a dream. Spring green and bright, bright yellow misted behind the lines sinking deeper into his mind. It was cooling and warm, but so very incomplete. Kyuhyun turned onto his side, slipping an arm underneath Ryeowook’s pillow, pulling it closer around him.

“Night,” he called over his shoulder. Despite that, he was wide awake, listening to that song, no, _the song_ , playing over and over again in his mind.

 


	13. Comforting Scent

 

18 September 2013

No one got much sleep that night, but at some point, Eunhyuk left with Donghae. They needed to get back anyway and waiting around for G-Dragon to show up was too pathetic. Besides, it was pretty clear no one wanted to deal with fans at 6AM.

Around five-thirty in the morning, Kyuhyun rolled over, having barely slept a wink with that incessant music in his mind. It was one thing to drown yourself in music; it was another thing to be suffocated. He sat up slowly, glancing over at Kibum’s desk to see Henry still working away. Normally, Kyuhyun could understand an artist’s need to get something out, but as he stared at the younger man, he understood that it was more than passion.

That was what someone who truly believed he could make his dreams come true…looked like. Henry had no doubts that he could succeed.

And Kyuhyun? He didn’t even know. One life, one chance, one dream – that’s what musicians and artists and entertainers always seemed to be saying. But until that moment, he swore it was all bullshit. Was that really the case though? Kyuhyun wanted to know. Right here, right now, what did he want to do with his life? Was there something he would sacrifice everything to have?

Not law. Not Sungmin. Not SME. Not money. Not fame.

They had always been stepping stones. So what did it take to have the resolve Henry had? The kid was torn to bits yesterday by the genius singer-songwriter of their generation. And yet, he was still there, fighting to prove himself in the face of rejection.

If Kyuhyun lost a court case, would he be this bent on redemption? Would he even care about the people? Would he care about his work so long as he was paid?

“Henry.”

The boy jolted. “Huh? Kyuhyun-hyung?” Henry turned around, unable to help the smile on his face.

“Why are you trying so hard?”

Henry gave him a quizzical look, as if it was the silliest question in the world. “Because,” he chuckled, “I know I’m going to succeed this time. I feel it.”

“But what if you don’t?”

“But I will,” Henry responded, grinning widely now, “and if somehow I don’t, I know I’ll succeed next time.”

“You don’t know that though,” Kyuhyun argued softly, curling his hands into the blankets. The sky was just beginning to lighten up through the cracks of their blinds. “You’re just saying that. It’s possible that you’ll fail.”

“Failing is the same as giving up. I’m not giving up, so if I fall down like I did this time, I already know that I can get back up.” He looked at the older boy curiously, “Isn’t that right? And if I don’t want to get back up, someone will come to pick me up, just like Jiyoung-hyung. He’s harsh, but honest.” Henry smiled. “And you too, Kyuhyun-hyung. Thank you for helping me when I was lost.”

He couldn’t form words. Slowly, he nodded, looking away. That confidence was envy-worthy. Kyuhyun knew he hadn’t even tried to get into music. It was his passion, but it was just a passion. He didn’t want to make it his career, right? There were so many possibilities of not succeeding. Even listening to Henry made him nervous. The kid had no sense of defeat. Kyuhyun had been raised to not overextend. He was taught to reach high enough to be comfortable, but not so high that he would destroy himself should he fail.

That logic always made sense…until now.

Kyuhyun climbed out of bed, finding his dirty clothes folded and clean on Ryeowook’s desk. There was a little note from Eunhyuk stuck to it.

_Yo, Kyu! Your clothes are all good. I have dance practice tomorrow so I can’t see you off. Call me when you’re back at school! –Hyuk_

Changing out of the pajamas, he tossed them into the hamper and then sank down onto Ryeowook’s chair. He looked around quietly, finding a pen and sticky note. Once he was done, he stuck it to the table and stood up, grabbing his shoes to put them on.

“Mm, what time is it?” Henry asked, looking down at Kyuhyun.

“Almost time for you to go. I’m gonna take the train back, so I’ll see you later,” he answered.

“Oh? Okay,” he nodded, “I’ll call you later then!” Henry stood up, hugging Kyuhyun tightly for a second. “Thank you again. I probably would’ve been halfway across South Korea if it wasn’t for you.”

He patted the boy’s back, feeling stiff and foreign. It wasn’t that hugs were new to him; rather, it had been a long time since someone had so sincerely thrown themselves at him. “No problem. It was fun,” Kyuhyun said softly. “See you later.” He ruffled the younger one’s hair and then headed out the door.

Kyuhyun was out of the dorm and walking down the stretch of road. His eyes traveled around the campus, the blue horizon setting the old building aglow. He hummed quietly to himself, hands tucked in pockets, a light hop to his steps.

***

Jiyoung leaned against his car, the driver waiting patiently with the engine running. There were many things he hated and loved about people. They could be so strong and supportive and yet so dumb and sensitive. He tapped his heel against the pavement subtly, hands in his coat pockets as he waited impatiently for his ward to hurry out of the dormitory.

Of all the places for Henry to run off to, he hadn’t really expected it to be St. Angela’s. Jiyoung smiled warily. It seemed that no matter what he did, there was something that kept drawing him back to his mother school. Perhaps that was a sign in itself.

The door to the dorm creaked open and Henry peeked out, eyes falling on Jiyoung. His face was glowing despite the early hour and the dark shadows under his eyes. The boy was holding sheets of paper in his hand. Jiyoung slowly pushed off of the car, staying where he was at the bottom of the short steps up to the dormitory doors.

In a flash, Henry was barreling into him, arms tight around his waist. The irritation that had been building up inside of Jiyoung drained. He had never experienced that before. It was odd – but not unpleasant. Before he knew what he was doing, his arms were wrapped around Henry as well, keeping the younger male close to him. Jiyoung let out a breath, surprised then as to how long he had been holding that in.

“Read this!” Henry wriggled around in the embrace, shoving his crumpled papers at Jiyoung.

The latter backed up, grimacing slightly, reluctant to release the other. Taking the papers, he opened the car door and waved at Henry to climb in.

Jiyoung sat down beside him slowly, distracted as he read over the lyrics.

 _Like a kitty in a cage_  
Like a puppy in a box on a plane  
Like a driver I’m stuck in this lane  
On this lane, yeah  
I can’t seem to find a way  
Like an employee on a minimum wage  
Like a broken GPS can’t locate  
Can’t locate, Oh

 _We started out fine, take look at us now_  
You leave me no choice and I gotta break out  
But I’m Trapped

He chuckled, lips curling up in a smile.

 _And I’m losing it I find my inner self, try to stay true to it_  
Gotta make a way out, ‘cause you ain’t true to me  
And now you’re losing me 

_We had a future and a plan  
But you don’t stick to it _

_You have changed, but I’m the same_  
  


_Prisoner, I can’t escape_  
Where do I find the strength?  
To break away from this ball and chain  
Everyday is same old same  
Like I’m locked up and it drives me insane  
Like a spider tryin’ to run from the rain  
From the rain, Yeah

Jiyoung set the paper down, looking at Henry who had been watching him expectantly. “Is this how I make you feel?” he leaned closer to him, grinning teasingly.

“Partly,” Henry admitted, “but what do you think?” His hands were curled into fists, probably to contain the excitement, Jiyoung guessed.

“If I say they’re still bad, will you punch me?” he joked, tapping the clenched hands. Henry flushed, immediately loosening his fingers. Jiyoung clicked his tongue, pushing his sunglasses up and leaning back. “They’re good.”

“Really?” he exclaimed.

“Mmhmm, they’re good, not perfect, but I really like it.” He flipped the page, finding a music score covered in edits and notes. Jiyoung’s eyes fluttered in surprise. Although he had planned to tell Henry to compose for the lyrics next, he hadn’t expected the boy to already have a head start.

“I was just playing around with a few things,” Henry explained, fumbling to pull out his phone. “I recorded the opening to the song. It’s going to be a piano.” He tapped a few buttons, increased the volume and held it between them.

Jiyoung listened, head nodding to the beat. “Your musical sense is better than your writing sense.”

“Hey!”

He laughed, pulling Henry to him, hugging the boy. “You did well,” he murmured close to his ear, “Trust me. You’re perfect.” Jiyoung planted a kiss on his head.

Henry just smiled, exhaustion sweeping over him in an instant. Closing his eyes, he leaned closer, muscles relaxing finally. The praise bounced off the walls of his mind, coaxing him to sleep like the sweetest lullaby. Jiyoung watched him drift off, lips parting before closing silently.

No. It was fine. Certain things could be left unsaid for the time being.

***

Ryeowook wandered into his own room around nine in the morning, finding Kibum still asleep. He couldn’t blame the guy. It sounded like they had a long night considering Henry had stopped by. As quietly as he could, he crept over to his desk, grabbing the textbooks he would need for his 9:30AM class that day.

Just as he skimmed over a cover, his eyes fell on a sky blue sticky note stuck to his desk. Confused, he peeled it up, reading over the note.

_Your comforting scent fills the room_

_in the flowers scattered around_

_Because I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to feel it_

_I want to take hold of even the air that you were in_

Your lyrics made me think of this. –K

 

 


	14. 20 September 2013

 

20 September 2013

Eunhyuk slumped across the table, turning his head to look at Shindong. His roommate raised an eyebrow, slurping his instant noodles. “What up, bro?” Shindong mumbled around a mouthful of ramen.

“Ryeowook is obsessed with Kyuhyun.”

“What? Have they even met?” he furrowed his brow, taking a swig of his water.

“I thought it was just a passing thing because Kyuhyun went and did something sweet,” Eunhyuk rolled his eyes, thinking about the lyrics he had left Ryeowook a few days prior, “but he’s completely crazy about his mystery music partner. Apparently it was exactly what Ryeowook had been searching for and now he’s bent on pounding out the rest of the song. He keeps perking up every time I’m on my phone as if it’s always gonna be Kyuhyun or something. I have other friends,” he grumbled.

Shindong snorted. “Sounds like a little crush.”

“Maybe,” he chuckled, “but if that was the case, I definitely wouldn’t approve.” His roommate gave him a questioning look. Eunhyuk waved his hand absently. “It’s just…I love Kyu, seriously I do. He’s an amazing guy and he’s super nice to me, but he’s a total slut. I’ve told him that before too. He just laughs it off or tries to defend himself, but it’s obvious that he has a serious problem when it comes to his emotions.” Eunhyuk paused, thinking. “What I mean is, Kyuhyun isn’t good enough for someone like Ryeowook. They don’t match each other.”

“Is that really for you to decide?” Shindong remarked, taking another bite of his noodles. The textbook next to him was flipped open and covered in highlighter. It seemed to be the same biology textbook he had been looking at before. Eunhyuk idly wondered how hard that class must be if Shindong was always studying for it. “Like, shouldn’t they be allowed to choose who they date?”

“Kyuhyun slept with two people this semester already. He has a boyfriend,” Eunhyuk deadpanned.

He choked on the food, coughing slightly. Swallowing, Shindong stared at the lanky male with wide eyes. “That fast? How can someone even hook up that fast?” he demanded.

“How should I know?” Eunhyuk shrugged, “apparently he’s hot.”

“I’ve seen his pictures. He’s pretty attractive,” Shindong agreed reluctantly, “but that’s still not good. He needs to control himself. Damn.”

He laughed, nodding faintly. “Yeah, I’m always scolding him for playing around, but lately it seems worse than before. Kyuhyun’s coping mechanism has always been…uhm, other people. He’s not good with a lot of things and he has a lot of concerns that just come out the wrong way.”

“That no excuse. He should just break up with his boyfriend.”

“He’s the only one that makes Kyuhyun happy. Or at least, that’s what Kyuhyun says,” Eunhyuk argued softly, half-heartedly. He covered his head, laughing out of sheer discomfort. “Do you see why I don’t want him anywhere near Ryeowook? The kid hasn’t even dated anyone before. He’s so innocent and Kyuhyun is the exact opposite of that. They’re on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. If they ever dated, I would never approve. I’m serious.”

***

Ryeowook sat in a daze, his nearly completed first draft playing in his mind. Most of the lyrics had started rolling out of him after receiving those four lines from Eunhyuk’s friend, Kyuhyun. It was as if the melody suddenly emerged, wanting to meet the gift of words. Every day after class he raced to a practice room and composed while writing more and more lines.

Most of the time, he didn’t realize how late it was until Donghae or Eunhyuk came looking for him. Kibum had his own things to deal with, which was fine with him. They were great roommates for the very reason that they didn’t spend every waking moment together. There were plenty of unspoken rules between them, such as no talking in the morning or finding a way to have a meal together at least once a week. A lot of the time, Ryeowook found his way to Jongwoon’s room where he had the older male help him by listening to the piece he had been pouring his heart and soul into.

Sometimes, Jongwoon would be amazed, other times he would critique, but every time, he was kind enough to lend his voice as a demo for Ryeowook to hear the song from an outsider’s perspective. Slowly but surely, the past three days had been spent in an intensive air of composition. Every night and during all of his free time, he would go to the RA and show him whatever he was working on in hopes of some sort of comment or reaction.

And it was all thanks to Cho Kyuhyun.

He had broken the block in Ryeowook’s mind. Now the music flowed free, sweet, sorrowful and oh-so beautiful. He couldn’t take credit for all of it though. That music belonged to more than just him. It belonged to whatever force had granted him the ability to grasp the threads that after being woven together, produced a sound so captivating he could barely comprehend it.

_A warm wind is blowing like it was that night_

_The flowers you lovingly planted have bloomed_

_Before I know it spring has come again_

_I still want to deeply sleep like it’s winter_

Ryeowook hummed the song, head rocking back and forth to the beat. His fingers wandered down to the piano keys, tapping out the melody. Slowly, his lips parted, the last of warm days rolling over him through the open window. The leaves were turning the color of sunset, falling away from their brittle branches. He murmured along, smiling softly.

 

_You are so very far, so very far_

_To be honest I miss you every day_

_Even the very small, very small trivial things_

_make me think of you every day_

Although he had no idea what Kyuhyun looked like, that person would always be his musical savior. It didn’t matter what sort of person he was. Somehow, he had been the only one capable of clearly seeing Ryeowook’s vision. They were in-sync, producing a song together without having met. Wasn’t that incredible? It was completely unheard of for Ryeowook. Truly, this song was proving itself to be fate.

He opened his eyes, frowning a little when he missed a key on the piano. Maybe it was the beginning of the turning gears. Fate had brought him those precious lyrics and maybe fate would bring him his precious person soon too.

 

_Your comforting scent fills the room_

_in the flowers scattered around_

_Because I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to feel it_

_I want to take hold of even the air that you were in_

His heart still sped up at those lines, feeling the strength of that stranger who knew him so well. If there was some way he could thank Kyuhyun, he would. Eunhyuk was so reluctant to talk about his friend, so that had become a dead-end of information.

Ryeowook sighed. “Maybe I’ll be able to show him the song next time…,” he mumbled, dismayed. It seemed so far off. Would he even be able to see Eunhyuk’s friend again? The odds didn’t seem to be in his favor, especially when Eunhyuk was adamantly withholding everything he knew as if he didn’t want to hand his friend over. Ryeowook didn’t want to steal Kyuhyun…he pouted, “Just wanna thank you…,” he grouched alone.

Breathing deeply, he leaned his head on the piano again, pressing the keys nearly inaudibly. “You are so very far…so very far…” _Kyuhyun..._

***

Heechul lightly smacked Kyuhyun’s arm. They were sitting on the couch of the older one’s apartment, watching the latest episode of a popular drama. Heechul was hugging a pillow, glaring at his friend. “Will you stop that?” he demanded sharply, pressing pause on the show.

“What are you talking about?” Kyuhyun frowned, rubbing his stinging arm. “You hit harder than you think.”

He rolled his eyes. “You’re humming.”

“What? No I’m not.”

“Yes you are. It’s the same damn tune you’ve been humming for like…the past three days, I swear.” Sighing, Heechul leaned back, gazing at the underclassman. “Even I’ve memorized it.” He mimicked the melody, seeing Kyuhyun’s eyes widen in recognition. “See? I’m not lying. You’ve been singing it every day for a while now.”

“I didn’t know,” he muttered, looking down, confused. Even he didn’t know where the song was coming from. It had emerged that day Henry hijacked him. He thought it would’ve died down after writing down those lyrics for Ryeowook, but someone the music had only gotten louder in his mind. It was still a broken melody with gaps everywhere, but he could hear it clearly. The song would be beautiful if it was ever completed. Eunhyuk had sent him a short text saying “Thank you so much!! – R” the same day he headed back to SME.

On another note, ever since then, Henry hadn’t spoken to him. In fact, he hadn’t heard a peep from the kid. Kyuhyun was surprised that he hadn’t thought of it until just then too. Normally, if you met G-Dragon’s little genius, you would try to stay in as much contact as possible, right?

But it had slipped his mind so easily. Kyuhyun sighed, feeling incredibly slow. Shaking his head, he got up. “I’m a little tired. Gonna head back,” he stated, grabbing his light jacket from the kitchen table.

“You sure?” Heechul called.

“Yeah, night,” Kyuhyun responded, waving as he shut the door behind him. Since being back, he and Heechul hadn’t been doing anything. Kyuhyun was too distracted and it wasn’t like he was some sex fiend. In fact, he didn’t care that much about it, but somehow, when the opportunity came up, he just didn’t say no. Did that make him an addict? Well, he did say no when the person was unattractive, so maybe that made it a little better – physically speaking. Health-wise, it probably had some major drawbacks to be sleeping around.

What was the harm though? He used protection and he was only young once. As long as Sungmin didn’t find out, then things were fine.

Those were Kyuhyun’s usual rationalities. However, he just hadn’t been feeling lonely the past few days. That song…it occupied every dark corner of his mind, bringing to life something inside of him that he didn’t know existed. It felt like it had been sitting in wait – biding its time until the right day to unleash itself.

Grabbing his phone, he dialed Henry’s number. Slowing to a stop, Kyuhyun stood still in the park on campus. The path was paved with cobblestone, large trees rustling overhead. He stood near one of the floodlights, teetering back and forth on his feet as he listened to the dial tone.

“Kyuhyun?” Henry’s voice came through, sounding surprised. “What’s up?”

“You busy right now?”

Henry looked across the small kitchen table to where Jiyoung was watching him with one of those unreadable smiles. The teen never knew how to take them. They were so unnerving and silent and deathly calm that Henry normally tried to dance around an answer until he got a slight nod or a chuckle from Jiyoung that told him he had chosen correctly. “Uhm…gimme a sec,” he mumbled, setting the phone on Hold. “My friend is wondering if I’m busy right now.”

“Are you?” Jiyoung murmured, tilting his head slightly, smile growing. “Who’s the friend?”

“Cho Kyuhyun,” Henry responded, “He’s super nice and cool. He speaks Mandarin too.”

“Ah, I see,” he nodded, “well, you can invite him over.” Jiyoung offered, standing up. He circled around, placing his hands on Henry’s shoulders, leaning over until his lips were just barely brushing against the younger male’s ear, “I don’t mind guests once in a while.”

Henry couldn’t stop the shiver that raked his body. Making a noise of understanding, he fumbled with his phone. Somewhere in the background, he could’ve sworn he heard Jiyoung chuckle as he slid his hands away. Sighing breathlessly as the older man went into the living room, Henry put the phone to his ear, saying, “If you wanna come over, that would be okay.”

“Come over?” Kyuhyun choked on air. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I got permission,” he replied, slowly calming down.

“Can I sleepover?”

Henry laughed. “That would be awesome! I’m always so bored alone.” He glanced at Jiyoung, but the latter didn’t seem to be listening. Or more likely, he didn’t care.

“Give me the address and I’ll head over.”

“Sure, I’ll text it to you.” Henry said his goodbyes and then pulled up a blank message, typing in the address and apartment number before sending it to Kyuhyun. He smiled to himself, stomach turning with excitement.

 

 


	15. 21 September 2013

 

21 September 2013

Kyuhyun arrived at the apartment – if you could even call it that – sometime past midnight. His eyes wandered around the high-class living environment, suddenly feeling incredibly small. G-Dragon was only a few years older than both of them and yet he had supported his career to this point? And Kyuhyun had a very strong feeling that the apartment was just one facet of wealth.

For Korea’s greatest idol to have one high-end apartment and nothing else was preposterous. Kyuhyun mused that there was probably a warehouse just for G-Dragon’s clothing and accessories.

Henry met him at the door, letting him in with natural ease. The boy was perfectly comfortable, walking around in his baggy black sweats and an oversized shirt. His hair was slightly messy and his feet were bare. Aside from the headphones around his neck, anyone could’ve mistaken Henry for the average high school student.

“You’re Cho Kyuhyun?”

He stiffened immediately. Turning slightly, he saw Jiyoung ambling toward him with slow and easy grace. He was dressed rather plainly, surprising Kyuhyun. However, he managed to drop his head, bowing ninety-degrees to the star. He rattled off greetings to G-Dragon in the most polite Korean he knew, not lifting his head until the idol started chuckling and calling him cute.

Blushing, Kyuhyun peeked up to see Jiyoung leaning against the wall, arms over his chest. “The SME music department has been going on and on about your voice. They’ve been saying that it’s a waste that you’re a law student,” he remarked mildly, voice low and slurred. It wasn’t the same sort of fumbling as a drunk; rather it seemed purposeful and smooth. “The professors are really frustrated.”

“I’m sorry,” he stuttered, “I…uhm, I don’t know what I would do with singing.”

“Hmm…I guess that’s true,” G-Dragon said thoughtfully, tapping his chin, “you can’t do anything with music when you have that sort of resolve.”

Henry looked back and forth between them, wondering why it felt like an adult scolding a child. Then again, perhaps he was sympathizing because that’s probably how he looked with Jiyoung. “Ah, interview tomorrow morning,” Henry spoke up, touching Jiyoung’s arm, “you have an interview tomorrow morning, right?”

The elder blinked, eyes lifting up to the ceiling for a moment in thought. “Then perhaps I should head to sleep.” Jiyoung nodded to himself, pushing off the wall. “Let’s talk again, Kyuhyun.” He smiled before turning down to Henry and kissing the boy’s cheek. “Good night,” he murmured against his skin.

And then he was up the stairs of their two-floor apartment.

“You two…seem close,” Kyuhyun remarked slowly, letting out the breath he had been very consciously holding. The air around Jiyoung had been eerily disconcerting, partly because of the sheer power he exuberated and partly because of his casual demeanor. Together, those two things seemed to be deadly. Kyuhyun had barely exchanged a few sentences with the man, but it was painfully obvious how different they really were. The small age gap had never seemed so vast before.

Henry blushed. “I guess so. I’m not sure though,” he shrugged. It was hard for him to really make any assertions when the culture was so different. He had no idea what was appropriate and what wasn’t – a fact he was sure Jiyoung took advantage of to tease him. The older male seemed to have a way of getting under his skin, speaking in tones that made him shiver and gazing at him with the blatancy of any American. He had heard that in Asia, eye-contact was impolite, but avoiding Jiyoung on any level seemed impossible and utterly wrong. Henry internalized a sigh, knowing that if he thought about this too much, it would be bad. Looking at Kyuhyun, he asked, “But what was hyung saying? Are you a good singer?” His eyes were bright with interest, his musician-side surfacing and flooding.

“Uhm, I’m alright.” Kyuhyun looked away, awkwardly. Despite the discomfort, he could feel his body itching and the only solace for that irritation was music.

“Then can you help me?” Henry suddenly grabbed the older male’s arm, pulling him toward a door adjacent to the kitchen.

“What? Where are we going?” he stuttered.

“We’re almost there” came the reply as they strode quickly over to what appeared to be a room. Henry pushed the door open rather easily. It didn’t seem to have any locks. “You see, there’s something missing in the song I composed. I was wondering what it would sound like with some back-up vocals,” he explained, nodding rather sagely, “Do you mind helping me with that? They aren’t hard lines. It’s nothing huge, so don’t worry, okay?”

Kyuhyun debated silently, fingers twitching toward the recording studio. The quality was unmatched, the glossy speakers and microphones coaxing him – begging him to love them with his voice.

And he wanted it. He wanted it more than anything in that moment.

“Just a little bit,” he swallowed.

Henry nearly burst with joy. Grabbing the music sheets, he handed them to Kyuhyun. “Okay, so I’m working on a Korean version of the song with Jiyoung-hyung. He changed the lyrics for translation purposes, but we’re also recording my English one.” He indicated the lines given to Kyuhyun, “I’m happy that the feelings are still there and plus, he approved. Can you sing by ear?”

“Of course,” Kyuhyun snorted.

“I knew you would say that,” Henry grinned, sitting down at his keyboard. Taking a breath, he began playing – soft voice rising bit by bit as the music flowed, engulfing the studio with the sweet innocence of a musician unlike any other idol in their world of glamour and pop.

Kyuhyun caught the beat, tapping his foot as he followed along. His mind was traveling further and further away, to nights with Sungmin and shallow promises and sweet, sweet hopes.

He didn’t hide anything from him. They had reconciled after their falling out, assuring one another of their endless trust. Kyuhyun had taken it as seriously as he knew how, deleting all those numbers and online contacts, erasing everyone from his life except for Sungmin and fortunately, Eunhyuk. That was part of the deal.

Kyuhyun hadn’t thought anything of it and he still didn’t think anything of it. He had nothing to hide in his phone or on his social network feeds. The only things he had to hide were his hook ups and those ended faster than they started. No one knew him at SME and he liked it that way. He could fuck up as much as he wanted or needed without any reprimands.

Guilt was nothing. As long as Sungmin didn’t find out and Kyuhyun quelled his urges…needs – then what was the problem? At the end of the night, when he was feeling gross, still tasting other people in his mouth, he felt closer than ever to Sungmin who was the greatest guy.

Who was better than Sungmin?

 _You and I,_  
We are becoming more different  
In your endless greed,  
Greed

Kyuhyun knew it was just wishful thinking though. Eunhyuk had told him off numerous times about his logic and excuses. There were limits to stupidity, just like there were limits to his relationship with Sungmin.

_I’m getting tired,  
I guess I’m dreaming alone_

  
Unfortunately, it seemed both limits had already been exceeded long ago.

 _Will you strongly shake me and wake me up,_  
Wake me up? I’m trapped, I’m trapped  
I’m losing myself,

But without Sungmin, what would happen? Would he ever find someone who would love him as much as Sungmin did? How could he give up someone who had become more than a lover? Despite everything Kyuhyun did, he still loved Sungmin at the end of the day in his own way. He trusted him. He could just be himself around him. They were the best of friends.

  
_I can’t even remember my name without you_  
Now will you let go of me from inside of you,  
Let go of me? 

 

He could let that go. If it meant dealing with being in a relationship with Sungmin, then he could do it. Besides, they had a formula that was comfortable, if not painfully boring. But was the price worth it? Was the risk worth it? Giving up his best friend because he knew they had already expired?

 

_I’m trapped, I’m trapped  
I’m trapped oh, I’m trapped yeah_

Kyuhyun clutched the paper tighter, struggling as the music tried to drown him, submerge him fully in its lyrics. He felt it closing around him, tight like a cage and darker than night, gripping him as every safety bubble popping and floating away.

 

But another song found him. One he could never release. It was soft as a spring day, sky bright blue and yellow sun dripping through the cracks of fresh flowers and greens. The cage lock broke and the constriction of darkness gave way to dawn and the little bubbles giggled all the way to the top, stringing him along like a rag doll.

 

Was that the right feeling though? Should he feel those feelings? What was right? Or rather, what was he denying?

_I want to forget you_

Because then they could break up.

_  
I want to fly away_

To somewhere that plays the spring melody over and over again.

_  
I want to let you go_

Because someone else is waiting – has been waiting a very long time.

_  
I want to be free_

To go to that place where he is waiting on that one fine spring day.

 


	16. 27 September 2013

 

24 September 2013

“You guys…can’t be serious.”

Eunhyuk fluffed his black afro wig. “What do you mean? We’ve been preparing for this,” he frowned, taxi-yellow suit shining brighter than the sun on that late September afternoon. Beside him, Donghae in a red afro was equally perplexed, ketchup colored suit gleaming and freshly ironed.

“Yeah, it’s totally killer,” he nodded enthusiastically.

The registration coordinator shook his head, “You realize there’s an entrance fee, right? College kids shouldn’t waste their money like this.”

“They aren’t wasting their money,” Kibum spoke up, “They’ve been diligently practicing everyday for this competition.”

“Well, I’m just saying that what they’re planning isn’t going to be very popular,” he muttered, shoving contestant numbers at Eunhyuk and Donghae. “They’re wasting their time.” He looked past them to the group waiting to register. “Next!”

Ryeowook was saving seats in the bleachers, waving at them as they approached with their contestant numbers proudly pinned to their lapels. “Awesome, when are you guys performing?” he asked as the trio sat down.

“Not for a little while. We’re kind of near the end,” Eunhyuk tapped the badge on his jacket, “I haven’t seen anyone with a higher number yet, so I’m guessing we’re close to last.” He glanced at Donghae who was talking to Kibum about something or other, eyes shining with excitement. Kibum on the other hand was watching him with a quiet sort of affection, nodding along and grinning here and there.

Eunhyuk nudged Ryeowook who had also noticed the intimate pair. Giggling, he rolled his eyes. “They’re so gonna get together,” he whispered.

“It’s just a matter of time,” Eunhyuk agreed, nodding.

“Did you invite any of your friends to come watch?” Ryeowook inquired, cocking his head.

“If you’re talking about Kyuhyun, he’s not coming,” he deadpanned. The younger male flushed bright red and looked down. Eunhyuk sighed, poking Ryeowook’s knee. “I know you’re super thankful for his help and all, but maybe you shouldn’t think about him so much.”

“If it was that easy, I would,” he dropped his head, looking agitated and hopelessly lost. “I can’t stop hearing it. I can’t resist the song. It plays like a broken record. It takes me places I can’t even describe. Kyuhyun gave me something that made that place possible. Without his help, I wouldn’t have anything like it…he’s an irreplaceable existence in my favorite song.”

“It sounds like you have a crush on him,” Eunhyuk pointed out.

Ryeowook shook his head in disagreement. “That’s not it. It’s not like I even know what he looks like, let alone what his personality is like. He’s part of my musical world.”

“He’s not as good as you think he is.”

“He’s perfect when it comes to music. I don’t care what he’s like as a person. The Kyuhyun who completed my song is the only one I’m concerned with.”

Eunhyuk thought for a moment. “Then…does that mean you don’t care about meeting him again?”

“Well, I would like to meet him again. We’re very compatible when it comes to music. But if you’re talking about dating and stuff, I don’t think I would want that.” Ryeowook shrugged, “You’ve told me a few stories about him and I don’t think he’s the one I’m looking for. It doesn’t seem likely.”

The older boy leaned back, tilting his head curiously. “What do you mean?” Eunhyuk removed his wig, feeling sweat beginning to form on the back of his neck and along his ears. “Is there someone you’re waiting for?” he asked casually, smiling almost teasingly.

“Actually, yes,” Ryeowook laughed, “It’s someone more important than the universe. I don’t know who it is yet, but I don’t want anyone else but that one person. I’ll wait for as long as it takes for us to meet. Whoever it is will be perfect in every way.”

“That’s very idealistic of you,” he remarked, “are you sure you can handle that sort of commitment?”

He knew it was a crazy concept and many people would judge him for it, but he couldn’t love anyone else. No one else made his heart race. No one else made sense and he would rather be alone than be with the wrong person. The only problem was figuring out who the right person was. “Yeah, I’m positive,” Ryeowook nodded firmly, smiling.

His pocket vibrated and he looked down. Pulling out the device, Ryeowook tapped the screen, seeing a new message from his older brother. Youngwoon had been pretty good about giving him space, only texting him once every week or so.

**Youngwoon: Hey, I’m gonna come see you during your homecoming week. Siblings and stuff come then, right?**

**Ryeowook: Yeah! It’s October 5-7. We can have fun!**

**Youngwoon: Do you need anything?**

**Ryeowook: No, I think I’m okay. Just food!**

**Youngwoon: Alright. By the way, I’m also bringing my friend, Leeteuk. You remember him right? He’s just gotten out of the army and he said he wanted to see you.**

**Ryeowook: Teuk-hyung?? Waaah! That’s so exciting! Okay, I can’t wait to see you two! Is your fiancée not coming?**

**Youngwoon: She’s working. I’ll see you soon then, kiddo.**

“Someone exciting?” Kibum bumped his roommate’s shoulder, smiling.

“My brother and his friend are coming to see me for homecoming week,” Ryeowook responded, tucking his phone away, “That’s pretty exciting.”

“You’re close to your sibling?” he grinned.

“Yeah, he’s my idol. He’s also the family jewel. Everyone has high hopes for him, but if anyone is practically perfect, it’s definitely my brother.” The male was laughing, eyes shining warmly.

Kibum nodded faintly. “I got you. He must be really amazing for you to talk about him like that.”

***

Kyuhyun fidgeted in his seat, phone in hand. He sat outside of the SME University President’s office, waiting to go in for the meeting he had been informed about the day prior. It had been completely unexpected and at first, Kyuhyun had nearly blown it off as another mass email about some important academic event or otherwise. They usually were those types of messages, to be fair.

The last thing he had expected was to read a personal message from the President, telling him to come see him that afternoon. Kyuhyun had already dug through the recesses of his brain, searching for a reason that this man would want to see him. Had he done anything wrong? As far as he knew, he was a perfectly decent law student and he had yet to skip a significant amount of classes. Even then, was it worth bringing him to someone as busy as the President?

He sighed, pushing his phone back into his pocket after silencing it. Tapping his foot, he leaned back and crossed his arms. There simply was no explanation.

His phone vibrated. Looking down, he found a message from Sungmin. His boyfriend hadn’t been to visit in a while since their schedules were so hectic, but apparently he was already on his way up to SME. Kyuhyun grinned, opening up a text message.

**Kyuhyun: Hey, what time will you be here?**

**Sungmin: Around 2. I’ll be in your dorm room <3**

**Kyuhyun: <3 **

Well, there was something to look forward to. He could spend the whole weekend bumming around, eating, and cuddling with his favorite person. As much as he complained and thought about breaking up with the older man, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The doubt always lingered in his mind.

What if he couldn’t find someone better? What if he broke up with Sungmin, only to realize that no one else exists who could match him? Maybe Kyuhyun was being too rash. After all, he was still young. So maybe in the future there would be even less chances to find a suitable partner in life. Besides, how many people could actually be kinder and funnier and sweeter than his current lover? The possibility of Kyuhyun succeeding in his search was slim.

“Cho Kyuhyun?”

He stiffened, head whipping up. “Yes?”

The secretary smiled and nodded for him to come inside. “The President will see you now.”

Kyuhyun nearly rolled his eyes, fighting off the anxiety clouding his mind. It really was frustrating. He was mentally exhausted and physically shaky. Without thinking about it, his fingers continued to drum against his upper thigh, finding the rhythm of that song. He smiled slightly, shoulders relaxing minutely.

The second door inside the office opened to reveal an inner chamber. A single large window let in light behind the dark wood desk. Dark brown leather warmed under the sun’s rays, making the throne-like chair seem less intimidating. Seated on the rather expensive leather chair was the President, his smile careful and kind, despite the sharpness of his eyes.

“Good afternoon, Kyuhyun. Thanks for coming in,” the President nodded at him to sit down.

Leaning against the bookshelf was G-Dragon, his sunglasses pushed out of his face and his phone in hand. The man glanced up and grinned, waving slightly. “Hi.”

“Hello,” he bowed to both of them, voice cracking ever so softly. “Uhm, I’m sorry to get to the point, but what am I doing here?”

“Ah, yes, yes,” the President sat back down, nodding understandingly. “G-Dragon informed me that you helped Henry Lau with his recent demo. I listened to it and with G-Dragon’s recommendation, I would like to offer you a full scholarship into our music program and we plan on using your voice in the official version of Henry’s song. You will be paid for the contribution as well.”

Kyuhyun pulled his jaw up, swallowing thickly. “Could…could you repeat that?” He licked his lips, palms sweating as he tried to digest the information. No way. There was no way. How did something like this happen? The whole recording was just for fun. He hadn’t even tried very hard. Besides, Henry had promised that it wasn’t going to be used for anything official, right? Or maybe he remembered that wrong. Kyuhyun curled and uncurled his hands, attempting to scrub the sweat forming off of his skin.

“—so what do you think?”

He blinked. Shit. He hadn’t been listening. Sitting up straight, Kyuhyun turned from the President to G-Dragon who was watching him coolly, the calm depths of his eyes unnerving – almost challenging. It was as if he was daring Kyuhyun to take the risk. He was asking him what the big deal was and why he couldn’t just take the path handed to him. There were barely any strings attached, so why hesitate? All G-Dragon wanted to do was give those talented ones an opportunity to succeed and fuel their passion.

Kyuhyun could practically hear his heart beating. Could they hear it? His heart beat faster at the thought and he internally cursed. “I…I’m a law major,” he finally said, rigid and awkward.

“Yes I know,” the President chuckled.

Kyuhyun flushed, clearing his throat. “I mean, I’m thankful but…”

“If you’re worried about succeeding,” G-Dragon cut in softly, arms crossed slackly over his chest, “I know you’ll succeed because I’m the one training you. There’s no way for you to fail.” He spoke so easily, sounding perfectly confident as if the mere notion of Kyuhyun failing was absolutely silly.

He sighed under his breath. “But it’s not stable, is it? I can’t rely on it my entire life.”

“Ballad singers can last a very long time,” the musician murmured, smiling without a hint of nervousness, “And you’ll of course be trained in other aspects of the entertainment business, such as variety shows. That’s easy enough, isn’t it? You would have a good personality for it.”

Kyuhyun almost let himself get excited, but he quickly extinguished that naïve hope. Shaking his head, he laughed uncomfortably, “Sorry, I just don’t know how well you know me.”

“I’ve never been wrong about talent,” G-Dragon returned, nodding to the President, “and he trusts me. So why not give me a shot, Kyuhyun? Henry believes in me, too.”

He was quiet, thinking about his parents and their reaction. Would it really go well? How would they respond to this news? Then again, they always knew he loved to sing, so would it really be a shock? Kyuhyun internally scoffed. No. His parents already had a very clear picture of his personality.

“Kyuhyun, you don’t have to answer right now,” the President suddenly spoke. He was watching the young man closely, fingers clasped in front of him on the desk. “There’s still plenty of time until you have to decide on your major. The door is open. However, the most important thing right now is that we have you sign this form.” He pushed a piece of paper toward Kyuhyun. “It’s asking permission to use your voice in Henry’s song.”

“Oh,” he nodded slowly, dazed. Picking up a pen sitting in a container of identical writing utensils, he pressed the tip down, signing his name. Compared to changing his entire life in the blink of an eye, giving his voice away was barely anything.

Smiling again, the President bowed slightly to the boy. “Whenever you make up your mind, feel free to come by or tell G-Dragon. Although I would like to say there is no pressure on you, I cannot say so with a clear conscience. Your talent would be wasted if you stayed with law. However, that is my opinion, so please think seriously about this offer and make a proper decision.”

“I will,” Kyuhyun nodded his head softly, fiddling with his fingers. “Thank you for the opportunity as well. I promise to give it careful consideration and get you an answer by the end of the week.”

“Understood,” G-Dragon murmured, dark eyes flickering before disappearing behind large sunglasses. He pushed off from the bookshelf, headed to the door. “I have to get to a meeting, but I’ll see you soon.” Bowing once more, he left the office.

Not long after, Kyuhyun followed suit, stumbling slightly as he tried to understand what was going on. There were plenty of ways he imagined his first semester of college going. This was not one of them. He could call up Henry and yell at him, but what good would that do? The kid was probably already drowning in stress. He could call Eunhyuk, but he already knew that his friend was at a dance competition all day. They could talk tomorrow or something.

The only one left was currently headed toward his dorm room.

***

Ryeowook cheered loudly from the audience as Eunhyuk and Donghae took the stage. He glanced at Kibum to see his roommate chatting with a group of people sitting beside them. Curious, Ryeowook leaned over, catching his roommate’s attention.

“Ah, sorry, have they started?” Kibum asked, adjusting in his seat to face the makeshift stage.

“Are you gonna introduce us?” one young man prompted, nudging Kibum. The latter blinked, looking back and forth between Ryeowook and the crowd.

“Oh, well after the performance,” he offered, grinning as the music blared through the speakers. The audience members and judges seemed perplexed for a moment as Donghae took center stage in that bright red suit, dark eyes gleaming under the sunlight. Kibum clapped his hands, silently cheering for the handsome older man.

The audience immediately caught onto the rhythm, cheering and laughing until they were keeling over. Ryeowook cupped his mouth, fanchanting like any respectable K-Pop fan. He was laughing hysterically between shouts, checking to see if Kibum was snapping pictures – he was, of course.

“They’re hilarious!” one of the boys exclaimed, slapping Kibum on the back. “Oh my god, I don’t know how we’re going to compete with that.” Ryeowook grinned at that.

Slowly but surely, everyone was screaming those beautiful words “Oppa, Oppa” by the end of the performance, every eye in the vicinity focused on them. To think for even a moment that they would fail was horrible in itself. A song like that was meant for stardom and teasing…mostly teasing though.

Cheers echoed everywhere as Donghae and Eunhyuk waved and bowed, picking up their stuff to move off the stage. They were still wearing their afros by the time they got back to the stands, sunglasses gleaming. Ryeowook stifled another laugh, jumping up to hug them. “That was great! I can’t even tell you!” he cried, hearing their warm voices near his ears as he continued rambling.

“Hey, you guys were unbelievable!” Eunhyuk looked up, letting go of Ryeowook to high-five the strangers Kibum had been talking to. Donghae joined in and Ryeowook just smiled, listening to the praise being thrown at his friends.

One of them glanced at Ryeowook, his round dark eyes warm as he offered his hand. “It’s nice to meet you. You’re Kibum’s friend right?” The young man had his black hair swept up from a sweet face. He stood a head taller than Ryeowook, yet he still appeared to be rather bashful.

“Yeah,” he nodded, grinning wider, “I’m his roommate. My name is Ryeowook. Who are you?” He took the hand, surprised at the comfortable grip. Although there was such a size difference, it didn’t seem to matter.

“Hyungsik,” the much taller male responded, smiling. “You go to St. Angela’s right?”

“Ah, you knew?” Ryeowook laughed. “Do you?”

“Yeah, I’m a freshman too. I’ve seen you going to class before,” he admitted.

“I’m surprised,” he blinked, “I should be able to remember someone so tall and handsome.” Ryeowook stared up at him, a twinkle of teasing there.

Hyungsik covered his face faintly, embarrassment riddling his features. He opened his mouth to say more, but then one of his friends clapped him on the back. “How long are you gonna hold his hand?” the friend muttered near his ear, smirking.

Releasing Ryeowook immediately, Hyungsik shoved his snickering companion. “Shut up,” he grumbled, cheeks pink. Glancing back at the slightly confused Ryeowook, he smiled, “It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah! We’ll talk more next time,” he nodded, taking Hyungsik’s hand again, squeezing it encouragingly, “Good luck!” Ryeowook let him go and headed back to the stands, settling down beside Kibum who had his arm around Donghae, head bent over secretively as he chatted with the other.

Eunhyuk sat down in front of Ryeowook, leaning back on the latter’s legs. He looked up at the younger and pointed toward the group of males they had just been talking to. “These guys are pretty awesome from what I’ve heard. They’re very popular around here.”

“They go to our school?”

“Yeah they do. They’re actually planning on auditioning for a company soon, I heard.”

Ryeowook’s eyes followed Hyungsik, a small smile playing on his lips. “He’s cute,” he remarked off-handedly, nodding toward the person he was watching.

Eunhyuk grinned. “As long as you’re crushing on someone who isn’t Kyuhyun, I’m all for it.” That earned him a hard smack.

 

 


	17. 28 September 2013

28 September 2013

Kyuhyun took a deep breath, head dropping. “You know what, just forget it.”

“No, I want to talk about this,” Sungmin argued, gripping his boyfriend’s arm. They lied in bed together, Kyuhyun’s roommate gone for the weekend. Outside, the blinds were drawn, blocking out the late afternoon sun spilling through the cracks. As usual, they had spent their time indoors, away from the rest of the world, cuddling and watching movies like an old couple.

Not wanting to spoil the evening, Kyuhyun hadn’t brought up the issue with G-Dragon and SME. He had been fully prepared to say something to Sungmin, but when he saw him…things just went too fast. Soon they were touching and holding and whispering because Kyuhyun hadn’t felt someone’s warmth like that in a long time. This person actually cared about him, unlike all those bodies he clung to on lonely nights. All of the bitter thoughts he had about Sungmin prior to their meeting again faded faster than light, simply because when they were together, he was too happy to care about their problems.

While in the moment, why did he have to worry about the future? Just gazing upon this man who clearly adored him, despite all their relationship’s dysfunctional quirks, was enough to cease the storm of indifference.

However, the weekend was ending for them soon. Tomorrow morning, Sungmin would be driving back to school. After the hype of seeing one another again wore off, Kyuhyun had decided to bring up the most important issue at hand.

“Look, I’m not saying that you can’t,” Sungmin squeezed the younger one’s wrist, “will you look at me?”

“We’ve been talking about this for at least an hour already. I really don’t want to argue anymore.”

He sighed. “Please, just hear me out. Really listen, Kyuhyun. That sort of lifestyle is really difficult. Being a musician isn’t steady and stable. You could be on the street anytime. People in the entertainment industry always make promises like G-Dragon did, but how many of his trainees are actually going to be successful? Not all of them can make it. Have you thought of that?”

Kyuhyun stared down at his blanket, tracing the weave of the maroon material. “I have,” he ground out, trying to keep himself contained, “but is that really so important?”

“Yes it is!” Sungmin cried, as if it was obvious.

“Why?” he snapped, glowering. “Why is it so important? I’m only going to be young once. They’re practically begging me to train with them. Don’t you know how much I love singing? That’s the only thing I really like. Am I supposed to just dismiss it because of fear?”

“It isn’t fear. It’s being realistic. Not everyone is supposed to be a celebrity or entertainer.” He shrugged and smiled sympathetically.

Kyuhyun shoved off his arm, wanting to scream at the pity he saw in his lover’s eyes. If Sungmin didn’t believe in him, then who would? “You’re supposed to support me. Why can’t you do that?”

“Because I don’t want to give you false hope like those people,” Sungmin stated patiently.

“You don’t believe in me that much?” He spoke quietly, eyes narrowed with hurt. Kyuhyun ignored the flood of guilt pouring over Sungmin’s features. Scooting slightly away, he turned his head back down. “Look, I’m not going to say that I’m some prodigy. I know I’m not Henry Lau or G-Dragon. I know that I’m not an amazing musician. But my voice is the best. There’s no one else that sings a ballad as wonderfully as me. G-Dragon and SME’s President both agree that I have something special and I’m willing to pursue that…I think. Or at least, I’m not dismissing it yet.”

Sungmin exhaled as if exasperated with the whole world. Leaning back against the headboard, he folded his hands. “I can’t give you my support when there’s a chance you’ll fail. It’s better to live a life that’s safe and just enjoy those times when you can indulge in your passion. Living for your passion is dangerous. Eventually, that passion will burn too much and destroy you. I don’t want to see that happen.”

“But all you do is talk about my failures. I don’t think I’m going to fail. Henry told me what he thinks every time he fails or someone tells him he’ll fail.” Kyuhyun chewed his lip, feeling oddly childish. “Failing is the same as giving up. And if I don’t want to get back up, someone will come to pick me up.”

“Who?” Sungmin demanded flatly, “Who is going to pick you up?”

“Someone,” Kyuhyun retorted, black eyes cold as he glared at the unrelenting male, “a friend, a colleague, a mentor, maybe even a stranger. If my passion burns brightly, then someone will notice if my signal fire goes out. I’m not going to give up if I go this way. There is no career that’s fool-proof.”

“Whatever,” he shook his head, “I don’t even know why we’re arguing about this when you’ve made up your mind.” Sungmin climbed out of bed, grabbing his clothes and getting dressed.

“What are you doing?” Kyuhyun frowned, sliding over on the bed.

“I got a call earlier when you were getting us food. I forgot to tell you since we got into this whole mess,” Sungmin waved his hand vaguely, looking tired as he did so. Tugging his pants on, he zipped them up. “My professor sent me an email asking if I could come in early tomorrow to help him sort through some files he needs for a new research project. I have to head back.”

“Alright then.”

Sungmin stared at Kyuhyun. “Don’t give me that.”

“What?”

“That pissy attitude,” he shot back, fingers curling into his wrinkled shirt. “I’m not leaving you behind. I just need to go.”

“Okay, whatever,” he muttered, pulling out his phone.

Sungmin gritted his teeth, yanking his shirt on. “Fine, be like that. I don’t care.” He stopped by the door, though. Turning around, he walked back over, leaning down to gently kiss Kyuhyun. “I mean, I don’t care about your attitude. I care about you. I love you,” he murmured softly, “…I’ll text you when I’m home.”

Kyuhyun didn’t say anything, simply nodding. He bit his lip as the door closed. Quickly, he dialed Eunhyuk’s number.

A moment later, there was an answer. “We won the competition!” Eunhyuk exclaimed through the receiver.

“Oh, that’s awesome. You recorded it for me, right?” Kyuhyun grinned, leaning back. His heart was slowing down, relaxing at the sound of his best friend.

“Ah, we did. Come and spend the weekend with me sometime! Actually, there’s homecoming week on October 5 through the 7, so just come then,” Eunhyuk explained, “It’ll be a blast.”

“Really? That’s okay?” He was already checking his calendar, making sure to leave that space open. St. Angela’s wasn’t his dream school or anything, but he was also quickly learning that dream schools aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Sometimes they fall short, proving to be different from all the brochures and what you believed were intensive research and scouting sessions.

There is no way to assure success or failure. No one can be fully prepared for something they have yet to experience and Kyuhyun understood that better than anyone he knew. It seemed like all of his friends were perfectly content where they were, so why couldn’t he be happy at SME? Sure, this recent development with G-Dragon was making things better, but after a little over a month of going to school, he had come to the conclusion that the people sucked, the professors were shit, and the parties were overrated.

All he wanted was to find a way to be happy. That would mean no more loneliness and late nights of studying and thinking about ways to end it all. He didn’t want to go scavenging for warmth every night. So why couldn’t he just be happy? Why couldn’t Sungmin just make him happy all the time?

“It should be fine. I have plenty of room in my apartment.”

“By the way,” Kyuhyun swallowed softly, “I…got offered a full scholarship to the music program at SME. They heard my singing on Henry’s new demo and G-Dragon recommended me for the program.”

Eunhyuk was quiet for barely a second, before Kyuhyun had to rip the phone away from his ear, wincing at the screaming. “Holy fucking shit, Kyu!” he breathed enthusiastically, calming down, “Do you realize how amazing that is? Are you going to take it? Congratulations!”

“You don’t….you don’t think it’s stupid?”

“What? Why?” he snorted. “You love singing and you’re ambitious. I’ve never seen you passionate about anything else. Plus, what’s the worry? If you get free tuition, it’s not like you’re wasting anything. And if you decide that you don’t want to be a singer, then you can just go get that law degree. There are lots of old lawyers.”

Kyuhyun couldn’t stop the smile forming on his lips. “I love you.”

Eunhyuk laughed. “Love you too, Kyu. But why don’t you sound more excited?”

“Sungmin basically told me that it’s stupid and I’m gonna fail,” he deadpanned, shaking off the irritation that came with repeating the statement. “I get where he’s coming from, really I do. But…it’s just aggravating. I don’t want to deal with it. He’s just throwing mud in my face. He doesn’t believe in me.”

“Maybe it’s because you guys don’t have the same viewpoint on life,” Eunhyuk offered, clearly practiced in this topic of conversation, “I mean, Sungmin isn’t really showy. He wants simplicity. You’re not…simple.”

Kyuhyun grimaced. “I know that, but…he’s just the person I’m with. When I’m with him, I’ll be with him.”

“Unless you’re cheating on him,” Eunhyuk remarked.

“Well, yeah,” he sighed, “anyway, you think I should do it? I have the rest of the week to think about it, so there’s no rush…but I don’t know.”

“You’re being hesitant for no reason. You live for your passion. You have one life. Why play it safe and be rich, when you can play the game you want to play and be fulfilled? Isn’t that a better option?”

Kyuhyun was quiet. He pressed his lips together, thinking carefully. There were a lot of things he needed to consider, or well, _should_ consider. However, he also knew very well that he was already sold on the decision. He didn’t want anything else more than the ability to sing for the rest of his life. Nothing else brought him joy like singing could. Wasn’t it too stupid to just give it up?

“So how are you and Sungmin?” Eunhyuk broke his thoughts.

“Same as usual,” he mumbled, “volatile and bumming. But it was nice to see him.”

“I guess that’s good to hear?”

Kyuhyun cracked a smile, adjusting the phone in his hand. “I’m not sure if I’m ready to break up with him yet. We’ll see.”

Eunhyuk heaved the heaviest sigh Kyuhyun had probably ever heard. In fact, it was probably more like a groan of anguish. He tried not to laugh, knowing full well how disapproving Eunhyuk was of everything he and Sungmin stood for in terms of romantic relationships. They were a fucked up mess of lies and distrust and dependency. But how do you break that?

“You know,” Eunhyuk began slowly, “if you don’t plan on being together forever, then why are you still dating him? Is there any merit in that? You’re driving full-speed toward a brick wall. Things won’t be pretty when they end.”

Kyuhyun played with his blankets, looking around the dark and empty dorm room. There were sounds of people partying down below, but he ignored them. “That’s probably true, but what can I do? It’s better than being alone.”


	18. 4 October 2013

4 October 2013

Jiyoung sat in his living room. The evening had settled in just a few minutes ago, sun disappearing behind buildings that glowed brighter and brighter with their artificial fluorescence. He flipped through his fan letters, reading each of them before setting them aside in a shoebox already puffing up with folded notes. His gaze flitted down to where Henry sat on the floor, carefully cutting out something. Colorful paper surrounded him, all in different shapes and sizes.

“What are you doing?” he murmured mildly, raising an eyebrow when the boy looked up with a bright grin.

Henry shuffled around, picking up a few things before turning to show the older male. “They’re decorations!” He waved the paper pumpkin and witch’s hat. “Aren’t they cute? I thought we could put them up around the apartment.”

“And why would we do that?”

“Because it’s _Halloween_ , duh,” he rolled his eyes. “We have to get spirited! It’s always so showy in this place. It would be nice to have some homey stuff!”

“Well we can just go buy some stuff. You don’t need to waste time making decoration,” Jiyoung dismissed, leaning forward, picking up a string of purple and black rings linked together.

Henry frowned. “No! Making them is fun. There’s no reason to spend money. C’mon, join me!” He scooped up the supplies, dropping them on the coffee table. Pushing the box of fan-mail aside, he sat down next to Jiyoung. “Look, make a pumpkin to start and we’ll see if you’re good enough to do more complicated things.”

“You’re underestimating me.”

“Well, with your attitude, I didn’t think you’d know how to make crafts,” he shrugged, eyes glinting teasingly.

Jiyoung fought a smile. Picking up a pair of scissors, he began cutting the orange paper. “This is child’s play. After we’re done here, I’ll show you how to make a scarecrow.”

“What?” Henry’s choked.

“Scarecrows, Henry,” he spoke in his soft voice, smirking faintly, “don’t tell me you don’t know?”

He flushed. “Of course I know!” Dropping his head, he went back to work on his black bat cut-out. It was a rare night of quiet relaxation. Although preparation for the album was still underway, they had secured a more concrete schedule which meant less nights staying up and trying to squeeze the last bit of creativity out of his brain. At the very least, he was being given the evenings off or the days off – no more double shifts of working.

Furthermore, Jiyoung was spending more time at home. It seemed like he was on a vacation of sorts. However, he didn’t say much to Henry about it. The younger male had a hunch something was going on with his caretaker, but he wasn’t positive. It was obvious that Jiyoung could come out with a new song anytime, but for some reason, he was delaying.

It couldn’t be from a lack of interest. Henry had woken up in the middle of the night plenty of times needing to relieve himself, only to find the light still on in Jiyoung’s bedroom. The sound of his humming would lull Henry right back into a state of sleepiness. Despite all of the man’s strange quirks, there was something amazing about him. His music sense was incomparable and Henry wouldn’t have settled for anyone less than him.

There was a sharp knock at the door then. Henry jolted out of his thoughts, getting up to answer it. Unlocking the door, he pulled it open, seeing Kyuhyun standing there.

“Are you here to get crafty?” Henry asked slowly, confused.

Jiyoung’s laugh could be heard coming closer. He leaned over Henry, holding the door open as he smiled slowly at Kyuhyun. “Cutting it close, aren’t you?”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I just couldn’t decide what to do. But I know now. I’m very sure that I want this.” Kyuhyun gazed back steadily at G-Dragon. He pushed a signed Academic Major Change Form in the musician’s face. “Please give this to the President for me.”

G-Dragon took it lazily, swinging an arm around Henry’s shoulders. “Will do. We’re making decorations. Wanna join?” He tilted his head, smiling as he waved a cut-out pumpkin around.

“I’ll pass,” Kyuhyun made a face, much to Henry’s chagrin. “I need to meet a friend right now, so I’ll see you later.” He waved at Henry and bowed to G-Dragon. With that, he jogged off, disappearing down the hall quickly.

“He seems flustered,” Henry remarked, brows drawing together in concern.

 “Really? He seems more put together than normal.” Jiyoung shut the door.

***

Ryeowook listened to the heavy thumping on his dorm room door. That was disconcerting. Frowning deeply, he stayed on his bed, going over the lyrics and musical score of his song again. It would definitely be ready for submission. However, what was bothering him more was the incessant banging at his door. Every now and then he heard giggling, so clearly it wasn’t a threat, but that didn’t help his nerves.

A normal knock broke through the mess of sluggish thuds. “Who is it?” Ryeowook called.

“Kibum. I forgot my keys and I brought over Hyungsik too,” he responded through the thin door.

Immediately, Ryeowook shot to his feet, scrambling to unlock it. “I’m sorry—” a shrill scream burst from him and he stumbled back, being tackled by a grotesquely masked duo. Ryeowook laughed and screamed at the same time, squirming under the fingers tickling him. “Stop! Stop! Please s-stop!” he gasped.

The pair backed off, grabbing Ryeowook’s ankles instead. They dragged him full speed toward the open door where Kibum was holding up his phone, recording the entire thing. A grin was stretching across his face. Ryeowook cried out, pulling at his shirt which struggled to ride up. “No wait!” he shouted, rolling and struggling despite the tight grips, “I’m seriously getting rug burn! Don’t pull me!” Ryeowook yelped, snatching the edge of a door, clinging to it desperately.

“You’re the sacrifice,” Donghae grunted behind his deformed mask, tugging on his friend harder.

“Yeah, Wook, stop being a stick in the mud,” Eunhyuk added, pushing his blood splattered plastic mask up. Sweat was forming on his forehead, cheeks red. “We’re trying to celebrate and you’re ruining all the fun!”

“It’s not even close to Halloween!” he retorted loudly.

“Whatever,” Eunhyuk scoffed, prying Ryeowook’s fingers off the door frame. He nodded at Donghae. “Pull, fast!”

The younger male choked on a yell, focusing on keeping his shirt down as they unceremoniously dragged him into the lounge. Ryeowook was panting as they let him up. Glaring at them, he opened his mouth to start yelling, but from the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a familiar face.

“Uhm, hi,” Hyungsik smiled uneasily.

Kibum knocked the back of Ryeowook’s head. “Told you I brought him over.”

He glowered at the smiling man. Anyone who fell for that sparkling grin was definitely a fool. Kim Kibum was no angel. He was a mischief-making brat. Taking a deep breath, Ryeowook dusted himself off and stood. “Hi,” he smiled at Hyungsik, “sorry, I swear I’m not normally like this.”

“Oh bullshit!” Eunhyuk hollered, “You’re always being picked on.” He swung an arm around the younger man’s shoulders, ruffling his hair. Pulling off the mask, Eunhyuk tugged it over Ryeowook’s head. “C’mon, we’re all gonna go terrorize the villagers.”

“What?” he managed, struggling in the head-lock. Looking up, he finally noticed that everyone was dressed in shades of black. Frowning, Ryeowook pushed away from Eunhyuk, standing upright. “What’s going on? Are we really going out right now?”

“Well not this second,” Donghae corrected, “we’re actually going to go after midnight when people are drunk and stumbling around.”

“Then why is everyone here?” Ryeowook eyed him warily.

“Scary movie night, obviously,” Kibum rolled his eyes playfully, slouching down on the couch. He pointed at the flat screen mounted to the wall. “It’s the first Friday of October! Our dorm floor plans to watch scary movies every weekend this month.”

“I’ll pass,” he started back to his room, only to feel two arms snake around him, lifting him up. Crying out, Ryeowook felt his feet leave the floor and his body slam unceremoniously down on the other couch. His head thumped against rough denim. Looking up, he saw Hyungsik peering down at him. Blushing brightly, Ryeowook fumbled to pull himself together. “S-Sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

The tall male just smiled, laughing quietly. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. My friends are pretty bad too.”

“They’re somehow still fun, I suppose,” Ryeowook sighed, touching the mask still sitting atop his head. Looking up at Hyungsik, he grinned. “It’s been awhile. How have you been?”

“In the past week?” his eyes glinted with humor. “Classes are the same as always. I’m actually going to be auditioning for Temptation of Wolves.”

“You too?” Ryeowook’s eyes widened. “That’s awesome! I’m auditioning this Tuesday for Jung Taesung.”

“Really? I want Haewon,” he laughed, “maybe we’ll be able to perform together.”

“If you two want to keep talking, go to a different room,” Eunhyuk interrupted, flicking the lights off as the film started.

Eerie music blared through the speakers and Ryeowook jumped. Hyungsik gave him a small smile. “Are you scared?”

“That’s a severe understatement. I’m really bad with horror movies,” he admitted, scooting closer to the taller boy without thinking. His fingers itched to latch onto something, preferably a pillow or a blanket. The chill from the open windows behind him sent shivers racing up the back of his neck. Abruptly, Ryeowook felt a fluffy blanket tossed at him. Pushing it aside, he saw Donghae wink at him before climbing under his own shared blanket with Kibum. A very aware part of Ryeowook blushed and internally drowned in embarrassment.

Hyungsik tugged the blanket over them, keeping his distance politely. “You don’t mind, right?” he tilted his head curiously.

Ryeowook shook his head, burying his face in the soft warmth, trying hard to ignore the heat of the person beside him.

***

“Hey, don’t come this weekend,” Kyuhyun spoke into his phone as he filled his backpack with clothes and toiletries.

“Why, what’s up?” Sungmin asked, sounding confused.

Kyuhyun put the phone in speaker, trying to figure out a way to fit everything he needed. “I’m going to visit Eunhyuk.”

Sitting on his bed was Heechul who had yet to stop his fervent texting. It had been going on for several hours already and Kyuhyun was beginning to wonder what was up with the older male. In fact, he had been acting pretty strange for the past two weeks or so. Heechul didn’t normally talk about his feelings too much. Most of the time when they met they just watched dramas and ate; but if they were stressed, a quick fuck usually did the job. However, recently they hadn’t even been doing that. It was rather quiet with both of them sitting in the same room with the television on. Their minds caught in different places and their fingers speeding through mobile internet and messaging.

“Ah, tell him that I hope he’s doing well! Have fun, okay?”

“Will do,” Kyuhyun responded, “Love you. Bye.” For some reason, that was the moment Heechul decided to bolt upright. Surprised, the younger of the two looked up, his eyes widened, “Something wrong?”

“Love.”

“What?”

“Love. What does that mean to you?” Heechul stared at him, muscles tensed, expression drawn. He clenched his phone tightly. “That’s not a word to be thrown around. It’s not high school love. It’s something deeper than that. Love is powerful and painful. But what is it to you, Kyu?”

“Where did this come from?” he tried to laugh it off, heartbeats quickening at the demand. Even though he knew it should be Sungmin who appeared in his mind, it wasn’t. Instead, that melody found its way into his mind. The beat was strong and enticing, dragging him closer second by second. Kyuhyun still wondered if that song would be finished. When it was, would he be able to hear it?

Heechul leaned back against the wall, still tensed. “Just answer.”

He gazed at him for a long moment, hands pausing in their rolling of clothes. Shaking his head slowly, Kyuhyun shrugged and lowered his eyes to the backpack. “I don’t know. I guess love is about wanting someone more than anything else in the world – more than food and water, more than money and a house. True love is dying rather than watching the person you love die. And if you both really love each other, you would end up dying together because you couldn’t live without the other.”

The room was quiet.

Kyuhyun flushed. “At least say something!” He quickly started packing again, not wanting to let his words hang in the air any longer. It had come out in a flood of thoughts and feelings he hadn’t even been aware of.

“I’m leaving.”

“What?”

Heechul was watching him calmly, seriously. “That person is leaving SME and so will I. The person I’m in love with is going back to China to open up his own dance studio. I don’t want to be apart from him.” His voice was even and steady, eyes never leaving Kyuhyun’s. “I’m going to graduate early this winter and after that I’m moving to China. I already have connections over there, so I’ll manage.”

“Why…are you telling me all of this?” He spoke more softly than he originally thought, but it didn’t matter. Heechul had heard him just fine.

The smile that graced the senior’s lips was almost pitying, but mostly tender. He took one of Kyuhyun’s hands, pulling the younger male close. Heechul pressed a kiss to his cheek, lingering as he spoke, “Because this is the kind of love you just described.” Pulling back he released Kyuhyun’s fingers. “I once told you that if he accepted me, I would never touch another person. Well, he still hasn’t accepted me, but somehow I don’t want anyone else to be near me like that. If it isn’t him, it isn’t worth it. I hadn’t realized that until after he told me that he’s leaving. …Since then, I haven’t been able to think about anything else. That’s why I wanna know what you’re doing with your boyfriend.”

Heechul took Kyuhyun’s silence as encouragement to keep talking. “You didn’t choose the same college as him. You don’t mind being apart. You don’t mind sleeping with other people. It’s because there are so many things more important to you than Sungmin. Having a good education and supporting yourself in the future is prioritized over love. What kind of love is that, Kyu? You told me not five minutes ago what love means to you and I’m watching you fake a relationship for who knows what. Is being alone so bad? Is it worse than wasting these precious years running full force toward the person you actually love?”

“I don’t actually love anyone right now,” he blurted, pausing briefly before going on, “what am I running at? I don’t even know the destination.”

“Yes you do!” Heechul slammed his hand down on the bedspread. “You do know.”

“I don’t know who I’m supposed to be with. All I know is that Sungmin makes me happy. He’s a great friend and person. If we could just be that, I wouldn’t mind. But he doesn’t want to be just friends. He needs to be a lover and if that means I get to keep him, that’s fine!” Kyuhyun took a breath, not realizing how hard he was breathing. Swallowing, he dropped his gaze once more, carefully placing his clothes and necessities into the backpack again.

Heechul sighed, low and heavy. “You’ll never be with the right person if you cling to the wrong person. Instead of screwing around like this—”

“—Are you really one to preach?” he snapped, the very foundation of his thoughts shaking. “I can do whatever I want. It’s college. I’m not gonna fucking sit around waiting for someone to come for me. I wanna have fun. That’s what college is all about.”

“It doesn’t have to be about that.” Heechul shook his head. “College can be anything you want it to be.”

“Please just stop. I’m tired.” Kyuhyun rubbed his head, zipping up his backpack and flopping down on the bed. Closing his eyes, he silently listened to Heechul get up. The older male was quiet in his departure, contrasting his explosive behavior mere moments ago. Kyuhyun was used to it though. If anyone knew how to rush in like a tornado and leave everything in disarray – it was definitely Kim Heechul.

One moment, he was lusting and wild. The next he was preaching about love and sincerity. It was a whirlwind of emotions that just didn’t bode well with Kyuhyun. He slowly opened his eyes as the door to his bedroom clicked shut.


	19. 5 October 2013

5 October 2013

Cars filled with families drove through the front gates of St. Angela’s College. The sky was clear and blue, warm sun clashing with the autumn chill that had already begun to roll through the campus. Trees were only beginning to change shades, losing their deep green sheen. The lawns were manicured, their curbs running directional banners to parking. Balloons and ribbon bows curled around lamp posts, swaying in the breeze as they welcomed children and adults alike to Homecoming Weekend.

Youngwoon blanched at the large gates, steering his glossy black car around the curving driveway leading up to the school. “Seriously, it’s way too pretentious.”

The slim man sitting in the passenger seat just chuckled. His hair was black and feathery, crescent-shaped eyes glinting with amusement. A dimple pressed one corner of his smiling mouth. “Don’t be so mean. It fits Ryeowook, I think.”

“Being pretentious?” he cocked an eyebrow.

Leeteuk slapped his shoulder. “Stop it. You’ll hurt his feelings,” he chuckled, eyes wandering out the darkened windows. There were already games set up all around campus, as well as refreshment carts filled with different drinks and snacks. Mascots of different animals walked around with advertisements hanging from their necks and balloons in their covered hands. “Are any of those their school’s mascot?”

“Nope.”

He laughed, covering his mouth as a bunny waved at their car. Rolling down the window, Leeteuk stuck his hand out, waving back. Youngwoon immediately snatched his friend’s wrist, yanking him back inside.

“Oh my god, why are you so embarrassing?” he grouched.

Leeteuk just laughed harder. “That bunny was so cute! C’mon, don’t be so moody.” He smiled at Youngwoon. “I know you’re excited to see your little brother. He’s always had it hard after all. If I was his brother, I would be worried about his well-being too.”

Sighing, Youngwoon turned into the parking lot. “He just has a habit of feeling more than thinking. Everything he says and does is honest, even at the risk of losing his family. Teuk…you know better than anyone how good a kid Ryeowook is.”

“That’s why you should calm down. He’s fine. If he wasn’t, he would’ve already called you crying or showed up at your doorstep with his little backpack, sobbing and begging to resign from college.”

They climbed out of the car, walking toward the dorm. Families passed them and proceeded forward by them. Music blared through the speakers from the stadium and the garden, sending the waves rippling through the campus. Youngwoon spotted Jongwoon standing outside of the dormitory. The RA was handing out fliers of some sort, chatting with various people who passed by.

Their eyes met and Jongwoon quickly bowed, flashing a smile. “It’s good to see you again,” he greeted, before turning to Leeteuk and bowing once more. “Very nice to meet you. Ryeowook told me all about his older brother’s best friend. I’m glad your military service went well.”

“Oh, thank you,” Leeteuk smiled easily, returning the courtesy. “Youngwoon went on and on about how great Wook’s RA is, so you must be him.”

Jongwoon nodded, looking slightly flustered. “I’m so happy to hear that.”

Youngwoon shoved Leeteuk who stumbled. “You’re so loud all the time!” he snapped, ignoring the male’s amusement. “Anyway, where’s the kid? He should be here to greet me properly.”

“Ah, actually…”

 

Kyuhyun yawned as they left the dining hall. The festivities had been growing more and more raucous with each passing hour. Although Eunhyuk had warned him about the excitement of Homecoming Weekend, he hadn’t really expected so much random entertainment. Everywhere he looked, there was something going on or food being served. The air stank like a county fair.

His eyes trailed around at the people he had eaten lunch with. They were all very easy to get along with and they still remembered him from last time. There was Kibum – who he thanked again for letting him stay the night, and Donghae – the guy Kibum clearly wanted to get with, Shindong – Eunhyuk’s roommate, and Siwon – an RA of Kibum’s dorm. They had introduced themselves as floormates, though they didn’t seem particularly close to the group of friends Eunhyuk had formed. Then again, watching Kibum, he could see that the guy had a knack for making friends. More and more, Kyuhyun wished he had dragged Henry along with him. The kid probably would’ve had fun.

Then again, perhaps G-Dragon would’ve refused to let him go. That seemed a likely response.

“Hey Kibum,” Kyuhyun called. The man in question turned around, slowing his pace until they were working side by side. “I forgot to ask earlier. Did your roommate finish that song?”

“Oh Ryeowook?” he grinned, “Yeah. After you helped him out a little, he wrote like a madman for days on end. He’s putting the final touches on the song.”

“Do you think he’ll let me hear it later?”

Kibum paused, looking rather uncertain. “Well actually, he has to help with Homecoming Weekend since he’s part of the Theatre Club. That’s why he couldn’t hang out today. Also, tomorrow he told me that he’ll be out all day with his brother. How long will you be here?”

“Until about six in the evening tomorrow,” Kyuhyun responded, seemingly depressed by the news. “I really wanted to meet him this time. His song has been stuck in my head ever since,” he admitted with a slight smile.

“Wow,” he laughed, “I’ll be sure to tell him that. He’ll probably freak out from the compliment.”

“Is it a compliment?” he blinked, “It’s the truth.” Kyuhyun looked around. “Then maybe I’ll see him tonight back at the dorm?”

Kibum’s brow furrowed. “I thought Eunhyuk wanted to take you to local club. He’s been raving about how he’s wanted to see this DJ perform for the longest time and you’re the only one who actually enjoys clubbing, you know, aside from Donghae.”

Disappointment rushed through him. Well, that certainly sucked. He had never felt so dismayed before. It almost felt like rejection – almost. Only one person had ever really rejected Kyuhyun, but he didn’t like thinking about it. She was part of a shaky past he’d rather never revisit, if possible. Only during those dark moments when he felt the world shaking beneath his feet, did he dare open up those doors again.

Brushing off the discomfort, he sank back into conversation, attempting to forget both his rising memories and the words Heechul had spat at him the night before.

The scolding on love hadn’t been to deaf ears. He had heard them loud and clear, knowing full well that he was stupid for continuing to be with Sungmin. It was the same argument over and over again. They were trapped in an endless cycle.

Looking up, Kyuhyun saw his group chatting with one of the mascots. It was a cow, with big black eyes and pink cheeks. The costume was clearly one or two sizes too big. Around the person’s neck was a dry-erase board. Tied to waist was a belt holding various colored balloons, all of them bouncing against his back, tugging upward as if trying to drag the poor mascot off the ground.

“Well looks like I was wrong,” Kibum laughed, struggling to contain himself. He waved at Kyuhyun to come closer. “This is my roommate. He’s currently stuck helping the Theatre Club as an entertainer.”

Ryeowook swatted at the male who ducked and latched onto Donghae. A muffled voice came through the bulbous head piece, but nothing was discernible. Shoulders sagging, he flipped his dry-erase board around and scribbled furiously despite the taunts Eunhyuk and Donghae kept throwing at him.

“I think he looks cute,” Siwon remarked, smiling pleasantly.

“You’re saying that because you have to,” Donghae dismissed flatly, pulling on Ryeowook’s floppy tail. A sharp kick to the shin forced him away. Pouting, he wrapped his arms around the younger one’s waist, resting his head on his shoulder.

“I am not! He’s very cute!” the older male argued.

Ryeowook flipped his sign around, pushing it at them to read.

_All of you are jerks!_

_Go away!_

Without further ado, he swiveled and stomped off, Donghae still clinging to him. The older man whined, holding on with all his might as Eunhyuk and Kibum collapsed against each other in laughter. Kyuhyun watched the pair walk off, wondering how he should feel.

That odd person in a cow suit was Ryeowook – the creator of his favorite song, the writer of lyrics that played games with his soul, the composer of a musical score he knew without knowing.

What a horrifying disappointment.

***

The sun was setting quickly over the brick buildings. There was barely anyone else in the music wing, most of them off to dinner or elsewhere. Ryeowook tossed his sign onto a prop table in the practice room. It had been turned into a club preparation room just for Homecoming Weekend. A piano sat by the window, dust particles floating in the haze of orange and red light.

Ryeowook let out a long sigh, his face drenched with sweat. He tossed the cow head into a bin labeled: WASHING. There were several other animal heads already there and he wondered just how many of his club mates ditched out on their duties halfway through the day. Had he been the only feel to stick with it until the end of activities?

Ripping off the black mittens, he stretched his sticky fingers, wiping them on the furry suit. Reaching around, he tried to undo the ties on the back of the outfit, only to realize that his arms were too stubby and restrained. Struggling, he gritted his teeth and swung his arm back, yelping in pain when he felt his elbow crack. Dropping his arms, he rubbed his sore joint and sat down on the piano bench.

“Ryeowook?”

He lifted his head, smiling faintly when he saw Hyungsik walking toward him. The tall boy was wearing a Theatre Club shirt, a black apron tossed over one shoulder. “Oh hey,” he greeted, getting back on his feet, “How was your shift at the smoothie stand?”

“There were a lot of thirsty people,” Hyungsik answered wryly. He gave Ryeowook a once over before coming closer. “Do you want some help with your suit?”

Nodding a bit too quickly, Ryeowook shuffled around and showed his back to the other male. “I was trying to reach the ties, but I couldn’t get to them…,” he blushed, “sorry I’m so sweaty. I was working in this suit all day.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he shook his head, running his fingers over the surprisingly tight knots. “Hmm…that’s strange. It looks like they got tangled at some point. I think we’ll have to cut them. Do you have any scissors?” Hyungsik looked around the room, grimacing when he saw it was barren. When Ryeowook shook his head no, the tall one nodded. “Alright, just hold on. I’m going to go look for some. Be right back.” He flashed the desperate mascot a smile. “I promise I’ll be quick!”

“Okay…,” Ryeowook mumbled sadly, slumping back down on the piano bench.

Hyungsik disappeared out the door. Barely thirty seconds of silence had passed before he found himself turning toward the keys in boredom. There was nothing he could do anyway. His phone was back at the dorm and the only thing he had to occupy his time was the piano in front of him – not that he minded.

Ryeowook licked his lips, flexing his fingers before letting them rest against the cool white keys. His shoulder relaxed, eyes closing softly as he played out the slow melody. In the smallest, purest of voices, he sang.

_A warm wind is blowing like it was that night_

_The flowers you lovingly planted have bloomed_

_Before I know it spring has come again_

_I still want to deeply sleep like it’s winter_

_You are so very far, so very far_

_To be honest I miss you every day_

_Even the very small, very small trivial things_

_make me think of you every day_

Kyuhyun twirled a t-shirt in his hand, pushing open the door to a building marked: Music Department. He hadn’t expected to lose the others while playing that game. They said they were only going to jump in the moon bounce, but when he got over there, they had already disappeared. Glancing down at the t-shirt he had won, he wondered if it was really worth it.

Lifting it up, he shook it a bit and studied the size. Frowning, he let his eyes skim over the design of a music note bouncing down a staircase made of piano keys. Rainbow streaks curled out of it, spiraling down until it disappeared into the blue fabric of the shirt. “This is too small for me,” Kyuhyun muttered, crumpling it in his hand once more as he ventured down the hallway, searching for someone who might be able to tell him where he should go.

Eunhyuk had texted him saying that they were eating at the café instead of the dining hall. Stupidly, Kyuhyun had agreed to meet them instead of having someone come pick him up. The school wasn’t that big anyway. It couldn’t be super difficult to find anything.

_Your comforting scent fills the room_

_in the flowers scattered around_

_Because I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to feel it_

_I want to take hold of even the air that you were in_

Kyuhyun slowed to a stop, ears picking up on the soft music lulling through the hallway. There were only a few open rooms in the building’s main floor. All of them seemed to be practice rooms. Was there really a student working right now?

_You are so very far, so very far_

_To be honest I miss you every day_

“Is someone there?” he called, footsteps short and silent as he neared the room. His heart was beating, responding to the song. It was a bit different from what he normally hummed, but the resemblance was uncanny. That was _the_ song.

Abruptly it stopped and there was the sound of shuffling. Kyuhyun quickened his steps, catching the edge of the doorway just as messy brown hair and a smooth pale nape disappeared beneath a furry mascot head. He stared at the familiar cow suit, feeling a mixture of emotions. A part of him was still as horrified as earlier, but another part wanted to laugh, while yet another part drowned in frustration.

“You…You’re Ryeowook, right?”


	20. Sunset and Knots

5 October 2013

Slender fingers gripped either side of the cow head which tilted in question. Kyuhyun couldn’t stop a smile from crossing his lips.

Moving closer, he studied the cow-clad musician. “I’m Eunhyuk’s friend, Cho Kyuhyun.”

Almost immediately the cow head slammed down even more firmly than before, making Kyuhyun jump in surprise. Ryeowook was shaking his head vigorously.

There was no way this was him. This was _the_ Kyuhyun.

He stared at the breathtakingly handsome man through the bleary eyeholes of the mascot mask. Despite slight distortions, Ryeowook could make out the male’s face, his dark eyes and his elfish smile clear as day. Those curling lips promised mischief, tugging at the rest of his features to fill with an unimaginable allure. He wore a black cardigan over his plain blue v-neck, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Dark jeans hugged his long legs, creasing at all the right places.

Ryeowook couldn’t stop staring and for the first time that day, he was extremely thankful for the damn cow suit. The very thought of taking it off now and appearing in front of someone like Kyuhyun made him sick. His face suddenly felt extra sweaty and flushed and lips more swollen and red than before. His brain was already chastising him for forgetting the gloves. His fingers probably looked clammy and blotchy.

“Thanks for letting me use your bed last time. I didn’t get a chance to say so,” Kyuhyun remarked, deep voice like the darkest honey, rich and tantalizing. He was watching Ryeowook closely, almost as if he was trying to see through the thick layers of faux fur and plaster.

Ryeowook simply nodded in reply, unable to reply without taking off the head.

A flicker of annoyance rippled the depths of his eyes. “Can you still not take off the costume?”

He shook his head in response.

Circling around Ryeowook, Kyuhyun reached out, tugging on one of the tangled ties. “How did this happen?” He snickered. “Here, sit down. I’m good with knots.” Before the masked male could explain anything, Kyuhyun already pushed him down on the piano bench. Going down with a grunt, Ryeowook felt the handsome man’s foot press down on the edge of the bench. Tilting his head back, he saw Kyuhyun sitting on the large windowsill, leaned over his back working at the twisted cordage.

Gulping, Ryeowook sat stiffly in place, barely breathing as he firmly held his helmet in place. A million thoughts swarmed his mind, sending alarms blaring. He was probably drenched with sweat. His tank top had probably been soaked through and his skin had to be red and unsightly. The first person to see it would be someone like Kyuhyun. Of course that’s how fate worked.

He wanted to crawl under a rock. Then again, Ryeowook tried to convince himself, why did it matter? It wasn’t as if he wanted to impress this man. From Eunhyuk’s stories, he had already pinned Kyuhyun as an unworthy candidate for a romantic relationship. Furthermore, it didn’t seem like the guy wanted anyone, emotionally speaking. Ryeowook felt himself calming down at the revelations, nodding silently in the darkness of the cow head. At least it made more sense now. That is, why so many people were willing and eager to sleep with Cho Kyuhyun.

The man was gorgeous. His face and body were ideal by all popular standards and his _voice_ …Ryeowook tried not to think about it.

“First knot done,” Kyuhyun pushed the ties apart, grinning as he started on the second one. “I heard your song earlier. It’s my favorite, actually. I hum it all the time back at school. Hopefully you found something useful in the lyrics I left you. I just couldn’t get them out of my head and I need to share.” He picked at the tight knot, hooking his nail into the loop before pulling bit by bit.

Ryeowook didn’t say anything at first, still fearing a bad impression. They sat in silence for a painstakingly long minute before h gave in and carefully tipped his helmet up – just enough to speak. Cool air rushed up through the crack where his nose and mouth peeked out. “Thank you. You inspired me to finish it.”

Kyuhyun nearly stopped working, fingers fumbling. He tried to shake off the sensation, but that voice…it had entered his mind and refused to leave. Although soft and short, the voice was clearer than any crystal and purer than any bell. It was porcelain if porcelain could speak…an angel if angels descended from Heaven.

“So you’re speaking now?” he teased, pulling himself together.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.” Ryeowook felt another knot loosen, the suit beginning to slip along his mostly bare shoulders.

Kyuhyun gazed down at the thin white neck, muscles and bones leading his eyes down to the curve of his shoulders and back. A tight black tank top clung to his sweaty skin, outlining the sharpness of his figure. There was a faint flush spreading across his upper back, pulsing with warmth. Blinking, Kyuhyun shook his head, looking to the last two knots on the suit.

Neither of them was twisted. Tugging both of them loose slowly, he watched the hideous cow suit fall away. The black and white fur slid off his shoulders, exposing his slender waist and slight frame hidden behind the clunky outfit. Lean muscles drew lines down his arms, every contour perfect…promising. Kyuhyun let his fingertips run along Ryeowook’s slick shoulders, pushing the suit lower, eyes roaming the expanse of his backside.

The touch was feather light, but Kyuhyun felt the slim body shiver. His chest thumped in response, throat rapidly drying up as if he had never touched someone’s bare skin before. Forcing his hands away, he let them drop on the bunched up fur where the suit rested at the crease of Ryeowook’s elbows.

“This material seems really heavy. How did you survive in it all day?” Kyuhyun managed hoarsely, clearing his throat. He played with the coarse exterior.

Ryeowook had lost his own voice somewhere in there, coughing a few times before forming words. “I don’t really know,” he laughed awkwardly, his body feeling even more heated than when he had been suited up. Quickly getting to his feet, he ignored the guilt and regret that rushed over him at the feeling of Kyuhyun’s hands falling away. “A-Anyway,” he stammered, “Thanks for helping me with my…uhm…outfit.”

“Sure, no problem,” Kyuhyun chuckled, standing up as well. He didn’t meet Ryeowook’s hidden gaze. “Actually, could you tell me where the café is? Eunhyuk told me to meet him there, but I wasn’t sure where to go.”

“Oh, that’s just down the road. If you go out the front door of this building, walk straight ahead until you reach the dorms and then take a right. It should be inside the Student Union,” Ryeowook explained in a rush. It didn’t matter though since Kyuhyun wouldn’t have been able to process most of it in his current state of mind anyway.

Nodding slightly, the handsome young man finally lifted his gaze. “Why aren’t you taking the helmet off?”

Surprised, he stayed quiet but then softly said, “My face is all sweaty and blotchy. I don’t want you to see me.”

Kyuhyun stared at him. Walking forward, he placed his hands over the smaller ones that had been holding onto the helmet constantly since the beginning of their conversation. “It’s not polite to hide your face. I don’t mind,” he murmured, feeling like he might actually explode if he didn’t see Ryeowook. His entire body felt like it was boiling, arms and legs trembling in a way he couldn’t fathom.

“But…”

His fingers pressed harder into the helmet. “Please…let me see you,” he nearly pleaded; his deep voice breathy and close to exposed lips. The warm air rushed across Ryeowook’s cheek and jaw, feeling like just a little push would—

“Hey, Ryeowook, I got the…scissors…?” Hyungsik paused in the doorway. His friend’s exposed back faced him, a taller male holding either side of his head and leaning down as if to— “Sorry, am I interrupting something?”

Kyuhyun dropped his arms reluctantly, fingertips lingering against the back of Ryeowook’s hands. Straightening up, he met the confused person’s gaze. They exchanged silent greetings before Kyuhyun’s eyes flitted back down to the still masked man. Once again dropping his head, he spoke by Ryeowook’s ear, “Next time, no hiding, okay?” He smiled devilishly, that twinkle of teasing flashing in his dark gaze.

“Y-Yeah, next time,” Ryeowook agreed, breathlessly.

“You’re not interrupting,” Kyuhyun finally said as he headed to the door, passing by Hyungsik, “Sorry, I already untied the knots.”

The moment he was gone, Hyungsik came toward his friend who had finally removed the helmet. “Are you okay? Who was that?” he inquired, concerned.

“Cho Kyuhyun.”

Hyungsik touched Ryeowook’s face gently. “You’re really red. Were you overheating in there?”

To that, he didn’t know how to properly respond.


	21. 6 October 2013

6 October 2013

Ryeowook lied on top of his blankets, staring into space. It was just past midnight and he had been dumb enough to wait until then to do his laundry. From somewhere on his desk, the alarm he set blared, jolting him upright.

Aching and dazed, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed, shutting off the phone alarm and pushing his furry slipper on. Stretching as he walked, Ryeowook grabbed his laundry basket and headed out into the hallway.

Immediately after he had gotten out of that cow suit – with Kyuhyun’s help – he had gone back to his dorm to find his older brother and Leeteuk waiting for him in the lounge. They had been chatting with Jongwoon all day, apparently. That was odd on many levels, but Ryeowook was still too frazzled from his earlier meeting with his musical soulmate to really take note. He couldn’t describe Kyuhyun in any other way. Music made sense to them and together they were capable of producing a song.

Whether or not he felt anything romantically speaking, there was no denying the attraction from both sides. Being together with him – barely touching at that – sent electricity coursing through his body in a way that left a lingering mark as if they were both grasping opposite ends of a live line. It made him shudder just remembering the sensations.

Crouching down, Ryeowook started pulling his clothes out of the dryer, smiling at the warmth and fluff. Sighing, he reached for the last shirt buried in the back and pulled it out. He paused then, a smile stretching across his face as he saw the blue shirt. It had a music note bouncing down a staircase made of piano keys. Rainbow streamers twirled out of the design.

_“Do you have everything you need?”_

_Ryeowook looked around the room, his sports bag slung over one shoulder. He was still sticky with sweat, but once he got back to the dorm he could take a shower. “Yeah, I think so.” His eyes wandered over the cow suit once more where it lay like a dead skin in the washing bin._

_“Wait, what’s that?” Hyungsik asked, picking up a wrinkled blue shirt sitting on the windowsill. “Did that person, Kyuhyun, leave it behind?”_

_“Oh, yeah, I think so. Can you call Kibum? I’m sure he’s with him. I’ll ask if they want us to return it.”_

_Kibum picked up almost immediately, asking where they were. “I’m still with Ryeowook, but he says he has to go back and shower first. I’ll come now though. By the way, is Kyuhyun with you?”_

_“Kyuhyun?” he repeated, “Yeah, hold on.”_

_There was static and then a deep voice, asking, “Yes?”_

_Ryeowook took the phone. “Hi, this is Ryeowook. Sorry for calling suddenly. I think I found your shirt. Did you leave one behind?”_

_It was quiet for a second and then he chuckled. “It’s mine, but it doesn’t fit. It might fit you though. Do you want to keep it?”_

_He studied the shirt one more time, unable to deny that he thought it was rather cute. “Really? That’s okay?”_

_Another laugh. “Yeah, keep it.”_

_“Thanks!” Ryeowook suddenly noticed how wide his smile was, the aching of his cheeks a dead giveaway. Trying to control his facial features, he nodded. “Alright, then I’ll see you later.”_

_“See you, Ryeowook.”_

He dropped his face into the blue shirt, hiding the maddening blush racing across his cheeks. The way he had said his name made his knees weak. How anyone could be attracted to someone else so quickly – so swiftly, was beyond him. It wasn’t because of who Kyuhyun was though. That much Ryeowook was certain of. He didn’t even know him.

However, denying the sense of attraction was absurd. His heart beat faster just imagining Kyuhyun’s face and voice.

Then again, he hadn’t been able to see him again as promised. His brother had whisked him away after his shower. If it wasn’t for Leeteuk at dinner, it probably would’ve looked more like an interrogation than a nice family reunion. After dropping him off back at the dorm, Youngwoon had already declared they would be spending all day together tomorrow. For him, that meant being up by 8 AM and out the door by 8:30 AM.

Standing up, Ryeowook lugged the laundry basket back to his room. Just as he entered the room, his phone vibrated, ringing angrily. Setting down the basket, he pulled it out, checking the caller ID before answering, “Kibum? What’s up?” His roommate has said he was going to a hookah bar that night, so why was he calling?

“Hey, can you help me out?”

***

Kyuhyun ran his hands down the slender male’s shoulders, hips flush with a needy back. The lighting obscured much of the person’s features, casting shadows and stark lights across his tank top covered skin. He let his eyes skim across the lithe muscles, dissatisfied.

The person was attractive, no doubt, but it wasn’t what he was looking for. This one was too thin, arms too long and small. His neck didn’t hold the same allure, the trail of his spine protruding a bit too much as it led the eye lower and lower. Kyuhyun blinked slowly, placing his hands on the stranger’s hips, grimacing at the narrowness.

Ryeowook’s hips were slightly wider. His neck was stronger from singing, his arms more fluid with muscle. A hand pulled down on the back of Kyuhyun’s hair, leading him down to the twisting stranger’s mouth. He spoke against the taller one’s ear, voice soft and breathless but also accented wrong and too broken. “Wanna get out of here?”

Kyuhyun barely registered the question, feeling strangely down. The music was good. His partner was good. Eunhyuk wasn’t making a fuss since he was partying with his long awaited DJ. Looking around, Kyuhyun wasn’t surprised to find his friend chatting with said DJ in the booth. They were disappearing and reappearing with the flickering strobes, but it was obvious everyone was having a good time, including Donghae – wherever he was.

Everything was perfect that night. The skies had been clear. Their entry into the club was speedy and the people were decently attractive all around. Kyuhyun literally could not ask for more. The fact that Eunhyuk was even keeping out of his business for the night was a gift in itself. He hadn’t expected his friend to be understanding, then again, Eunhyuk did have a hands-off policy. Rather than stopping Kyuhyun, he preferred to let him make his own choices, good or bad. After all, it wasn’t his life to control.

“Uhm, sorry, I’m here with some friends, so I can’t go,” Kyuhyun muttered back. He had no idea why he was making up excuses. This person wanted to get in his pants. They were offering themselves for the night. Why not take it? No one would know. Hell, they would never meet again, so what was the big deal?

_It’s not the same._

“I hear they have nice bathrooms,” the stranger responded, letting his lips run along Kyuhyun’s jaw.

Well, fuck. Shaking his head softly, he dug his fingers into the male’s hip, pushing him harder against his body. “I’m not that kinky,” he smirked, grinding softly into the wanting male.

He laughed. “Maybe I can change your mind?” His lips were inching closer to Kyuhyun’s own, hovering hot and tempting near him.

The strobe lights rushed across the male’s face and all the lust drained from Kyuhyun’s body in a way he had never experienced. It wasn’t because he was unattractive. No. He was decent, very decent. But that wasn’t the face he wanted to see. That couldn’t be the right face. It wasn’t the right body either. The voice was completely wrong. The movements were off, the hips awkward in his hands. The frame was too slime, the hair too fluffy. Kyuhyun felt himself getting lightheaded from the rush of wrongness.

The ass pressed into his crotch suddenly ground back hard, pulling him out of his thoughts. A hand slipped between them, running along Kyuhyun’s zipper, cupping the space between his legs coaxingly. “Are you nervous?” the person teased, squeezing, “Don’t worry, I like innocent tops.”

He needed to get out of there.

Kyuhyun pushed the stranger away. Slipping through the throngs of sweaty clubbers, he found his way to the front door and shoved it open, staggering onto the sidewalk. He ignored the confused looks of the people standing in line, waiting for entry. Instead, Kyuhyun gasped for air, breathing in a lungful after lungful of sweet, sweet oxygen. His mind cleared almost instantly. For some reason, it felt liberating. The open outdoors made him want to grin like an idiot.

_Next time….that’s what you said, right?_

Checking his watch, Kyuhyun started running. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered in that moment. Sungmin didn’t matter. Neither did Heechul and his preaching, or Eunhyuk, Donghae, Kibum, that guy with Ryeowook.

But Ryeowook did matter. He didn’t understand why.

It was like that damn song. The way it got trapped in his head, strumming a melody so addictive he couldn’t let go of it. Ryeowook was the same way. Kyuhyun had no idea why he wanted to see his face so badly. Maybe it was to put two and two together? Give a face to his favorite song? Whatever it was, it drove him forward.

St. Angela’s wasn’t very far, probably a ten minute walk from that club. Running back cut the time and distance in half. His legs and lungs were burning as he raced up the incline toward the dormitory. There were drunks bumbling around, video recording each other and laughing hysterically as if they had heard the funniest joke. Barely anyone else was out at two in the morning and the ones who were out had no business without anyone but themselves.

Just like Kyuhyun.

He was panting as he rang the doorbell of the locked dormitory. The person at the front desk buzzed him in and he pulled the door open, striding inside as calmly as he could. No one gave him a second glance, figuring probably that he was just a freshman who forgot his key before going to party. That was the likely story.

Taking the steps two at a time, he began grinning to himself, wondering how crazy he must look. His body was pumping with adrenaline. Why was it so important to see him? What created this urgency? He couldn’t understand himself at all.

Kyuhyun slowed to a stop, standing outside of Ryeowook’s room. He stared at the chipping wooden door for a long time, catching his breath. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he knocked.

Nothing.

He knocked again.

Silence.

The next door over creaked open and Jongwoon peeked out. He and Kyuhyun locked gazes for a brief moment before the RA stepped out into the hallway. “Are you looking for Kibum or Ryeowook?” he inquired.

“Uhm, Ryeowook,” he mumbled.

“He told me earlier that he had to go run an errand,” Jongwoon responded, lips pursing, “I thought he would’ve been back by now. He left a little after midnight. Do you want to check their room?” He nodded into his own room, “We share the bathroom after all.”

Kyuhyun thought about it for a moment, but then shook his head. “No, it’s alright. It was nothing urgent.”

The RA just smiled. “It’s not urgent but you’re here in the middle of the night? That’s hard to believe.” He chuckled at the embarrassment on the younger one’s face. “Here, let me call him.”

Perking up, Kyuhyun trailed after Jongwoon who went back to his room. Dialing a number in the phone, he put it on speaker. Several tones passed before Ryeowook spoke through the static breathlessly. “Where are you?” the RA asked, softly.

“I’m, uhm, actually I’m sleeping over at Hyungsik’s room tonight.”

“Ah? Okay, there’s someone here looking for you—”

Kyuhyun pressed END on the touch screen, face bright red. “That’s okay. He doesn’t have to know that I’m here.” He internally chastised himself for acting this way. What was he thinking? Why was he getting so flustered? Nothing was even going on.

“Is that really okay?” Jongwoon put the phone down.

“Yeah, it’s fine. I’m gonna head out. Good night and thank you,” he bowed his head, hurrying out of the room. The last thing he wanted to do was explore the meaning behind the sharp pain tearing at his chest and the petrifying humiliation pinpricking his veins.

***

Ryeowook let the phone fall to the bed, his fingers slowly pressing back into Hyungsik’s shoulders. Hot breath was suffocating him, their mouths barely touching, eyes lidded. The room was locked and dark, speakers blaring noisily from a floor down. Sounds of party people could be heard through the windows and door, but neither of them noticed.

“You’re drunk, I’m supposed to get you home,” Ryeowook whispered, shaking slightly at the strong fingers gripping his hips. They slid underneath his shirt, dragging a gasp from the slender male as nails lightly scraped up his slight waist to his chest.

Hyungsik was smiling lazily though, stealing another kiss. “I know what I’m doing. I didn’t think Kibum would actually call you though. Thank you for coming,” he sighed, capturing Ryeowook’s lips as he dragged their bodies together again. A groan rumbled in the back of the smaller one’s throat, his attempts to break away falling short.

“I don’t want this,” Ryeowook turned his head away. “I don’t want to be a one night stand.”

“You’re not.”

“I will be. You’re not going to remember this.”

“Who says?” He retorted, his gaze pleading, “I will remember, because it’s you and I’ve only just started trying to win you over.”

“Why? We barely know each other,” Ryeowook started pushing away again.

“Then why did you come find me?” Hyungsik spoke clearly, calmly. Despite the slight haziness of his eyes, there was nothing impaired about his appearance. He leaned closer, holding the back of Ryeowook’s neck. “You didn’t have to help Kibum. You didn’t have to come here and look for me. You’re interested in me too. I don’t want to pretend like there isn’t something here.”

“Even if that is true,” he felt his arms growing weak again, body bending to the stronger one holding him so closely, “if I like you, I don’t want to do this right now. It’s because I like you that I don’t want to mess around in a stranger’s bedroom,” Ryeowook smiled wryly, “when I don’t even know your favorite color. That’s kind of ridiculous in my eyes.”

There was a tense moment before Hyungsik slowly loosened his grip. A twinge of discomfort rested in his eyes, but then he smiled a very small smile, standing up with some unsteadiness. Reaching down, he took Ryeowook’s hand, saying softly, “…just so you know, my favorite color is silver.”


	22. Brothers

6 October 2013

“You’re _too_ loud this early in the morning,” Kibum grumbled into his pillow, glaring at his roommate through one open eye.

“Well after what you did to me last night, I think I deserve this much,” he responded without hesitation, putting the hair dryer on HIGH. Ryeowook tried not to think about the previous evening too much. His mind wandered to Hyungsik and their almost…awkward encounter in that bedroom.

Being a good roommate, Ryeowook had agreed to help out Kibum by picking up Hyungsik from the party they were attending. Sometime after the hookah bar had gotten boring, they decided to hit up a house party, only for Hyungsik to get drunk and bumbling – both of which Ryeowook doubted.

Considering how lucid the tall male had been, it didn’t seem likely that he was out of his mind. Furthermore, they had had a perfectly logical conversation before Hyungsik offered to walk back to the dorm with him. He lived on the second floor, much to Ryeowook’s surprise. For some reason, he hadn’t expected to live that close to someone and not know it.

“I’m _sorry_ , okay?” Kibum groaned, “please just turn that noise off. I’m so exhausted.” He tugged the blankets higher up around him.

“And why didn’t you just go to that club with Donghae, Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun? You could’ve made a move instead of smoking the night away and drinking your body raw,” Ryeowook ignored his roommate’s begging, but did turn off the hair dryer. Walking back into the room, he looked at his face in the mirror, cringing away at the dark circles under his eyes. Grabbing his make-up bag, he started rummaging around for foundation and cover-up.

Sighing loudly, Kibum rolled onto his back, covering his eyes from the bit of light breaking through their blinds. “Because Donghae rejected me.”

“What?” Ryeowook whipped around, neck snapping. He grunted, catching himself on the edge of his dresser, rubbing the painful nerve.

“Yeah, I tried to kiss him that night we were watching horror movies. He turned away.” His voice was low and rough.

Ryeowook frowned, slowly beginning to apply his make-up. “That doesn’t seem like enough to reason to stop pursuing him. You’ve been trying hard since the beginning of the year, right? Is it okay to just give up now?”

“Well, Donghae might be straight. That’s a definite problem.”

“I don’t think he really cares,” he pointed out, peering at his roommate, “and Donghae isn’t someone who would just play around with someone’s feelings. But it’s your choice. You don’t have to listen to me.”

Kibum smiled faintly. “You’re making me feel guilty.”

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t blame me.” Putting away the cosmetics, he shrugged off his shirt, opening up his closet to pull out a flannel button down. His mind shifted slightly and he turned to Kibum once more, buttoning up his shirt. “By the way, why didn’t you tell me that Kyuhyun was so attractive?”

Pushing his hand away, Kibum looked up, smirking. “How forward of you,” he laughed, “well yeah, he is pretty hot. I didn’t think it mattered since you don’t like him as a person.”

“But I ran into him yesterday and I wasn’t prepared at all! I love his music sense, just not him.” Before he could say more, his phone rang with an angry text message from his older brother. It was mainly teasing, and partially irritation as how slow he was being. Ryeowook huffed and tugged his pants on in a hurry. Slipping on shoes, he grabbed his keys and wallet, waving at Kibum. “Sorry, I gotta go. I’ll see you later!”

“Okay,” he drawled, twirling his hand in the air as the door shut.

A second later, the bathroom door clicked open and Jongwoon peeked into their room. Kibum waved at the RA who just smiled. “Hey, is Ryeowook here or did he just leave?”

“Literally just left,” he responded, sitting up slowly, “Why? Is something wrong?”

Jongwoon shook his head. “No, I just thought I should tell him that Kyuhyun came looking for him last night. He seemed pretty uncomfortable when I tried telling Ryeowook he was here, but I figured it couldn’t hurt.”

Kibum perked up, hiding his coy smile. “What? He stopped by? Did he say why?”

“Well no,” the RA said slowly, thinking, “he looked a bit out of breath and it was pretty late, probably 2 AM. I have no idea what he wanted, but anyway, it was pretty urgent even though he didn’t say so.”

“That does sound urgent,” Kibum grinned cheekily.

Jongwoon chuckled. “Agreed. I have to help with today’s activities, so I’m gonna get ready. See you later!” He closed the door gently and a moment later, the shower was turning on.

“What is this…?” he mumbled to himself, flopping back on the bed with a snicker. “I probably shouldn’t tell anyone yet…”

 

“Where are we headed today?” Ryeowook inquired, sitting in the backseat. He had a notebook with him, filled with tidbits of music and lyrics. The night before, he had left it in the car after showing Leeteuk and Youngwoon what he had been working on for the past month.

They had grabbed a quick breakfast on the road and were headed further and further out of town. Youngwoon turned down the radio and Leeteuk twisted around in his seat, smiling at the young man. “Actually, your brother had a good idea, for once.”

“What do you mean for once?” he quipped, grimacing, “I’m full of great ideas all the time. You’re the one who’s always indecisive.”

“Me?” Leeteuk repeated, pointing at himself. He slapped Youngwoon’s arm, “I’m always choosing! Ever since I got back from my service, I’ve been picking everything.”

“I was trying to be nice and let you get used to civilian life again. If you hated it that much, I’ll just pick everything again.”

“You never picked everything!” he argued, laughing.

Youngwoon chuckled.

Ryeowook watched them quietly, smiling as they fell into a comfortable silence. “Teukie-hyung, does he argue this much with his fiancée?”

His dimple appeared, eyes shining with amusement. “Please, he’s a perfect puppy in front of her.” That earned him a sharp elbow to the side. Grunting, Leeteuk laughed in that very special way of his and changed the subject. “Anyway, you told us last night that you’re planning on submitting that song for St. Angela’s winter concert, right? You didn’t tell us where you got inspiration.”

“Oh, a friend of my friend,” Ryeowook explained, “his name is Cho Kyuhyun. He happened to see my lyrics one night when I was out of my dorm room and he left me lyrics in return. When I read them, I just sort of knew that those were the words my song needed.”

Youngwoon snorted. “That’s pretty romantic for a brat who was shaking like a newborn a month ago.”

“Hey!” he glared at his older brother through the mirror, “It’s completely normal to be scared on your move-in day!”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he brushed off.

“Why are you so annoying?” Ryeowook snapped, crossing his arms, feeling like a five-year old again.

Leeteuk glanced at his oldest friend, hiding his smile at the ease of Youngwoon’s expression. He had been worried the entire weekend because of how tense the younger man had been behaving. Even after seeing Ryeowook the night before, when they got back to their hotel room, the stress in Youngwoon’s shoulders didn’t lessen much at all.

The car ride was relatively peaceful, or rather, as peaceful as they were when Youngwoon and Ryeowook were together. They climbed out of the vehicle upon arriving at the large amusement park. Screams could be heard from every direction as the trio neared the ticket booth, paid, and were admitted into the playground. Immediately, Youngwoon pointed at the largest rollercoaster, dragging both his best friend and younger brother toward it.

That was how the day went, roughly speaking. Ryeowook was sure he would lose his voice by the end of the day. His tear ducts had already dried up from crying from mere air pressure. His fingers were shaky and his stomach felt ready to reject even the smallest of morsels. Ahead of him, Youngwoon was heartily eating away with Leeteuk staggering alongside him.

Ryeowook silently praised the man who could deal with his brother so well. How was it that Leeteuk hadn’t completely collapsed yet? It didn’t look like he was great with roller coasters either. Then again, he if spent as much time with Youngwoon as Ryeowook suspected, maybe he had built up tolerance.

“I’ll go order us some lunch,” Leeteuk clapped his hands together. He glanced over his shoulder at Ryeowook, smiling sympathetically, “Something light, I promise. I’ll get you ginger ale too.” And then he was entering the restaurant.

“Thank you,” he offered a pained grin.

Youngwoon rolled his eyes, swinging an arm around his younger sibling’s shoulders. “Don’t be such a drama queen. You’re _fine_. We share the same blood, so how can you be such a weakling?” Nonetheless, he led Ryeowook over to a bench under the trees. A slight chill rustled past, but neither gave it much attention.

“We only share half the same blood,” he corrected teasingly, “and you should be happy that I even agreed to go on that many rides,” he grumbled, closing his eyes, lying his head down on Youngwoon’s lap.

The elder brushed Ryeowook’s hair away from his forehead. “Mom and dad asked the other day if I was going to see you,” he remarked calmly.

He stiffened, forcing himself to relax a few moments later. “I’m sure they were just wondering if I had flunked out of school yet.”

“They don’t hate you.”

“You’re not at home enough to actually understand what they’re like,” he returned, voice tight. Ryeowook opened his eyes, looking up at Youngwoon. “Maybe they don’t hate me, but they don’t love me either. Denying that would be a bold-faced lie.”

He paused, fingers running lightly over his baby brother’s hair. “But they don’t hate you.”

“They tolerate me.”

“They asked if you’re coming home for winter break.”

Ryeowook fiddled with his own hands, absently twisting and untwisting his shirt. He didn’t say anything in response, eyes looking anywhere but up at Youngwoon who was chewing on his lip as he considered the possible answers he could give to the silent questions.

“You’re welcome to stay with me,” he finally said, lightly patting Ryeowook’s chest, “we have an extra room in my house. I get why you wouldn’t want to go home.” Youngwoon took the smile on the younger one’s face as acceptance.


	23. 11 October 2013

11 October 2013

Henry rested a hand on Kyuhyun’s shoulder, leaning over to check on his friend. The stench in the dance studio was nearly unbearable already, but no one was making a move to leave even a minute early. There was pressure like Kyuhyun had never felt before. It was a Saturday and yet everyone in his new major was partaking in the supplementary dance classes.

For his part, it was simply a core requirement, but for others – the dancers, it was life or death, make it or break it. The suffocating heat, the stress, everything really, was making him sick to his stomach.

This was nothing like law. Everyone he had come across in the short week since his transfer into the music program was out for blood. Although rumors ran rampant around SME University about the cutthroat nature of the department, he hadn’t really expected it to live up to the hushed whisperings.

“Hey, if you want, we can head out,” Henry nodded to the door.

Kyuhyun looked up at him, still panting and bent over. His body was soaked with sweat, mind racing a mile a minute. He wanted to spit up whatever bile remained in his stomach. It felt like it was holding him back. “Are you crazy? Do you not feel the atmosphere?” he hissed under his breath.

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” he blinked, his shirt equally drenched, if not more so than Kyuhyun’s. “Your health is more important. Besides, we don’t even have to be here. You just started this program. There’s no reason to put yourself in jeopardy over a dance lesson.”

He stared incredulously. How anyone could be so calm and collected was beyond him. Shaking his head slowly, Kyuhyun straightened up, leaning on Henry. “If you say so…”

“Don’t worry,” he assured, wrapping an arm around Kyuhyun’s waist. “Let’s get you out of here.” Taking slow steps to the back of the room, he grabbed both of their bags and started shuffling toward the door. A girl glanced at them, her eyes narrowing in disgust before turning back to the front of the room where the instructor was telling them the next dance sequence.

Kyuhyun tried to ignore the sharpness pricking at his backside. The dirty looks and muted insults felt like stab wounds, one after another. He wondered faintly if St. Angela’s College was as competitive as SME. A part of him said that it couldn’t be, but the more rational part told him not to underestimate it just because it was smaller. If anything, wouldn’t a smaller school be harder to deal with? After all, the instructor would actually care if you made a mistake, unlike at SME where they just let you fall if you couldn’t catch up.

Cool autumn air washed over them the moment they stepped outside. He gasped a lungful of air, sighing out and coughing. Henry rubbed his back comfortingly, eyes filled with worry. “You’re not used to working out that much, huh? Don’t push yourself.”

“I have to,” he argued, coughing some more, “It sucks being the worst dancer in class.”

“Your pride is incredible,” he muttered wryly, lugging Kyuhyun down the steps. There was a car parked at the curb and a man leaning outside of it. His long black coat was fur lined and his sunglasses covered half his face. A shock of bleached hair crowned his head. Henry smiled, awkwardly lifting one arm to wave at Jiyoung. “Are you here to help us?”

The older male nodded, popping the door open. “I had a feeling something like this might happen after you told me he was having a rough time in class.”

Kyuhyun’s head whipped around to Henry, looking betrayed.

He shrank away. “Sorry! I didn’t mean it in a bad way! It just slipped out…” he trailed off, letting his friend scoot into the backseat as he climbed in after him. Jiyoung followed suit, sitting across from them in the spacious back.

The car rolled away from the sidewalk, moving steadily toward the road. “How are you feeling, Henry?” Jiyoung murmured, handing him a face towel.

“I’m alright,” he nodded, patting at his sweaty neck, “I’m used to this stuff.”

“Apparently I’m the only unfit person on this planet,” Kyuhyun bit out harshly, swallowing a mouthful of water. He scrubbed his dripping face with a fluffy sports towel, hair dark and wet from perspiration.

Jiyoung smiled faintly. “Those kids are all fighting to be in your place right now. It was probably extra bad today since they knew that.” He noted the confusion on the exhausted student’s face and explained further, “You’re working with me and Henry. You’ve already gotten yourself featured in Henry’s debut. Every student in the music department probably already knows this.”

He had no idea what to say. Irritation rose first, but he swallowed it, knowing that it was misdirected. It definitely wasn’t G-Dragon’s fault. Kyuhyun didn’t have to take the offer and change majors. He could’ve stayed a lawyer like his parents advised – though he had yet to actually inform them that he switched his studies. Sungmin also wasn’t quite aware of the official change. Kyuhyun had failed to tell him in the past two or so weeks that he had declared the switch.

It didn’t matter anyway. No one could stop him at that point. As powerful as his family was, they had no money invested in SME University and Sungmin simply had no connection to the school. That ruled out any sort of opposition that could cause real damage.

Whether or not Kyuhyun would survive Christmas after breaking the news of his musical pursuits was still to be determined.

“Happy birthday Henry,” Jiyoung stated, pulling out a plain white envelope and handing it to the puzzled younger man.

“It’s your birthday?” Kyuhyun blurted, whipping around to look at his friend.

Henry grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry I didn’t tell you. It slipped my mind.” He fiddled with the envelope, looking up at his mentor. “Thank you! I had no idea that you were paying attention to the dates.”

Jiyoung scoffed softly. “Of course I do. You’re important to me. At the very least, I’m going to remember your birthday. Oh, and I invited your cousin, Kim Kibum, to come and spend the night.”

“Really?” Henry and Kyuhyun nearly shouted. The younger of the two finally tore open the envelope, eyes widening. “Are you serious? I can go?”

Kyuhyun leaned over his shoulder, studying the contents. There was a flight itinerary inside, along with one of two boarding passes. “Congrats, Henry. You’re going home.” He patted his friend’s backside, grinning, before suddenly shoving the boy and demanding, “Why were you attending a dance class on your birthday? Are you crazy?”

Henry rubbed his arm, frowning. “Like I said, it slipped my mind. And besides, I love dancing. There’s been a lot going on recently and my birthday isn’t nearly as important as that.”

“Except it is,” Jiyoung corrected, arms crossed loosely, a smile tugging at his lips. “Celebrating the little things keeps you sane. Forgetting them because of work isn’t worth it. Whether or not that business is your dream, being with people who are more important than any material wealth trumps everything.”

They stared at the older man, neither of them quite understanding where his words were rooted. Henry hadn’t expected him to be a sentimental type. Kyuhyun hadn’t expected him to have any real feelings in general. Either way, denying his words was out of the question. They rang too true.

***

Ryeowook flipped through the script, muttering to himself and trying to memorize the lines. The first performance would be in early December before they all left for break. There were numerous things that needed to be done, and all of it was beginning to feel more and more stressful as time passed. He had only received the part a few days ago, but things were going at high gear already.

“Hey.” Hyungsik touched his shoulder, coming up beside him. There was a slight flush to his face, eyes shifting back and forth as if quickly scanning Ryeowook’s features for discomfort. When he didn’t find anything, he let out a low breath. “I just…uhm, we haven’t talked much since that night. I don’t want anything to be weird between us. I…I know I wasn’t in the right, because it was just such a bad—look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—not that I didn’t want to—”

Ryeowook stifled a laugh.

Hyungsik stopped and stared.

“No, no, you’re not funny,” he quickly corrected himself, waving his hand and patting the tall male on his hand. “You’re just stressing way too much. It’s not like I’ve never been kissed. We didn’t even do anything, so please don’t worry. I’ve just been busy and I didn’t want to talk during musical meetings, so I’m sorry if I sent the wrong message.”

Hyungsik’s face turned redder. Slowly letting his hand slide down, he shook his head and rolled back on his heels, fingers tightening around his backpack’s strap. “Oh.” Blinking, he looked back up earnestly, “Well, then still, I want to apologize. I’m not really like that.”

“I know,” Ryeowook smiled.

He smiled faintly. “Good.”

Ryeowook’s phone vibrated. Tugging it out, he swiftly checked the lock-screen and saw a new text message bubble from Kibum.

_Kibum: Gonna be staying with Henry for the night! Have a good weekend!_

“What’s up?” Hyungsik asked curiously.

Shaking his head, he tucked the phone away. “I’m getting the room to myself tonight,” he grinned, “that’ll be nice.” Ryeowook looked back down at the script he was still holding, an idea coming to him. “Hey, do you wanna practice lines?”

There was barely a pause before the taller male was nodding and pointing at the Music Building. “We can use one of the practice rooms, I’m sure.”

***

The get together was very small – meaning it was G-Dragon, Kyuhyun, and Kibum. Yet somehow, there was a pile of presents in the living room and dozens of pink bakery boxes stacked on the dining room table. Bouquets, cards, and half a dozen birthday cakes sat on the coffee table, each one uniquely flavored and delicately designed.

Henry plucked a toy violin off one of the cakes, eyeing it warily. “I don’t even know who this was from,” he muttered, setting the plastic decoration aside. He was kneeling beside the array of desserts, wondering how much each one cost and how sad all of those ass-kissers would be if they knew he didn’t even know their names.

“Well, these two,” Jiyoung pointed at two of the smaller cakes, “were delivered by some students in the department. I’m not sure which ones.” He pushed them into the large trash bin sitting nearby. “These three are from SME University’s President, the music producers, and video production staff, respectively.”

“You’re very popular,” Kyuhyun remarked, sipping his red wine absently, legs crossed as he reclined back on the sofa. Prodding at the mound of presents was Kibum, a flute of champagne resting in his relaxed grip.

“Or they’re trying to kill me,” he stated mildly, dropping his head on Jiyoung’s knee. He sighed heavily, staring at the wondrous presents filled with other people’s bribes. “I shouldn’t feel guilty, should I?”

Jiyoung stroked his hair softly, scooting the cakes aside to reveal a chocolate one with simple white letters written on the circular top. The design was sleek and cute. “Well, we can donate those cakes to someone else, but you have to eat this one.” He smiled at Henry’s uplifted eyes. “I figured you wouldn’t want one of the cakes I like.”

“I’m sure it was covered in crazy colors and warped designs,” Henry grinned cheekily, earning himself a sharp pinch. Whining softly, he straightened up and picked up the knife, cutting into the cake.

“We didn’t even say happy birthday!” Kyuhyun cried, sitting forward indignantly.

Kibum laughed as he jostled a perfectly wrapped present. “Henry just wants the cake. We’ll sing and shove his face into one of them later…maybe when he’s sleepy.” Flashing his cousin a bright smile, he went back to toying with the various bribes.

“That’s a good idea,” G-Dragon agreed, eyes twinkling with humor.

“All of you are such bitter old men,” he grouched, sliding out a piece of cake. He placed it on a plastic plate and handed it to Jiyoung who took it easily. Henry passed the next one to Kyuhyun and then Kibum and finally himself. Half the cake was gone already, the interior filled with more chocolate. Looking over to his mentor and caretaker, Henry smiled widely, “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me when you’ll hate me for the training regimen to come,” he returned in an equally sweet voice.

A chill ran down Henry’s back, but he ignored it, laughing and patting the older male’s knee. Kyuhyun watched the exchange with slight gratitude. So many people wanted to be in Henry’s position, but did they really? Who could actually handle someone like G-Dragon? His personality was strange, to say the very least. On television, he was charismatic, daring, crazy, and an absolute god on stage.

But at home…he was just weird. Kyuhyun wondered if the man, South Korea’s biggest idol, was actually awkward and shy and terribly quiet. He spoke in a near permanent murmur to Henry, but his friend seemed completely used to it. Furthermore, by the stories he had heard and his own experience from staying over at their apartment, G-Dragon had some odd quirks. He would stay up late like a crazed composer, but in the mornings, he would be more domestic than a family coffee commercial. Other times, he would be doting like an older brother to Henry, but still other times he would suddenly be overwhelming in his demands for musical results.

Being near the man was a challenge in itself and every day Kyuhyun thanked the heavens that he hadn’t fallen in that deep. Henry was probably the only person who could handle such a true, stereotypical musician. A part of him knew it was because they were the same kind of person. Although Henry hid it better, it was obvious when he was composing songs that he and G-Dragon were born from the same mold. Their minds were compatible in a way that others couldn’t appreciate.

Kyuhyun ambled over to Kibum, sitting down on the large window sill. They sat in silence for barely a moment before he was interrupted by Kibum’s soft laughter.

“It’s good to see him so relaxed,” the dark haired actor-in-training remarked, eyes trailing over to where Henry was chatting with G-Dragon. “Back home, it always felt like he was being held back. There were opportunities all over the place, but I have to admit, Henry fits in much better with this competitive world.”

“You’re the one who pushed him, right?” Kyuhyun sipped his wine.

The cousin nodded. “I want him to exploit all the talent inside of him because there’s no one else like Henry out there. Prodigies like him…they’re easily lost. He’s capable of so much and the only place that fosters that much talent is in the idol world. For all of those people out there who are looking for a role-model, I honestly believe Henry is the perfect person to look up to.”

Kyuhyun was quiet, contemplative. He swirled the deep red drink in his glass. “Wordlessly, he pushes you to be better. He makes me want to reach for greater heights every time we’re together.” Chuckling, he drained the remnants of his wine, “If it wasn’t his birthday, I definitely wouldn’t have the nerve to say these things.”

“Oh, it’s not the alcohol?” Kibum smirked playfully. Kyuhyun laughed under his breath, setting the glass down on a side table. “I was talking to Jongwoon the other day,” he began casually, eyes drifting down to his drink before lifting back up to where Kyuhyun was watching him, “he told me that you swung by in the middle of the night looking for Ryeowook?”

Immediately, his posture changed and his cheeks flushed red for an entirely non-alcoholic reason. “R-Really?” he croaked, harshly clearing his throat and dropping his gaze.

“I didn’t tell Ryeowook,” Kibum grinned at Kyuhyun’s visible turmoil. “It’s fine. I don’t plan on telling him either,” he added calmly, finishing his champagne. “That’s not exactly territory I wanna broach. We’re roommates, but roommates are only effective when they know their boundaries.”

“You’re honestly not going to tell him?” his eyes narrowed in confusion, “I mean, thank you,” he quickly blurted, “but I just figured that it’s good gossip…most people would love to get involved in their friend’s love life.”

Kibum nodded. “I agree, it’s a ton of fun,” his eyes sparkled teasingly, “especially when it’s about Wook and a really hot musician.”

Kyuhyun smirked at that.

“But I respect him and I can’t betray Hyungsik.”

He rattled his brain for a moment, trying to place a name and a face. “…could it be that guy who was trying to help Ryeowook with his cow suit? It was back during Homecoming Weekend.”

“That sounds like something he would do,” Kibum said slowly, thinking it over, “well recently they’ve been closer, and Hyungsik is doing his very best. I felt like it would just be too cruel of me to do anything more.”

Kyuhyun smiled faintly. “Yeah, that’s true. But don’t misunderstand. I really don’t plan on doing anything with Ryeowook.” He shook his head. “I’m curious about him, but that doesn’t really translate to a relationship for me.”

“I’ve heard stories from Eunhyuk,” he assured.

“Oh? Is that another reason why you’re not on my team?” Kyuhyun leaned his head on the cool glass window, amused.

“I’ve also recently failed at getting someone’s attention, so I might be looking for a self-esteem booster,” Kibum murmured, eyes on the tall male returning his gaze.

Chuckling softly, he closed his eyes and laced his fingers together across his lap. “I do have a boyfriend.”

“And I have a major crush,” Kibum returned, “Seems pretty even to me.”

“I’d rather not hook-up with my friend’s cousin on his birthday,” Kyuhyun smiled wryly.

“Then after midnight.”

How could he say no?


	24. 15 October 2013

15 October 2013

 _Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!_  
Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!  
Sarang ha neun Donghae shi…  
Saeng il chuk ha ham ni da!

And then his face was unceremoniously shoved into the cake. He waved his arms, hearing the muffled laughter of his friends as he tried to gather his bearings. Vanilla and strawberry coated his lips and his licked them, grinning widely as he wiped away whipped cream from his eyes and joined the raucous laughter.

“We ruined a perfectly good cake,” Hyungsik remarked, despite the fact that he couldn’t stop himself from joining in the merriment.

The entire apartment was booming with voices and music and cheap snacks. There were empty liters of soda carelessly lying around the kitchen counters and table. People sat on the couch, around the birthday boy, and everywhere in between. Ryeowook was snapping pictures all over the place, grabbing selfies right and left while making sure to record Donghae’s entire birthday ritual.

Kibum was sitting at the table, surrounded by the ones he had come to consider very close friends. Despite meeting only a month and a half ago, it felt as if they were life-long buddies already. Then again, if he counted the amount of time he actually spent with all of them, it probably added up to a lot.

His eyes trailed over to Eunhyuk who was interviewing Donghae like a news reporter, his phone shoved near the cake spattered male. The latter was still trying to catch his breath, answering the random questions with as much grace as someone like Donghae knew how. Kibum smiled. That’s what made him so cute though. His sweetness and childishness were too much to ignore and then add in his dancing and fashion sense which were absolutely irresistible. No one should’ve been legally allowed to look that gorgeous in a button down and some pants.

Although he knew it was probably stupid of him to still be thinking about what he did with Kyuhyun, he couldn’t help it. As heartless as Kibum wanted to pretend he was, hooking up with a near-complete stranger was still a difficult memory to let go of. Not to mention, he felt even dumber that guilt managed to seep into his heart.

What was there to be guilty about? Donghae clearly didn’t have any romantic feelings for him, so it was probably hopeless no matter what he did. With that being the situation, a one-night-stand with an incredibly hot and incredibly experienced man was nothing to be ashamed of. He was single, after all.

His eyes flitted over to Ryeowook. A sharp pang of guilt attacked him then. It wasn’t that big of a deal and yet he was having such terrible whiplash. Ryeowook was happy with Hyungsik, it seemed. They were getting closer day by day – probably because they were always practicing for that musical together. Kibum could only see them going up from here.

Despite what appeared to be a rather normal situation, he couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was…off.

Kibum frowned faintly, but hid it behind the lip of his drink. For starters, although he told Kyuhyun he was obligated to root for Hyungsik and Ryeowook’s happiness, he couldn’t support them from the bottom of his heart.

They were good together – _very_ good – practically _perfect._ So why was it wrong?

Although Kibum had gotten what he wanted from Kyuhyun, even that isolated situation felt like it should’ve never happened. It couldn’t be because Kyuhyun was already dating someone since that was an even bigger joke than their hook-up.

And even though he praised Henry and G-Dragon for their ability to spur each other on, well, G-Dragon’s ability to push Henry – he couldn’t shake the feeling that if the weird tension between them didn’t lessen, everything might just explode.

To top it off, the worst conclusion he had come to was that maybe he and Donghae weren’t made for each other. Was finding the right person that difficult? Did it require so much trial and error? If not Donghae, who was he supposed to be with? Moreover, was he just thinking too much? Were college students allowed to mull over these issues?

Kibum smiled tiredly to himself, mentally reorganizing all of the people in his life to fit where he thought they would best fit. Sure, some of them were going to be off, but there were some that he just had a feeling were…meant to be.

Currently, there was really only one couple that he knew, _just knew_ was going to be the end game for one another. No matter what happened, Kibum would bet his future as an actor on them. That’s how much that mystical force people called fate were pulling these two individuals toward one another. He had a hunch that others thought the same thing, but no one really wanted to admit it. After all, nobody really _wanted_ them to be together, not now at least.

There was still some time and some feelings to sort out before they could even start. The bridge was long, the spectrum wide.

But for now, he figured it would be okay to just watch them. Watch them race toward their start line, because that’s how far they were from being anywhere close to their fated future.

A hand covered in cake was suddenly shoved in Kibum’s face. He spluttered and choked on frosting, looking up to see Donghae laughing at him. “You were being so quiet! It’s my birthday, so let’s go play!” He tugged the male out of his chair, pointing to the living room where Ryeowook and Eunhyuk were making bets on who would lose the first round of their Twister Tournament.

“Really, this game?” Kibum made a face, but he couldn’t help the humor tugging at his lips.

“Scared?” Donghae cocked an eyebrow.

“Never,” he grinned, licking some of the cake off his own face. “Your cake monster hand scared me more.”

“Hey!”

Perhaps, for now, it was alright to just pretend that destiny wanted them to be together. Feelings, even the smallest crushes, are hard to erase. They’re always imprinted on your heart, saved like a computer file in the facets of your brain for a rainy day when you’re reminiscing about the old days. When you want to recall your first crush, it’s not bitter, it’s normally sweet. When you recall the first time you thought you were in love, it’s sometimes embarrassing, but there’s always a tinge of amusement – maybe accompanied by thoughtfulness.

For Kibum, he wanted to pretend and embrace that youth which told him it was okay to keep pining after Lee Donghae…just for a while longer.


	25. 26 October 2013

26 October 2013

Ryeowook swallowed thickly as he stared up at the haunted house. He wondered again why he had let his friends convince him to go to this place. Beside him, he heard Donghae trying to argue his way out of going inside, but he was failing miserably in the face of Kibum and Eunhyuk’s teasing.

There were plenty of them in the group so it couldn’t be that scary…right? He jumped at the sound of hissing fog from the automated machines on either side of the creaky iron gates. If anything, he just had to imagine that it was his school—scratch that. He didn’t need any more nightmares concerning St. Angela’s infamous ghost stories. There was probably a different story for every single floor of every building that included something about suicide, homicide, or spirits in general.

Hyungsik’s fingers grazed the back of Ryeowook’s neck and he screamed. Laughter and strong, warm arms immediately surrounded him. “Calm down, I’m sorry,” he mumbled near his ear, still chuckling. Squeezing the terrified male, he went on, “if you really don’t wanna go in…I’m sorry, but I don’t think anyone is going to let you back out.”

“You’re not helping at all.” He tried to keep his voice steady, but the quiver was unavoidable.

“Here, let’s get your mind off of it,” Hyungsik offered, moving so he was in front of the smaller man. “Did you hear back from the school yet about your submission?”

Ryeowook’s face immediately lit up at the mention of his song. It had been completed earlier on in October and he had been impatiently awaiting an approval or denial from the music department’s chairman. He was only worried out of obligation. Something about his song just screamed “you’re in”. There was no solid proof of that assertion, but Ryeowook just couldn’t fathom his piece failing to appear in St. Angela’s Annual Winter Concert.

“I got a letter in the mail just yesterday! I was so excited, but I forgot to tell you since you were up late studying,” he explained, nearly giddy, “They accepted it!”

Hyungsik swung Ryeowook around, hugging him tightly as they cheered over the victory. People behind them made faces, but no one dared to interrupt the excited pair. Kibum glanced at them, a smile making its way onto his face. Nudging Eunhyuk and Donghae, he nodded his head toward the celebrating duo.

“Just found out?” Eunhyuk guessed.

“Can’t be anything else,” Kibum agreed, laughing.

Donghae’s attention was jerked back at the sound of an ear-splitting shriek. He stumbled back, ramming into someone behind him. Fumbling around, he muttered out a hasty apology, eyes landing on a familiar face. Blinking, he broke into a grin and offered his hand to the disheveled person. “Henry! You made it!” he grasped the younger one’s wrist, pulling him up.

“Almost died just now though,” he grunted, dusting himself off.

“You’re fine,” Jiyoung murmured, ruffling the male’s hair.

Donghae quickly bowed his head to the celebrity in disguise, earning a nod in return. Scooting away, he grabbed Eunhyuk’s arm, muttering, “That’s seriously him?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he nodded.

“It is,” Kibum assured, before going over to tease Henry.

Ryeowook glanced over at them, but failed to get a word out before their tour guide for the haunted house appeared. He seemed normal enough, except for the excess of black make-up smeared around his wide eyes. There was gauntness to his angular features, lips ashen and cheeks sunken in. Ryeowook’s stomach dropped and he backed up, right into Hyungsik’s waiting arm.

“Sorry,” he shrugged, gripping Ryeowook’s waist tightly, “if you’re scared, you can always lean on me.” He was smiling teasingly, but there was sincerity in the offer.

Gratefully, the shorter male nodded and took reluctant steps toward the guide. Beside him, he noticed Kibum chatting amiably with a very youthful looking young man. Beside them was a taller figure, his eyes and mouth covered as well as his head. A black jacket covered his lean frame. Ryeowook suddenly clapped his hands. “You’re Henry!”

“I am,” Henry replied easily, “and you’re Ryeowook, right? We kept missing each other,” he laughed.

“That’s true,” he chuckled, “it’s good to finally meet you.” Just as those words were spoken, the tour group began moving and the creaking of the haunted house doors tore him away. Freezing up, Ryeowook tried to turn around but then felt the arm around him tighten.

Hyungsik bumped his head against the shorter male’s and smiled, “Calm down. I’m right here, so don’t worry. Just close your eyes if you need to. I’ll lead you.”

Slowly, Ryeowook nodded and stepped up onto the rotting porch of the building. Swallowing thickly, he shut his eyes just as the blaring screams and shrill shrieks closed in around him. His breathing was heavy and broken, body shaking as he clung to Hyungsik with all he could. There was safety there – warmth and ease and the soft rumbling of the tall boy chuckling at the different haunted assortments. Clearly he didn’t have any issues with this.

Only later would Ryeowook truly appreciate that fact.

***

Youngwoon waited outside of the apartment building, drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. There was a small knock at the window and he jerked his head up, seeing Leeteuk waving at him and pointing to the lock. Sheepishly, Youngwoon made a sign of apology and unlocked it.

A moment later, his best friend was sitting in the passenger seat, giving him a concerned look. “It’s just dinner…don’t worry so much,” he assured, patting Youngwoon’s hand.

“I don’t think you get it,” he sighed, shifting car gears and pulling away from the curb, “It’s dinner with the family. My fiancée said she’ll try to make it, but there was a layover for her flight. I’m betting she won’t be able to get back in time.” Youngwoon chewed on his bottom lip. “What if things go badly? I know they’re going to ask about Ryeowook. They always do with those dumbass sneers and it makes me wish sometimes that I wasn’t their son.”

Leeteuk exhaled softly, leaning back in his seat. Eyes trailing over to the slightly younger man, he said, “You’re the only one Ryeo-ah needs. He’s going to be just fine without your parents. He’s strong and he’s smart. That fact that he stood up for himself is more amazing than anything else I’ve ever heard about.”

“But he’s still so _young_. I just can’t shake the feeling that he’s going to regret walking away from the family. They disowned him, but…but somehow isn’t it wrong for him to be parentless already?” Youngwoon was driving slower than the speed limit, his thoughts swirling on his face. Why had Ryeowook chosen that moment to assert himself? Although he was always a straightforward kid, this was taking it too far. He didn’t have to do this when he was still young. He could’ve told them off when he was older and established and not trying to survive on scholarships and music.

He was a brilliant kid – a fantastic composer based on what he was told recently – but still a child. Ryeowook was barely nineteen.

They drove silently for a while, hopping onto the highway before another word was spoken. Bright lights flashed by them, slicing through the windows like lasers, sharper than sunlight but duller than twilight. Leeteuk played his phone case, absently running his fingers over the silicon. “Your parents aren’t the ones who gave birth to you. They’re the ones that you trust with your life, blood or bloodless. To Ryeowook, I’m sure that you’ve always been more of a parent than his real parents. I’m not just saying that either,” he looked up at Youngwoon who was silent, “the one who protects him and treats him like a real person is you. Parents who aren’t there through thick and thin aren’t parents anymore. They’ve forsaken that name. They don’t deserve that name.”

***

Kyuhyun laid on his bed, Sungmin cuddled against his side. A movie played on the television quietly. Just down the hall, he could hear his mother blow-drying her hair and he rolled his eyes, mimicking her loudness. Sungmin glanced at him and laughed, slapping his chest lightly.

“Umma! You’re hair is big enough already!” he called teasingly, hearing the blow-dryer turn off. He snickered as Mrs. Cho came stomping in with half her hair done. The smile on his face only grew wider. “See? It looks fine that way.”

“You!” she waved her hand in annoyance, but the twinkle of affection stayed in her eyes. Reaching over, she smacked his head before gently patting Sungmin’s cheek. “Teach him how to behave! That boy has no manners!”

“Yes, I will!” Sungmin grinned brightly.

Kyuhyun frowned, making a noise when his mother left with a satisfied smirk on her face. However, the expression quickly melded into one of humor and then he was snuggling back into his boyfriend. The evening was peaceful, left to quiet cuddling and a late autumn breeze. He wouldn’t have had it any other way. Kyuhyun prized those moments when they didn’t fight – when things seemed like they could be good forever and ever. These were the times that made him hesitate when it came to breaking up with Sungmin.

How could he give up this comfort? Was it really a safe bet? Would he survive without Sungmin around? That was definitely a difficult question. Sometimes, on a good day, he felt like he could conquer the world alone. Other days, it was near impossible to even move him out of bed with the help of half the football team.

Mrs. Cho peeked back into the room after what felt like barely a few seconds. She smiled tenderly at them. “Good night boys. Don’t stay up too late.”

“Good night! Love you,” Kyuhyun responded, giving his mother the very best smile he could muster.

She just chuckled at it though. “Silly boy. Love you too.” Softly, she closed the door and then her footsteps faded down the hallway.

“I still can’t believe that your parents are okay with this,” Sungmin muttered, “it still amazes me when I see it.”

“I’ve always been a little different. They probably didn’t think anything of it since I was so determined to be with you.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “There’s nothing wrong with liking both men and women. Then again, I’m guessing the fact that my parents continue to support and love me is amazing.”

Sungmin looked up at his lover. “You really don’t know how lucky you are.”

No, he didn’t know how lucky he was and he wouldn’t know for a while to come.

***

“You totally did it on purpose,” Eunhyuk deadpanned, crossing his arms in irritation. They stood in a circle outside of the additional haunted tour. Prior to going on the first one, they had bought tickets for all of the attractions around the mini Halloween festival going on.

Donghae shook his head disapprovingly, as did Donghae and Henry. Jiyoung was less interested, seemingly absorbed in something on his phone. Ryeowook had a feeling it was work related. Someone like him always had an appointment to schedule or a concert to plan – perhaps a comeback to be prepped. There were many things that came to mind.

Sighing apologetically, Ryeowook looked at his friends. “I’m completely serious. I don’t know where they went! I spent money on them. Why would I lie?”

They heard the bell sounding that the tour had ended on the second attraction and that it was inevitably their turn. Reluctantly, they stepped away from the guilty boy. Eunhyuk slapped Ryeowook’s back roughly. “There. That’s your punishment. I guess you can just wait out here for us to finish.”

“I can just walk with him back to the school,” Hyungsik offered, “I don’t mind. After all, the attractions weren’t that scary.” He flashed a smile, patting Ryeowook’s lower back.

“Ah, that’s true,” the latter agreed, “okay, we can go back first. Is that okay with all of you?”

Eunhyuk exchanged a look with Kibum. Both of them immediately nodded and smiled, making faces at Ryeowook who in turn, ignored them as best he could. They didn’t have to be so obvious, did they? He fumed silently, wishing that they actually did believe him. They were probably concocting ideas about how he had planned this so he could spend time with Hyungsik.

If that was all he was after, wasn’t this too much? He would’ve just said so straightforwardly that he wanted to spend time with him. Sighing under his breath, Ryeowook allowed himself to focus his attention on the male walking beside him. Hyungsik was looking down at him, a soft smile on his lips. “So, I didn’t know you were that scared of haunted houses.”

“I think it’s because I imagine that it’s worse than it actually is,” he reasoned wryly.

“It’s the pain of an artist,” Hyungsik chuckled, “being able to imagine that vividly, I mean.”

Ryeowook nodded tiredly, thinking about how true that statement really was. “You’re equally into the arts, so why weren’t you scared?” he frowned.

“Because I’m not a wimp,” he shrugged, grinning.

“Hey!”

Hyungsik wrapped his arms around Ryeowook, laughing and squeezing his shoulders. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” He tilted his head down, meeting his friend’s eyes. “So tell me about you. I want to know more.”

“We talk all the time,” he smiled, “What do you want to know?”

“Not that stuff,” he rolled his eyes, “I want to know the real stuff. Your family and the things you don’t tell anyone else.” Hyungsik’s voice was soft and sweet, breath coming out in white puffs of air in the chilly night, “Those are important to me.”

“Why?” Ryeowook returned without heat, “To you, they’re important or…?”

“You, specifically,” Hyungsik spoke slowly, “are important to me. The person that you are is obvious, but the person that no one else is allowed to see…I want to meet him.”

Slowly, they came to a stop. The school’s main gates were just down the street, but they stayed atop the small hill, settling down on a bench. Most of the sidewalks were barren and all the shops were closed in the area. Traffic lights flashed red, yellow and green silently for no one.

Ryeowook shivered slightly before feeling a scarf around his neck. Looking up, he saw Hyungsik knotting the warm accessory around him. “You’ll be cold this way,” he frowned, trying to take it off.

“This is fine, just start talking,” he brushed off, running his fingertips through the shorter one’s hair gently.

He was quiet for a long minute, seemingly scrambling for words. The night held a full moon, the silence holding them in place as if the world had stopped for this moment. That’s what it felt like. To Ryeowook, this was it. This right here was what it felt like to _want_ someone to know about you. He couldn’t really understand what was going on in his head. All he knew, with perfect clarity, was that he wouldn’t regret telling this person because this person would understand.

“If I tell you, you have to tell me about your family too,” Ryeowook stated, giving him a look.

“There isn’t much,” he shrugged, “my family is very boring, actually.” Hyungsik’s voice was growing softer though, as if he was ashamed that he didn’t have some dramatic story to share. “I’m thankful,” he quickly added, “but it’s not the same. I mean, having a strong family has always been invaluable. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

“And what makes you think I have a broken family?” he mused.

Flushing even in the darkness, Hyungsik looked down. “I heard a little bit here and there that you don’t talk about your family…and that you’re paying for school on your own with the scholarship. Also, they didn’t come for Homecoming Weekend, right?” He fiddled his hands. “I just figured it couldn’t be a great situation.”

Ryeowook breathed out quietly. “No, it’s not great,” he laughed a little, wondering if he was that obvious. “It’s not that my family is bad. My older brother is amazing. He’s my favorite person,” Ryeowook explained earnestly, looking down as he spoke, “but I’m just someone who can’t accept…less than I am? Does that make sense?”

He paused, glancing over to see Hyungsik quietly nodding. “My parents think music is waste of time and money. They refused to support me when I said that I wanted to go study music and theatre. That’s why I’m surviving on a scholarship. But that’s just a minor problem.”

***

“So how’s the little gay boy doing?” he laughed with his wife. Their relatives joined in as well, some with disgusted head shakes. “God, I still can’t believe I used to call that faggot my son,” the father went on, nearly spitting on his drink from chortling.

Youngwoon stood quietly, facing his father but refusing to meet his eyes. Leeteuk stood nearby, playing with the edge of his suit jacket.

His mother touched his sleeve. “You know it’s okay to laugh,” she assured, “he’s not here.”

“Yeah, I know,” he stated stiffly, “I’m just tired. He’s doing really well though,” Youngwoon spoke firmly, carefully. “He was accepted into the school’s famous winter concert.”

The father grunted, swirling his glass of red wine. “Well, gays love gays.” He broke out laughing again, sipping his drink as everyone else spurred him on.

Youngwoon felt his phone vibrating and checked the caller ID. Slowly, he ended the call, but held the phone up to his ear anyway. “Ah? Really? …I understand. Okay, bye.”

“Hmm, what’s wrong, sweetheart?” his mother asked, gently rubbing his arm.

“I have to get back to the office apparently.”

“This late?” his father demanded.

“They really need me it seems,” Youngwoon shrugged, “I can’t do anything about it.”

His father nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s true. Be a good man and support that lovely fiancée of yours.” He reached out, patting his son’s shoulder proudly. “You’re a true man, unlike that dirty fag. You would never betray us like him, would you?” There was a tense moment, his father’s eyes flickering with something akin to desperation. As if losing his other son would destroy him.

And even though Youngwoon knew what that look meant, he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Ah,” he muttered, “I’m gonna get going then. Good night.” He kissed his mother’s cheek and turned away.

Leeteuk bowed to the family. “Good evening. Thank you for inviting me.”

“You’re always welcome, Jungsu,” the mother scolded gently, “don’t be so formal and next time bring us a pretty girl too!”

He smiled sheepishly. “I will!” Turning away as well, he hurried after Youngwoon.

The moment they were out of the house and inside the car, Leeteuk felt a hand fist his collar, jerking him to the side. In a second, his lips were crushed against Youngwoon’s. Returning it gently, he pressed his hand against the other’s chest, trying to breathe despite it all. There was pain and want and much more that he could never fully understand.

When they broke apart, Youngwoon brushed one last chaste kiss to his lips. They hovered close together, their eyes locking. “Thanks for faking that call,” he mumbled.

“I didn’t want to listen to their bullshit anymore either,” he smiled slightly, still trying to catch his breath.

His jaw tightened. “How can they talk about him like that?” he whispered, voice cracking in the back of his throat. “I…I don’t think I could ever handle it if they called me that too.”

“That’s why it’s fine this way,” Leeteuk spoke quietly, pinching Youngwoon’s cheek playfully. There was sorrow in his eyes though, deeper than any wound and darker than the coldest black. “I know how you feel…I know, so it’s okay.”

“I swear I do love you,” he loosened his grip reluctantly, forehead pressed against the older male’s. Their fingers found each other, intertwining in the shadows of the car. “More than anyone else, I love you in a way I can never explain.”

Leeteuk just smiled, never once letting go of the hand in his.

 


	26. Hot Air Balloons

November.

It’s a month no one talks about.

There’s a famous saying among college students that it is the very month that everything goes down the drain. Relationships that once seemed so real in high school are met with disaster. Couples that thought the world had been established for them, found their way away.

And for them, each one of them, something changed – just a bit.

Just enough to make you think…”What happened?”

But no one enjoys thinking about it.

No one wants to share it. Why would they? The heartbreak stings the first time – it crushes you the first time. It’s the lowest point a human can hit, that is, when they think the figurative heart has been shattered.

But it repairs. It almost always repairs with the needy hands of another person who is most often times the very worst person.

It’s like a rebound, if the rebound came before the initial strike. They tear couples apart, but in reality, they don’t really. They’re just there. What they do and what you do are so different because of how those heartstrings are interlaced with the right or wrong people.

Destructive and incomprehensible by nature, but also gentle and sweet by coercion; that is what a relationship means, both the bad and good ones. The ones that you think will last more than a lifetime and the ones you know will end before the sun rises.

That was why Kyuhyun sat alone, with pen and paper, on the very last day of November – after everything had been said and done – the clock striking 11:40 at night, nearly the dawn of a new month and a new year to come. But he was getting ahead of himself.

The tissue box sat empty in the trash, crowning the glory mound of wadded balls covered in his soggy tears and blown out despair.

Because that’s how people feel when they lose someone. They cry and cry and try to end the pain which seems to suffocate until you pass out and realize that maybe you shouldn’t have held your breath. Kyuhyun chewed on his already chewed bottom lip, knowing perfectly well that he had nothing left to cry about.

There was closure. Somewhere in there, he had found closure.

For anyone who said you cannot experience death prior to death, clearly never knew one Cho Kyuhyun who mourned his own heart’s death for what was less than thirty days but felt like an agonizing Hell nonetheless.

But after death comes rebirth. Rebirth as the world fades and shrivels up beneath the fresh white snowfall.

The year had yet to see anything though. That is, until the last day of November. It was the very day Kyuhyun had summoned up the courage to claw his way back out of Hell, his reborn heart lifting him up like a hot air balloon with the ambition to rise higher than any skies.

He would lift up more and more, gaining speed with each marker past.

But it wouldn’t last forever. Eventually someone else among the countless hot air balloons would tangle their threads with his – perhaps purposefully, and if that happened, he would know for sure it was the wrong person. Definitely the wrong person, because the right person wouldn’t latch onto him; rather, they would be popped by the stars, destined to crash into Kyuhyun at full speed until they went falling in reverse, never touching the ground as the world flips upside down where gravity dictates no one and the falling becomes endless.

They were romantic notions but invaluable when his very sanity was on the line and quickly diminishing.

 So he sat there, time ticking away as he tried to gather his jumbled thoughts on love and loss and lust and limits.

And with great hesitancy, he pressed his pen to paper, recalling the people around him, recalling that woman, recalling the screams and shouts and knowing very well in his heart that he still had no escape from those charms.

_30 November 2013 – 11:56 P.M._

_I don’t know what I want to do now._

_I really don’t know what the future has in store. It seems like the world has fallen apart and I’ve been watching it come together again. Everything looks different to me._

_Maybe it’s because he’s gone and she was never really here._

_Whatever. I’m so done. I’m done with this shit._

_Things will get better. Somehow._


	27. One Fine Spring Day

7 December 2013

Eunhyuk picked Kyuhyun up from the bus station, taking in his friend’s somewhat ragged form. His black cap was pulled low over his eyes, red scarf tangled like a puff cloud around his neck and face. There was a backpack slung over his hunched shoulders.

Although he had heard quite a bit about what happened last month, it was still a sore spot with many missing details. What made it worse was that Eunhyuk couldn’t even sympathize. It seemed like everyone was happier among his friends – except for Kyuhyun. Things were going extremely well.

After all, Hyungsik had built up the courage to ask out Ryeowook. Kibum was still pining after Donghae, but it seemed like Donghae’s defenses were lessening. As for Eunhyuk, he couldn’t say that being in a relationship meant much to him at the moment. Not when he was so close to getting accepted for a summer study abroad trip for dance majors.

That, he believed, was better than any romance.

“So…why didn’t you come with Henry and G-Dragon?” Eunhyuk questioned as they shuffled through the salted streets, heading up the hill to his apartment.

“I had an exam yesterday,” he mumbled, the dark circles under his eyes a mixture of sleepless nights and drinking – not necessarily related incidents.

“Ah, I see,” he nodded slowly, “uhm, how have you been?”

Kyuhyun glanced at him, “Can’t say that I’m awesome.”

“Fair,” Eunhyuk muttered, slowing down as they neared his building. Pulling out his keys, he unlocked the main door and shook off the snow as they stood in the small lobby. “Well, the last time we talked, you were pretty gung ho about moving on.”

“Yeah, I still am,” he unfurled his scarf, shaking out his hair as they padded up the stairs, “I’m just tired. It’s not like the world is fantastic now that I’ve decided to move on properly.” He grimaced, unzipping his jacket as they entered the warm apartment. Shrugging off his back and slipping off his shoes, he shuffled into the empty living room, flopping down on the couch. Kyuhyun closed his eyes, breathing in and out slowly.

Eunhyuk watched him warily, feeling guilty. It was times like these that he remembered his friend did have feelings – a lot of them, actually. Despite being a royal jackass, Kyuhyun had a cute side. Unfortunately, most people never really got to know that sensitive cuteness.

“You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” Eunhyuk asked tentatively, pouring both of them a cup of tea.

“Yes,” he grunted, burying his face in a pillow. “There’s no point.”

“Well…okay,” he trailed off, bringing over the warm drink. He sat down next to his friend, patting his head. “It’s a new month. All of that is in the past now.” Smiling slightly at Kyuhyun’s muscles relaxing, he went on, “We’re gonna see a live performance from G-Dragon, and we get to see Ryeowook finally perform _One Fine Spring Day_.”

“What song?” Kyuhyun lifted his head faintly.

“That’s the title of the song Ryeowook is performing?” he repeated curiously confused. “I thought you knew about it. It’s the one you helped write.”

“Yeah, no, I remember,” he mumbled softly, “I just never heard the title. It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve thought about it.” Kyuhyun spoke nonchalantly, but there was something stirring in his chest – something incredibly warm and exhilarating coming out from the depths of a place he couldn’t identify.

***

Ryeowook stared out the window, drumming his fingers against his desk. He wore a sweater over his favorite pajama shirt, the blue one with the cute little music note bouncing down the  piano key staircase whirling down in rainbow hues.

“Nervous?” Kibum guessed, looking at his roommate in amusement. He was tucked neatly into bed, a notebook and textbook laid out on his lap.

“A little bit,” he admitted, tapping his foot as the clock struck five in the evening. He was expected to be in the theatre for preparations by six.

“Why don’t you go see Hyungsik? I bet he’s out of dance practice by now.”

Just as Ryeowook was about to respond, there was a knock at the door. Jolting up, he went to answer it, opening the door and immediately feeling relief. He threw his arms out, wrapping them around Hyungsik’s neck. The latter blinked, giving Kibum a questioning look as he returned the embrace.

“He’s really anxious,” Kibum chuckled, “you should take him out to eat or something. I can’t study when he’s being so fidgety.”

“Sorry,” Ryeowook looked at his roommate apologetically. Slowly lowering his arms, he looked up at his lover. “So why are you here?”

“I finished dance practice,” he responded and somewhere in the background, Ryeowook heard Kibum swallow a laugh, “and I thought you would be hungry around now.” Hyungsik smiled. “It’ll be my treat.”

“Treating me to school food?” he raised an eyebrow, “I guess that’s fine.”

“Don’t be a brat.” He chuckled, kissing his hair, “Then let’s go.”

“Just give me a second,” Ryeowook pulled away, heading to his closet to grab a jacket, scarf, and shoes. He didn’t tell anyone, but that shirt – the very blue and bouncy one – was his lucky item. No matter what, he had to wear it during nerve-wracking situations otherwise he had a horrible feeling that everything would go terribly wrong. He hadn’t told anyone and didn’t plan on it, but that very shirt would be safely worn beneath his collared shirt, suit and tie.

The door shut.

Kibum paused, feeling like he was forgetting something. It suddenly clicked and he clapped his hands. “Oh shoot, I forgot to tell him!” Shaking his head, he bent back over his textbooks. “It’s okay, I’m sure I can tell him later.” A small smile played on his lips. After all, he was positive that Ryeowook would be bouncing off the walls when he heard that Kyuhyun had arrived.

As they headed out, Ryeowook peered out the window of the third floor lounge. “It’s snowing again,” he remarked, placing his mitten-hand in Hyungsik’s. He snuggled his face into the scarf, eyes smiling up at the taller male. “I feel bad sometimes that you ended up just giving me your muffler.”

“It’s fine, I’ll take it back eventually,” he teased.

Ryeowook rolled his eyes. They ventured out into the cold, taking a turn down to the café. Street lamps glowed warmly in the frigid air, lighting their way through pine trees and Christmas decorations lining every walkway. Red ribbons were tied to the base of floodlights, little bells jingling at the tips.

“I’m going to head over to the theatre right after we eat,” Ryeowook explained as they set their coats down at a table. “I want to go over the song one more time before I perform it.” They walked together to the food stations, standing off to the side as they considered what to eat.

Hyungsik frowned. “You’re being too cautious. That song is beautiful and you sing it perfectly,” he squeezed his hand, kissing it softly. “You’ve probably practiced the life out of it already.” It was meant to be a joke, but when he saw Ryeowook flinch, he immediately knew that he had hit the nail on the head. “No, no, I didn’t—” he tried to assure him, but it was already too late.

“—I _have_ practiced the life out of it. That’s the problem,” he spoke calmly, but the undertones of panic were obvious. “I…I don’t know what’s going on, but I think maybe I’ve lost all of the emotions from that song. I can’t remember how I felt when I first sang it. There’s something missing now.”

“Do you think practicing it again later will fix that?” Hyungsik asked carefully, wary of the words sounding critical.

Ryeowook didn’t seem to take it that way though and just smiled helplessly. “I don’t know. It might though.” He walked toward the cafeteria worker. “Don’t worry too much. I think I can figure it out.”

The words were empty, of course.

***

The day had been relatively quiet. He couldn’t find the words he wanted to say to Kyuhyun. Although he knew his friend had been trying to get over everything that happened a month ago – many things that Eunhyuk refused to talk about for the sake of everyone’s well-being – it was clear that it still stung him. Whatever was going through Kyuhyun’s head was hidden from view.

However, a few things were more obvious. The way his eyes looked. That was the most painful part. Eunhyuk didn’t want to make eye-contact purely because it was difficult to meet Kyuhyun’s dead gaze. It wasn’t like in high school when he ended things with Sungmin.

At that time, it was a whirlwind of desperation and pathetic displays of affection. Kyuhyun went insane, breaking down like the world was trying to rip his heart and soul out.

But this was different. There was acceptance. But it was coupled with disarray. Every time Eunhyuk accidentally caught a whiff of the atmosphere around his friend, he simply couldn’t deny the haze of confusion. As if all Kyuhyun could think was “what do I do now?” except the thoughts were earnest – a very sincere attempt made to control the sinking feelings and figure out what he needed to do with himself.

“So how’s Kibum?”

Eunhyuk blinked. “Oh, him? He’s fine. He’s been studying a lot recently.”

Kyuhyun laughed, but it was short and only his shoulders shook. “I meant how’s he doing with the Donghae thing.”

“Ah,” he chuckled lightly as they continued on their way to the theatre, “they’re fine too. I think Kibum is making some progress though. Didn’t you tell me about your friend Heechul before? Whatever happened to him?”

Eunhyuk had told Kyuhyun earlier on that to get good seats they needed to get there early – though it was sort of pointless since they were guaranteed great viewing already. Furthermore, the latter wanted to see Henry and G-Dragon prior to the performance. They spent a lot of time together back at SME, but it was still going to be the first time Kyuhyun saw them prepping for a real stage. G-Dragon wasn’t someone who regularly threw parties or performed for fun in his private life.

Technically, the public wasn’t allowed to enter the actual theatre where the performance was going to take place until half an hour before the start time. Then again, most of the public didn’t know the main act personally.

“Heechul is finalizing his plans. He should be leaving for China after finals week,” Kyuhyun stated, “but I won’t lie. I haven’t had much time to talk to him. Both of us have been really busy, considering all the stuff we need to do.”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Eunhyuk nodded. “G-Dragon has you on a short leash?”

A faint smirk touched his lips as he unwound his scarf upon entering the warm building, “Always, but never as short as Henry’s.” Looking around, Kyuhyun pointed down the long stretch of hallway past the hoard of people crowded around the entrance to the theatre. “I’m gonna go use the bathroom.”

“Okay, just go around the side entrance to the auditorium when you’re done,” his friend called, indicating the dark door marked “STAFF ONLY”.

Kyuhyun waved and started heading away. He let go of a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. The hallway was long and lined with practice rooms. For a moment, he wondered why it looked so familiar and then it clicked. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling just a little bit at the remembrance of a cow suit and a sweet, sweet voice.

But it was just nostalgia, nothing more.

He ambled further down, eyes passing over each glass window, noting how none were in use. The last room on the left suddenly caught his attention though. It was dim inside, but also clearly being used by someone. Slowing down, he peered through the glass, seeing a single person’s profile.

Kyuhyun came to a full stop before he realized what he was doing. The person wore a collared button down, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. Muffled music was playing in the background. Dark brown hair crowned his face, high cheekbones prominent but soft. The muscles of his throat shifted and breathed with every note he let loose. His slight frame shook faintly from the effort, brows drawn together as if frustrated by the very sounds he was producing.

Suddenly, the figure stopped and turned completely away, the half of his face Kyuhyun had been able to see gone now. A slim, smooth neck that seemed strangely familiar stretched and disappeared beneath the dark dress shirt. Silently, Kyuhyun pushed the door open, surprised to see it wasn’t locked. Perhaps this person was more frazzled than he originally thought.

“No, no, no, this isn’t right…” And then he knew. Like a rush of warm wind on a spring day, like putting the last piece of a puzzle in place…exactly like his world had finally stilled.

He pressed Play, letting his favorite song fill the room once more.

Coming up behind him, Cho Kyuhyun closed his hands over the surprised figure’s eyes. “You’re singing it wrong, Ryeowook.”


	28. 7 December 2013

7 December 2013

It was quiet, except for that song which seemed to grow louder and louder until both of them were drowning. The pressure was warm, closing around them until nothing else seemed to exist.

Losing Sungmin felt so far away.

Being trapped by her felt like a broken dream washed away.

And in this very moment, standing with Ryeowook felt right.

“Keep your eyes closed, okay?” Kyuhyun spoke softly, sliding his hands away to gently turn the male around. Obediently, Ryeowook still had his eyes shut, his breaths coming out slow and steady now. Listening to the melody, Kyuhyun placed his hands on either side of the other’s head, fingertips brushing faintly in his hair. Slowly, he rested his forehead against Ryeowook’s, voice low and silky.

_Your comforting scent fills the room_

He caught his breath, closed his fingers over the backs of Kyuhyun’s hands. The latter continued singing, privately…softly.

_in the flowers scattered around_

_Because I’m afraid one day I won’t be able to feel it_

Warm brown eyes fluttered open, a chin tilting up slightly as their bowed gazes met. Ryeowook stared unabashed at the face which had faded from memory, slowly watching as nostalgia lessened its haze and gave him back one particular sunset.

_I want to take hold of even the air that you were in_

As Kyuhyun fell into silence, the little smile on his lips remained.

_You are so very far, so very far_

Ryeowook felt his heart jolt, body shaking ever so slightly at how honestly the lyrics tumbled from his lips.

_To be honest I miss you every day_

A small smirk cut Kyuhyun’s expression and Ryeowook couldn’t stop himself from laughing, smacking the back of the male’s hand lightly. The melody drew them back in, their bodies inching closer together until the tips of their shoes touched.

_Even the very small, very small trivial things_

_make me think of you every day_

Ryeowook sat on the well-lit stage, his mind far away as he sang until his voice echoed throughout the theatre. The audience below clung to each note as if he were delivering a divine message. His eyes were caught on someone though as he wound toward the end.

There, sitting front row and returning the gaze was Kyuhyun.

_A day becomes months_

_It seems that even in my heart too a new spring has come…_

He felt his fingers catch on his pants at the words, mind fluttering back to before the show had begun. But it was okay, because all of it was blending together. This song was one continuous time stream.

_Kyuhyun’s breaths were shorter, fingers sliding a little deeper into Ryeowook’s hair, curling around his ears to hold him closer. He couldn’t stop his erratic heartbeat, lips quivering so softly._

_You are in such a far away, far away, far off place_

_I believe to you every day is spring_

_Every day is another day to fall in love, to open your eyes and see the person who makes sense of an answer you can’t recall. That’s what Ryeowook thought, at least. He pressed his head harder against Kyuhyun’s, their noses brushing faintly._

_On a far off day, a very far off future, if you see me again_

_And somehow, the smile they shared was only to be shared between them. Kyuhyun closed his eyes, as did Ryeowook. Their breaths mingled as the final line found itself freed._

Through the spotlights and static, they shared that twinkle of amusement – of affection, that couldn’t be properly understood yet.

_“Tell me we were always together…”_

_A phone rang._

But even the cheering couldn’t tear them apart as it became a muffled noise filling what gaps existed in their shared spotlight.

 

“Who said you were allowed to sing that well?” Youngwoon ruffled his little brother’s hair, hugging him tightly.

Behind him, Leeteuk watched on, chuckling softly as he held a bouquet of sapphire blue roses. Ribbons and pearls burst out of the extravagant present. “Congratulations,” he grinned, opening his arms accept the hug Ryeowook was aiming for. He squeezed the small boy, kissing the top of his head.

Moments later, all of his friends were barreling into him and his bouquet, laughing and cheering. Eunhyuk grabbed him first, followed Donghae and Kibum. They were smiling maddeningly, mussing up Ryeowook’s clothes and hair. From the corner of his eye, he saw Kyuhyun who met his gaze behind a puffy looking red scarf.

Somehow, a laugh bubbled up inside of Ryeowook and he pointed at the large cloud of knitted wool. All of them turned to look at what he was indicating and immediately Eunhyuk started laughing too. “Why is it so big?” Ryeowook managed betweens giggles.

Kyuhyun blinked, looking offended. “My scarf is warm! That’s what matters!”

“You’re such a grandma,” Eunhyuk scoffed, snatching his wrist and dragging him into the huddle of excitement.

All of them started bouncing again, talking over one another in their attempts to say what their favorite parts of the performances were. From behind Ryeowook, he felt two arms wrap around his waist, pulling him out of the tangle of limbs. Squeaking, he turned his head, seeing Hyungsik smiling at him.

Quickly turning around, he threw his arms around the tall male, hugging him tightly. “You found it?” Hyungsik murmured against his ear, holding him close.

“Yeah…,” Ryeowook mumbled, buzzing with energy, “I think I did.”

_“Oh, sorry, that’s mine,” his hands fell and his body pulled away. Kyuhyun watched, his own arms dropping in response as he tried to calm his quickening heart. Answering the call, Ryeowook turned slightly away, only now feeling the heat crawling up his face and pulsating where the warmth of Kyuhyun’s fingers lingered._

_“Where are you?” Hyungsik asked through the phone, the sound of audience members crowding his voice with static._

_“I was just practicing a bit,” he responded, “Everything is fine. Did you get a good seat?”_

_He chuckled. “Yeah, I did. I’m so excited to see you! Everyone is here with me too, if you can hear them.” Sure enough, Ryeowook caught the sound of his friends. “Eunhyuk said he got front row and refuses to move, so he’s not here,” Hyungsik explained._

_“That’s okay! I’ll just watch him during the entire performance.”_

_“I’ll tell him you said that,” Hyungsik laughed._

_Ryeowook mumbled his goodbyes and then turned around, expecting to see Kyuhyun, but he was already gone._

“Hey!” Henry’s voice jolted all of them, acting like a key to break their embrace.

Separating, Ryeowook waved back, immediately receiving another bone crushing hug. “You were amazing!” Henry gushed, eyes filled with admiration.

“That was amazing.”

Everyone turned, the hallway filling with hushed and poorly hushed screams of excitement as G-Dragon strode toward them. He was no longer wearing his exhibition clothing, opting for a black pea coat with a thickly fur lined collar, a mostly plain sweater and dark jeans. It was almost obvious to Henry and Kyuhyun that their mentor was already getting ready for bed.

Stifling their laughs, Henry approached Jiyoung first, giving him a hug. “Don’t forget that you were amazing too! I almost forgot that you were a superstar,” he teased.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jiyoung scoffed, smiling fondly nonetheless. He turned his attention back to Ryeowook though. “I think you may have beaten me with that voice and song of yours,” he watched the student flush bright red, but didn’t stop, “Next time, we’ll talk more.” Smoothly, he slid his business card into Ryeowook’s pocket, nodding once at him before herding Henry away. “Don’t stay out too late, Kyuhyun!”

The younger male made a face, not replying to the taunt. Glancing over at Ryeowook, he nudged his shoulder. “Don’t look so dumbstruck,” Kyuhyun murmured, chuckling.

Blinking and shaking his head, Ryeowook reached into his pocket, looking at the card in awe. “This is incredible…”

“G-Dragon has been looking for talent,” Kyuhyun explained so only they could hear, “he told us that he’s got something planned for this coming semester, but I don’t know exactly what yet.”

“Oh really? Wow,” he trailed off, barely catching his breath at the opportunities that seemed to be opening up for him. “What’s it like—”

“—you two are really friendly.”

Kyuhyun and Ryeowook stopped, turning around to see Eunhyuk eyeing them. Laughing a little, Ryeowook shook his head, attempting to explain, “Well, we sort of had a bonding moment earlier. I was panicking about my performance and Kyuhyun helped me out.”

“Ah,” he grunted, still skeptical.

Kibum patted Eunhyuk’s back. “I agree with you,” he grinned cheekily, “they act like they’re in their own little world. It’s a little annoying, don’t you think?”

“Very annoying,” Eunhyuk teased.

“I think it’s cute,” Donghae remarked, confused. “But I guess it’s also a little lonely for us.” At that, Kibum burst out laughing, throwing his arms around the male. Donghae laughed along as well, though he still wasn’t sure why.

Hyungsik closed his hand around Ryeowook’s, leaning over his shoulder. “Let’s go celebrate with everyone,” he kissed his cheek, hugging him with his free arm. “Kibum made reservations, right?” he looked over at his friend.

Nodding and coughing a little, he said, “Yup!” Glancing over at Youngwoon and Leeteuk, he quickly added, “There’s extra room too! Would both of you like to come?”

Leeteuk chuckled. “You kids go have fun. We’ll have Ryeo all to ourselves once winter break starts.”

“I wanna go!” Youngwoon huffed.

Leeteuk slapped his arm, frowning at him. “Let them go be young! We’re already old men!”

“Maybe _you_ are! I’m still hip,” he argued.

Sighing, he led Youngwoon toward the door after throwing Ryeowook one more smile, “We’ll see you soon. Good luck with everything okay? I’m taking him back to the hotel.”

“Thank you for coming!” he called, waving as his brother grudgingly left.

“You know, I’ve been wondering for a while now…,” Kibum began as they all headed toward the exit, “but why is your brother’s fiancée always so busy?”

Ryeowook smiled. “She’s a flight attendant, so her schedule is super erratic. When she is around though, I really like it. I mean, Teukie-hyung is the best of course, but she’s a nice woman.”

“Is he a close family friend?” Hyungsik inquired.

“Yeah, Teukie-hyung used to live next door and he and my brother were friends before I even born. I’m pretty sure he was at the hospital when I my mom was pregnant too,” he stated, thinking about it, “Wow, he really is part of the family.”

Kyuhyun just listened silently, soaking up the information. He didn’t really know how to explain it, but even these mundane stories seemed interesting. Just being near Ryeowook felt like the right thing to be doing. Whatever it was about the male, he couldn’t pinpoint, but there was definitely something drawing them together. And even if he wanted to deny it, he had no way to – hell, everyone else seemed to notice too.

Eunhyuk tapped his shoulder, voice low. “Hey, did something happen? You look…better.”

A smile formed on his lips. “Yeah, I feel good.”


	29. 12 December 2013

12 December 2013

“Finals are _over_!” Ryeowook stretched, flopping back on the old lounge couch. His backpack was unceremoniously dropped on the floor, arms strewn across the cushions. There was a pounding in his head as if he had really just fried his brain of every last intelligent thought.

Chuckling from the small kitchen on their floor caught his attention and he looked over the edge of the couch to see Jongwoon making hot chocolate. “Congrats on finishing your first finals week in college,” he raised his mug in cheers before sipping from it.

“Thank you,” he grinned widely. “My brother is coming to pick me up tonight. When do you leave, Jongwoon-hyung?”

“Next week,” he sighed, coming over to sit beside the lone boy, “I have to finish checking people out for the break, so I’m stuck.”

“Being an RA must be difficult,” Ryeowook nodded sympathetically, “You’ll be home in time for the holidays though, right?”

Jongwoon smiled, petting the younger one’s hair sweetly. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.” Taking another sip of the hot chocolate, he offered it to Ryeowook who gratefully drank. “I wonder if Kibum is enjoying his warm weather back home in Los Angeles.”

“I bet he is, that lucky duck,” he frowned, “I told him to bring me along, but he just laughed and left.”

“I think I would do the same thing,” he chuckled. “I guess you better finish packing. Don’t want to upset that brother of yours.” Jongwoon patted his cheek.

Ryeowook grinned. “Yeah, I have a few more things to clean up. Have a great break if I don’t see you again before I leave.” He wrapped his arms around the older male, feeling Jongwoon return the hug gently.

 

It always got darker faster, much to Youngwoon’s disdain. He never liked driving at night, but it seemed like the only time he was ever free to do things. Beside him was his little brother in the passenger seat as they headed away from the school and toward their home.

Ryeowook was flipping through radio stations displeased with each one he passed by. The songs were all incredibly festive, making rhymes about sleighs and families. He ignored the faint pang of nostalgia, crushing any of those notions with the fact that he never truly enjoyed family gatherings anyway. None of them were ever in his favor, so what was the point in pretending that they actually held a warm place in his heart when they didn’t?

“Mom and dad are doing well,” Youngwoon remarked as they settled on a classical music station. His leather gloves hands shifted on the steering wheel.

“That’s good to hear,” his brother nodded, “I’m glad that they’re doing well.”

“They’re having a big family reunion for Christmas,” he explained, turning onto the highway, “but I’m going to tell them I have to work on Christmas. That way, you, me, Yoonji, and Teuk can celebrate together. I mean, if you want to.”

Ryeowook cracked a smile. “Thank you,” he mumbled, clearing his throat as he went on, “but it’s fine. You and Yoonji-noona should go and be with the family. Teukie-hyung is probably invited as well. Mother and father don’t deserve both of their sons to disappear.”

Youngwoon bit back a retort, not wanting to say what he knew, but at the same time wanting to make it clear that Ryeowook didn’t have to be so considerate of people who clearly saw him as a stranger now. “This is fine,” he finally sighed. “I’d rather spend it with you anyway. You and I are closer than any of those relatives are to me.”

“It’s not,” he argued firmly, shooting his brother a look, “They aren’t young anymore. Our family is already estranged enough. There’s no point is making it harder for them to rest peacefully. I don’t blame them for not accepting me anymore.” Ryeowook glanced out the window, seeing that the sky was bright white and promising of a thick snowfall. He exhaled slowly, trying to calm himself. “They gave me enough. I won’t forget the years they invested in me. I respect them for giving me cherished memories and place to grow up.” A small laugh escaped him, surprising both him and Youngwoon. “It’s not funny,” Ryeowook quickly corrected, “I just don’t want to blame them because hating them isn’t fair. They raised me, whether they like it or not, and because of them, I became brave enough to embrace who I am. We may not agree on the road and personality I was destined for, but they helped me to get here. Making sure to not ruin the rest of their lives is the last present I will give them and I hope they can be happy.”

At that, Youngwoon could say nothing. Hundreds of emotions flooded his mind and body, making him question everything he has felt – had thought was right, up until then. If they were raised by the same couple, why didn’t he grow up brave like Ryeowook?

Why was he still hiding everything? Why couldn’t bring himself – even now – to admit that he adored his fiancée, but was and always had been head-over-heels in love with his best friend? Why was it so fucking hard to calmly decide on a future when his baby brother had done it so maturely? Youngwoon had practically raised the kid.

Had he simply failed in raising himself? He smiled bitterly, finding no comfort in that realization.

They drove in silence for a long time, Ryeowook only speaking up as they took the highway exit into their town. “Hyungsik already told me that he wants to spend Christmas Eve together, so it’s not like I won’t have any good memories. I can just relax on Christmas Day and you, me, noona, and Teukie-hyung can open presents and eat together during the day before you go to the family dinner,” Ryeowook stated simply, looking over at his brother finally.

Youngwoon pursed his lips, thinking over the proposition. “I guess…that’s fine. Who’s Hyungsik again?” He frowned, trying to place the name with a face. All of those wild college kids had morphed into just one big blob when he saw them at the winter concert.

“You met him,” Ryeowook chuckled, “he’s tall and has dark hair. I was with him a lot?”

“And you’re dating him?” he raised a curious eyebrow.

“Yup,” he nodded, “only for about a month and a half though.”

Youngwoon grunted. “Well, introduce him soon. We can have dinner together – his treat.”

Ryeowook slapped his brother’s arm. “No way!”

“Fine, fine,” he resigned, “it can be your treat.” That earned him a second hit.

***

Henry kept his cap low over his eyes as he shuffled through the snow. Shopping bags both big and small hung from his arms as he tried to make his way home faster. Music played through the speakers of the various districts in the city, filling the streets with warmth on the cold night.

Each present was already wrapped and tied with ribbon. He had refused to spend time doing so when he found out his practice schedule for the rest of December. The very thought of seeing his family for Christmas was out the window. It was alright though. Henry had convinced himself that in order to do what needed to be done this was the only option available.

Besides, his family understood. They had already set up a video chat date on Christmas. That was why Henry would just settle for sending out all of their presents tomorrow morning and hope that they somehow arrived quickly.

On the other hand, his right coat pocket felt particularly warm and important as he thought about what was sitting inside of it. Although he had been making a measly income thus far, what he had saved up went directly to all of the Christmas fun – including a much needed thank you gift for his mentor. It was the present he had spent the most time searching for and to him, it was absolutely perfect.

Henry sighed as he was hit with the cozy warmth of his apartment building’s lobby. Quickly shaking off excess snow, he headed to the elevator, punching in the floor number. Leaning back against the hand railing, he closed his eyes, trying not to smile too much. Jiyoung would definitely notice if he was too giddy.

The elevator doors swept open and he stepped into the small hallway. There was only one room on the floor and it belonged to the one and only G-Dragon.

Henry unlocked the door, twisting the knob and pushing his way inside. “I’m home—!” his voice caught in his throat. Blinking in surprise, he stared at Jiyoung who was tangled on the couch with a stranger. Or, well, not a stranger. The man was very familiar. And then it hit him and he shut the door immediately, heart pounding at the very thought of how many scandals there would be if anyone found out G-Dragon and T.O.P were more than singing partners.

Jiyoung pushed the older male off, lips red and cheeks flushed. “Oh, Henry. Welcome home,” he said hastily, sounding flustered as he tried to fix his shirt.

At least he had the decency to be like that. Henry shook off the thought. It really wasn’t his business. And besides, it definitely didn’t look like the first time. “Sorry,” he muttered, lowering his head as he sped up the stairs to his bedroom. “Good night, hyung.” And he unceremoniously shut his door, clicking the lock at record speed.

Henry stared at the opposing wall of his room as he slumped back against the wooden door. His mind was blank and roiling at the same time. At his own thoughts, he flushed deeply, refusing to accept the feelings of monopoly that surged through him. Burying his face in his arms, he crushed the childish emotions.


	30. 24 December 2013

24 December 2013

_Alright. You can do this. It’s already been more than a week. Pull it together._

Henry sat in front of the large Christmas tree, eyes sweeping over the ornaments that twinkled and twirled, reflecting bits of tinsel here and there. The clock was just striking four in the morning and the apartment was perfectly silent.

Rolling onto his back, he stared up at the high ceiling. It was normal for him to be too excited to sleep during big holidays, but this time, it was for a slightly different reason. Of course he wasn’t extremely upset. How could he be when it was a perfectly natural thing? People wanted to be with loved ones during the holidays, not with their work projects.

He had just been slightly mistaken about their relationship. Somewhere inside, Henry had simply assumed that because Jiyoung housed him, they were automatically more than just coworkers. No one else in South Korea was as close to him as Jiyoung, minus Kibum. Was it really so silly to think that maybe they would spend Christmas and Christmas Eve together like a family?

Covering his face, he swallowed the urge to think of their relationship as anything but family. How could he be that ridiculous? Henry bit down on his lip, suddenly understanding how millions of people had fallen for G-Dragon. It was so gradual and somewhere along the way, you realized how easy it is to feel more than admiration.

But it was just a crush – one he didn’t know existed until he saw his mentor shacking up with another super idol.

Henry frowned, logically reasoning his foolishness. There was no reason to be so hung up on something that only happened in his mind. Crushes were a common fact of life. They happened and eventually they stopped. Nodding to himself, he yawned and picked up the little blue box holding Jiyoung’s present. It was incredibly irresponsible to feel so infatuated with the person who was taking care of him and guiding him through his music career.

What if something did happen between them and then they had a falling out? They would never recover to be as they are now.

That’s why it was better to just choke on those feelings and force them down.

Henry sat up, looking around the empty apartment. Jiyoung had left late last night for a short vacation, leaving his little prodigy to attend production meetings and dance practices diligently until his return on the 27th. On the other hand, Henry didn’t think that sounded very appealing at all.

Not when he knew his mentor was probably off having a blast with Choi Seunghyun aka TOP the renowned rapper.

“Jealous, much?” he muttered bitterly.

Shaking it off, he got to his feet and bounded up the stairs. Changing out of his pajamas, he shrugged on his coat and scarf before heading back down to the door. On the way, he flicked off the Christmas tree lights and snagged his wallet and phone from the coffee table. Slipping his sneakers on, he snatched his keys and was out the door.

It wasn’t quite like the first time he had made an impromptu departure. At least now he could actually read Korean signs. Henry made his way to the train station, planning quite literally to ride the rails until there was nothing left to ride. That was what he considered a great way to spend his Christmas Eve. Well, as great as it could get in the circumstances.

Perhaps it was good that Jiyoung wasn’t babying him. This way, the boundaries of their relationship were better set in stone. Henry had a few days to truly collect himself until he saw the older male again. At that time, he was determined to be perfectly and utterly rid of his infatuation.

***

Ryeowook was up rather earlier, getting his hair fixed just right before heading out of the house around seven in the morning. It wasn’t a particularly long bus ride to Hyungsik’s house, but it was decently lengthy enough to require mobile transportation that early in the day. Not to mention, his head was still a little light.

Climbing down the stairs, he saw that no one was yet awake. He grabbed an apple and placed Hyungsik’s present in a travel bag before scribbling a note for his brother to tell him that he had already left. Satisfied, Ryeowook silently shut and locked the front door, shuffling down the street to the bus stop.

Once settled into his seat, he pulled out his phone, finding a new text message from Kyuhyun.

Smiling, he quickly opened it. They had been messaging one another on and off since school ended, but ever since last night it had been constant. Ryeowook wasn’t even quite sure what they were talking about, yet somehow it was still fun.

**K: I just woke up =/_\=**

**R: Ah? Still tired? Haha**

**K: Mm…little bit. It’s almost Christmas!**

**R: Are you gonna do anything today?**

**K: Probably run away**

**R: Why?**

He frowned. That was an odd thing to saw on Christmas Eve. What was there to run away from?

**K: Dad got my report card from first semester. He saw my major change to music.**

**R: Are you okay??**

**K: I don’t know yet. It was too late last night for him to yell at me.**

**R: Tell me if anything happens, alright?**

**K: Will you come running? Haha**

**R: If I have to!**

**K: I’ll hold you to that then**

The bus came to a halt and Ryeowook lifted his head, seeing the street name. Getting up, he pushed his pocket into his phone and headed out, swinging his bag slightly. There were families already out and about, along with business men and women making their way to work.

A few shops were scattered around the residential area. Ryeowook bypassed them, eyes sweeping over the assortment of goods and sweets from local bakeries. Burrowing deeper into his scarf, or rather, Hyungsik’s scarf, he started searching for the correct house number. It definitely had to be around there somewhere. He tightened his hold on the present, scanning each building’s address plate.

Stopping on the sidewalk, he tilted his head. Did he miss it?

Sighing he was about to start again when two arms caught him from behind. Yelping, Ryeowook craned his neck, seeing Hyungsik smiling at him. Turning around, he hugged him tightly. “Where is your house? I couldn’t find it!” he laughed.

“Sorry, I realized I gave you my unit number, not my building number,” he explained sheepishly, “we live on the upper level.” Leaning down, he softly brushed his lips against Ryeowook’s, giving him another sweet smile. “Merry Christmas Eve!”

“If all you got me was a kiss…”

Hyungsik rolled his eyes, pulling his boyfriend back down the street.

***

Henry wandered the streets of Mokpo, still slightly groggy from the three hour train ride. When he woke up, he was already at the last stop. The next train back to Seoul wasn’t arriving until that night, so he was officially stuck in a foreign city for Christmas Eve…alone.

Sighing, he pressed on, stopping by a coffee shop. At first, the idea of travelling all the way to South Korea to become a musician was terrifying and then it became something like a dream with his preparations for debut. But then it struck him as he ordered hot chocolate that early morning. Here he was, supposedly living the dream, yet that dream apparently involved being there in that coffee shop alone.

He pulled out his phone, having felt a vibration.

**Jiyoung: Need you at the studio to rerecord a track @ 3 today**

**Henry: I’m sick. Not going.**

**Jiyoung: You’re sick? How?**

**Henry: People get sick.**

**Jiyoung: Okay, I’ll tell them. Do you have medicine? I’m sending someone over.**

**Henry: No I’m fine. I have medicine. Don’t send anyone. I wanna be alone.**

He turned off his phone, feeling slightly entitled. It was childish to throw a temper tantrum but just for today, he wanted to. So far in his stay with Jiyoung, he had only freaked out twice. That was pretty good, right? Most people his age were probably far crazier. The stress was no joke, but Henry loved the opportunity to share his talents.

A lot of other trainees just didn’t have the same passion. It was something that quite often irked him. Why did they complain about the extra practices? Why did they cry and gossip about stupid things? Henry questioned their reasons for becoming idols all the time.

Then again, as he waited at the bar for his hot chocolate, he sort of understood their frustrations. If attaining musician status meant not being with loved ones on Christmas…well, he wondered if it was really worth it in the long run.

“Uhm, excuse me.”

Henry looked up, smiling quickly at the woman who was offering him his drink. She was middle-aged with a kind face. Her hair was slightly disheveled, probably from the morning rush for coffee. “Thank you,” he nodded at her, reaching for the drink. However, she didn’t hand it over quite yet, seemingly scrutinizing him. Embarrassed, Henry lowered his hand, tilting his head at her. “Is there something wrong?”

She blinked and hurriedly handed him his hot chocolate. “Oh no, I’m sorry,” she laughed softly, “you look like someone my son has been talking a lot about recently. He’s in college studying dance and he told me that there’s this amazing boy who’s being trained by a famous idol.”

“Oh, really?” Henry mumbled, blowing on the plastic cover. He had a weird feeling about that description.

“Yes, yes,” she nodded enthusiastically, “he’s home for his winter break and ever since he’s been going on and on about the amazing things at college.” The woman chuckled fondly. “He’s very happy and that makes me happy.”

“Is your son planning on joining the entertainment industry?” he asked, leaning slightly on the counter.

“I hope so! His face is too handsome to waste on a normal job!” Clapping her hands, she quickly wiped them off on her apron and pulled out her wallet. “Here, I have a picture of him.”

Henry looked around the coffee shop, feeling slightly less bad about distracting the barista when he realized that there was no one waiting to order. Turning his attention back to her, he smiled and leaned closer as she flipped though the petite pictures in their plastic slips.

“My sweet, sweet son,” she cooed affectionately, running his rough thumb across the edge of the picture. It was of a smiling young man. His hair was dark brown – the same color as his round eyes. The way his face curled into that happy expression was so perfectly unique and carelessly happy that Henry was sure he could recognize it anywhere.

Eyes widening, he tapped his hand against the countertop. “Ah! You’re Donghae-hyung’s mom?” he exclaimed.

Immediately, her face lit up. “You are Henry!” She reached out, patting his cheek tenderly before quickly bowing her head. “Thank you for taking care of my Donghae.”

“No, no, he takes care of me,” Henry dropped his head, bowing stiffly. “Him and Eunhyuk-hyung, and Kyu-hyung, Ryeowook-hyung and Kibum-hyung too. They’re all very amazing upperclassmen.”

They chatted and greeted each other, words and praise overlapping until Mrs. Lee touched the young man’s arm, asking, “But why are you all the way out here in Mokpo? I heard that you’re from Canada.”

He suppressed the discomfort that rose up inside of him and smiled at her. “Uhm, I fell asleep while on the train and ended up here. I have to work during Christmas, so I couldn’t go home.”

Immediately, her face fell and Henry tried to comfort her but failed miserably as she started rambling about how a young boy couldn’t spend the holidays alone. Internally, he wanted to agree, but that wasn’t possible in the current situation. Mrs. Lee checked her watch, squeezing Henry’s arm soothingly. “You know what? I’m gonna call Donghae and have him come pick you up. You can spend Christmas with us.”

“No, I couldn’t—”

“—you _can_. I insist,” she urged firmly, patting his shoulder. “Just wait here.” In a flash, she was calling Donghae and before Henry even comprehended what happened, she was saying, “He’ll be here in five minutes to come get you, so sit tight, okay?”

All he could do was nod dumbly, stiffly settling down in a chair by the window.

 


	31. Come Running

24 December 2013

Brunch on Christmas Eve was their tradition. He had never been a super early riser, so his family had decided long ago that a less grouchy Kyuhyun was worth the two hour delay for food. However, on that particular day, no matter how good the food was, nothing could change the heavy atmosphere.

Kyuhyun adjusted his collared shirt, beginning to feel suffocated. Playing with the edge of his tie, he imagined loosening it, but knew better than to actually attempt that. The restaurant they ate at was heavily decked out for Christmas, the fireplaces turned on and the warm golden lights hanging from walls. Their family sat beside one of the trees, slightly hidden away from the other dining families.

His sister cleared her throat. “How has work been, father?”

“Fine,” he responded, forking a piece of food to eat. “How is your husband? Why couldn’t he make it to brunch?”

She smiled a little. “Actually, he caught a bad cold. I’m heading right back to take care of him after we eat.”

“Ah, even holidays can’t ward off sickness,” Mr. Cho clicked his tongue disapprovingly. His eyes drifted over to his quiet son once more. Clearing his throat, he sipped his red wine and leaned back. “Kyuhyun,” he began, nearly making his son jump out of his skin. “I called SME University this morning. You will be continuing as a law student in the spring.”

He froze.

“They agreed that it was understandable as you come from a well-educated family of scholars. For you to waste time on things like music—”

“No.”

His father slowly looked at him, mouth shut rigidly.

Kyuhyun gazed back at him, horror and fury mixing on his fine features. Deep offense cut his eyes. “You can’t just do that to me. I’ve thought about this clearly. Music is the only thing that makes sense in the end.”

“Don’t talk to your father like that,” Mrs. Cho scolded. “We aren’t saying these things to upset you, Kyu. Your future is already bright and secure. Don’t endanger it by wasting years on this frivolous interest.”

“It’s important to me.” He scooted away from the table, wanting to put any sort of distance possible between him and his parents. “Noona is allowed to play music,” Kyuhyun argued sharply, “why am I not?”

“You aren’t your sister,” Mr. Cho retorted. “There is a legacy you are expected to uphold. I will _not_ watch my only son, the future head of the Cho household die a starving artist!” he slammed the glass of wine back down, the pent up anger beginning to fuel him.

Kyuhyun stood up, snatching his jacket as he went. “I want this now. I don’t want to be someone I’m not,” he bit out. “My future is mine to make or break. I’ve already wasted too many years pretending that music is just a passing—” Hard knuckles connected with his jaw, flinging him backwards. Kyuhyun choked on his own breath, silently gasping as he crashed into an empty table.

Glass and porcelain tumbled to the red carpeted floor, some so delicate they broke on impact. Kyuhyun stared unblinkingly at an undefined point, eyes wide in surprise. The taste of warm iron filled his mouth. Touching the edge of his mouth, he felt blood trickling down from a cut on the corner of his lip.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mr. Cho spoke in a contained voice, glowering at his son, hands still fisted. Both mother and daughter were no longer looking, heads dropped. “Being a singer isn’t a lifetime career. It will end.”

“That’s fine,” Kyuhyun spat, deliberately ignoring the part of his conscience that told him he had just spit in someone’s restaurant. “I’d rather die happy than deal with the pain of regret.”

He pushed off the table he had been slumped over and strode away from his family. They called after him, but he pretended he couldn’t hear, disappearing down the hallway. Reaching into his pocket, he found his scarf and wrapped it tightly around his neck, buttoning the jacket as he went. Kyuhyun stuffed his hand into the other pocket, heart dropping as he realized that he left without his cell phone.

Cursing under his breath, he hunched his shoulders, deciding the next best thing was to wander the city. It could be fun, right? At least, it had to be better than whatever just happened with his father. Kyuhyun winced, feeling the aching of the lip wound more acutely than he had ever felt anything else.

For a split second, he wryly thought about how he wouldn’t be able to tell Ryeowook what happened. Laughing humorlessly, he continued down the emptying streets. “You can’t come running now, huh?”

***

Henry shoved Donghae, glaring at him. “You cheated!”

“I did not!” he huffed, shoving the younger boy back. The words “GAME OVER” flashed on the television screen with Donghae’s character celebrating underneath it while Henry’s moped. Grinning, the older male pressed reset. “You wanna play again?”

The expression on Henry’s face only sent Donghae into a new fit of laughter. He rolled on the floor, protecting his face as pillows were launched at him. “This game is stupid anyway!” Henry whined, curling into a ball, glowering at the Super Smash Bros. character selection page. “There’s nothing good about it…”

Donghae threw his arms around the pouting boy, still laughing. “Don’t blame the game. It’s fun!” He grinned, squeezing the balled up Henry a bit. “What do you wanna do instead?”

Snow had begun to fall softly. They sat in the living room of the Lee family’s one bedroom apartment, a petite Christmas tree settled in the corner by the balcony door. The scent of an apple-cinnamon candle wafted around the small area, making it all the cozier.

Henry smiled. “Thanks for inviting me over. I didn’t actually think I would be spending Christmas like this.”

“Oh, yeah, what happened?” Donghae tilted his head, resting it on Henry’s shoulder. “I never asked.”

 He wanted to bury his face in a hole, but held back the urge. “I was supposed to work on Christmas and Christmas Eve, but I didn’t want to. Also, Jiyoung-hyung is off on vacation so I just…I don’t know. I guess I got frustrated and left.”

“Why didn’t he take you on vacation?”

“We aren’t family,” Henry mumbled, “That’s the only reason I could think of. It makes sense though. It’s better to draw the lines now, don’t you agree?”

Donghae was frowning though, staring at a spot on the floor. “I don’t agree. Friends can be co-workers too and vice versa. I don’t think it’s weird at all for the two of you to vacation together, especially if he’s the one taking care of you personally and musically.”

He knew it was meant to be comforting, and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling of abandonment that grew with those words. So if it wasn’t weird, why? Why couldn’t he just spend Christmas with Henry like a family? Immediately, he crushed that thought, guilt swarming him. That was a horrible thing to think, wasn’t it? His selfishness was growing and he didn’t like it one bit.

“We can bake cookies!” Donghae suddenly said, jolting Henry out of his thoughts. Standing up, he grabbed the latter’s hand, pulling him toward the kitchen. “I think we have a cookbook around here…” He released the flabbergasted boy to search for the item of interest, digging through cupboards.

Henry took the chance to look around again, seeing a pink hardcover book sitting on a side table by their dining room table. Stifling a chuckle, he walked over to it, picking it up. His eyes fell on an ancestral shrine then. There were pictures of a grandmother, grandfather, and a handsome, middle-aged man. An incense bowl sat in front of them. Henry clapped his hands together, silently pressing palm to palm as he closed his eyes and internally greeted them.

When he finished, he looked up to see Donghae watching him. As their eyes met, a slow but faint smile formed on the older one’s face. “Thank you, Henry,” he spoke softly, eyes warm.

“Thank you,” he returned, gaze trailing back to the three pictures, “thank you for letting me into your home.” Henry bowed once more to the photos.

“My father passed away a few years ago,” he explained. “It’s just mom and me now.” Donghae came closer, a fond expression on his face as he looked at the shrine. “My dreams are my father’s dreams too. He’s always supported me through it all and I know he still does. That’s why no matter what happens, I can’t give up on what I love.”

Henry listened quietly, imagining what it felt like to be so burdened. The mere idea of his family leaving him was enough to send him into a panic attack. What would he do without his parents? Although they were far away right now, he knew they were always waiting for him.

“C’mon, let’s bake cookies!” Donghae snatched up the pink cookbook with a grin.

“You’re really amazing,” Henry looked at him, voice earnest and soft. “You’re really, really amazing Lee Donghae.”

He just smiled wider, laughing and ruffling the younger one’s hair. “You are far more amazing than me.” Winking, he pinched Henry’s cheek, adding, “But not for long. I’ll catch up really fast.”

Chuckling, he nodded. “I’ll be waiting.”

***

The sky had already darkened by late afternoon, but now as the streets emptied with the clock striking half past the eleventh hour, there was a distinct chill to the shadows. Kyuhyun had long since been kicked out of the last warm café which had been his habitation since early evening. Now, he found himself slightly chilly with a cup of steaming café mocha in one gloved hand.

Sighing, he slowed his steps, sitting down on a stoop. The building was dark, so he assumed that they were closed for the night. No one would care too much if he was occupying their steps, right? After all, he was still trying to decide if going back home was a good decision or not.

What if all they did was yell at him again? He knew his father didn’t approve, but to go so far as calling SME? How could he do that? Every time he thought of it, Kyuhyun couldn’t stop the anger that boiled up inside of him. Did they trust him so little? Did they really think he couldn’t succeed with music? There were people – plenty of people – who made it. So why couldn’t Kyuhyun?

His voice was beautiful. A voice and a decent face are all a singer needs. Not to mention, Kyuhyun had G-Dragon as his guide. What more could he ask for when it came to making connections?

And yet they didn’t trust him. His own parents didn’t think he could make his dreams come true. The idea of graduating and becoming a lawyer were so far behind now. Just imagining it had become impossible – just like marrying Sungmin had become an impossible thought. Looking back on it, Kyuhyun couldn’t see himself staying with him for much longer anyway. The fact that they stayed together until just this past November was shocking in itself.

He took a small sip of his drink, wanting it to last until he found a place to stay for the night. There were probably a few cheap motels around here that would suit him just fine. Kyuhyun cringed at the thought, but quickly shook it off.

One gross motel was better than being under the same roof as people who didn’t believe in him.

“Who the fuck are you?”

Kyuhyun’s heart rocketed, eyes slowly shifting over to a group of guys coming toward him. Curses burst like fireworks in his mind as he took in their attire. Scruffy faces, dirty clothes and ragged coats were only minor in comparison to the scars and tattoos disappearing into their attire.

Swallowing hard, he stood up. “Uh, I’m sorry,” he quickly bowed.

“I asked _who the fuck are you_?” he growled, voice thick and coarse. Black eyes colder than any snowfall watched him. “What’s a little rich boy doing in our territory?” He kicked aside a can of trash, the contents spilling out onto the street.

Kyuhyun quickly climbed off the stoop, still bowing to them. “I got lost. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll go.” He tried to back up, but one of them was already there, shoving him toward the others. The hot drink in his hand flew loose, splashing the leader in the face.

A hoarse shout cut the night as he grabbed at his scalding face. Kyuhyun’s eyes widened and he shoved past them, yelling apologies all the way.

Beer bottles and other assortments were chucked his way, some of the broken glass flying past. He was breathing heavier, adrenaline pumping through his veins. Somehow, it felt like he was running very fast, but at the same time, it seemed like he couldn’t run fast enough. Gasping for air, Kyuhyun clenched his fists, pumping his arms harder as he tried to avoid the wide array of projectiles. He looked over his shoulder, seeing them not far behind. Just as he did so though, a broken bottle nicked his cheek, slicing the cool skin.

Swearing, Kyuhyun touched his face, feeling blood seeping through his thin gloves. His eyes shifted back to the front in time to see a patch of icy sidewalk coming up. The moment his shoe hit the slippery area, he flew, skidding and rolling across the ground.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck…_ He grunted, trying to get back up despite the angry cries of his muscles and bruised bones.

A grimy hand curled into his hair, yanking him up. Rancid breath rushed over his face and Kyuhyun had to fight the urge to puke. Without warning, a fist slammed into his stomach and he choked on a gasp, his scarf suddenly feeling too tight.

“You think you can just throw shit on our faces and run?” the leader stood a bit behind, his face tinged red and pink from the burn.

Kyuhyun took it all back. He’d rather be home.

 

Ryeowook checked the clock. It was already eleven at night. The sound of Hyungsik’s family laughing and playing games caught his attention and he looked over. Maybe if he just called Youngwoon to pick him up, he could stay a little longer. Nodding, Ryeowook tugged out his phone, heart dropping as he realized that it was out of battery.

The buses were definitely already shut down for the night. Frowning, he tried to recall his brother’s phone number but soon gave up as he realized that Youngwoon always changed the number each time he got a new mobile. It didn’t make sense, but Ryeowook had long since given up arguing the point.

Reluctantly, he tapped Hyungsik’s arm. “Hey, I have to go,” Ryeowook explained the circumstances softly as they walked toward the door.

Both of his parents came along as well, smiling at the young man. Ryeowook zipped up his coat, bowing low to them. “Thank you for inviting me over. I had a great time.”

“You’re always welcome over,” the mother hugged him gently.

“Thank you again,” he laughed, blushing. “Merry Christmas!” Ryeowook waved goodbye to the younger siblings still sitting in the living room with the game board.

Hyungsik shrugged on a coat as well, pushing open the front door. “I’ll walk him down the street.” Once they were alone, he took Ryeowook’s hand, leading him down the slightly darkened street. “Are you really okay walking home alone?” Hyungsik was watching his boyfriend worriedly. “I’ll walk you home instead.”

“I’ll be fine,” he chuckled, “I know I don’t look strong, but I’m still a man. I can handle a twenty minute walk. Besides, it’s Christmas Eve, no one is out.” Ryeowook smiled reassuringly. Touching the CD in his pocket, he added, “Ah, and thanks again for the present! I was dying to hear their new CD.”

“I know you like them,” Hyungsik smiled, “Though I’m not sure why sometimes…” His eyes twinkled teasingly as he spoke, and Ryeowook simply pouted, bumping his lover’s shoulder. Leaning down, Hyungsik kissed the other’s cheek. “And thank you for the mittens.”

“I’ll have a better gift next time,” he promised, sighing, “I thought they would be good for the season.”

“They are,” he laughed, “Really, thank you. I love them.” They neared the corner of the street and Hyungsik turned to face Ryeowook. “Call me when you get home, okay? I’ll be up until you do.” He wrapped his arms around that slender waist, pulling him closer.

“I promise,” Ryeowook pressed their lips together, arms closing around his neck.

The kiss lasted until Ryeowook was sure he was warm enough to just strip off his coat. That probably wasn’t a good sign. Panting softly, he brushed his lips against Hyungsik’s once more, opening his eyes to see the other male’s gaze scorching. His heart sped up, but he broke away nonetheless, knowing that he definitely needed to get home.

Pushing on Hyungsik’s chest, he smiled at him. “Good night.”

“Yeah, good night,” he breathed, pulling him in for one last kiss, holding him steady.

Ryeowook’s head was swimming, lips wet and burning. Making a soft noise, he finally freed himself with a laugh, seeing his own disappointment reflected in Hyungsik’s eyes. “We’ll continue next time.” Waving goodbye, he hurried down the street, trying to calm himself.

The walk was indeed empty and quiet. There was no wind that night, thankfully, but the chill was evident. For some reason, it was particularly cold and he didn’t know why. Reaching for his coat zipper, he tried to tug it higher, but it was a useless effort. Ryeowook frowned, suddenly feeling like he had forgotten something. However, the streets were already changing as he took a short cut through the residential areas.

And then it hit him.

Ryeowook whirled around, looking down the street in vain. Checking the street clock, he was that it was already l1:20PM. He couldn’t just turn around and go get his scarf, could he? Wasn’t it already too late? Sighing, he decided to troop on, but stopped once more as he felt a sudden sharp wind.

Wincing, he turned and headed back the way he had come. It was no big deal, but somehow that scarf meant something more. Well, Ryeowook knew why, but he didn’t like to think about it. Wasn’t that hoping for too much? Whatever he had going on with Hyungsik was special and at times felt even fated. That sort of relationship was what he always wanted.

Ryeowook backtracked for five minutes before he stopped once more. This didn’t look right. Was he in the same neighborhood? Hyungsik’s house should’ve only been a few blocks behind him. Where had Ryeowook taken a turn?

Slowly, he looped around, walking right for another five minutes. The further he walked though, the more foreign everything was looking. In fact, as he entered another district of houses, he was positive he had never seen them before. There were heavy shadows and dirty streets. Up ahead though, he saw a familiar street name and tentatively continued on.

The street was long and somewhat narrow. Ryeowook jumped at the sound of a trashcan being kicked over. Ducking behind a building, he peeked out to see a gang. They were hounding someone. He shook his head, refusing to get involved in the slightest.

And then the victim’s voice stopped him from running away.

“Are you kidding me?” he hissed under his breath, craning his neck to see the person. Sure enough, it was him. That was a face so breathtakingly handsome and currently scared out of its wits, that it was impossible to forget. Ryeowook watched as Kyuhyun accidentally threw his coffee at the larger man.

In a flash, he watched the tall male sprinting down the street with the gang hot on his heels. Without thinking, Ryeowook gave chase, watching as they started throwing things. His eyes widened as a broken bottle nicked Kyuhyun and he stumbled and tumbled across a sheet of ice.

Looking around frantically, Ryeowook found a slightly broken jug of what must’ve been alcohol. He tested the weight as he crept up behind the group. He heard Kyuhyun’s gasp, feeling like he himself had been punched as well. Hurrying his steps, Ryeowook glared at his friend.

Slowly, Kyuhyun lifted his head, breathing heavily, eyes blurry. Suddenly, they sharpened as he took in Ryeowook’s appearance.

Raising three fingers, he lifted the large jug, mouthing the numbers. _Three…two…one!_ “Now!” he shouted, and Kyuhyun quickly shoved his foot into the man’s crotch, flinching at the broken yelp he let loose. Ryeowook slammed the bottle down on one of their heads, knocking him to the ground.

“Go! Go! Go!” Kyuhyun nearly screamed, snatching Ryeowook’s wrist. They ran across the street at high-speed, heading straight into the darkness and distant city lights.

 


	32. First Present

They ran until their legs were shaking and the streets were faintly lit. Ryeowook had no idea where they had run off to, having let Kyuhyun drag him along. If the latter hadn’t been death-gripping his hand, he was sure that those gangsters would’ve already caught and beaten him.

Snow had only just begun to sprinkle down again as they stopped on a sidewalk, panting. Ryeowook clutched his own chest, white puffs of breath blooming in front of his lips. Laughing and coughing, he glanced over at Kyuhyun who didn’t seem to be in much better condition.

“We good?” Ryeowook gasped.

“Yeah, think so,” he swallowed, cheeks bright red. His scarf was undone, exposing a sweaty neck. Kyuhyun exhaled loudly. His eyes lifted and wandered around the area. “I’m not sure where we are.”

“Me neither,” he shook his head. Ryeowook looked up, searching for a vantage point to pinpoint their location. “Parking garage.” Unable to explain, he inhaled deeply over and over again, grabbing Kyuhyun’s hand and leading him toward a towering dark structure at the end of the block. There were a few cars parked in the above ground lot, each floor spiraling higher and higher.

Quickly catching on, Kyuhyun allowed himself to be led, pounding on his chest to calm the racing of his heart. He must’ve been kidding with himself when he thought all of that dance practice had made him super fit. His current condition was only slightly better than before.

Then again, a part of him was having fun – probably because he had already gone delirious. His stomach felt so empty and his head was light. The sheer ridiculousness of the current situation was also taking its toll on his mindset. Of all the ways he had imagined spending the winter holiday, this was not one of them. Running away from bad people with Kim Ryeowook was never part of the plan. More than that, why was he even there?

Was it really just luck?

“Here,” Ryeowook suddenly said, veering into the parking garage. They navigated through the semi-darkness to a lit doorway with a sign hanging above it that read: Restroom

Fluorescent lights struck him immediately, making Kyuhyun wince. Frowning, he slowed his steps as Ryeowook released his hand. The latter leaned over the sink, cupping his hand as water poured into his palm. Drinking it up fervently, his shoulders relaxed and a look of pure bliss crossed his face. Kyuhyun copied him, almost moaning at the sweetness of the tap water pouring down his parched throat. Life seemed to fill him again with each gulp and he was positive that Ryeowook was experiencing the same heavenly sensation.

Cold water splashed Kyuhyun’s cheek and he winced.

“Here, let me help you.”

Kyuhyun looked up to see Ryeowook wiping his mouth and walking over to a cabinet in the restroom. A first aid kit was on the top shelf. Dragging it down, he walked back over to Kyuhyun, nodding for him to sit on the counter top.

“I can do it,” he offered, reaching for the box.

“That’s too pitiful,” Ryeowook grinned teasingly, “just let me do it. I’ll feel guilty if I let an injured person fix himself up while I do nothing.”

Grudgingly, Kyuhyun nodded and edged his way onto the counter, leaning forward for Ryeowook to clean the wound on his cheek with rubbing alcohol. They were quiet, Kyuhyun’s eyes never leaving the slightly flushed face of his savior.

The silence stretched.

Ryeowook slid the alcohol soaked cotton down to the corner of Kyuhyun’s mouth, gently dabbing at the cut and scratches made by his father’s knuckles. Flinching back, he lowered his eyes finally, bitterness filling him at the harsh memory. How was he supposed to go home to that? His parents probably hated him.

Just a bit ago, he had been thinking it was better to be out on the street than with his family, but now that there was no immediate danger, he had reverted back to disdain.

“Why were you there tonight?” Kyuhyun finally spoke, lifting his eyes to Ryeowook who was unwrapping a band aid.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he returned, giving him a look. Grudgingly, Kyuhyun smiled. Ryeowook carefully applied ointment to the cotton patch before pressing the bandage to the cut on his cheek. His fingertips slid across the plastic surface, smoothing out the wrinkles delicately. “I was at Hyungsik’s house. Halfway home I realized that I forgot…,” Ryeowook paused, unsure whether to say that it was _his_ scarf or if it was a _borrowed_ scarf. Shaking his head, he went on, “Well, I forgot something and was headed back. I got lost on the way and stumbled across a crazy college kid messing around with some gangsters.”

Kyuhyun smiled wryly. “Subtle.”

“You were not.”

He couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up. Blood rushed to his cheeks at the teasing and his eyes scrunched slightly from embarrassment. “Why weren’t you with your family? It’s Christmas Eve.”

“Again,” Ryeowook thumbed a smaller bandage onto the corner of Kyuhyun’s lips, “I could ask you the same thing. Answer some of my questions, please?”

“Sorry,” he sighed. “I wasn’t picking a fight with them. I was looking for a place to stay the night, but on the way I got into some trouble with those people.” Kyuhyun stood up as the other male put away the first aid kit. “Remember when I told you this morning that my dad found out about the music major change?”

Ryeowook nodded, heading out of the bathroom with Kyuhyun right behind him. They walked through the empty parking garage, taking cold stone steps up to the top floor. Glassless windows allowed moonlight and stark white skies into the shadowy stairwell. “You never told me what happened.”

“We got into an argument at brunch. Things didn’t go well. I left my phone behind too so I don’t know what’s going on back home.” Kyuhyun wrapped his scarf around his neck again, feeling the cold air once again tickling his throat. “It’s been a pretty shitty day.” Glancing at Ryeowook, he said, “Your turn again.”

“I’m not invited to family gatherings anymore,” he shrugged, “we aren’t close.”

“But…,” he trailed off, not knowing what to say. Was it offensive to ask why? He didn’t know too much about Ryeowook’s family situation, but if he were to put himself in the former’s shoes, what would it be like? Would Kyuhyun really be alright with breaking off all contact with his family? Wasn’t that his current plan? Then again, calling it a plan was definitely a stretch.

If he thought about it, he wasn’t serious at all about running away. Inside, he knew that whatever was straining their relationship right now was temporary. His parents could never disown him. He just knew it.

But maybe that wasn’t the case for everyone.

“It’s really fine,” Ryeowook smiled faintly as they neared the top, “I’m not upset about it.”

And for some reason, Kyuhyun believed that smile. He would never condone the absolute break of a family, but listening to the way Ryeowook spoke, he was positive that whatever complicated family dynamics he bore were perfectly under control. That was enough to satisfy Kyuhyun’s curiosity.

“Wow…,” Ryeowook breathed, eyes widening. He shuffled over to the edge of the parking garage roof, leaning over the thick concrete wall. It hit him at his waist, heels rising off the ground as he tried to see further.

Kyuhyun joined him, grinning at the cityscape laid out below. Different colored lights flashed all around, peering through the blackness. A maze of streets stretched through the map of buildings, slithering like black water. He studied it for a long minute, unable to see the beauty of it. Part of him was awed by the lights, but more than anything, he saw the dirt and grime and absolute pollution.

A snowflake landed on the tip of his nose and he looked up, seeing the white fluff slowly trailing down. Smiling softly, he turned to Ryeowook, seeing the latter gazing up at the sky as well. “I really hate winter,” Kyuhyun remarked, feeling snow melting in his palms.

“Really? I think it’s kind of nice,” he chuckled.

“Spring is better. I get cold too easily, I think,” Kyuhyun admitted. Pausing briefly, he set his hands back on the concrete wall, leaning over it, “But when it’s like this, maybe it isn’t so bad.”

“Normally the wind is the worst part,” Ryeowook added, nodding and trying to tug the collar of his jacket higher up.

“Are you cold?” he laughed softly, watching as his companion who was glaring. “I’m not teasing, it’s a question!” Kyuhyun defended, unwrapping his scarf.

Ryeowook’s eyes widened. “Oh no, keep your scarf! It’s fine. I’m really not freezing. It’s just chilly.”

“Calm down,” Kyuhyun scoffed, “as if I would give it up. You were the one who made fun of my long scarf last time.” He tossed half of the puffy scarf around Ryeowook’s shoulders, tugging it firmly around his throat. “We can share.”

They stood shoulder to shoulder, Ryeowook’s face practically disappearing in the fluffy muffler. “You might be too tall, Kyuhyun,” he stated, looking up at the male.

“I can go look for a stool for you,” he smirked.

Ryeowook kicked him, and Kyuhyun just laughed. Faintly, the sound of bells echoed through the night, growing louder and louder as the pair silenced their voices. They exchanged a look, realizing almost simultaneously what they were hearing.

“Merry Christmas!” Ryeowook blurted, quickly followed by Kyuhyun. He grinned at the latter’s pout. Sighing, he turned back toward the expansive city glinting darkly beneath a fall of snow. “Man…this might be the strangest way to start Christmas…ever.”

“Next year might be even weirder,” Kyuhyun corrected, “just wait and see. I’m always unpredictable.”

“Oh?” he glanced at the grinning young man, “I should probably avoid you at all costs next Christmas then.”

Kyuhyun shoved him lightly, earning a chuckle. Blinking, he suddenly reached into his pocket, tugging out a wrapped peppermint candy cane. “Here, you’re first present of Christmas Day.”

There was a moment of silence before Ryeowook tentatively took it, examining the candy. “Really…I’m making sure that we’re countries apart this time next year.”

“Hey! Is that how you respond to a present?” he frowned.

“I’m just kidding,” Ryeowook leaned his head against Kyuhyun’s shoulder, smiling as he unwrapped the sweet. Stuffing the crinkled plastic into his pocket, he snapped the candy in half, holding it out to the surprised male. “If I collapse from candy poisoning, so will you.”

“You know what, I’m just gonna take back the entire thing,” he reached for Ryeowook’s half, but the latter pulled away laughing.

“Take a joke, Kyu!” he managed to say between giggles, placing the candy in his mouth. “I can’t wait to tell my big brother that the first present I received today was an old candy cane.”

Kyuhyun shoved him again, trying not to laugh. The scarf stretched and pulled them back together as they stumbled over their own feet, gripping the ledge for support. “You’re such a jerk! I’m never getting you another present!”

Ryeowook just smiled, though.

 


	33. Midnight Fantasy

25 December 2013

Henry nearly sprinted from the train station back to his apartment. The streets were still bustling with couples  drunk off expensive wines and Christmas cheer. Many of them slurred out a “Merry Christmas” as he blazed by.  The sound of church bells at midnight closed in around him despite the vastness of the city, and only urged him to run faster. Although the offer from Donghae was extremely tempting, he had decided against it after all. As much as he wanted to complain and whine and throw his tantrum, it just didn’t seem right in the face of all Jiyoung had done for him until now.

It was such a one-sided conflict that as Henry thought it over all of Christmas Eve, he came to the reluctant conclusion that the only one being stupid was him.

That was definitely no reason to neglect his job. Besides, it was just one holiday. Furthermore, he had spent at least part of it with Donghae and his mother. A sprinkle of Christmas joy and family time had replenished his logic and quelled the frustration.

Of course, all of these thoughts had flown out the window when he turned his phone back on after arriving back in the city and seeing something amazing. Maybe horrifying was a better word.

_200 New Text Messages!_

_ALERT: Clear Message Box. Maximum Capacity._

_10 New Voice Mails!_

_ALERT: Voice Mailbox is Full!_

_87 Missed Calls!_

For these reasons, Henry stumbled out of the elevator, breathing hard as he jogged down the short hall to the apartment’s front door. The hall felt dark, but he wasn’t sure. All he could see was the door to their apartment. Fumbling with the lock, he shoved and twisted, practically tripping over his own feet as he burst inside.

The living room was faintly lit by the Christmas tree’s twinkling lights and ornaments. Shadows were kept at bay by flickering candles. Frost coated the large windows, appearing cool and quiet. Henry’s gaze landed on the man standing in the middle of the open area. Silence passed between them for barely a breath before Jiyoung was striding toward him.

Henry flinched back, clenching his teeth in preparation for whatever was coming.

Strong but slender arms enveloped him in a crushing hold, the sag of Jiyoung’s body rattling Henry down to his toes. The young man slowly opened his eyes, frozen as shivers raced up his neck from where his mentor sighed against his throat.

Jiyoung refused to let go, fingers tangling in Henry’s coat. “Where have you _been_?” he breathed, racing heart palpitating against Henry’s. “I kept _calling and calling_ but you never answered.”

“You…You left. Why are you back?” Henry stammered.

He finally pulled back, glaring. “Because of how you texted me! Why the hell else would I be back?” Jiyoung demanded. “You said you were sick! I came back immediately only to find the place empty. Why are you always so irresponsible? If something is going on, you need to tell me. Tell me everything!” He shoved away, raking fingers through his own hair as he tried to calm down. “I don’t care how stupid you might think your thoughts are. You are not _allowed_ to pretend like this! It’s fucking _crazy_ how you think it’s _alright_ to just hold it in and then blow up by running away!”

Henry stayed quiet.

That didn’t seem to be the right decision though. Jiyoung snatched a fistful of his shirt, shaking him. “Speak,” he hissed.

“I…I just didn’t want to be alone during Christmas,” he said softly, voice barely above a whisper.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” he retorted. “I could’ve stayed. I _would_ have stayed.”

Henry’s fingers twitched. “Would you really have?” the younger snapped, shoving the hand away. “You have someone special to you. I’m not the most important person in your life. I’m just another trainee, so don’t tell me bullshit like you would give up time with your loved ones for me!”

Once again, he expected a slap or perhaps a punch, but instead, he heard an incoherent shout and then he felt himself being slammed back against a wall. Henry winced, but then all thoughts of pain flew away as a pair of lips crushed his own.

Eyes widening, he stared into nothingness, lost in the sensation of a kiss that he had never dared to imagine. His fingers curled into the thin fabric of Jiyoung’s shirt, pulling him closer and squeezing his eyes shut against the feeling of his heart bursting out of his chest.

With a sigh, Jiyoung pulled back, hovering for a moment before stealing another kiss—and another, and another. He pressed his forehead to Henry’s, clutching the boy by the nape of his neck and the small of his back. “If you need to be the most important person in my life. I will make you so. I will give you everything you ask for. But you cannot run away from me anymore.”

Henry felt both awe and disgust in that single moment.

Awe at the kiss.

Awe at the lingering feeling of it.

Awe at the slender fingers holding him so carefully.

But the disgust was overwhelming. 

Disgust with the situation.

Disgust with Jiyoung.

Disgust with himself for making Jiyoung say those words.

He pushed the older man back. “I’m just throwing a tantrum. You don’t have to go that far to comfort me.” Henry wiped at his mouth, sighing softly. “This is ridiculous.”

Jiyoung remained silent, eyes studying his ward closely. Was this how parents felt when their child was going through a rebellious phase? Did he even view Henry an adoptive son of sorts? Perhaps. But then he wasn’t sure. What did he know about the emotions of a young boy going through one of the hardest periods of his life and career? Although Jiyoung was once such a boy, he no longer understood the heart of one. That person was long since matured within him. Watching Henry now felt both nostalgic and alien. A reflection within a mirror—near, yet always out of reach. A surface level similarity, but a heart that he could not relate to. 

“I’m going to head to bed. It’s already late,” the young man muttered, turning away. He only took a few steps before pausing and turning back around. Jiyoung had still refrained from speaking, but his eyes flickered in acknowledgement when Henry came back toward him. “I forgot. Merry Christmas.” A light flush illuminated the youth’s features even in the dim lighting of the room. He held out a small blue box.

Jiyoung gave the present a contemplative once over before gingerly reaching for it, fingertips first. He tugged the ribbon loose and tugged the lid off quietly. A small smile quirked the corner of his lips. “Hmm…how sentimental.”

Henry made a small, irritated noise before whipping around and stalking off. “Whatever! I thought it suited you. Don’t think too much about it.”

His mentor chuckled, catching him by the shoulder and pulling him back into a gentle hug. “I love it, Henry.” Jiyoung murmured against the shell of his ear. “Thank you.”

Henry shrugged out of the embrace quickly, hurrying up the stairs with little more than a squeak. For sure, he would be replaying every shameful moment of the past several minutes again and again until daybreak. Hopefully by daybreak he would also have an answer to all the mortifying feelings that had been wreaking havoc since Jiyoung became more than a mentor in his mind.

The door to Henry’s room shut haltingly, leaving Jiyoung alone with his thoughts. He peered down at the present, chuckling a little. It was a single silver earring with the Angela College crest dangling from the delicate chain. They weren’t easy to find anymore, meaning Henry must have spent quite some time looking for it. Jiyoung closed the box, tucking it into his pocket. _How do I respond from now on?_

Meanwhile, within the confines of his increasingly constricting bedroom, Henry did his best to ignore the tingling sensation on his lips.

***

Kyuhyun watched Ryeowook climb out of their shared cab. The modest house before them was still brightly lit despite the late hour, and for that, Kyuhyun smiled. Their conversation earlier had made him nervous about the state of his friend’s home life, but seeing it now, he realized there wasn’t as much to worry about as he originally thought. Ryeowook passed the taxi driver money through the passenger side window before coming back around to peer through the backseat’s open door. A smile graced his features and Kyuhyun shook away the warmth that spread in his chest at the sight.

“You’re sure you want to go home tonight? My brother wouldn’t mind you staying for the evening,” Ryeowook watched him closely, eyes scanning the other’s face.

As tempting as it was, he had a feeling that it would be cowardice at this point to not return. Storming out on his family earlier had already been enough of a statement. Staying out the entire night would only cause worry. Kyuhyun sighed heavily, offering a slightly heavy smile. “I’m sure. It’s been a hard night and my parents are also probably having a hard time. I shouldn’t cause them anymore concern.”

“How mature of you,” Ryeowook mused, grinning.

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Hurry on inside. It’s cold and late.” Kyuhyun listened to his friend’s quiet, tinkling laughter, and only later—when the door had shut and the car began moving—did he find himself smiling at the sound.

“Where to, sir?” the driver asked.

Kyuhyun swallowed thickly and recited his home address, already dreading the confrontation. For the next fifteen minutes, he rattled through a list of possible scenarios, hyping up the impending doom in the worst way he could. At least when someone else, namely Ryeowook, was beside him, he could distract himself. Right now, though, all he had to think about was facing the fury of his dad.

The cab pulled to a stop for the last time. Kyuhyun absently handed over the payment before climbing out and taking a deep breath. Unsurprised, the lights in his home were also still on. Granted, the sheer size of the property and the increased household staff for the holidays meant there would be activities late into the night. That said, he was mildly surprised to step inside and see his mother half asleep on the staircase while his father’s sharp voice came through from the sitting room.

“—this is uncharacteristic. I don’t care what you have to say about other young people on Christmas. My son is not the type to act like…this…,” Mr. Cho trailed off, eyes finally registering Kyuhyun standing in the doorway, somewhat guilty looking.

Ending the call, Mr. Cho strode toward his son quickly, grabbing him hard by the shoulders, eyes a mixture of relief and frustration. “Where have you been?” he squeezed without thinking, but quickly released Kyuhyun when the boy winced. Blinking a few times, his father searched his face and grew wearier. “Really…where have you been?” Regret swept across his features as his eyes landed very obvious cut on Kyuhyun’s lip.

Gently shrugging, Kyuhyun shifted his gaze away. “I got into a little trouble, but my friend was there. He helped me out.”

“You…,” Mr. Cho stopped himself, running a hand through his hair and looking decades older than the previous day. Closing his tired eyes, he said, “I’m glad.”

“Huh?”

“Glad…that you were not alone,” his father explained, stilted. “Your mother and I have been calling everyone all evening. When you didn’t return by dinnertime, your mother really scolded me.” Mr. Cho smiled uneasily, peering over at his son who was merely listening and watching. “…It was out of hand for me to strike you.”

“It was.” Kyuhyun frowned.

Although his father was normally just as sharp and cutting as Kyuhyun himself, the man refrained this time. Physically biting back a retort, Mr. Cho reached out, ruffling his son’s hair gently. “I apologize.”

“I’m still not giving up on my music.” The statement came out in a flurry, fists clenched as if ready to retaliate in any way necessary.

Mr. Cho froze, but then forced himself to relax. “…Let’s talk about it in the morning. I’ll hear you out properly this time.”

Kyuhyun’s vision blurred and before he even realized it, tears were rolling down his cheeks. He furiously wiped at them, trying to hide the reaction from his father as quickly as possible. “Mm...mm, okay. I’m going to bed. I’ll help mom upstairs, too.” He turned away, embarrassed, but surprisingly filled with relief.

Once he had gotten his mother up the stairs and tucked into bed, he headed down the hall to his own bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Stripping off his outer layers, he tossed the garments into his laundry hamper and immediately made a beeline for his phone. It rested on top of his desk, connected to a charger. Kyuhyun smiled at the consideration, figuring it had to have been his mom who wanted to ensure his phone was fully charged in case of something or other.

A new text message popped up on the screen just as he reached for it.

**Ryeowook: Hey, did you make it home? Is everything okay?**

Kyuhyun smiled immediately at the message. Not thinking about it, he pressed Call.

Immediately, the dial tone skipped to Ryeowook’s voice. “What? What happened?” he sounded panicked—understandably, considering Kyuhyun had called instead of firing back a message.

“Nothing. Everything’s…fine, actually,” he responded softly, happy to hear the other man’s voice. “We’re going to talk about it tomorrow morning. He said he’ll hear me out.”

Ryeowook was quiet for a moment before saying very gently, “That’s great, Kyuhyun. That’s really amazing.”

“And you? Was your brother upset that you came back so late?” he asked, somewhat teasingly.

Through the phone, Ryeowook laughed a little. “Actually, he was more surprised that I was back. He expected me to stay at my boyfriend’s house for the entire night. My brother is a little bit too free minded sometimes, I think,” he sighed. 

It was only then Kyuhyun recalled with shocking force that Ryeowook was taken. As he rifled through their encounters, he vaguely remembered another boy who had been clinging closely to Ryeowook. What was his name again? “Ah…Hyungsik, right?” Kyuhyun tested the name out.

“Yeah,” Ryeowook confirmed, “I already let him know that I got home. He was very confused by how long it took me to get back,” he chuckled. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him about you getting chased and beat up. I protected your pride as best I could.”

“Did you tell him that we met?” Kyuhyun wasn’t sure why he was even asking. What sort of an answer was he hoping for?

There was pause, but then Ryeowook said, “I mentioned your name. He seemed relieved actually that I wasn’t lost and wandering the city alone. Ah! Anyway, you should really get some rest. It’s been such a long night. If you want, we can meet up for dinner tomorrow or get coffee sometime soon?”

“Uhm, yeah, that sounds good. I’ll message you tomorrow then. Good night.”

“Night!”

Kyuhyun set the phone down. He didn’t know what to do with the current feelings rumbling around inside of him. It was different. Different from everything. Nothing like Sungmin. Nothing like _her_. This felt…like their song. His and Ryeowook’s. Like every interaction they had ever had. A heavy sweetness, a deep longing for something, a bitter spectrum—a distance that was both difficult and easy to bridge.

He frowned. _Unsettled. That’s it._

 


	34. 1 January 2014

1 January 2014

Cho Kyuhyun had been a young fool once upon a time. He still kind of was. In fact, there were a lot of things he deeply regretted about 2013 and most all of them were his fault. Of the incidences though, he was currently ruminating on the hellhole that was November.

Across from him, appearing even more pristine than the first time, was _her_. Of all the ways stars can line themselves, why had they chosen this particular formation? Like most young people, Kyuhyun had spent the previous evening and early hours after midnight celebrating the New Year. He wondered if this was an omen. Or a punishment? Should he have rang in the New Year with Eunhyuk? Ryeowook? Perhaps Henry? He wasn’t sure what the right answer was.

Would Ryeowook have even gone out with him if he asked? Displeasure rolled over him. It was a pipe dream for the time being. Ryeowook would most certainly be spending the New Year with Hyungsik. Why would you do anything other than be with your beloved on such an important night?

Kyuhyun internalized a sigh. He had no right to be throwing a fit—silently or otherwise. They were only friends. Perhaps, musical soul mates…but nothing more than that. He shouldn’t even be hinting at possessive behavior. Besides, he and Ryeowook had been spending quite a bit of time together in the past week. Dinner together alone on the 26th had been incredible. Kyuhyun couldn’t remember the last time he spent so many hours just chatting with someone. The restaurant even had to evict them when 11:30pm came around so they could close properly. On the 28th, they met for coffee and conversation in the afternoon, and were once again separated due to circumstances (Kyuhyun had to fulfill a dinner date with his family). The following day, Ryeowook invited Kyuhyun to catch a movie with Eunhyuk and Kibum as well. Which, although it was a group setting, Kyuhyun couldn’t deny it when Eunhyuk noted that he and Ryeowook were once again caught up in their own little world. What could he say?

A smile crept onto his face at the memories. It was a beautiful, little world to share.

“You’re oddly happy. Did Sungmin take you back after all?” She smiled slowly, rosy red lips and bright eyes unnervingly alert for the early hour.

Kyuhyun immediately dropped the smile. “No. It’s over and it’s better this way. Why did you call me out?”

“Still, that’s too bad. And I just wanted to catch up after seeing you at the party last night. It’s been a while. Don’t you want to catch up, too?” She cocked her head, keeping up a calm façade.

He grimaced. “I don’t know what you’re expecting to get out of this, but I have no intention of playing these types of games with you. I hurt a good person last time, and I don’t plan to do anything else like that.”

She mock-pouted. “You’re not even seeing anyone right now, are you? What’s the matter with a little flirting?” Her thin fingertips brushed the back of his hand and he quickly pulled back. “…Where’s the confident man I met just two months ago? You’re being so jumpy.”

“I’m just not interested,” Kyuhyun responded flatly. That was one of the worst months of his life and he had no desire to recall even a facet of it.

“What’s not interesting about me?” she grinned, clearly amused.

He sighed, realizing quickly now that they were getting nowhere. She was being persistent and that meant nothing could come happen. At the same time, she made fair points about there being nothing to stop them from having another fling. It could be casual without any repercussions, unlike the first time. But, Kyuhyun felt even queasier this time at the thought of sharing anything with this woman. He had…well, he had no one, but he did have someone of importance in his life. Someone he wanted to keep his eye on.

Perhaps someone he hoped to be with one day when they were both ready.

Now was not the time, but it was a period of foundation building. His reputation was already horrible. Ryeowook had to know about his past behaviors too, therefore Kyuhyun had a lot to make up for now. If they had even an inkling of…something more, he wanted to make sure he got rid of as many obstacles as possible for now.

Kyuhyun rubbed his forehead, tiredly. “I don’t think we should ever meet again. I’m not interested in anything having to do with you anymore.” As the words rolled out, even he wondered if they were too harsh. When the woman across from him remained silently, he peeked up at her, seeing the stunned expression on her face.

Unsure how to proceed anymore, Kyuhyun fished out his wallet, placing down enough money for both meals. “Goodbye.”

As he turned around, he pulled out his phone, hoping to look busier than he was. Before he got very far though, the feeling of lukewarm liquid burst across the back of his head. Halting, Kyuhyun turned around, see _her_ standing up, the now empty ceramic mug of coffee still in her hand. Small, light brown droplets trickled down from the lip. “You’re a fucking cold hearted, asshole you know that?” she snapped. “You were a bad fuck too.”

Kyuhyun stared.

She picked up her bag, walking up to him and shoving a hand against his chest. “Don’t even think you can look down on me.” Her words were low and hissed, cheeks bright with anger. “You are the scum. I didn’t do anything wrong. You’re the one who couldn’t keep it in your pants when you saw me.”

Kyuhyun gritted his teeth, the trickling of the cooling coffee down his neck and face spurring him on. “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he growled. “I would never have touched a filthy person _like you_ if I had known how ugly you were on the inside.”

He braced himself as he watched her hand swing up, but before it even had a chance to come near his face, another hand clamped down on her wrist. Both whipped around, eyes wide at the intruder.

Ryeowook gripped her arm firmly, eyes confused, and lips pressed into a thin, humorless line. “Both of you are making a huge scene. Please calm down. If my friend here,” his eyes cut to Kyuhyun, “did something to offend you, let’s just talk about it.”

Wordlessly, the woman swung her other hand up, striking Ryeowook’s cheek hard. He staggered, releasing her as she stormed past both of them and out the door. Holding his cheek, the man worked his jaw carefully, wondering how strong of a punch she would have. Ryeowook glanced around the café, and quickly grabbed Kyuhyun, ushering him quickly out of the restaurant.

They were barely down the block before Kyuhyun stopped them with a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Hey, why did you barge in? And where did you even come from?” His eyes lingered on the red welt on Ryeowook’s cheek, but hoped that the cool air would help with the swelling.

“I was just running some errands for my brother,” he explained, holding up a convenience store bag. “I glanced inside the café through the window and recognized you.” Ryeowook flushed. “Uhm…and I saw her throw her drink on you. I thought maybe something was going on, so I just wanted to check if things were okay. I guess I was being nosy. Sorry.”

“No. That’s not it.”

Ryeowook blinked, looking at Kyuhyun curiously.

The latter cracked a smile. “I was only thinking that you’re like a hero. You always show up when I need you most.”

“How romantic,” Ryeowook laughed, rubbing his cheek. “Honestly, though, if heroes have to get hit all the time, I don’t think I want to be anyone’s hero. That slap was like a bucket of cold water.” He glanced at the drying coffee in Kyuhyun’s hair and suppressed another laugh. “Do you want to come over? I know you live a little farther away. My place is just a few minutes down the block and you can clean up.”

Kyuhyun nodded. “Thanks. Really.” He hardly wanted to come into his house right now looking like a mess. His mother would throw a fit and ask too many questions about what kinds of people he’s been hanging out with. It was a conversation he had no desire to deal with.

***

To be expected, Ryeowook was polite enough to wait until Kyuhyun had finished showering and changing into a borrowed set of clothes before asking him what happened. They were in Ryeowook’s bedroom—a first time for Kyuhyun—with snacks and drinks on the desk. It seemed to be a product of his friend’s concern for him, and that itself was enough to make Kyuhyun feel warm.

“So…girl troubles?” Ryeowook cocked a brow, sitting in his desk chair and offering Kyuhyun a seat on his bed.

Rolling his eyes, he flopped back on the soft bed, rubbing his face. “That’s an understatement. She was provoking me this morning. I’m not sure why though. Maybe she was bored?”

“What happened?” Ryeowook frowned. “It seems pretty crazy for someone to just throw a drink in public for no reason.”

“She was hitting on me. I rejected her and tried to leave. She didn’t take it well.” Kyuhyun glanced over at Ryeowook, noting that his friend wasn’t buying it. Frowning uncomfortably, Kyuhyun rolled onto his side to face the other man. “I haven’t spoken about this with…anyone, really.” He flushed, looking down. “I…made a mistake. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s what happened and I can’t take it back.”

“What was it?” Ryeowook leaned forward in his chair, tossing Kyuhyun a pack of cookies. “If you get crumbs on my bed, I’ll hit you.”

Kyuhyun snorted, but kept the warning in mind. “In November, I broke up with my boyfriend…because I…uh, I slept with that woman and she sent photos of us together…to him.” His voice was barely above a whisper, and he wondered when he had last felt so ashamed. “I mean, I don’t regret the break up. We weren’t good for each other anymore. But he didn’t deserve that treatment.” He sighed, squeezing the pack of cookies. “…I shouldn’t have treated him like that. I regret it a lot.”

Ryeowook nodded slowly, reaching the short distance separating them to pry Kyuhyun’s hands off the snack. “Did you apologize to him?”

“I did. Several times,” Kyuhyun confirmed, heart jumping slightly at the way their hands fit together. “He didn’t wanna hear it. I mean, you can’t really end on good terms in that situation. I promised to stay away from him and I’ve done so. Either way, I had no intention of trying to be friends after the break up. There’s too much there. I…I’m mostly the issue. I made a lot of mistakes with him.”

“Even if you were 99% of the problem,” Ryeowook began, taking the cooking bag and opening it before returning to Kyuuhyun, “a relationship ends because both sides have done something wrong. It could be just giving up on trying. But you shouldn’t place your ex on a pedestal, just because you know most of the blame falls on you for failing to reconcile.”

Kyuhyun nibbled on one of the bite size cookies. “You’re the first person to hear about this incident and not try to punch me in the face.” He glanced up, seeing Ryeowook’s amused expression. “What?”

“You’re not usually this awkward with your words. It’s refreshing.”

He made a disapproving noise before shoving a cookie into Ryeowook’s mouth, his fingers accidentally brushing against the latter’s lips. Kyuhyun internally hit himself for feeling unnerved by that simple contact. It wasn’t as if he was a blushing virgin. “Shut up,” he managed to mutter.

Ryeowook chewed, shoulders shaking with laughter. After a moment, he asked, “So you ran into this woman again today?”

“No, last night,” he shook his head. “We happened to be at the same New Year’s party. She insisted on getting breakfast together this morning. I agreed and as you saw, it was not a good decision.”

“She seems like a difficult type of person to handle,” Ryeowook remarked mildly, however, his expression was a dead giveaway.

Kyuhyun snorted. “Yeah. That’s putting it mildly. She’s got a lot of pride and confidence. It makes her interesting, but she’s not someone I want to be involved with ever again. That’s what I told her before she threw her drink at me.” He smiled bitterly. “And then we exchanged a couple insults before you intervened.”

Ryeowook sighed, fishing out another cookie and chomping down. “It was really an unfortunate situation. I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the victim here,” he laughed, “no need to feel sorry for me.”

“You were hurt too,” Ryeowook corrected, “it doesn’t matter if other people were hurt more than you. It wasn’t painless for anyone and going through life pretending like no one needs to acknowledge your suffering is just as bad as ignoring other people’s suffering.”

Again, Kyuhyun wasn’t sure how to respond. He wondered then though if things would’ve gone better had Ryewook been there all along. Then again, perhaps he needed a lesson in pain that time. Heavens knew he deserved some heartache after all the shit he put Sungmin through.

Closing his eyes briefly, Kyuhyun nodded. “If you comfort me this much now, I’ll keep seeking you out in the future,” he smiled, meeting Ryeowook’s gaze.

The underlying current in those words seemed to reach Ryeowook who quickly looked away, a blush forming high on his cheekbones. Kyuhyun couldn’t help the fresh smile on his own face. At the very least, even if they weren’t quite on the road to being something, Ryeowook was conscious of him. For now, that was enough. Kyuhyun had never tried the long con—never tried this hard for anyone really—but it wasn’t so bad thus far.

“Have you given G-Dragon a response?” Kyuhyun prompted, noting how relieved his friend was for the change in topic.

Ryeowook frowned. “I wasn’t sure what I should say to him. Is it appropriate to contact him myself? He said we would talk more next time.”

He rolled his eyes. “Oh my gosh, you have his business card. At least give his company a call and set up a time to meet. He’s interested in you and if you don’t strike now, what if he loses interest?” Kyuhyun knew he was merely bating the guy, but the sooner Ryeowook got on board with G-Dragon, the sooner he would start the trainee regime. Consequently, they could spend more time together.

It worked. Ryeowook’s expression froze. “You’re right. What if he’s already forgotten about me? Wait, what should I do? Is it okay to call the company? They won’t be confused?”

Without a word, Kyuhyun took out his own phone, dialing G-Dragon’s secretary. She picked up almost immediately and he turned it on speaker.

“Good morning, Kyuhyun. Are you looking for my boss?” Her cheery voice came through the receiver, sounding equal parts casual and warm.

Kyuhyun sat up straighter, saying, “Good morning. Sorry to bother you on the first day of the year, but I’m actually here with Kim Ryeowook—”

“—ah! Yes, he warned me that Kim Ryeowook would be calling soon. I didn’t know that you were friends. I’ve already prepared a few meeting times if Mr. Kim is interested in setting up one now?”

When Ryeowook didn’t speak up immediately, Kyuhyun kicked him in the shin. Swallowing a yelp, the man stumbled over himself, taking the phone and stuttering out a greeting. “H-Hello! Ryeowook is fine. No need to use honorifics. I’m free any day to meet.”

The secretary chuckled. “He’s chosen some very sweet boys for his new project. Alright, I’ve checked the semester schedule for St. Angela’s as well and it seems that you’ll be starting classes January 16. Would you like to meet January 5, 8, or 14?”

“The 8th is good for me,” Ryeowook confirmed.

“Then I’ll pen you into the calendar for January 8, 2014 at 10am. Does that sound suitable for you, Ryeowook?”

He couldn’t stop the growing smile as he said, “Yes! Of course, of course that’s fine.”

“Perfect! He’s requested that you come to the studio for the meeting. Kyuhyun, would you be okay showing him how to get there?”

Kyuhyun took back the phone. “No problem. I’ll take him on the day. I have vocal lessons at the studio every afternoon starting tomorrow anyway.”

“Then we’ll see you both then. Have a happy new year!”

“You too!” Ryeowook called back, before ending the conversation and tossing the phone aside. He shook out his arms, looking both stunned and exhilarated. Turning to Kyuhyun, he couldn’t help but scoff at the knowing smirk on the other’s face. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything,” Kyuhyun responded, letting out a surprised laugh as Ryeowook suddenly barreled into him. Slender arms wrapped tightly around Kyuhyun’s waist as a fluffy head of hair burrowed against his chest.

“You’re amazing,” Ryeowook spoke against the fabric of his shirt, fingers curling into the material.

“I know,” Kyuhyun chuckled, ignoring the soft smack he received in response. Returning the hug, he squeezed the smaller man closer, trying his best not to be too conscious of the way their legs tangled together, and their heartbeats synced. “This is just the beginning. You have so much more ahead of you.”

“We do.” Ryeowook looked up, expression bright with determination. “You and I are going places, yeah?”

“Yeah. We are.”


	35. 8 January 2014

8 January 2014

Henry wiped the sweat from his neck and face, disgusted with his state of being. Things had returned to relative normalcy after Christmas. It was probably because neither of them dared to broach the topic again. Henry knew where he stood professionally, but personally…it was hard. As such, whenever there was too much of a lull in activities, he would leave the apartment to practice dancing or singing or violin—sometimes piano as well. Anything was fine if didn’t have to spend extra time in Jiyoung’s presence. Henry knew very well that he wasn’t in a stable enough mental state to handle a heartbreak.

Staying in limbo was currently a much better option. Besides, maybe the feelings would just fade as his trainee regime slowly grew more challenging. He had been shown the gradual increase of dancing, singing, and variety practice sessions. By summer, he would be living and breathing the practice rooms. His bed would be a late night, long sought-after love.

On this particular morning though, he had been unable to avoid Jiyoung. The man stated that he had a meeting with Ryeowook at 10am and would come to the studio earlier. Finding that uncharacteristic, Henry had asked why, and received a small, quiet smile in return along with the words, “I want to monitor your practice session. You’ve been coming in a lot after hours. Let me see what you’ve been working on.”

Which was what had led to the past three-hour dance session that consisted of Jiyoung silently watching Henry work himself through the same choreography just like a broken record. After several run throughs, the boy would pause and rewind the music, adding variety to a part here, or removing an extra step there. Sometimes, he would stop to stretch or switch out a soaked t-shirt for a dry one.

At first, Jiyoung had insisted on attending to bully Henry. Ever since their spat on Christmas, there had been distance between them. He wondered if all the extra training Henry did was merely for show—a convenient excuse to get away from the apartment. However, watching the boy now, he almost felt guilty for silently accusing him of being a passive-aggressive child. Clearly, even if he was avoiding Jiyoung, he also wasn’t slacking on his work.

That’s what was supposed to matter right? So why couldn’t he shake this feeling of irritation? When he first took Henry on, he had little interest in creating a personal bond. Now though, after only a couple weeks of having a purely professional relationship, Jiyoung couldn’t help but be displeased. Was this how things would be? Had he actually developed affection, platonic or otherwise, for this boy?

“Jiyoung-hyung.”

He snapped back to attention, blinking and looking up at where Henry had paused in changing shirts. “Yes?”

“Uh, it’s 9:58am. Don’t you have a meeting with Ryeowook-hyung soon?”

Jiyoung mentally kicked himself. He had lost track of time after all. Standing up smoothly, he headed to the door. “Yes. Thanks for reminding me. I must be…tired.”

Henry just nodded, concern written all over his face.

Pursing his lips softly, Jiyoung paused at the door. “You’re doing well, Henry. Keep it up.”

“Thank you,” he responded softly, still appearing uneasy with Jiyoung’s behavior. “If…If you’re tired, you should rest for a bit after this meeting.” Henry looked down, busying himself with straightening out his shirt and checking the music player.

“Then come rest with me.”

Henry dropped the remote to the music player. He scrambled to pick it up, face bright red. “W-What?”

“You’ve been working yourself too hard as well. After this meeting, I’ll take you to lunch. And then we’ll spend the rest of the day resting. Okay?” Jiyoung had no idea what he was saying. His secretary would definitely throw a fit when he told her of these sudden changes in his plans. She would manage it though. She had yet to fail him. He just couldn’t stop now. Not now when his heart was beating just a bit faster, and Henry was flustered over him, and…and what was he doing?

“Don’t you have tons of other things to do today? I’ve seen your schedule,” Henry narrowed his eyes skeptically. “You really shouldn’t put that pressure on your secretary just because you have whims.”

“She’ll handle it,” Jiyoung smiled.

Henry grimaced. “That’s an abuse of power.”

“Didn’t you just tell me to rest? This is exactly what I’m doing.” He had let go of the door by then, taking steps back toward his ward. Jiyoung had forgotten the fun of teasing him.

“Then do that. I have more training sessions this afternoon. I don’t need the rest.” Henry backed up without thinking.

“I’ll have them rescheduled,” Jiyoung answered simply, smile turning sharp and cool. “Is that enough?”

Henry’s back bumped the glass mirror. Feeling trapped, he pressed as far back as possible, but couldn’t get far enough away as Jiyoung leaned over him. “I…I don’t need it.”

The older man wasn’t touching him, but the breath of space between their faces was enough to send Henry’s thoughts out the window. He stared blankly, unable to focus on anything other than Jiyoung’s eyes, nose and lips. “I think you do,” he murmured, fingers brushing Henry’s chin, tipping it slightly.

The door creaked open.

A soft gasp caught Henry’s ear and he quickly shoved Jiyoung away before fleeing to the other end of the room. Looking over, he watched Kyuhyun and Ryeowook freeze in the doorway. “H-Hey!” Henry croaked.

Jiyoung glanced over as well. “Oh. Sorry, I lost track of time while chatting with Henry.”

“T…That’s fine,” Kyuhyun answered slowly, expression more than skeptical. “We weren’t sure if we got the room wrong, so we went looking around. Should we give you two…a minute?”

“No!” Henry blurted. “No need. I’m actually just headed out. I’m meeting Kibum-hyung for brunch, so I need to leave and get ready.” At lightning speed, he started tossing used t-shirts into his sports bag, and gathered other miscellaneous items without once looking over at Jiyoung.

“Let’s get going then,” Jiyoung nodded at Kyuhyun and Ryeowook, but his eyes lingered on Henry for a moment too long. Without exchanging anymore words with the boy, he ushered them out of the room, leaving Henry alone.

The moment the door shut, Henry sank to the floor, covering his face and stifling the urge to scream. Whatever game Jiyoung wanted to play now wasn’t going to end well. Neither of them had clearly expressed their intentions and Henry wasn’t interested in anything complicated as he tried to focus on his career. However, if Jiyoung kept pulling stunts like that, he wasn’t sure if he would come out of these trainee days unscathed. 

***

Ryeowook left the meeting in a daze.

Beside him, Kyuhyun watched on with amusement, trying to decide between congratulating him on not fainting or teasing him for being so nervous. Deciding on the latter, he nudged his friend hard, watching Ryeowook stumble. “Pull yourself together,” Kyuhyun chuckled, “It’s over and G-Dragon still wants you.”

“I’m just…trying to process what happened,” Ryeowook mumbled, clutching the contract tightly in one hand. The protective slip cover over the papers was the only thing keeping them from wrinkling. Becoming a trainee under G-Dragon’s mentorship was unfathomable. He could barely register attending college and now he was going to work with one of the largest names in the South Korean music industry. What was life?

Kyuhyun nodded a bit, unable to stop grinning. “You know what his means, don’t you?”

“That I’m going to debut one day?” he responded absently, eyes far away.

“No,” Kyuhyun clicked his tongue, reaching out to turn Ryeowook’s face to his own. “We’re going to attend the same trainee classes starting next week. Get ready to see a whole lot of me.”

Ryeowook’s gaze focused and he laughed. “You make it sound like a threat. You already know how much I love spending time with you.” His smile simultaneously broke and mended Kyuhyun’s heart. Just then, Ryeowook’s phone buzzed loudly. Fumbling for it, he checked the number before holding up a hand to Kyuhyun apologetically and hurrying toward the studio lobby.

Walking at a slower pace, Kyuhyun watched the other man stand near the exit, hand closed over his mouth and the phone receiver. His eyes were scrunched up in giddy excitement as he spoke rapidly to the person on the phone. Kyuhyun hovered a few feet away, pretending to scroll through feeds on his device. The snippets of conversation he did catch clarified why Ryeowook looked over the moon.

_Lunch. Hyungsik. Celebrate._

A minute later, the call ended and Ryeowook was coming back over to him. “Hey, I’m heading out to lunch now. I know that you have lessons in the afternoon, but do you want to join Hyungsik and I for lunch? We can invite Eunhyuk and Donghae as well if they’re not too busy.”

Kyuhyun masked his surprise. Was it common to choose a group lunch over a lunch date? “Are you sure? Don’t you want to chat with your boyfriend one-on-one?”

“We can talk privately anytime. I want to tell all of my close friends about this meeting though,” Ryeowook grinned, “it’s more fun with everyone, right?”

 _Does Hyungsik agree?_ Kyuhyun relented. “Okay. Let’s go. I don’t have to be back until 4pm, so we can take out time. I’ll call Eunhyuk.”

 

Kyuhyun’s first thought as they strolled into the restaurant some twenty minutes later was that he should’ve _known_ it would end up like this. Sitting at a large round table was Hyungsik alone. Ryeowook hurried up to him, exchanging greetings and hugs. Their fingers brushed against one another as they stepped apart, continuing to linger as they sat down. _What did I do to deserve being a third wheel?_

Ryeowook looked over to where Kyuhyun had settled himself into the seat across the table. “Have you two formally met before?”

“I think we’ve come across one another before,” Kyuhyun offered. “I don’t really recall exactly when.”

“Ah, then I’ll introduce you. This is Cho Kyuhyun,” he explained, looking at Hyungsik, who in turn, seemed to have no one but Ryeowook in his line of sight. “And Kyuhyun, this is my boyfriend, Park Hyungsik.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Hyungsik smiled a bit. It was hardly a secret how much Ryeowook _raved_ about the man across the table. In fact, it sometimes worried him how much his lover adored another man. It was doubly concerning when said man looked and sounded like Kyuhyun. Although Hyungsik had rarely felt insecure about his appearance, this was one such case where he wasn’t sure anymore.

Kyuhyun just smiled back, but the chilly atmosphere around him hardly encouraged Hyungsik to be friendlier. “Same.”

 _Alright._ Pressing his lips together awkwardly, Hyungsik rattled his brain for something to talk about. “Uh…so you’re one of G-Dragon’s mentees, right? That’s amazing. You must sing very well.”

“I do.” Kyuhyun poured himself a cup of water from the table’s pitcher. “And you? Are you also interested in entertainment?”

Hyungsik nodded quickly. “I am. My friends and I actually have our first audition next week. We’re trying to debut as a group.”

Surprise passed over Kyuhyun’s features, and Hyungsik allowed himself a small feeling of satisfaction. The emotion faded quickly from Kyuhyun’s face though. “I see. Good luck then. I’m sure Ryeowook will be telling me all about it during our practice sessions.” He smiled, but it was so far from being pleasant that Hyungsik felt more threatened than anything else.

Ryeowook was already flipping through the paper menu, unaware or willingly ignorant of the awkward air. “Have you eaten here before, Kyuhyun?” he asked lightly, having clearly tuned out their conversation.

“Only once.”

“Hmm, then do you want me to recommend something? This is one of my favorite places, so I know the menu pretty well,” Ryeowook offered, grinning happily.

Kyuhyun chuckled. “Sure. I trust you.”

Hyungsik abruptly recalled Eunhyuk’s rather astute observation as he watched his lover and Kyuhyun bantering. They were in their own little world. Sneaking glances and blatant eye contact. Teasing words and sweet ones. Affectionate smiles and coy smirks. In a matter of minutes, Hyungsik had already grasped the basics of what Ryeowook and Kyuhyun must be like when they’re together. Were they this openly interested in one another all the time? Or was it worse when they spent time alone? On one hand, Hyungsik felt a desire to call Ryeowook out on the behavior. On the other, he wondered if it was a conscious affinity for one another.

From Kyuhyun’s position, it was clearer where he stood. From Ryeowook’s though, Hyungsik couldn’t tell. His interest and affections hadn’t waned, so it was too soon to accuse him of being unfaithful. Furthermore, Ryeowook just didn’t seem the _type_ to knowingly hurt someone in that way. When he and Ryeowook were alone together, it was still both comfortable and exciting. So…was this a one-sided crush?

 _Oh…so even people like Cho Kyuhyun have such problems…_ Hyungsik tried not to let the realization show on his face.

Ryeowook stood up, waving the menu. “I’m going to put in our orders for now and Eunhyuk and Donghae can do theirs when they arrive.” He left the table, and consequently the two of them together alone.

“How long have you and Ryeowook been dating?” Kyuhyun asked, voice casual.

Hyungsik picked up the water pitcher, pouring himself a glass. “Since late November, but we’ve known each other since almost the beginning of college.”

“Hmm, not too long then.”

“Long enough.”

Kyuhyun smirked. “We’ll see.”


	36. 13 January 2014

13 January 2014

For being so close to the start of the second semester, Kibum had hoped it would be peaceful. Instead, he returned to his dorm room after dinner to be hit with a sense of déjà vu. Curled up on his bed with Ryeowook was Henry. Why both of them were using Kibum’s bed, he had no idea.

“What happened with G-Dragon?” he sighed, kicking the door shut and unbuttoning his coat.

Henry glared at his own knees, eyes red rimmed. Ryeowook gently rubbed the boy’s backside, shooting Kibum a distressed look. Both he and Ryeowook had returned earlier to get settled back into their routines, and this latest surprise was not helping. Then again, whatever Henry was going through must’ve been just as hard. As his only family member in Korea, Kibum understood fully how important it was to take care of him.

“He hasn’t told me anything since arriving,” Ryeowook admitted quietly.

Kibum sat down on Henry’s other side, tugging the boy out of his curled position. “If you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong, then we can’t make anything better.” Silence. Sighing, he began prodding him with questions. “Was it a communication problem? Or is it a work-related problem again? Are you unhappy living with him?”

“…no.”

“Did he say something that made you upset?”

Henry shook his head.

“Did he do something?”

Henry flinched.

Oh. Kibum tensed. This wasn’t what he had anticipated. Of course, it was a big deal when Henry pulled a disappearing act on Jiyoung, but was it _really_ okay this time? Wasn’t his reaction a little too strong to that question? Did that mean something physical had happened? Kibum swallowed the dread creeping up. “Henry, you have to talk to me. Is this serious?”

“In…what way?” he mumbled, clenching his fists.

“Did he…,” Kibum paused, searching for the right word. “Did he _hit_ you?”

Henry blinked. “Oh, no, no. He’s never hit me and he didn’t hit me this time,” he quickly dismissed. Growing awkward again, he dropped his gaze, fidgeting. “We had a fight. Sort of. I…I just didn’t want to go back tonight. It’s not work related. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“I’m your family,” Kibum reminded without missing a beat, “I don’t care about your work as much as I care about your personal well-being. You don’t frequently run away from G-Dragon. So, what happened to make you this uncomfortable?”

“I…I’ll be fine if you just give me some time. Can I stay the night? Please?” Henry evaded the question, turning pleading eyes to his cousin.

Ryeowook raised his voice, saying softly, “He can use my bed. I’m actually going to be sleeping over in Hyungsik’s room tonight. His audition is tomorrow, so he’s a bit nervous.”

Kibum nodded gratefully. “Okay. Then I’m going to call G-Dragon and tell him where you are. Alright, Henry?”

“He already knows. I told him before I left.”

 _Oh. So this wasn’t a runaway situation._ Kibum nodded, pulling his younger cousin into a warm hug. “Hey, it’ll be fine. Whatever is going on won’t change your career path. Even if you can’t get along well with G-Dragon, you’re still going to be an amazing musician.”

Henry only nodded, seemingly distracted by his own thoughts. Just with a quick sweep of his features, Kibum couldn’t identify any physical markings that might indicate what happened. Then again, Henry was covered rather well since the winter was still in full swing. However, if the boy insisted on keeping tight-lipped about the incident, then Kibum had no way of finding out…unless he called G-Dragon and asked directly. That prospect was somewhat out of his league though. The man was powerful even beyond the entertainment world. He hardly wanted to rudely demand answers from someone who was his senior in all respects. It could be taken very offensively, and Kibum had his own future to worry about as well. Being an actor wasn’t too far out of the realm of idol entertainers.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Ryeowook nudged the boy gently. “It’s warm and it’ll definitely make you feel better. I have some pajamas that should fit you as well.” He stood up, rummaging around in a drawer, before pulling out a set of fleece nightwear.

Henry cracked a smile at that. “Thank you, Ryeowook-hyung…Kibum-hyung. I’m sorry for doing this again. I just…yeah. I needed some time away to think.” He scrubbed at his face, frowning softly. _What am I doing?_

“Okay, I understand,” Kibum ruffled his cousin’s hair, still looking far from comfortable with the state of things. He glanced over at Ryeowook who was beginning to collect a few items into his backpack. “By the way, I haven’t been able to ask you yet, but how has your training been going, Ryeowook?”

At that, Henry stifled a laugh, but waved away Kibum’s confusion. “Hyung should tell you.”

Ryeowook glared, neck turning red. “It’s fine. I’ve just had a few…mishaps.”

His roommate raised a brow.

Henry grinned, leaning over Kibum’s shoulder. “Ryeowook-hyung and Kyu-hyung are really similar. They both keep getting in trouble for being bad dancers. Our instructor has been making them attend extra private lessons to catch them up.”

“Why is that embarrassing?” Kibum smiled innocently. “You’re not a dancer, right? You’re a singer and you’re handsome, so...isn’t that enough?”

Ryeowook just turned redder, mumbling under his breath. When Kibum asked him to repeat, Ryeowook just covered his face, clearly mortified.

At this point, Henry wasn’t able to hold it anymore, laughing out loud. “Sorry, Ryeowook-hyung,” he hugged Kibum, still not able to stop his giggles. “They’re trying to decide on an image for Ryeowook, so they know what to focus on during training. A lot of the designers keep pushing for a cutesy image, but…” he glanced at Ryeowook who appeared to be fuming.

“What’s wrong with that? You are cute,” Kibum chuckled.

“They aren’t making _Kyuhyun_ do a cutesy image and he’s younger than me! It’s not fair!” he suddenly blurted, huffing. “I want to be taken seriously as a singer. Being cute will just distract from my voice.”

 _Ah…I see now_. “So you think because Kyuhyun gets a more serious image, he’ll have a more respectable debut?” Kibum guessed.

Ryeowook’s glower was answer enough.

“C’mon, it’s okay! I have a pretty cute image too,” Henry offered, grinning.

“But you also have cooler choreography and pop songs that are suitable to a cute image,” Ryeowook grouched, “I’m suited for ballads and they won’t respect a _cute_ ballad singer that’s male, too.” He sighed, grabbing his phone and shrugging his outerwear on. The bookbag came last. “Whatever, I have to go now. I’ll talk to you both later. Henry, if you need anything, I’ll be on campus.”

Henry nodded earnestly. “Thanks again! I’ll try to convince Jiyoung-hyung to reconsider your image!” The accompanying smirk didn’t give Ryeowook confidence.

Sighing heavily, the older man walked out the door, shutting it firmly behind him.

 

The walk to Hyungsik’s dormitory was refreshing, if not chilly. St. Angela’s had only three dorm buildings for freshmen—Sapphire (all boys’), Miracle (co-ed), and Happiness (all girls’)—but they were scattered to the three corners of the campus. To be expected, the co-ed building was newer and therefore nicer. Ryeowook had originally been contemplating that one, but knew better than to push his luck and funds. Paying for the cheaper all boys’ dorm would help him in the long run.

The sidewalks were winding and iced over in places, but the light snowfall and warm floodlamps kept the cold mostly at bay. Furthermore, Ryeowook’s heated face had finally cooled down by the time he reached the lobby of the Miracle Dorm. He unwrapped his scarf, smiling at the sight of Hyungsik coming out of the elevators. The latter looked up from his phone, brightening immediately at the sight of Ryeowook. “Hey! Thanks for coming,” he hurried over, wrapping his arms around the smaller man.

“No problem. You must be worried about tomorrow,” Ryeowook returned the hug, happy for the warmth. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Hyungsik seemed to consider for a moment, before flushing. “Uh, no…nothing.”

“Really?” Ryeowook narrowed his eyes, having clearly caught on to the other’s hesitation. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I can give shoulder and foot massages. I’m also very good at listening to and watching performances so if you need another opinion, I’m available.”

The boyfriend shook his head, turning redder. “It’s nothing like that. My roommate was just being…weird and said some things.” Releasing Ryeowook, he took hold of his hand and led them toward the elevators.

Not wanting to push the topic any further, Ryeowook quietly nodded and changed the subject as they entered the lift. “So why did you decide to change dormitories? Were you and your roommate not getting along before?” He watched Hyungsik press the correct floor, sleek metal doors sliding shut.  

“No, no, he was fine,” he assured, “it’s just the people I’m auditioning with all live in this dormitory so they thought it’d be easier to arrange schedules and meet up if we could just go down the hall to see one another. I wanted to switch dormitories midway through last term, but they couldn’t find a suitable room for me until this term.” Hyungsik smiled teasingly, “I’m sorry. I know that you liked being just one floor away from me.”

Ryeowook laughed, lightly punching the taller man’s shoulder. “I’m fine without you, got it? But wow, this building really is nice. You’re lucky to be living here.”

The elevator doors slid open, revealing a newly furnished lounge. Students were chatting and playing video games, looking as carefree as anyone could be. They were probably cherishing these days before the term began. Ryeowook followed Hyungsik down a hallway, eyes absorbing the freshly painted walls and key card panels built into every door.

“You’re always welcome to come see me, you know,” Hyungsik reminded, stopping at the end of the hall and pulling out his room card. “I don’t have a roommate yet. They said he’ll be arriving on the first day.”

“That’s good,” Ryeowook remarked, “that means one less factor to possibly stress you out before the big day.” He hung up his coat immediately and dropped his bookbag on the floor near the desk. Smiling up at Hyungsik, he noted the man’s somewhat exhausted posture. Expression dimming, Ryeowook pushed his lover to the bed, sitting him down and rubbing his shoulders gently. “Hey…it’s going to be okay tomorrow. You and your team have been practicing a lot. You wouldn’t have been offered an audition in the first place if they weren’t interested in you.”

Hyungsik offered a slightly strained smile, reaching forward to rest his hands on Ryeowook’s waist. Tugging Ryeowook forward slightly, he pressed his head against the slender man’s stomach. “I still have to impress them tomorrow though. It’s a pretty scary situation and I’m glad that you understand the pressure of being a trainee. Has it been hard?” His fingers absently massaged the soft lines of Ryeowook’s sides, traveling lower and lower until warm fingertips seared against his hips.

“Uh,” Ryeowook blinked, trying to focus his thoughts despite the seemingly innocent ministrations. “I…It’s been hard sometimes,” he admitted, “but it’s not the kind of difficult situation where I want to quit. I love what I’m learning and I hate making mistakes, but failure is a part of training. Plus, I have Kyuhyun there with me every step of the way. I don’t feel as alone when I have someone to share the hard times with, you know?” Ryeowook smiled a bit, stroking Hyungsik’s hair.

The latter lifted his head, something clouding his expression again. “Kyuhyun has the exact same training schedule as you?”

“For the most part,” Ryeowook responded, thinking, “I mean, we have individual vocal lessons, but that’s to be expected. He and I have been in trouble recently for our poor dancing, though. They assigned us extra practices, so we do see each other a lot.”

“I can always help you practice.”

Ryeowook chuckled. “That’s really sweet. I’ll take you up on that offer if I get really frustrated.”

Hyungsik’s fingers tightened around his hips. “You don’t have to wait until then. …I can help you anytime. Really.”

He clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Don’t try to avoid your own responsibilities. You’ll be very busy once your training begins. You’re already busy with this audition. There’s no time for you to be getting that involved with trying to fix my problems. Besides, I’ll persevere,” Ryeowook grinned as confidently as he could. Of course he wasn’t so self-assured, but right now, it seemed like Hyungsik didn’t need to know that.

“…Has Kyuhyun done anything weird to you recently?”

Ryeowook paused. _Where did that come from?_ “I…What do you mean?”

“Has he said or done anything that makes you uncomfortable?” Hyungsik rephrased, eyes lowered to the ground in consternation.

“Where is this coming from? But no, he hasn’t made me feel uncomfortable. Did he say something to you?” Ryeowook frowned. “He can be kind of sharp tongued sometimes, so I’ll scold him if he picked on you.”

Hyungsik chuckled softly, sounding humorless. Suddenly pulling hard on Ryeowook, the latter stumbled forward, falling into his lap. They were chest to chest, Hyungsik’s hands making their way under Ryeowook’s shirt. Fingertips traced the delicate curve of his spine, sending shivers racing down his back. “He hasn’t tried anything like this?” Hyungsik murmured, lips hovering close to Ryeowook’s ear.

“N-No,” he stuttered, eyes wide.

“Hmm…”

“Did he say something to you?” Ryeowook leaned back slightly, trying to catch the other’s expression.

Hyungsik seemed to debate for a long time before resigning himself. “No, it’s nothing to worry about. I think I’m just stressed and maybe a little…jealous that Kyuhyun gets to spend time with you.” He smiled tiredly.

It was obvious that wasn’t the extent of it, but Ryeowook could also tell when prying might not be the best option. Looking at Hyungsik now, he didn’t want to add anything more on the man’s plate. It was clear that he had this audition to worry about, among other things, and pressuring him into talking about this… _thing_ , wasn’t a good idea. Besides, based on his behavior, he seemed to be telling part of the truth.

So Hyungsik saw Kyuhyun as a threat?

Ryeowook grimaced at the thought. It was true that he and Kyuhyun were quite close these days, and even last term, they had been developing a relationship without realizing it—but those things weren’t a recipe for love, necessarily. Ryeowook had heard a lot about Kyuhyun’s previous romantic escapades and being just friends sounded like a much safer route. As friends, he could still admire his musical sense and handsome face. There was no reason to pursue something further.

“I see,” Ryeowook finally said. “I’ll try not to make you worry too much, but I’m really not interested in Kyuhyun like that. He’s a good friend and fellow trainee, but I don’t know if I would be happy with him as a boyfriend.” He laughed a little, noting Hyungsik’s confusion. Clearing his throat, he explained, “I’ve heard that Kyuhyun is sort of notorious for being a flirt, so if he gave you any indication that there was something going on between us, then he’s just playing around. There’s no need to take any of it seriously.”

Hyungsik wasn’t sure if he ought to be relieved or even more worried now. If an earnest man had extended that challenge the other day, Hyungsik wouldn’t feel as bad should things go sour with Ryeowook. Now though, if it was a loose man trying to interfere, he had to be on guard. Ryeowook was a sensitive soul, and romantic to boot. Even if he didn’t see Kyuhyun as a potential lover right now, time might change those perceptions.

“Ah, I see,” Hyungsik muttered. “Well, if he makes you feel uneasy ever, tell me. I don’t want you to be stressing over anything other than your training. Getting caught up in someone else’s pace can be really exhausting.”

“Thanks,” Ryeowook chuckled, “but same goes to you. Don’t spend too much time worrying about me or other people. You’re going to be caught up in a lot more work really soon.”

He rolled his eyes playfully. “You have way too much confidence in me. I don’t think I’m nearly as confident in a successful audition as you are.”

“You’re handsome, you dance well, you’re appealing, and your teammates are all just as charismatic,” he rattled off, grinning. “It’s going to be fine.”

Even though Hyungsik wasn’t sure if he believed those words whole heartedly, but it was comforting enough that someone else believed them. Hugging Ryeowook close, he murmured a gentle word of thanks.


	37. 14 January 2014

14 January 2014

Henry went straight to the studio from St. Angela’s. It had never been in his plans to return to the apartment first before attending early morning dance practice, and early meant the break of dawn. Before he faced Jiyoung, he needed to work off some of the stress. Although running away had been a solid temporary solution, it hadn’t eased much of the tension. He still couldn’t get the incident from the previous night out of his mind and he only had until 8am to figure out a way to face his mentor.

A sigh fell from his lips, and he wondered how much he had been doing that recently. Wasn’t he still too young to be so exhausted? His body was in the best condition of his life, but his mental state felt frayed and fuzzy. Nothing was going how he wanted it to. Although he knew this had been his decision, training to become an idol hadn’t originally entailed grappling with _feelings_.

He tossed his bag on the floor of the practice room, immediately beginning to go through a set of warm ups. The monotony of the actions calmed him slightly, focusing his mind on something digestible. Henry rolled both wrists carefully, counting off. Same with his ankles. Neck. Shoulders. Knees. Five minutes passed quietly, and then he started up the music, counting beats in his head before doing a full run through.

Starting the song again, he got into position.

_Sometimes life was full of repeat situations. Those repeats often held minor differences though, just like a dance routine. A flexible pocket made in the music to allow an extra flare of fingers, sway of hips, shoulder roll…_

Turn. Stop. Jump. Land. Look at audience. Smile.

_And so there he stood again at the entrance of their shared apartment watching his mentor lip locked with a beautiful woman. They were always beautiful though. Men. Women. Not one was ugly. Not too old or too young either. Perfect._

Free style. Count. Spin. Fist pump. One, two, three. Smile.

_Were there always going to be a string of gorgeous celebrities falling into the arms of this man? Was it more foolish to be surprised, though? A celebrity like him had all the rights in the world of live his life as he chose. There was no room for the fantasies of a childish romantic. Nonetheless, he found himself slamming the door shut a little too loud._

Hop. One, two. Sweep. Turn. Arms up. Down. Smile.

_They broke apart slowly. One amused. One upset. Henry ignored them both though, striding to the staircase with all the neutrality he could muster. The woman muttered something dirty in Korean under her breath. He wasn’t sure. She spoke too rapidly for him to catch. Whatever._

Step. Step. Stomp. Stomp. Arms out. Jump. Spin. Smile.

_The door to his bedroom opened only a minute after he shut it. Jiyoung stood in the threshold, that coy smile hiding all the frustrating truths Henry wanted to obtain. What was this? Who was she? What were they? What was Henry?_

Smile.

_“She’s an actress in a popular drama airing right now. Things got out of hand after I invited her back for some drinks.” Amused. Always amused. Always mysterious. Except once._

Smile.

_“Is that right. Well, it doesn’t matter to me.” Lies. Irritation. Denial._

Smile.

_“I told you before that I will give you anything you ask for. Even me.” Lies? Truth? Pity?_

Smile.

_“I don’t need anything.” Sanity. Distance. No more feelings._

Smile.

_A kiss. Searing. Burning. Everything he wanted. Everything he didn’t want. Pathetic._

Smile. Smile. Smile.

_“Anytime. I’ll give you these as many times as you want. So, don’t be upset.” Coddling. Bribing. Disgusting._

Smile. Always smile.

Henry stumbled to a halt as the music faded. Blinking, he looked around, taking back in his surroundings. What was he doing? That seemed to be the golden question—the only important question anymore. What did he want? If he could understand the feelings coursing through his veins and sending his heart soaring, then maybe this would all be easier.

What appealed to him about Jiyoung?

 _Everything. Nothing._ Henry gritted his teeth. This was the pain of being young and stupid. If he was older…if he was Jiyoung’s age, would this all make more sense? He seemed so put together. So calm and calculating. Totally in control of the mess of emotions that came with infatuation. Henry wasn’t too far gone yet. He knew this wasn’t love. Far from it. Right?

Did he really know for sure? At least, Henry knew he didn’t want a love as painful as this one. The uncertainty and confusion would send him to an early grave. How could anyone want this sort of complicated feeling in their lives?

Or was it just something about Jiyoung that made this difficult? Wasn’t he the one who kept playing games? Or was Henry playing along? He didn’t think he was, but what did it look like to his mentor?

Someone as perceptive as Jiyoung already knew about his crush. There was no way he didn’t know. Therefore, all of this teasing, all of these _offers_ , were just responses to his feelings, right? Then…wasn’t it also Henry’s fault for making his desires so obvious, but refusing to clarify what he wanted? Even if his words were a refusal, was his expression, body language, and heart refusing?

He ran a hand over his face, exhausted. “This is…”

“…is what?”

Henry whipped around, warily eyeing Kyuhyun who leaned against the open doorway. “Oh. Hi,” he breathed, having nearly lost his mind from fear. “Good morning, Kyu-hyung.”

“Morning to you too,” he responded, “but it doesn’t look too good. Ryeowook told me you slept over last night in their dorm. Did G-Dragon do something to you?”

“Not…exactly.” Henry fidgeted, feeling a little less self-conscious about telling Kyuhyun the truth. Although his cousin meant well, Kibum wasn’t as close to him as Kyuhyun. Ryeowook was also a good friend, but somehow, the one he had grown closest to was the man in the doorway. “Can you come in? I don’t want anyone to overhear.”

Silently moving into the room, he shut and locked the door. “Just so you know, I have dance practice with Ryeowook in an hour, so this better not be the longest story in the world.”

“That’s fine,” Henry shook his head, “it’s not a long story. It’s also just…hard to explain.” He paused, backtracking, “Wait. Why are you an hour early for dance practice?”

“Because I came looking for you,” Kyuhyun scoffed, “why else? I knew you’d be here moping if you weren’t still at the dorm. I figured I would check.”

Warmth blossomed in Henry’s chest and he sank to the floor, suddenly relieved to have someone to talk to. “Okay, thanks hyung,” he murmured, watching Kyuhyun settled down next to him. After a short, rather tense, moment, Henry began, “I have…feelings for Jiyoung-hyung.”

“What’s new?”

Blood rushed to his face. “You _knew_?”

“Henry, the world would probably know if they saw you two together,” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “You’re also a young, aspiring entertainer living with G-Dragon. Man or woman, you’d be getting butterflies for someone like him. It’s normal.”

“Okay,” he licked his lips, “but then, what if I said he’s been…responding to my feelings?”

“You mean like the other day?” He raised an eyebrow.

Henry nodded a bit, eyes lowered. “He…uhm, he kissed me last night. Again. The first time was on Christmas when he got angry at me. I was stupid and…yeah, I don’t want to get into that.”

Kyuhyun kept quiet this time, scrutinizing the boy.

“He told me that he’ll respond to my feelings if that’s what I want. I…felt horrible after that, so I ran away. I told him where I was going before I left, and he only reminded me to be here at the studio for a recording at 8am.”

“I see.”

Henry looked up, noticing Kyuhyun’s perturbed expression. “What do you think?”

“Well, you didn’t respond to his offer, right?”

He shook his head no.

“Do you _want_ to take his offer?”

“No!” Henry exclaimed, offended.

Kyuhyun smirked. “You have more pride than I expected. Okay, well then that’s your answer. Face him and tell him that you don’t want him to respond to your feelings with obligation or pity. If you want to hold onto these feelings for him a bit longer, then just ensure that it doesn’t affect your work and that he doesn’t notice you mooning over him.” He paused, seeming to mull over something before continuing. “And if he persists, then maybe he has feelings for you, too.”

The very thought had never crossed Henry’s mind, and even after the idea had been spoken aloud, he couldn’t believe it. What did he have to offer someone like Jiyoung? A few fun nights in bed, and then emotional baggage if he remained a trainee under his tutelage? It would never feasibly or logically result in a satisfactory relationship.

Henry knew that. Love, despite the irony, was not in his future. Being an entertainer in South Korea meant he would lose any semblance of privacy and agency over his affairs. Further, it was unthinkable that Jiyoung had the intention to start a scandal involving the two of them—because that’s what it would become. If Kyuhyun could tell from a few interactions that Henry had feelings for his mentor, then the world would definitely be able to see it too.

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” Henry clenched his fists. “It’s troublesome.”

“Then find someone else,” Kyuhyun shrugged. “That’s the fastest way to distract yourself while letting those feelings fade. You don’t even have to be serious. Just pick someone and stop thinking about Jiyoung.”

“You make it sound too easy, hyung,” Henry whined. The playfulness he meant to convey in his tone was sorely lacking, though.

The older man smirked. “It _is_ easy. Let’s hit a club tonight. Or a bar. Or find a friend you think is cute. Take your pick.”


	38. Temptation...Reset

14 January 2014

The day’s schedule was jam packed. Thankfully, that meant Henry successfully evaded talking about any personal problems with Jiyoung during the recording. He had a full day of learning new choreography for another artist’s showcase, and then in the evening…he shook away the thoughts.

Why had he agreed to Kyuhyun’s suggestion?

At the very least, Ryeowook would be joining them. He tended to be a better voice of reason when it came to practicalities of safety. Henry felt like every time he got involved with Kyuhyun, one of two things happened. Either they had uplifting conversation like that morning, or they fell into waterlogged ditches on someone’s else’s college campus. There really wasn’t a neutral when it came to him.

“Will you be coming home tonight?”

Henry nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice. Turning around as slowly and calmly as he could, he faced Jiyoung who sauntered closer. Maybe skulking around the practice rooms was Henry’s true problem. It seemed like bad things happened in them. Like the first time Jiyoung advanced seriously after Christmas. That was in a practice room.

But was that even a serious advance? Or was it just teasing again? Henry frowned. Who was he kidding? It was always teasing.

Rather than being petty and correcting Jiyoung’s use of the word ‘home,’ Henry said, “I’ll be back late. Kyuhyun-hyung and Ryeowook-hyung want to go out tonight.”

“Oh?”

Henry flushed at the tone. “Is that a problem? I don’t have anything scheduled for this evening.” He busied himself with rummaging through his sports bag, pretending to search for something. Anything.

“...you don’t.” Jiyoung admitted softly, taking another step closer. He watched Henry’s back tense, but did not stop his approach. “But I thought you might want to spend some time together.” His hand closed over the boy’s shoulder and immediately, he was pushed back.

Wide eyed, Henry gazed up at Jiyoung’s surprised face. “Sorry,” he stammered, scrambling to his feet and backing up. “Just...I--I’m a little stressed is all. I didn’t mean to...yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he shook his head slowly, lowering his hand. “But Henry, are you _sure_ you’re okay?” Jiyoung studied him closely, but didn’t make another move forward as if now viewing his ward as an animal to be approached cautiously.

Henry felt a spike of annoyance at being treated with such trepidation. He realized that slapping someone’s hand away wasn’t exactly polite, but it was mortifying to have the person react _like this_. “I’m really okay,” he assured through gritted teeth. “I’ll be back tonight. I promise. So don’t wait up for me. You don’t have to come back tonight though, if you have plans yourself.”

Silence.

It felt like wading through a swamp when conversing with Jiyoung these days. Henry knew it was his fault for feeling things all on his own, and reacting poorly because of them. But that’s why he was taking Kyuhyun’s advice and trying to move...somewhere. Forward? Backward? Just not side to side. Not more infatuated.

“I’ll be up.” Jiyoung caught the boy’s eye. “You promised to be back tonight. I’ll be awake and then we’ll talk. Understand?” His demeanor gave no room for argument, but Henry still felt obliged to nod, unable to defy him. Jiyoung turned on his heel. “Enjoy your evening.” And then he left.

 ***

Ryeowook frowned at his phone, worried at the lack of messages from Hyungsik. The audition should’ve ended earlier that day, but it was already half-past 7pm. Had something happened? Maybe Hyungsik merely forgot to tell him how things went?

“Why so gloomy?” Kyuhyun slung an arm around Ryeowook’s shoulders, peering down at the blank phone screen.

The latter bit his lip, brows furrowing. “Well, today was Hyungsik’s audition. He hasn’t messaged me at all to tell me the results though. I’m worried about it.”

“Call him and see,” Kyuhyun suggested, “because if you don’t find out now, you’re going to be thinking about it while we’re out tonight.”

Ryeowook nodded slightly. “Give me a minute then. Are Donghae and Eunhyuk meeting us there?” He glanced back at Kyuhyun, suddenly noticing how close his face was. The straight line of his nose, the curve of his lips, the crease at the corner of his smiling eyes… Ryeowook blinked away the images, shaking his head.

Oblivious, Kyuhyun nodded. “Yeah, they said they’re heading over now actually. I’ll grab Henry.” He released his friend and started for the door of the studio.

Dialing, Ryeowook waited anxiously for a response.

No response.

Again.

No response.

Ryeowook sighed. It was serious then. He fired off a text. **Please respond. I just want to know you’re alright.**

Another minute passed before he received a short reply. **I’m fine. Just not in the mood to talk.**

**Ryeowook: What happened?**

**Hyungsik: They didn’t tell us the results.**

**Ryeowook: So isn’t that more hopeful than a rejection?**

**Hyungsik: A clear rejection would be preferred.**

This was not okay at all. Ryeowook tried to call again. It was obvious that the stress of being placed in limbo was hurting him more than having a firm yes or no.. How was Ryeowook supposed to leave that alone? If Hyungsik was feeling this down, wasn’t it his boyfriend’s responsibility to at least try and help?

None of the calls were accepted.

Henry and Kyuhyun chose then to stroll on in, chattering about something that Ryeowook couldn’t discern as he tried to make yet another call. When that one was fruitless as well, he turned to Kyuhyun, saying, “Sorry, I think Hyungsik is having a hard time. I’ll go with you guys next time, okay?”

Immediately, Kyuhyun’s lips pressed into a thin line. “What? Did something happen?”

“His audition decision was postponed. I don’t know why, but he’s not answering my calls and he said he doesn’t want to talk.”

“Then shouldn’t you listen to his wishes?” Kyuhyun crossed his arms, tone flat.

Ryeowook shook his head. “He clearly needs someone with him. Sometimes, people don’t say what they mean when they’re upset.”

He shrugged. “I just know that if I got an audition decision like that, I wouldn’t want to chat about it. It would be more stressful.”

“Well have you ever had an unsuccessful audition?” Ryeowook snapped.

Kyuhyun was quiet for only a second before firing back, “I’ve failed at things before. I don’t need to have the exact same experience as him to understand.”

“But you can’t understand. G-Dragon just handed you a spot.”

“Same could be said about you.” Kyuhyun’s tone cooled, eyes dark and unreadable.

Ryeowook fumed for a moment, before turning away and walking toward the door. From his periphery, he noticed Henry’s panicked expression, but ignored it as he left the room and sped down the hall. Before Ryeowook could get very far though, the sound of a door slamming and footsteps giving chase caught up to him.

Strong fingers curled around his wrist, jolting him to a stop. Whirling him around, Kyuhyun glared down at Ryeowook. “You’re overreacting about this situation. Hyungsik is going to be fine without you.”

“How would you know?” He tried to shake his wrist loose. “And why are you being so stubborn? You don’t need me there to help you get someone for the night.”

Kyuhyun flinched.

Regret immediately flooded Ryeowook. “I...I didn’t mean it like that. You...” _You’re not…_

“No. I got it. You’re right.” Kyuhyun released him, masking whatever emotions simmered below the surface. “Next time, then.”

Ryeowook watched him walk away, unable to find the words to properly apologize.

 

The bar was surprisingly quiet and comfortable. Sultry music filled the silence between conversations and seemed to only add to the gloom of Cho Kyuhyun. It had been an awkward taxi ride to the location, wherein Henry tried to make conversation but failed miserably in the face of Kyuhyun’s chilly responses.

Honestly, he had never seen Kyuhyun and Ryeowook fight before. It was such an odd one too. What were they even arguing about? Henry sipped at his only beer of the night, having been too nervous at the prospect of Jiyoung scolding him for getting drunk. Or worse, he imagined trying to have a conversation about their feelings while he was drunk. That would end in one of them having to leave the planet.

And so, Henry refused to get anything past tipsy.

Kyuhyun, surprisingly, also seemed disinclined to drink much. Had his conversation with Ryeowook really been enough to send him into such a bad mood?

“Y’know, when you said we were going out drinking, I didn’t expect it to be this...sad,” Eunhyuk deadpanned, looking around. The only other person in their foursome who seemed remotely happy was Donghae. “What is going on?”

Without thinking, Henry blurted, “Kyu-hyung had an argument with Ryeowook-hyung.”

“Huh? About what?” Eunhyuk tilted his head.

“Nothing.”

The remaining three exchanged disbelieving looks. Gingerly, Donghae sipped his drink before changing the subject, “How about you Henry? How is G-Dragon?”

The temperature seemed to drop several degrees at the question.

“He’s fine.”

Eunhyuk was incredulous. What the _fuck_ was going on? “So Kyu,” he cleared his throat, catching the other’s attention, “you never told me what the final decision on your major was. I know you mentioned you and your dad were negotiating before.”

“Ah,” Kyuhyun perked up a bit, grinning, “he’ll let me keep pursuing music, if I double major with law. I think mom is happy too with the compromise.”

“That’s amazing!” Eunhyuk lifted his drink. “At least there’s one thing to toast to,” he laughed.

The four of them raised their bottles, clinking and cheering.

“There’s one other thing we’re trying to do though,” Kyuhyun admitted, side eyeing Henry who immediately froze up. “This kid here is trying to find a distraction. I promised to help him.”

“ _You_ were the one who suggested--!”

“--wow, I never knew you were the type, Henry,” Donghae remarked, nodding in understanding.

The boy blushed crimson. “I’m _not_. I just got swept up in Kyu-hyung’s pace and...and here we are,” he mumbled, mortified.

“There’s nothing wrong with a few casual flings,” Eunhyuk comforted, “just don’t be as bad as Kyuhyun.” The joke was an old one, but for some reason, his friend’s reaction was far from amused.

A grimace etched itself back into Kyuhyun’s face. Rather than shooting back a biting comment or cocky agreement, he was silent. _This is going to be a long night._

As 9pm became 10pm and the wilder crowds began filtering in, the group broke off into pairs. Eunhyuk wanted to dance and Kyuhyun agreed. The lights had dimmed more, leaving Henry to idly search for the familiar shadows of his friends. Beside him at the bar top was Donghae though, and having the company was reassuring. The last thing he wanted was to be left alone.

Normally, dancing was fun for him, but after exhausting that activity day in and day out, he wanted none of it tonight. Henry felt a cold beer press against the back of his head, and he looked up to see Donghae smiling at him. “You’ve been down all night, Henry. What’s up?” his voice was close, a sweet breath of concern against his ear.

Henry took the offered drink, and drained the remnants of the one he had been nursing all night. “I have a thing for Jiyoung-hyung,” he sighed, letting liquid courage carry him forward. “I’m trying not to anymore though. It’s...too hard. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”

Donghae scooted a bit closer, resting a hand on the back of Henry’s chair. “You really think having feelings is a burden?” His voice was still too close.

“Not a burden exactly,” Henry spoke slowly, thinking, “...it just hurts a lot to like someone like him.”

“I’ve never really had strong feelings for anyone, so I guess I don’t understand,” Donghae admitted sincerely, “but I’ve seen other people who let themselves fall in love and they don’t seem to regret it. Maybe it hurts and is confusing in the beginning, but...maybe it’s worthwhile when you decide to go all in.”

He laughed mirthlessly. “Go all in how? I don’t even know how he sees me.”

“Well, do you want to ask him?” Donghae chuckled, touching Henry’s cheek and turning the boy’s face toward him. Their eyes locked, noses brushing a little too close for comfort. Henry sucked in a sharp breath, having momentarily forgotten just how ridiculously handsome this man was. “You said you’re already hurting. That means you’ve got nothing to lose, right?” Donghae’s eyes sparkled, lips curling into a gentle smile.

In that moment, Henry was once again struck with just how amazing this man was. He smiled back, laughing. “Yeah...you and Kyu-hyung are so straightforward. I still have a lot to learn.”

 

On the other end of the room, Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun stumbled out of the thickening throng of dancers. For a bar that was so low-key only a couple hours ago, it sure had gotten lively. The pair found an empty table, setting their slightly sloppy drinks down on the sticky surface.

Eunhyuk eyed his friend warily, not sure if Kyuhyun was better or worse. The guy had never been one to linger on an emotional problem for too long. During the two years he had been dating Sungmin, he had rarely seen Kyuhyun reach this level of emotional turmoil. What sort of relationship had he formed with Ryeowook while no one was looking?

“Have you and Ryeowook been hanging out a lot?” Eunhyuk decided to bite the bullet.

Blindsided, Kyuhyun blinked a few times before asking him to repeat that. Eunhyuk did. Looking a little perturbed, he responded, “Yeah...we have.”

“And?”

“And he’s wonderful.” Kyuhyun smirked, but his eyes were filled with adoration.

Eunhyuk paused, unsure how to proceed after seeing that reaction. Had they progressed more than he expected? “So...does that mean you’re interested in him?”

Kyuhyun gave a noncommittal shrug. “His head is full of Hyungsik. I’m barely on the radar.”

And then it clicked. “Is _that_ why you’re upset? Did he choose Hyungsik over you tonight?” Eunhyuk guessed, leaning forward. Kyuhyun’s indignant frown was more than enough answer. Laughing hard, he reached across the table, patting the other man’s shoulder. “Of course he’d choose his boyfriend sometimes. You can’t just let it get to you like that.”

“It’s frustrating,” he stated, swatting away Eunhyuk’s hand. “I watch them together and _know_ that it’s not right. If Ryeowook had met me first…,” Kyuhyun trailed off, eyes lowering to his drink.

“But could you really make him happy?” Eunhyuk swirled his drink, going on, “Ryeowook isn’t the type to deal with too much relationship drama and you’re kind of a handful, Kyu.”

“I know.” Kyuhyun left it at that, unwilling to yet say what he was thinking. _But if it’s him…_ “Are you ready to head out?”

_More than physical distance, it’s a distance of the heart that cannot be overcome until that perfectly calculated moment preordained by fate herself._

Oftentimes, the most unexpected incidences happen on the quietest of nights.

And as they climbed into the taxi together, small jokes and complaints about the weather made everything feel so normal. Completely, utterly normal. Peaceful. Simple.

The soft beat of a radio hit lulled the four boys into a sleepy stupor.

Eunhyuk yawned and snuggled into his jacket.

Donghae clasped his hand over Henry’s, encouragement evident in every line of his face.

Henry rested his head against the window, mentally preparing himself to confront Jiyoung.

Kyuhyun leaned back, closing his eyes to dream of the future.

And so, no one was prepared to react when the blinding headlights and blaring horn of a fast approaching car collided with their fates.


	39. Aftermath: Day 1

15 January 2014

Ryeowook trips over himself getting to the receptionist desk. The attendant looks less than pleased at his disheveled appearance, but otherwise doesn’t comment. He stutters out Kyuhyun’s name and barely registers anything beyond the words: “I’m sorry, sir. Patient Cho is in the ICU. Visitors are not allowed.”

When he slumps back into a waiting room chair, he wonders who brought him over. Looking up, he sees Kibum’s pained face watching him with worry. Ryeowook drops his gaze, a flood of guilty memories replaying over and over again in his mind. Why had he said any of those things to Kyuhyun? He should’ve been there with them. Why did he let him go?

“Hey, breathe.”

Ryeowook obediently sucked in a breath, surprised at how good it felt. Had he been holding it? Two arms wrapped around his shoulders, and then he was being tugged into a hug. It smelled like Kibum. It had to be him. Closing his eyes, he latched onto the familiar scent. Anything familiar was good.

Time passed too slowly and too quickly. Ryeowook wasn’t even sure if time was passing. He felt himself stuck in that moment. In a hallway. In the midst of a petty argument. When had he become someone who could leave on such bad terms with a friend? When had he decided it was acceptable to walk away angry at anyone? Was this punishment for negligence?

“Ryeowook.”

Pulling away from Kibum’s warm embrace, he peered at the voice, seeing Jiyoung coming toward them. He wore a medical mask and dark clothes, but was otherwise recognizable. A set of forms was clutched in one of his hands. “Do you...Do you know anything?” Ryeowook croaked, clearing his throat and standing. He kept his fingers tight around Kibum’s hand, relieved to feel the man return the grip.

Nodding a bit, Jiyoung explained, “They couldn’t provide me with details, but Lee Donghae was conscious.”

Kibum tensed at the name.

“He said they were returning from a bar around 10:30 last night. A drunk driver collided with them in an intersection. Kyuhyun and Henry were sitting on the side that was hit. I wasn’t told of Kyuhyun’s condition, but the doctors said he and Henry sustained the greatest injuries out of the passengers.” Despite the clarity with which he spoke, Ryeowook could see the barely concealed tremor in his fingers. Jiyoung coughed softly behind the mask, eyes peering at them but nowhere near _seeing_ them. “Henry received 20 stitches along his hairline, and they’re running tests to see the extent of his concussion.” Turning away rather abruptly, he waved the medical forms. “I need to submit these. Please excuse me.”

Ryeowook and Kibum exchanged a look. Were any of them going to be okay? As they prepared to settle back into their seats, Donghae’s familiar figure limped down the hall toward them. Kibum was immediately moving forward, catching the injured male in a delicate hug. Although Ryeowook couldn’t see his expression, he knew what it must’ve looked like. After all, they were all wearing the same face that morning.

Donghae glanced over at Ryeowook who was slowly making his way toward them. Smiling a little, he waved him closer. “Don’t look so down. I’m alive. We’re all alive,” he assured, voice a little hoarse.

“Always the optimist,” he responded wryly, carefully squeezing Donghae’s uninjured hand. “Sorry.”

“You didn’t do this to us,” he shook his head, frowning. “Don’t be like that.”

Ryeowook didn’t respond.

“Are you sure you should be up and walking?” Kibum demanded urgently, guiding Donghae toward a seat.

“It’s fine,” he shook his head, taking the seat anyway. Lifting one arm, he indicated the gauze wrapped around it. “I only had a couple stitches and some bruises.” Donghae looked down at his leg, “My right thigh is bruised up to the hip, so I’m walking a little funny for a while. Compared to me, the others are worse off.”

“Eunhyuk?” Ryeowook prompted softly.

Donghae nodded firmly. “He has a mild concussion, so they’re running precautionary tests. Other than that, he broke his left wrist and has some scratches and bruises. They told me he’ll be discharged by noon.”

“…and there’s no news on Kyuhyun?”

The look he gave Ryeowook did nothing to comfort him.

Across the room, they caught sight of Jiyoung once more, but this time he was bowing at the waist to an older man and woman. The pair looked more exhausted than any of them, which gave Ryeowook the feeling that they had been here since the accident was reported six hours ago. He had never seen any of his friends’ parents, so he couldn’t be sure whose they were, but given that Jiyoung was apologizing to them so severely, it had to be Kyuhyun’s or Henry’s.

Jiyoung listened attentively to Mr. and Mrs. Cho as they described their son’s condition as best they could. He knew it was a privilege to be receiving this information and worse yet, he knew he didn’t deserve it. If anything, they should have been furious with him. Kyuhyun had been under his watch. Kyuhyun had left his studio and soon after been involved in a full-on wreck. He had no right to be treated with care by these people.

“They aren’t sure when he’ll wake up, but they’ve mostly stabilized his condition,” Mr. Cho explained, the lines of his face deeper and darker than they had ever been. “A specialist is flying in this afternoon to check his vitals. They said there were several broken bones and some internal bleeding. They said they’ll provide more information as it comes.” He rubbed his tired face, squeezing the bridge of his nose as if in pain.

“Thank you for letting me know,” Jiyoung bowed once more, keeping his head as low as possible. He kept the position far past being polite and only rose when Mr. Cho’s firm hand clapped him gently on the shoulder. “I’m sorry,” Jiyoung murmured, head still down. “I’m so sorry.”

“This was not your fault,” Mrs. Cho shook her head, wiping at red eyes. “The only one at fault was that drunkard. Please don’t apologize anymore, Jiyoung. I’m happy Kyuhyun has such a caring supervisor.”

Mr. Cho made no comment, instead offering a single nod as Jiyoung lifted his gaze to them. It wasn’t enough to ease the guilt, but he would accept it for now. Without a doubt, he would make it up to them when Kyuhyun woke up.

 

When evening fell and there was still no news to announce about Kyuhyun, both Kibum and Ryeowook decided to return to school. Eunhyuk’s mother had come to get him at noon, and Donghae’s mother had arrived shortly before 7am. The couple in the corner had never left and Ryeowook couldn’t shake the desire to know who they were. However, what would that do for him? Would he shamelessly approach them and apologize for not being to able Kyuhyun or Henry? What words could he offer parents with a child fighting for his life?

Ryeowook mechanically went through his routine, unable to rid himself of thoughts concerning Kyuhyun. When midnight rolled by and he still hadn’t been able to calm down, he climbed out of bed and packed a sports bag. The studio was open 24/7 for trainees and company staff. He had never made use of it at this hour, but it seemed like a godsend in that moment.

“You going out?”

He paused at the door, glancing back to see Kibum equally awake and exhausted. “Yeah, I’m going to the studio. Maybe practice dancing until I can’t stay awake any longer,” Ryeowook attempted to make his tone light, but it just sounded severe.

“Just…be careful. It’s late.” The warning was heavy.

Ryeowook nodded. “I’ll take the bus.”

Kibum didn’t seem to be comforted by that, but he nodded anyway. “Message me when you arrive.”

The trip took 40 minutes and another 10 minutes on foot from the bus stop. Ryeowook wasn’t even sure if he would be able to sit still through classes in the morning. Would he even attend class? It seemed so silly all of a sudden. What were his reasons for attending class? Did it teach him how to make the right choices when friends were involved? Did it teach him how to keep his mouth shut instead of saying cruel words in a moment of panic?

Why?

Ryeowook passed his access card through the scanner, relieved when it beeped and disengaged the lock. The hallways were mostly closed except for the singular path to the dance rooms. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find that someone else also couldn’t sleep. Pausing at the door, he peeked in, feeling almost like a voyeur as he watched G-Dragon meticulously going through dance steps.

Even from a distance, it was clear that he was drenched in sweat. Ryeowook wondered if it would bring him that much pleasure to work his muscles so hard. Or would it just make him frustrated? He watched for another moment before turning and opened the door of a smaller practice room. It was clear that neither of them wanted to be disturbed.

Shooting a text to Kibum once he was settled, Ryeowook went through the stretches his instructor taught him. Like the fool he was, his mind wandered to Kyuhyun who was normally right beside him during these practices. His whispered jokes and smirks and mistakes always made things better.

_Stop. He’s not dead._

Ryeowook shook himself, trying to disperse the despair. It would be okay, right?

Kyuhyun would recover soon.

And then they would train together.

And laugh together.

And sing together.

And Ryeowook would never say another cold, spiteful thing again.


	40. Aftermath: Day 5

20 January 2014

The sting her fingertips left on his face would linger for a long time. And he wanted that. Despite the searing pain, he lowered his head once more, rigidly keeping position as her words poured over him.

_Should’ve protected him…_

_Promised you would…_

_Could’ve died…_

_Hospitalized—_

_—permanent damage_

_Just a child._

Jiyoung stared at the floor, legs straining from the stiff bow. He only murmured an apology after she had finished spewing fire and truth. Her harsh breaths were proof enough though that she was far from forgiving. If he had thought for even a second that Kyuhyun’s parents should blame him, he honestly thought Henry’s parents should burn him alive.

How irresponsible. Everything.

“I should _never_ have trusted someone like you,” she hissed. “A pretty boy with sweet words…what was I thinking entrusting my son in _your_ care? What if he had died? How would you apologize for that?” She demanded, voice cracking. “How could you _ever_ give him back to us then? He was only _lucky_ this time. If you had been taking care of him properly…if you hadn’t been off doing whatever it is you celebrities do, then maybe I wouldn’t be meeting my son again with dozens of stitches holding his head together.”

Jiyoung flinched hard.

It felt worse than the slap.

“Ship Henry’s things to our house in Canada before the end of the month.” She sounded out of breath again. “We are leaving Korea once the doctors have cleared him for flight. Until then, do not contact him for any reason. If you have any paperwork questions, you may contact me or my husband only.”

He nodded his head, still refusing to rise from the bow.

The only indication that the conversation was ending was her shifting feet. “I’ve already completed my consent withdrawal forms. Henry will, of course, no longer be participating in your trainee program. If there are issues, again, contact me or my husband directly.” With that, she left the office swiftly.

Jiyoung slowly rose, gazing at an empty doorway. It was obvious that her terms were reasonable, and yet, he couldn’t shake the desire to see Henry once more before they were gone for good. Would he really let him slip through his fingers? Was that it? Or…was that car accident a sign? Maybe they really weren’t meant to define whatever it was that had been brewing between them for months.

Anyone could feel it in the air between them. He knew Henry felt the surge of energy every time their lips touched. Jiyoung clenched his fists. _Stop._

What was he even thinking? He had no intention of pursuing Henry like that before the accident, but after it, the fear of losing him had become so much more real. Could he return to a lifestyle where Henry wasn’t bounding in and out with silly holiday traditions, adorable language questions, and entertaining stories? Could he go back to silent dinners and shallow dates? Empty rooms and suffocating quiet?

He didn’t know. But he didn’t have an option anymore.

***

Henry blinked slowly awake, lightheaded and bleary eyed. The hospital bed felt just as starched and stale as the previous day—almost as if he hadn’t been sleeping in it. Impersonal. Scentless. Bleached of the past. The lights were off, allowing only a square of illumination through the closed door’s glass. He listened to the steady beeping of his own heart for a long time, wondering how he had survived.

Were the others okay? He asked himself that question every time he woke up. It had already been 3 days since he woke up from the accident to find his head heavily bandaged and body feeling weighed down by lead. In a morbidly humorous train of thought, he had wanted to complain that it felt as if he’d been hit a by a car.

He figured no one would appreciate that.

Looking around for a clock, he spotted a dimly lit digital display on the countertop. Squinting slightly, he made out the numbers. _11pm._ Oh. It was already so late? He frowned, slowly climbing out of bed and reaching for the door.

A shadow passed by and his heart nearly stopped, sending him clambering backwards. The next second, the door was opening and Jiyoung’s very familiar silhouette appeared.

“You…,” Henry trailed off, feeling just self-conscious enough to walk backwards and climb back into bed before he accidentally flashed his naked backside to the older man. It was already startling enough to see him there, not to mention it was far too late for visitors. “Did you sneak in?” Henry suddenly blurted, wincing at the pain in his head.

Jiyoung nodded slightly, not even sort of ashamed. He took the visitor’s seat beside the bed, not turning on the lights. Perhaps it was partly because he wasn’t supposed to be there, but also probably for Henry’s sake. Lights were still a sensitive issue for him. “Your mother has submitted her consent withdrawal form.”

Noise faded to the background, his heartbeat no longer a rushing pounding in his ears. “Oh.”

“You’ll return to Canada once you are cleared for air travel.”

Henry didn’t respond, having expected the turn of events. Although his parents had only come to see him once while he conscious enough to converse with them, they had made their expectations clear. Besides, he had no way to argue with them about something so reasonable. Although he could defend Jiyoung repeatedly as not being involved, he knew no one would except it. Legally and personally, his guardian was supposed to be Jiyoung. His parents would never let anyone else take responsibility—most of all Henry.

“So why did you come here?” he finally asked, barely above a whisper.

Jiyoung tapped his fingers absently against the chair arm. “I suppose, to say goodbye?”

Henry managed a laugh, but it lacked any amusement. “That’s it, huh?”

“…Yeah. That’s it.”

He met the man’s eyes, but found they were far away. “Thank you for taking care of me.”

Jiyoung shook his head. “No. Thank you. And I’m sorry. I meant to protect you properly.”

“It wasn’t…,” Henry stopped himself, deciding not to pursue that pointless argument. His head was still swollen and his thoughts were still jumbled. Getting into anything high level was probably a recipe for disaster. “I understand.”

“Henry?”

His heart jumped a bit, and he hoped Jiyoung wasn’t paying attention to the heart monitor. “Yeah?”

The older man ran a hand through his hair, looking awkward and sweet and so much like home. “Continue your music. You have…a very incredible talent. I look forward to hearing your songs one day.” He paused, biting his bottom lip softly, as if unsure if he could say the rest of his thoughts.

This was the Jiyoung he had come to live with. Although there had always been flashes of G-Dragon—in the beautiful lovers, the coy smiles, the cocky flirting—but now, Henry finally understood what it was he had fallen for. This was Kwon Jiyoung. A little shy. A little forward. A lot hopeful. And so very in love with music.

Making his decision, he slowly looked back at Henry. “Your music…I’ll be waiting for it. I’ll listen properly to it, so do your best.”

Henry managed a smile, partly regretful, partly pleased. “Your way of saying goodbye hurts, you know?”

A flash of G-Dragon. A smirk. A twinkle in those pretty eyes. Henry burned the image into his mind, tracing every detail of it like the last time. It felt like an ocean of unspoken words passed between them—impossible to catch long enough to read, but so powerful and overwhelming that it couldn’t be ignored. For a moment, he contemplated trying to snatch even a fragment, just a whisper of what neither of them would say…but then he moment passed, and he was looking away.

Until the very end, he couldn’t find the resolve.

The squeak of the plastic chair brought him back to attention. Jiyoung stood above him, keeping a polite distance. Henry gazed up at him silently. Although he wasn’t sure what he was expecting, it certainly wasn’t _that_. Before he could react, the softest kiss, barely a touch, was pressed to his lips.

He blinked and Jiyoung was standing straight up, looking as if he had done nothing. “Goodbye, Henry.”

 _This is it, huh?_ “Goodbye.”


	41. Severance

22 January 2014

“He woke up.”

As ironic as it was, Ryeowook suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion that threatened to knock him out right then and there. He knew that the news was all he had wanted for days, but to finally receive it was almost unbelievable.

“Hey? You there?”

Ryeowook fumbled to respond. “Y-Yeah! Sorry, Eunhyuk. I just…can’t believe it.” _7 days…7 days without your voice, your laugh, your smile. Your everything._

“I was at the hospital early this morning just to check on him since he’s been out of the ICU for a couple days now, and suddenly he was opening his eyes,” Eunhyuk explained, “I honestly…I thought I was dreaming too.”

“When will he be free to move around?” Ryeowook walked faster, wanting to spread the news to anyone that would listen as soon as possible. The first would be Kibum if the guy was in their room.

The silence that met him was nearly deafening.

Ryeowook slowed his steps, the icy bite of winter seeping through his jacket. “Eunhyuk?”

“Actually,” he began, voice slightly strangled, “the doctors don’t think he’ll be leaving for a while. A few months at least. But there’s another problem. Uhm, I just didn’t know if it was my place to tell you. Don’t you think you should just come see him yourself? Ryeowook, you haven’t come by at all since that first morning, right?”

“What are you avoiding telling me?”

Eunhyuk shut his mouth almost audibly through the phone. Ryeowook waited patiently, no longer cursing the cold around him, but rather praising it for cooling his boiling blood.

“He…can’t speak.” The admission was soft, barely a whisper.

Ryeowook didn’t understand. What did that mean? He asked as much.

“I mean just that. The doctors said it must have to do with the shock from the accident and possibly from damage to his vocal cords, but he’s not able to talk,” Eunhyuk stated quickly, growing more anxious with each word but unable to stop now. “They aren’t sure if it’ll come back now or, well, later. He also seems to be having some trouble with remembering things. They say it’s just temporary amnesia though. Hey? Ryeowook? …Ryeowook?”

The world blurred. At first, Ryeowook thought maybe the snow had kicked up and a flurry had blinded him, but soon enough, warm tears were slicing streaks down his cheeks. A gasp broke from between his lips, and he quickly stifled it. Suddenly walking faster, Ryeowook made a rush for his dormitory, needing something—anything stable.

“Hey, hey, it’s not your fault,” Eunhyuk urged as firmly as he could. “It’s not, Ryeowook. Not one bit. He’s alive. He’ll get better. Don’t let yourself—”

“—he wants to be a singer. A performer. And he would be the best at it,” Ryeowook cut him off harshly. “And now what? Now it’s like this? I’m the petty one. I picked a pointless fight. I spat disgusting words at him for the last time and I’m the one who gets my dream?” He barked out a laugh. “He’s the one who got me the chance to fulfill my goals. And how do I repay him?”

“Ryeowook…,” Eunhyuk’s voice was soft, more pitying than caring.

“I know others might not understand, but for me, Kyuhyun was the start of it all. He…He’s irreplaceable. And I can’t even do anything for him now.” Ryeowook found his way up to his dorm room, slamming the door shut behind him and barely taking notice of Kibum’s absence.

Eunhyuk was silent.

“I…sorry. I shouldn’t have unloaded all of that on you,” he sighed, “I’ll talk you later. Please watch over Kyuhyun.”

There was a long pause—long enough that Ryeowook worried Eunhyuk had already hung up, but then a quiet voice finally spoke. “Ah. Got it.”

Barely a moment had passed before Hyungsik’s familiar icon popped up on the screen of Ryeowook’s phone. **Any news on Kyuhyun?**

It was the same question he had been asking for the past week, and Ryeowook was thankful and frustrated by it. Although he knew the line of inquiry was sincere, he also knew that Hyungsik had better things to be focusing on. In the whirlwind of the past several days, Ryeowook had learned that Hyungsik’s team passed the audition. Rather than hearing it from the man himself though, he had come across it in school-wide email from St. Angela’s weekly newsletter.

Things weren’t great. He knew it too. But what was there to do?

**Ryeowook: He woke up. Sorry for being so absent these days.**

**Hyungsik: That’s great news! And no, I understand. Don’t worry about it at all. Just let me know how I can help. It must be difficult.**

He knew that continuing the conversation was expected, but he couldn’t summon even a speck of motivation to do so. Of course, he didn’t blame Hyungsik. Not at all. But he blamed himself enough to be at a loss on how to treat the man now. Being happy…gallivanting around with his lover…being carefree…those things didn’t suit his mood nor his mindset.

And so, he sent message alerts to silent, and walked over to his laptop. Opening it, he began composing a letter. 

 

If Ryeowook had thought he looked like a wreck, then G-Dragon looked otherworldly. The studio was surprisingly empty for the time of day, but perhaps his superior’s appearance could speak to a revised schedule. Considering the host of issues concerning Henry and Kyuhyun, it was no wonder that the office was a mess as well. Ryeowook knew there were other idols and musicians were worked with G-Dragon, but he also knew that this recent trainee pet project was the focal point of the man’s current career.

Part of Ryeowook thought it was a bit rash to be there, but another part of him new that it would happen eventually. Ryeowook had found a resolve over the last seven days.

His fate was tied to Kyuhyun’s. If Kyuhyun no longer had the chance to grasp his dream, then Ryeowook didn’t want his either.

“You too, I see.”

Ryeowook blinked, surprised by the statement. “What?”

“Henry has also withdrawn his participation,” Jiyoung explained mildly. His tone of voice was such a stark contrast to the state of disarray in his clothing and demeanor that Ryeowook wasn’t sure how to react. The older man held out his hand, waving slightly at the letter clutched tightly in Ryeowook’s hand.

Kicking himself to attention, he handed over the slightly crumpled resignation letter. “I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, you’re a bit too good for this industry,” Jiyoung remarked, setting the letter aside and returning his gaze to the stiffly standing boy. “I think I can guess what made you decide to do this.”

Ryeowook shrugged slightly. “It’s not worth it without him. And I don’t deserve it without him, either.”

The producer looked thoughtful for a moment, eyes calculating. Slowly, he leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms. “Tying yourself to Kyuhyun so closely…doesn’t it scare you? Don’t you worry at all that it won’t end well?”

“It already hasn’t ended well,” he responded, chuckling awkwardly. “I…don’t plan on seeing Kyuhyun again. Even if I wasn’t in the car or driving the car that hit them, I should’ve done better in protecting him. I should’ve treasured him.”

“I wasn’t sure if you two were together, but I see now,” Jiyoung remarked, nodded in understanding.

Ryeowook blushed scarlet. “N-No! No, we’re not.” He shook his head fervently. “We have a bond through our music. I wouldn’t have made it this far without his help. His success is my success. I don’t feel right moving forward without him.”

“…And you plan to separate yourself from him completely too?”

He pursed his lips. “He…will have a long recovery time. I don’t want to cause him anymore pain and he has people who are much closer to him who can take better care of him. I would be a burden in the room.”

Jiyoung made a soft humming noise, as if agreeing. “If this was any other time, I would call you a coward for running away, however, I believe we are too similar for comfort right now.” He smiled a ghost of a smile that held more emotion than he had ever seen on the man’s face.

Whatever it was, Ryeowook didn’t it was his place to know. “Thank you for accepting my resignation.” He bowed deeply, holding the position until Jiyoung urged him up. As he turned to leave the office though, quiet, but firm words caught him.

“The offer is always open, Ryeowook.” He turned around, watching G-Dragon who now waved the flimsy letter in his hand. “Don’t severe your fate just yet. Kyuhyun is strong and vengeful.” A grin briefly crossed his lips. “He’ll be back before you realize it.”

 


	42. Intermission

**February**

_Informal Patient Status Report: Cho Kyuhyun_

  * _Sleeps approximately 15 hours a day._
  * _Begins solid food diet._
  * _Recognizes photos of family and close friends._
  * _Able to handwrite name, age, birthday, and address._
  * _Obtains permission to eat birthday cake on February 3, 2014._
  * _Mute (since January 22, 2014)._



 

**March**

_Informal Patient Status Report: Cho Kyuhyun_

  * _Sleeps approximately 8 hours a day._
  * _Diet consists of 2 meals a day._
  * _Recalls memories of early childhood and adolescence._
  * _Speaks for the first time since January 22, 2014. Patient Cho says, “Hurts.”_
  * _Begins speech therapy._



 

**April**

_Informal Patient Status Report: Cho Kyuhyun_

  * _Sleeps approximately 8 hours a day._
  * _Diet consists of 2.5 meals a day._
  * _Recalls memories of past 6 months._
  * _Begins physical therapy. Sessions three times a week._
  * _Speaks short phrases, but struggles with fluency._
    * _Repeatedly asks “Who is Ryeowook?”_



**May**

_Informal Patient Status Report: Cho Kyuhyun_

  * _Sleeps approximately 8 hours a day._
  * _Diet consists of 3 meals a day._
  * _Increases physical therapy sessions to five times a week._
  * _Begins vocal training. Sessions twice a week._



 

**June**

_Informal Patient Status Report: Cho Kyuhyun_

  * _Sleeps approximately 8 hours a day._
  * _Diet consists of 3 meals a day._
  * _Begins performing light exercises and stretches during physical therapy._
  * _Increases vocal training to four times a week._



 

**July**

_Informal Patient Status Report: Cho Kyuhyun_

  * _Confirmed safe for discharge._
  * _Release papers have been signed by legal guardians._
  * _Cleared for light exercise. Will determine if fit for strenuous exercise at appointment next month. Scheduled for August 2, 2014._



 

 


	43. Like the Wind

August 15, 2014

The heat was sweltering.

It was beyond Ryeowook why he had to run errands on such a day. Youngwoon had ordered him to go to the convenience store for popsicles, and being the good, free loading younger brother that he was, he went out. Although he complained, it was nothing more than surface level irritation. He had spent most of the summer indoors and alternating between lounging and packing. There were a lot of things to prepare for once September rolled around, and he had spent quite a bit of his time procrastinating.

Wiping sweaty palms against the loose fabric of his shorts, Ryeowook tried to keep his mind off the burning sensation on the back of his neck. _Just think cold thoughts_ , he tried to convince himself. _Ice. Winter. Ice baths. Penguins. Ice cream. Popsicles._

As he passed another block on the way home, he slowed at the sound of muffled music. Across the street, a throng of people was beginning to gather around what appeared to be a street performance. Immediately, his mind traveled back to simpler times. A sweeter memory involving an already fading love.

Although it had been fun for a while, shortly after the accident, Ryeowook could hardly face Hyungsik. With his trainee program beginning as well, the burden became a bit too much to bear. Going their separate ways had made sense.

So here he stood now. Alone, sweating profusely in the August heat, and feeling pretty…okay. It had been a long time. Ryeowook almost wanted to laugh at himself. _Okay? Is that the best you can do, self?_

Walking closer to the music, he allowed himself a moment to just indulge—something he had refrained from doing for nearly half a year. Ryeowook smiled a bit, humming along to the pop song being covered. As the song wound down, he shifted out of the crowd, deciding it was already enough. Just as he did though, he caught a delicate scent that nearly sent him spiraling.

The person was already passing though. Ryeowook’s head snapped around, eyes locked on a familiar backside. A familiar head of messy dark hair. A familiar…everything.

He lowered his head, fighting the urge to pursue. Turning around, he took one step, then another…and another.

A warm hand curled around his wrist, yanking him to a halt. Ryeowook stumbled, looking over his shoulder and swallowing the butterflies that burst in his stomach.

Kyuhyun smiled, never once letting go of Ryeowook. “Long time no see.”

 

_If destiny does exist, then that one person – the only person who will become irreplaceable in your world, is coming for you as fast as they can._

 

_To be continued._


End file.
